The Mistaken, by Nancy Thompson Blog Tour

Thanks for having me over, Matthew!  My host asked me to write about organized crime in fiction and why I chose members of the Russian Mafia as my antagonists.

We’re all familiar with the Mafia, but although the Italians are the most well-known, they don’t hold a monopoly on organized crime.  There’s the Yakuza of Japan, The Triads of China, and the Cartels of Mexico and South America.  Lesser known are the Jamaican Yardies in Britain, as well as the Albanian, Serbian, and Israeli Mafias.

Second in size and influence to the Italian Mafia in the US is the Russian Mafia (Mafiya).  Though they’re less prevalent in pop culture, they’ve made appearances in movies such as Eastern Promises, Boondock Saints, and Training Day.  And while there are plenty of non-fiction books on the Russian Mafia, there are very few novels…until mine. 

I drew on this particular group because of my own experience.  They’re the only bad guys I’ve ever met personally.  I was inadvertently privy to information they were interested in, info that could have endangered the wellbeing of a friend.  I chose to withhold that info and was threatened as a result.  It was only natural for them to become the antagonists in my book. 

So when I set The Mistaken in my old hometown of San Francisco, I drew on that frightening experience.  Just like in real life, my Russians, the Solntsevskaya Bratva (brotherhood), deal in human trafficking and offer my protagonist—who seeks revenge against the woman who killed his pregnant wife—a deal. 

In exchange for this woman, the Russians agree to finally let his brother leave the business for good, with his debt wiped clean and his heart still beating.  It’s a deal he can’t refuse, that is until he kidnaps the wrong woman.  Now he must protect this innocent woman from the very enemy he’s unleashed.  But the Russians are holding his brother as leverage to force him to complete their deal.  Somehow he must find a way to save himself, his brother, and the woman, but with the Russian Mafia, even two out of three makes for very long odds.

Have you ever had to deal with any bad guys in your real life?  If so, have they ever found a way into your writing?   (If you want to learn more about my personal experience with the Russians, tune into Lisa Regan’s blog on Tuesday, 10/30 for the full story.)

Visit Nancy’s blog, follow, and leave a comment during her book tour for a chance to win an ARC of The Mistaken.  Plus, 5 runner-up winners will each receive an ebook. 

You can also find her on her publisher’s website, Goodreads, Twitter, and Facebook. 

Purchase here:  (I’ll send you the active buy links once they go live on 10/15 or 10/16.)

Amazon Books

Amazon Kindle

Barnes & Noble

Also available at Sony, Kobo, iBooks, Diesel Bookstore, and Baker & Taylor in 2-3 weeks

Praise for The Mistaken:

“A deliciously slow burn that builds to a ferocious crescendo, Nancy S. Thompson's THE MISTAKEN kept me riveted until the very last page. Tyler Karras is a complex and flawed protagonist, and his redemptive journey makes him the perfect anti-hero. This psychological suspense is a standout, and I can't wait for Thompson's next book.”

~ Jennifer Hillier, author of CREEP and FREAK

“Nancy S. Thompson's debut novel, The Mistaken, is a first-rate thriller full of hair-raising twists and turns.  Pursued by the police and the Russian mafia in San Francisco, brothers Tyler and Nick Karras are fascinating, fully-drawn, desperate characters.  The action is non-stop.  Thompson's taut, intriguing tale of revenge, mistaken identity, kidnapping and murder will keep you enthralled and entertained.” 

~Kevin O’Brien, New York Times Bestselling Author of DISTURBED and TERRIFIED

“Fast-paced and emotionally gripping - once the ride begins, you won't stop reading until it ends."  ~Alex J. Cavanaugh, author of CASSAFIRE and CASSASTAR

The Mistaken Blog tour:

10/18:  Mark Koopmans & Nancy S. Thompson

10/19:  Alex J. Cavanaugh & Arlee Bird

10/22:  Carrie Butler & Jeff O’Handley

10/23:  Julie Musil

10/24:  Donna Weaver, Melissa Maygrove & Hope Roberson

10/25:  Matthew MacNish

10/26:  LG Smith

10/27:  Aimee Jodoin

10/29:  Heather M. Gardner

10/30:  Lisa Regan & Falling For Fiction

10/31:  Jennifer Hillier

11/1:    Angela Peart & Livia Peterson

11/19:  Arlee Bird

Nancy Thompson's Current Query Critiqued

Okay. We've got Nancy's query again today, except this time with my redline.

Let's get right to it.

