Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Stella Telleria's Current Query II

I'm you sure you all remember Stella's first query, and the critique. She's asked us to have a look at her revision.

So here's the new letter:

Dear Agent,

When badass former marine, Mia Mitchell, steps into a dark alley to pull a few thugs off their prey, she finds the fight she’s looking for. The problem is the prey proposes she take up another fight, and a button-click later she awakes on an Earth-like parallel world. That’s one mad left-hook.

The scrap leads to a cryptic job offer any sane person would refuse. So, she takes it. She’s got nothing to lose. Turns out the other side of the rabbit-hole leads to a matriarchal utopia where freedom doesn’t exist, and fighting for it means execution for either gender. Mia finds herself with an underground syndicate of men longing for freedom. She’s been tasked with training them to fight, but not all agree they need her to show them the way. After all, she’s the enemy.

Eben, an ex-slave, is trying to understand Mia’s odd views of freedom. He’s also complicating her exit strategy. If she leaves, the power struggle within the syndicate may make their battle for freedom impossible. That Eben doesn’t want her to go only makes things worse for stoic Mia. Haunted by nightmares and post-traumatic stress, unsure who to trust or how to get home, their collective fight for independence becomes her last hope for salvation. But before long, she discovers all is not what it seems. Reality checks never bounce.

THE MALE AMENDMENT is a 115,000 word speculative/romantic novel with series potential and duelling POVs. Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,

Stella Telleria

That's it.

Please save your feedback for tomorrow. I'm working on three manuscripts right now (critiquing one, editing one, and drafting one), and I made a lot of progress on all three yesterday, so I won't be reading many blogs today. Mention your post in a comment if you have something important you want me to see, and I will stop by.

20 comments:

Sarah said...

I think I missed this one the first time around, but I'll definitely check back tomorrow! Good luck with all your work, Matt! I hope you have a productive day.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

I remember this one!

Suzie F. said...

Sounds like you've been busy, Matt. And your critiquing a query too! I don't remember this one so I'll check out the original first.

Lydia Kang said...

This is a fascinating premise, one I've thought about myself. I love the end of the hook! Nice.

becca said...

not sure i saw this one but like will check in tomorrow

L. Diane Wolfe said...

Sounds intriguing.

farawayeyes said...

"Reality checks never bounce."

Holy carp what a line.

Can't hardly wait for tomorrow - I do remember this one.

Joshua said...

Not sure how I missed the first go-round on this. I'll see you tomorrow.

Tasha Seegmiller said...

This sounds really cool.

SA Larsenッ said...

I, too, remember this one! Best of luck, Stella.

Kittie Howard said...

I'll check back tomorrow. Please indulge one comment now: My hub's a retired Marine. Whether active duty or retired, they are sensitive to the fact that Marine is always capitalized as they are human beings, not aquatic creatures, who specialize in beach landings.

Nancy Thompson said...

I remember this one & think it's been greatly improved, though it certainly wasn't bad the first time around. I really only have one small comment which wait 'til tomorrow. I love to see progress like this! Good luck on your work today, Matt. I feel honored that you dropped by for a visit!

DL Hammons said...

I too missed this one the first time around and I'm curious to see your feedback!

Michael Offutt, Tebow Cult Initiate said...

You are a multi-tasker to inspire multi-taskers Mr. MacNish. Thanks for your comments on the Blackwater battle.

Natalie Aguirre said...

Thanks for sharing this Stella. Hope you get lots done today Matt.

Ciara said...

I missed this one the first time around. Wow, you're getting a lot done. I have to finish first round edits over the next couple of days. Hope I can be as productive as you.

Jay Noel said...

This was a pretty darn good query the first time around. Just needed a little tweaking.

A couple things came to mind reading it after the 2nd time, so let's see what you come up with!

Dianne K. Salerni said...

Awesome! I thought this was great a query to start with, and I'm really impressed with the changes! Wow!

Stella Telleria said...

To Kittie,

I don't know how I missed THAT! *slaps forehead* While I'm at it, there are a few commas I could remove too. I think my comma machine was in the shop that day. DOE! >_<

Donna Hole said...

you're busy busy Matt. How do you keep it all straight?

.......dhole