Thursday, December 1, 2011

Nancy Thompson's Current Query

Happy Thursday, friends. Happy December, too. Today we have the query of Nancy Thompson. Please go visit her blog, and become a follower.

Back?

Here's the query:

Dear (Agent's name):

Skylar Karras wants one thing, to enjoy life with his new bride and the child they’re expecting, but when his wife falls victim to a reckless woman’s greed, he’s forced to bury them instead. Now all Sky wants is revenge. His brother, Nick, has the perfect plan: grab the woman responsible and turn her over to his boss, a sex-trafficker in San Francisco’s Russian Mafia. He offers Sky a deal he can't refuse. In exchange for the woman, he’ll let Nick leave the business for good—with his debt wiped clean and his heart still beating.

There’s just one problem: Sky kidnaps the wrong woman.

Now he must protect Hannah Maguire from the very men he’s mistakenly set upon her. But the Russians are holding Nick as leverage to force Sky to complete their deal. Caught in a no-win situation, he must find a way to save himself, his brother, and the girl. But with the Russian Mafia, even two out of three makes for very long odds.

THE MISTAKEN, a psychological thriller of 91,000 words, might appeal to fans of Jennifer Hillier’s Creep and Greg Iles’s Turning Angel and Sleep No More.

Though I no longer have ties with anyone in San Francisco’s Russian underworld, I have loosely based my novel on villains and events from my past there.

I would be happy to provide sample chapters, a full synopsis, or the complete manuscript. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Best Regards,
Nancy S. Thompson
(personal info redacted)

That's it.

Please save your feedback for tomorrow. For now you can just say hi to Nancy in the comments, thank her for having the courage to share her query for all of us to learn from, or both!

21 comments:

Dianne K. Salerni said...

Hi, Nancy! Can't wait to come back tomorrow and check out the critiques (and offer my own $.02) although I'll tell you right now this sounds pretty awesome!

Hope it's not breaking the rules to say that ... ;)

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

I know Nancy! Sounds intriguing. Her line about previous connections really caught my eye.

L'Aussie said...

Hi Nancy. Thank you for sharing your query, oh brave one!

Denise

Donna K. Weaver said...

Wow. What a premise!

Jessica Bell said...

WOW! Um ... the only reason I can see this being rejected is if the agent is afraid of being murdered by people from your past. LOL

Richard said...

Hi Nancy,
I've read this query before, or some version of it, but I don't remember where. Perhaps on your website. I'm sure Matt will have great suggestions for improvement if he feels it needs any.

Bryan Russell said...

Intriguing.

Sarah Ahiers (Falen) said...

when i first read this, i thought it said he was forced to "buy" them instead of bury. And i was confused as all hell

Em-Musing said...

This sounds like a nail biter...both the story...and the link to the Russian mafia. (does anyone really leave?)

Joshua said...

Whoa, is it Thursday already? Also, I like this story. I'll be back tomorrow, for sure.

Michael G-G said...

As a middle grade mafioso, I look forward to seeing what Matt has to say about my Russian cousins.

And I'll be back. Tomorrow.

Claire Hennessy said...

Wow - I want to read it already! (Altho' I read 'buy' instead of 'bury' too and it took me a while to realize I had read it wrong!) The line about "no longer" having ties with the Russian Mafia blew me away!

Sarah Allen said...

I love this! I want to read it too. Thanks so much for sharing :)

Sarah Allen
(my creative writing blog)

Nancy Thompson said...

Just want to say thanks to everyone for being so supportive. Giving my query to Matthew was tough. I've been biting my nails all week! I can't wait for your feedback tomorrow. *gulp*

Kristen said...

Just take it all as advice, not criticism, and you'll LOVE every word. Seriously! It was so helpful--Matt just did mine a couple of weeks ago.
Cool premise, underworlds are the best.

farawayeyes said...

Appreciate your bravery while I learn.

Most interesting premise. Finally, something really different.

Michael Offutt, Expert Critic said...

Sounds like a great premise. I'm looking forward to providing my "expert opinion".

mshatch said...

Definitely like the idea! And I can't wait to see what Matt has to say; he really is the best query critter.

Jemi Fraser said...

Very cool idea - love the twist! :)

Yvonne Osborne said...

San Francisco has a Russian Mafia?Oh, ah, Hi Nancy. I got ahead of myself. I'll be back.

Melissa Bradley said...

Hi Nancy, Matt. Wow, I want to read this story for sure.