Friday, November 5, 2010

A Humble Thank You

I just want to thank everyone for being so understanding and encouraging about yesterday's post. It was really tough to share that experience now because although I did used to share a lot of bad old queries on my blog, they were pretty much all put up long before anyone actually read the thing.

Now I have a lot of readers, and a bit of a reputation for actually knowing something about queries, so it's pretty nerve wracking to expose the sensitive, ignorant roots of the man behind the curtain. I mean the truth is the truth, and I'm not ashamed to admit to it, but it's a little harder to do when you're doing it to 30 or so people at once.

So thank you all, very much, and thanks to Emily for putting the whole thing together. I hope we all had a laugh, even if a slightly uncomfortable one, but even more so I hope exposing my mistakes may someday help some other writer avoid making the same ones.

...

Now, it's Friday, so on to something much more fun. Here are some silly neologisms. Some are real words with altered meanings, other are ... neologisms:
  • Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
  • Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
  • Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
  • Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
  • Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
  • Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
  • Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
  • Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.
  • Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
  • Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
  • Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
  • Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
  • Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
  • Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
  • Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
  • Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
  • Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
  • Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
  • Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.
  • Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an asshole!
No, I didn't make these up, but I stole them from several different places.

Thanks. Happy Friday. Have a great weekend!

35 comments:

Slamdunk said...

Thanks for the laughs Matthew. Now to use willy-nilly in a sentence...

Candyland said...

HA! Circumvent!!!!! Too funny.

Christina Lee said...

HAHA Coffee and testicle made me LOL!!!

Jessica Bell said...

hahaha! Those are GREAT neologisms! :o) Have you seen my made up definitions in the side bar of my blog? Just scroll down to take a squizz ;o) Have a great weekend, Matt!

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Those are great! Thanks for the morning laugh.

Stina Lindenblatt said...

Too funny! Loved testicles and sarchasm.

Thanks for the laugh. Hopefully I didn't wake the kids up. :)

salarsenッ said...

Needed a great laugh. Thanks Matt.

Bish Denham said...

Oh I LOVE these!

Tracy said...

Exposing yourself only makes you more likeable. Wait...that didn't quite come out right, but hopefully you know what I meant.

I seriously laughed OUT LOUD at the definition for Flatulence. And I'm at work, so that was so not the best way to keep my blog commenting on the down low.

Old Kitty said...

Rectitude!! LOL!!! I'm trying to form a sentence out of these words but I'm laughing too much! LOL!!

Awwww thank you for sharing your angry letter to redacted yesterday!!!! Thank you - you probably helped so many without realising - so thank you!!! Take care
x

Kelly said...

Those are all funny!
And thanks again for sharing your experience yesterday!

Pk Hrezo said...

THose are hysterical!! Gave me a hearty chuckle. Thanks for sharing!:)

DEZMOND said...

gargoyle was funny :)

Falen (Sarah Ahiers) said...

i thought it was very brave of you. Had it been me, i would have deleted that query and the related emails a long time ago. I like to run from things, though, which bring out anxiety in me

Creepy Query Girl said...

Bwahaha! Thanks matt- and I just read yesterday's post and all I can say is you are SO frickin brave for sharing. You've come such a long way and to be able to put that out there for others to see what first writer mistakes warrant rejections is so generous! I mean, we all know by now the rights and wrongs but your post could def. help someone who's never querried not to make the same mistakes.

Carolyn Abiad said...

A-HA!, NOW your comment over on Jessica's blog makes sense... Thanks for the laugh :)

LTM said...

so that's it! I have hipatitis... :D

Was that a testicle? OK, I'll stop... Finally made it to yesterday's post, left a comment, and a (((BIG hug)))

I hope this means you're about ready to start querying again, yes? ;o) <3

Nicole Zoltack said...

lol You made me laugh so hard I coughed! (I'm sick) Have a great weekend!

Holly Ruggiero said...

Friday Funnies!

Lydia Kang said...

I'm an oyster.
Is it kosher to say that?

Jen Daiker said...

Bahahaha Willy-nilly... Bahahaha...

These were hilarious!

Patricia A. Timms said...

Too funny! I think you're brave for helping others. I commend you.

Talli Roland said...

Love the definition of coffee! :)

Have a great weekend, Matt.

Elana Johnson said...

Man, now I have to go back and read yesterday's post. Yes, I'm a loser like that. But I love "coffee"!

~Nicole Ducleroir~ said...

Oyster! Love it! Off to read yesterday's post -- I'm so behind the times :P

Happy Weekend!

Colene Murphy said...

It's amazing how brave you were for posting that yesterday btw. A.Mazing.

Great list! Love it! Happy weekend!

Wendy aka Quillfeather said...

'Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.'

Love it! Will have to copy and paste these for when I require a jolly good laugh.

Excellent post, Matthew :)

IanBontems said...

Funny stuff!

Have a good weekend, Matt.

Ishta Mercurio said...

HA-HA! Loved Negligent, Hipatitis, Inoculatte... Actually, I loved most of these. Thanks for the much-needed jolt of humor!

Stephen Tremp said...

Yep. I know plenty of Ignoranuses (Is that the correct spelling?) LOL!

Clara said...

LOVED Coffee! Thanks a lot for this!

Carol Riggs said...

Loved 'em all! I saved them on my computer for when I need a laugh. :)

storyqueen said...

Gargoyle might be my favorite...but all of them are good.

Thanks for the giggle.

Shelley

Shannon said...

Thanks for the laughs, Matt. Great list.

And again...don't worry about your newbie roots. Part of this journey is never losing touch with where we started. <3

maine character said...

Great stuff!

And about yesterday, what makes that post so awesome is it shows us where you came from and how quickly you learned. It's inspiring. No matter who comes to this site for help, they know you've been there and back and got the balls to prove it.