Today I am very, very proud and excited to be featuring my oldest online writer friend for her book tour, Justine Dell! We met in the forums at Nathan Bransford's blog and website, ages ago, and though our correspondence has risen and fallen over the years as both of us moved through our lives and our writing careers, she's never stopped being awesome.
So it's with great pleasure I give her my blog today, as another stop on her tour for the release of Recaptured Dreams, her debut novel, published by Omnific Publishing, on September 18th.
There have already been a variety of posts about the book, which you should definitely check out, but Justine and I wanted to do something different today, something QQQE style. So we decided to analyze together the query that won her editor at Omnific over. Justine has had a successful query analyzed over here before. It was so long ago, I'm almost loath to link to it, but I will, just for fun: BROKEN TIES THAT BIND.
So anyway, here is the query for Recaptured Dreams, along with some necessary redaction, my thoughts in blue, and Justine's in green. Enjoy!
The query:
Ten years, the Atlantic Ocean, and several rungs in the society ladder have kept Xavier Cain from having Sophia Montel. Their teenage tryst was forbidden and xx xxx xxx xxxxx xxxx xxx xxxxxxx. Now twenty-seven, he’s spent his entire adult life building a fashion empire that would prove his worth to her family. When he finally sees Sophia again at London’s premiere fashion show, one problem lodges in his path: Sophia doesn’t remember him.
I don't want to break up these paragraphs, so I'll just put my thoughts after each one. If you read my query critiques, you'll know that this query doesn't fit the rules I often refer to, but it doesn't matter. The important thing is that it worked. What I like about this query, or at least this paragraph, is the way it builds the world (yes, even contemporary romance novels can do with a bit of world building, or at least region building) at the same time it clues us in to both the backstory, and some of the character of at least one of our protagonists. And that's all just the first sentence!
The rest seems standard fare for romance, but I like that it almost hints at epic family piece, like a Ken Follett novel.
The only thing that has kept Sophia from Xavier is a horrific car crash that erased her memory at seventeen. She’s spent the last ten years fighting to reclaim a sliver of her past that her mother refuses to help her remember. When Sophia meets Xavier at the London show, all her fantasies come to life in one night of passion. When she discovers he is the missing link, she is determined to find all the pieces to their love story and her memory.
Now, I'm not a big romance reader, so I'm not entirely aware of the cliché Justine mentions below, but this seems like an excellent set-up for conflict and tension to me. They meet again after ten years, they make love, he remembers, she doesn't, but then maybe she does. It's all right out of a tragic opera, and that seems perfect for a romance novel to me.
They journey back to America to find and salvage their long-ago love. The trip jolts Sophia’s memory and she learns xxxxxx xxx xxxxxxx xxx xxxx xxxxxx for xx xxxx: xxxxxx’s xxxxxxx is xxxxxxxx xxx xxx xxxxxx’s xxx. Facing the shock of a lifetime, they must decide if their rekindled love is enough to gap to lies they’d been told.
Obviously this is a little hard to analyze with such a large and important detail missing, but we can't give everything away for a novel that's actually published, can we? And don't try highlighting that text, you tech-savvy smarty pants, I've taken care of that workaround.
Let's leave it to Justine.
I had an uphill climb with this book (and the plot). One, it’s on the shorter side and two, it has amnesia in the plot. Cliché, anyone? Yes, I’ll take one! I didn’t realize that an amnesia plot was one of the ten plots that were no-no’s in romance. Overdone, they’d said. Well, thankfully, mine has a wee bit of a twist and I think that publisher saw that in the query. Which is why you don’t see some of the words. Sorry! Didn’t want to spoil it! J
Plus, let’s face it, who thinks a strong male lead would be a clothing designer? I broke the mold in stereotyping there, peeps, and I think that helped with the originality of the story. That (and the twist) is why I think this particular query worked.
That's it.
Thanks so much for sharing this with me, Justine! I'm so happy for you. Enjoy the rest of your tour, you've earned it!
NOTE: I've updated this post so that my reference to historical romance is removed. Justine agrees that she could have made the contemporary aspect clearer in the query, but we both decided it was important for everyone to see that even queries that work often have room for improvement. If I was going to change one word in this query to clarify the contemporary setting, I would change "[t]hey journey back to America ..." to "[t]hey fly back to America."
Showing posts with label Queries/Requests - Guest. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Queries/Requests - Guest. Show all posts
Monday, September 24, 2012
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Kristen Wixted Mini Interview
Man, since I've been on hiatus so long, I think I kind of forgot how to blog. I used to be so good at it, writing series, publishing flash fiction, featuring successful queries, along with critiquing good ones that needed just a little work. But now, it's all I can manage to eke out three or four sentences.
