A Humble Thank You

I just want to thank everyone for being so understanding and encouraging about yesterday's post. It was really tough to share that experience now because although I did used to share a lot of bad old queries on my blog, they were pretty much all put up long before anyone actually read the thing.

Now I have a lot of readers, and a bit of a reputation for actually knowing something about queries, so it's pretty nerve wracking to expose the sensitive, ignorant roots of the man behind the curtain. I mean the truth is the truth, and I'm not ashamed to admit to it, but it's a little harder to do when you're doing it to 30 or so people at once.

So thank you all, very much, and thanks to Emily for putting the whole thing together. I hope we all had a laugh, even if a slightly uncomfortable one, but even more so I hope exposing my mistakes may someday help some other writer avoid making the same ones.

...

Now, it's Friday, so on to something much more fun. Here are some silly neologisms. Some are real words with altered meanings, other are ... neologisms:

• Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
• Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
• Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
• Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
• Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
• Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
• Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
• Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.
• Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
• Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
• Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
• Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
• Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
• Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
• Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
• Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
• Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
• Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
• Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.
• Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an asshole!
  

No, I didn't make these up, but I stole them from several different places.

Thanks. Happy Friday. Have a great weekend!