Laughter is the Best Medicine Blogfest

For real this time. Today is the actual day that LTM and Lydia K are holding their blogfest, so go here or here, to see the details.

I posted some writing related jokes last week, so this time I'll be reposting some old neologisms I shared last year. Get it? Old neologisms? Never mind.

Drunkbooking: This is like drunk dialing but instead you post things to facebook that you will end up regretting later. I do this a lot.

Redneck Lemonade: We live near Dawsonville GA. Kelly works at the Local Steak House. Redneck Lemonade is when a country bumpkin orders ice water, then asks for a bowl of lemons. They then add all the coffee sugar to turn their beverage into free lemonade.

Reintarnation: This one goes hand in hand with the previous and means coming back to life as a redneck.

Meaniac: This is my nephew's word. I imagine it means a meany who is also a maniac, but then with kids you never know, right?

Hasbro: A hasbro is a friend that has become a frenemy, or even an enemy.

Pokemon: A Jamaican Proctologist.

Frisbeetarianism: This one's not mine but I saw it on the internet somewhere and found it to be just dumb enough to share here. It is the belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.

Sudafed: This is another I stole which is a software program on how to file a civil action against the government.

Mouse Potato: This is basically all of us. Like a couch potato but instead of TV or video games, it's the internet, and blogs.

Adminishpere: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. This is like at my company, where we have around 50 or so employees. I swear that 25 are Vice Presidents.

D.I.N.K.: A landlord's favorite. This is a couple with Dual Incomes, No Kids.

and the near opposite:

SITCOMs: Single Income, Two (or Three) Children, Oppressive Mortgage.

Anyway, I hope that was more fun for you all than it was for me. Have a great Monday!

A Humble Thank You

I just want to thank everyone for being so understanding and encouraging about yesterday's post. It was really tough to share that experience now because although I did used to share a lot of bad old queries on my blog, they were pretty much all put up long before anyone actually read the thing.

Now I have a lot of readers, and a bit of a reputation for actually knowing something about queries, so it's pretty nerve wracking to expose the sensitive, ignorant roots of the man behind the curtain. I mean the truth is the truth, and I'm not ashamed to admit to it, but it's a little harder to do when you're doing it to 30 or so people at once.

So thank you all, very much, and thanks to Emily for putting the whole thing together. I hope we all had a laugh, even if a slightly uncomfortable one, but even more so I hope exposing my mistakes may someday help some other writer avoid making the same ones.

...

Now, it's Friday, so on to something much more fun. Here are some silly neologisms. Some are real words with altered meanings, other are ... neologisms:

• Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
• Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
• Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
• Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
• Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
• Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
• Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
• Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.
• Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
• Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
• Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
• Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
• Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
• Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
• Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
• Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
• Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
• Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
• Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.
• Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an asshole!
  

No, I didn't make these up, but I stole them from several different places.

Thanks. Happy Friday. Have a great weekend!