Dear (Agent's name):

Skylar Karras awesome name wants one thing, to enjoy life with his new bride and the child they’re expecting, but when his wife falls victim to a reckless woman’s greed, I like this, but it's vague. It becomes clear in a moment that she was probably murdered, but who is this reckless woman? If she's not an important character in the novel, you could just say his wife was murdered without mentioning by who. he’s forced to bury them instead. Now all Sky wants is revenge. His brother, Nick, has the perfect plan: grab the woman responsible and turn her over to his boss, a sex-trafficker in San Francisco’s Russian Mafia. Okay. This is really cool, but it goes with my point, if the murderer is a sex-slave, or a junkie, or both, say so right away. He is he Nick, or the mob boss? offers Sky a deal he can't refuse. In exchange for the woman, he’ll let Nick I thought this was about Skylar, but now Nick's the one who needs to get out of the game? Does Sky not also have ties to the mob? leave the business for good—with his debt wiped clean and his heart still beating. I think we may need to understand this setup a little better. We've got these brothers, one or both of them has ties to the ruthless Russian Mafia, and one wants revenge for his wife's murder, which was committed by a woman associated with the mob. If Sky wants revenge, why would he give this woman back to the mob? Had she somehow escaped their clutches, and he's planning on returning her to her life of victimization?

There’s just one problem: Sky kidnaps the wrong woman. Uh oh. This is a nice twist, and it will work even better if you can clear up the first paragraph a bit.

Now he must protect Hannah Maguire from the very men he’s mistakenly set upon her. But the Russians are holding Nick as leverage to force Sky to complete their deal. I'm starting to understand. Nick was the one caught up in all the crime, Sky was the good brother, but he wants to save his brother and get his revenge all in one move. Caught in a no-win situation, he must find a way to save himself, his brother, and the girl. But with the Russian Mafia, even two out of three makes for very long odds. This is pretty good, great summary, great stakes, great set-up of a difficult choice to make.

THE MISTAKEN, a psychological thriller of 91,000 words, might appeal to fans of Jennifer Hillier’s Creep and Greg Iles’s Turning Angel and Sleep No More. Perfect. This is exactly how you should make these comparisons.

Though I no longer have ties with anyone in San Francisco’s Russian underworld, I have loosely based my novel on villains and events from my past there. I'm not sure what to say about this. On the one hand, your experience gives you a unique and singular ability to tell this story, which is clearly important biographical information, but I think you might need to get more specific. I mean not here, in a public forum, because I'm sure it's personal information, but I think it will make a big difference to an agent whether you are an ex investigator, criminal, or victim. I'm not sure, it may not matter as much as I think it does, but "ties with anyone in San Francisco’s Russian underworld" could mean many different things.

I would be happy to provide sample chapters, a full synopsis, or the complete manuscript. Thank you for your time and consideration.

So this query is already very good. You people have to stop sending me these great queries, because it makes my job very hard. Just kidding.

I really think you're in great shape here. You've obviously got a high stakes premise, and this sounds a bit like Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, or Eastern Promises, but darker, American, and more contemporary. I think if you fix a couple things in the first paragraph, to clarify, you'll be in excellent shape. My biggest problem is with the logic of the solution, if Sky gives the woman to the mob to save his brother, he's not really getting his revenge, unless giving her back to the mob is the revenge. You need to make that clearer.

Best Regards,
Nancy S. Thompson
(personal info redacted)

That's all, folks.

So what do you guys think? What would you add, cut, or change? Am I wrong in my confusion about the solution to Sky's problems?

Nancy Thompson's Current Query

Happy Thursday, friends. Happy December, too. Today we have the query of Nancy Thompson. Please go visit her blog, and become a follower.

Back?

Here's the query:

Dear (Agent's name):

Skylar Karras wants one thing, to enjoy life with his new bride and the child they’re expecting, but when his wife falls victim to a reckless woman’s greed, he’s forced to bury them instead. Now all Sky wants is revenge. His brother, Nick, has the perfect plan: grab the woman responsible and turn her over to his boss, a sex-trafficker in San Francisco’s Russian Mafia. He offers Sky a deal he can't refuse. In exchange for the woman, he’ll let Nick leave the business for good—with his debt wiped clean and his heart still beating.

There’s just one problem: Sky kidnaps the wrong woman.

Now he must protect Hannah Maguire from the very men he’s mistakenly set upon her. But the Russians are holding Nick as leverage to force Sky to complete their deal. Caught in a no-win situation, he must find a way to save himself, his brother, and the girl. But with the Russian Mafia, even two out of three makes for very long odds.

THE MISTAKEN, a psychological thriller of 91,000 words, might appeal to fans of Jennifer Hillier’s Creep and Greg Iles’s Turning Angel and Sleep No More.

Though I no longer have ties with anyone in San Francisco’s Russian underworld, I have loosely based my novel on villains and events from my past there.

I would be happy to provide sample chapters, a full synopsis, or the complete manuscript. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Best Regards,
Nancy S. Thompson
(personal info redacted)

That's it.

Please save your feedback for tomorrow. For now you can just say hi to Nancy in the comments, thank her for having the courage to share her query for all of us to learn from, or both!