Well, I'm doing it to you again today. I'm over at Kristen Wixted's (an awesome writer and blogger I've actually met IRL). She has a new series she's calling Quick Questions with Kristen, which are basically just fun, light, mini-interviews. Here is the link to mine.
Happy hump day.
Well, I'm doing it to you again today. I'm over at Kristen Wixted's (an awesome writer and blogger I've actually met IRL). She has a new series she's calling Quick Questions with Kristen, which are basically just fun, light, mini-interviews. Here is the link to mine.
Happy hump day.
Friday, January 21, 2011
THE DREAMS OF CROWS
Hopefully you all know how this works by now. This is the same query as yesterday, with Bryan's and my analysis added for your viewing pleasure. Bryan's thoughts are in the nice pale blue that blogger has provided with the new editor, and mine will be in dark red.
It's on:
Dear Mr. Bransford, I spelled his name right! Booyah!
Gangster.
I stumbled across some of your comments as a guest-host at Absolute Write and was impressed enough to trace my way back to your blog. I've been happily lurking there ever since. As a fellow lifelong fan of the Sacramento Kings… um, well, I'm not exactly a Kings fan, despite being an NBA addict. I do, however, miss watching Vlade drop dimes… and drop to the floor. True artistry is hard to find. Personalization! I’m not actually as caught up with personalization as some people – great writing and a great sounding story should do the trick. I’m not gonna go out cyber-stalking just to fill in something here. But if you know something good, why not use it? I checked in at Nathan’s blog every day, mostly just because I enjoyed it, so it seemed worthwhile to let him know this. So, hopefully the personalization showed a few things. One, I was one of his blog readers and was familiar with his tastes (and his submission guidelines). Two, it shared something we legitimately had in common, and not just something manufactured for the query (Nathan and I still talk hoops). Three, humour (hopefully). Four, a bit about me. I don’t like obsequious kiss-assing, so I went with something funny, but also something that was a bit of a dig. Vlade Divac was a basketball player known for flopping to draw foul calls on opponents, so I’m teasing a bit here. A risk? Maybe. But it’s me. I’m confident, and I felt Nathan was the sort of agent who would roll with something like this. For someone who is "not caught up with personalization" Bryan sure lays the smack down here. This is a clinic in how to show that you know an agent, believe in yourself, and actually have something in common. Excellent personalization isn't going to sell a poorly written novel, but it probably could get an agent to look past an average query if your pages are good. Along with your NBA devotion, I was also impressed by the diversity of your reading interests and by your emphasis on representing stories that truly appeal to you regardless of genre or form. Considering this, I thought you might be the right agent to represent my novel, The Dreams of Crows, a dark epic fantasy with literary undertones. Always a little tricky, trying to slap that label on. I knew Nathan’s tastes leaned more to the literary, typically, than to fantasy, so I thought this might set it apart. And it’s accurate enough, since it was a dark fantasy and I was hoping to get across my attempts at a more style (and character) conscious epic than was typical. Not sure I’d phrase it that way now, but…
I have a little anecdote about Nathan that should shed a little light on this. I once asked him (he still allows direct questions in his forums) whether he thought it would be a good idea for me to query my novel as a YA Rural Fantasy. Using that made up genre is obviously a play on words against the more well known Urban Fantasy. I was worried that some agents might get offended by my silliness. Nathan replied by saying that he thought the joke was funny, and then by pointing out that if I was the kind of person who came up which such things, would I really want to work with an agent who was too uptight to take the joke in stride?
Good point Nathan.
I'm not trying to say you shouldn't get your genre right, or as right as you can at least, but I just don't think we should all stress over it as much as we do. If you ever sell your novel it's probably going to get marketed as something different than you originally thought anyway.
And in theory I prefer starting with the story blurb, rather than an intro, but I figured if my personalization could make him laugh I’d be on good footing.
After killing his father, Japheth flees into the wilderness only to be captured by Legion soldiers. I was hoping this would be a good hook, as well as introducing character and conflict. Hopefully it begs a few questions, the sort that make you want to read the book and find answers. What’s up with his Daddy? And it’s also my dark little twist on the fantasy standard of the orphaned hero. He's given a choice: face a trial or join the Legion. The choice is not so simple, though, as a war between empires looms on the horizon. Japheth, however, has no desire to face the Strangler's Rope, and so he becomes a soldier, as his father was before him. Conflict, a bit of setting and world building, choices, personal conflict… hopefully this starts building interest and letting the reader into the world of the story. Embroiled in the politics of the Malisc Empire, Japheth is sent to Maresh, his mother's homeland, a place simmering with rebellion. Balanced between two empires, between love and betrayal, Japheth must find a safe path to travel, guided only by the Ghost King, an enigmatic figure with uncertain motives. Unclear where his loyalties lie, he is given little time to decide, for war descends on the city known as the White Garden. Amidst death Japheth finds his path in life and an answer to his question. He is a soldier, and his loyalty is to the men who stand at his side. Here we have the conflict (politics, rebellion and war) and rising action, a touch on themes like manipulation and free will, and a hint of the internal conflict and resolution (without giving away the climax). I’d probably want a few more plot specifics if I rewrote this. And, funnily enough, most of the stuff that’s touched on is actually part of the sequel/second book now. Hopefully a bit of the flavour of the story comes through, though. I usually try to think of the blurb as a little story itself, with a hook and conflict, rising action and climax. The query has its own dramatic arc, one that should reflect that of the novel – a wee miniature version, really. Honey, I Shrunk My Novel…
At this point I want to point out what I meant yesterday when I said that Bryan's query is a little unconventional. At first glance (especially without the analysis) it doesn't really follow the standard hook, character, conflict, choice, punchline that I tell you all about so often and try to advocate here on my blog. Part of the problem may be that the meat of Bryan's query, the story, is all one paragraph. On closer examination though, it does have a bit of each of those elements.
One thing I might want to see more of if I was to critique this query, would be more about Japheth's character in the opening. We soon learn he's old enough to become a soldier, so he's probably at least 18, but I would like to know a little more about what kind of man he is. Clearly he's killed his own father, but I get the impression that he had good reason to do it, which is actually a pretty clever way to give us some insight into his character, but I wouldn't mind something a little more overt. Is he a moral man? A clever rogue? At the end we are told that he is loyal to his fellow soldier, and that clearly indicates that he is a good person, but did he start out that way, or did his journey change him?
Actually now that I think about it, that's really not required. I mean the query certainly has me curious, and that's a very good thing. Were I the agent being addressed in the letter I would read the pages without question.
My professional publishing credits include two previous literary stories (The Windsor Review), as well as an interview and an article on writing. I have participated in many writing workshops, and hold both a BA and MA in Creative Writing, as well as a degree in Education. I currently haunt numerous writing blogs and sites while running my bookstore, Inklings Bookshop, from its cozy home in Windsor, Ontario. Just the basics here. I’d been published, what I did for a living (particularly as it had minor relevance). Though this makes me nostalgic, as the store has gone the way of the dodo.
There isn't much to be said here. If I wanted to have such an excellent writing and publishing related bio I would have had to spent a lot less time dicking around in my twenties.
I have appended the first five pages of The Dreams of Crows. I always attach a few pages, unless they specifically ask that I don’t. Smart. Upon your request, I'd be happy to send you a partial or complete manuscript. Hopefully this shows I have some idea of how the system works. Thank you for considering my work for representation. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Bryan Russell
I queried this novel only once, to the fabulous Nathan Bransford, so this query has only had that one test drive. Still has that new car smell! It drew a very quick request for a partial (the man is prompt, I tell you), and then an almost-as-quick request for a full. This led to edits and resubmission on my part, and then an ever-deepening series of edits as we started working together. And that is that, as the saying goes.
So in other words Bryan is batting a thousand with this query. Must be rough. I'm kidding, but in all seriousness I think this query is an excellent example of how you can stretch the rules a little, especially if your personalization and writing credits are this good, and still catch an agent's attention. I'm going to try to get Nathan to come chime in here today, but I'm guessing, based on what I already know about the quality of Bryan's writing, that he could have mailed Nathan a napkin with a scrawl reading "please read my pages" and as long as the pages were attached, the results would have been the same.
The query letter is a very important step, and we should definitely do all we can to make it the very best it can be. But in the end, an amazing query is not going to sell a bad story, and a bad query, while it probably most often will, will not always get in the way of a good story (I have evidence of this in the archives, trust me).
Thanks so much for sharing this with us Bryan, it really is a unique look into the process. You are one righteous cat, homeboy.
Readers? Questions? Thoughts? Propositions? Please share them in the comments.
It's on:
Dear Mr. Bransford, I spelled his name right! Booyah!
Gangster.
I stumbled across some of your comments as a guest-host at Absolute Write and was impressed enough to trace my way back to your blog. I've been happily lurking there ever since. As a fellow lifelong fan of the Sacramento Kings… um, well, I'm not exactly a Kings fan, despite being an NBA addict. I do, however, miss watching Vlade drop dimes… and drop to the floor. True artistry is hard to find. Personalization! I’m not actually as caught up with personalization as some people – great writing and a great sounding story should do the trick. I’m not gonna go out cyber-stalking just to fill in something here. But if you know something good, why not use it? I checked in at Nathan’s blog every day, mostly just because I enjoyed it, so it seemed worthwhile to let him know this. So, hopefully the personalization showed a few things. One, I was one of his blog readers and was familiar with his tastes (and his submission guidelines). Two, it shared something we legitimately had in common, and not just something manufactured for the query (Nathan and I still talk hoops). Three, humour (hopefully). Four, a bit about me. I don’t like obsequious kiss-assing, so I went with something funny, but also something that was a bit of a dig. Vlade Divac was a basketball player known for flopping to draw foul calls on opponents, so I’m teasing a bit here. A risk? Maybe. But it’s me. I’m confident, and I felt Nathan was the sort of agent who would roll with something like this. For someone who is "not caught up with personalization" Bryan sure lays the smack down here. This is a clinic in how to show that you know an agent, believe in yourself, and actually have something in common. Excellent personalization isn't going to sell a poorly written novel, but it probably could get an agent to look past an average query if your pages are good. Along with your NBA devotion, I was also impressed by the diversity of your reading interests and by your emphasis on representing stories that truly appeal to you regardless of genre or form. Considering this, I thought you might be the right agent to represent my novel, The Dreams of Crows, a dark epic fantasy with literary undertones. Always a little tricky, trying to slap that label on. I knew Nathan’s tastes leaned more to the literary, typically, than to fantasy, so I thought this might set it apart. And it’s accurate enough, since it was a dark fantasy and I was hoping to get across my attempts at a more style (and character) conscious epic than was typical. Not sure I’d phrase it that way now, but…
I have a little anecdote about Nathan that should shed a little light on this. I once asked him (he still allows direct questions in his forums) whether he thought it would be a good idea for me to query my novel as a YA Rural Fantasy. Using that made up genre is obviously a play on words against the more well known Urban Fantasy. I was worried that some agents might get offended by my silliness. Nathan replied by saying that he thought the joke was funny, and then by pointing out that if I was the kind of person who came up which such things, would I really want to work with an agent who was too uptight to take the joke in stride?
Good point Nathan.
I'm not trying to say you shouldn't get your genre right, or as right as you can at least, but I just don't think we should all stress over it as much as we do. If you ever sell your novel it's probably going to get marketed as something different than you originally thought anyway.
And in theory I prefer starting with the story blurb, rather than an intro, but I figured if my personalization could make him laugh I’d be on good footing.
After killing his father, Japheth flees into the wilderness only to be captured by Legion soldiers. I was hoping this would be a good hook, as well as introducing character and conflict. Hopefully it begs a few questions, the sort that make you want to read the book and find answers. What’s up with his Daddy? And it’s also my dark little twist on the fantasy standard of the orphaned hero. He's given a choice: face a trial or join the Legion. The choice is not so simple, though, as a war between empires looms on the horizon. Japheth, however, has no desire to face the Strangler's Rope, and so he becomes a soldier, as his father was before him. Conflict, a bit of setting and world building, choices, personal conflict… hopefully this starts building interest and letting the reader into the world of the story. Embroiled in the politics of the Malisc Empire, Japheth is sent to Maresh, his mother's homeland, a place simmering with rebellion. Balanced between two empires, between love and betrayal, Japheth must find a safe path to travel, guided only by the Ghost King, an enigmatic figure with uncertain motives. Unclear where his loyalties lie, he is given little time to decide, for war descends on the city known as the White Garden. Amidst death Japheth finds his path in life and an answer to his question. He is a soldier, and his loyalty is to the men who stand at his side. Here we have the conflict (politics, rebellion and war) and rising action, a touch on themes like manipulation and free will, and a hint of the internal conflict and resolution (without giving away the climax). I’d probably want a few more plot specifics if I rewrote this. And, funnily enough, most of the stuff that’s touched on is actually part of the sequel/second book now. Hopefully a bit of the flavour of the story comes through, though. I usually try to think of the blurb as a little story itself, with a hook and conflict, rising action and climax. The query has its own dramatic arc, one that should reflect that of the novel – a wee miniature version, really. Honey, I Shrunk My Novel…
At this point I want to point out what I meant yesterday when I said that Bryan's query is a little unconventional. At first glance (especially without the analysis) it doesn't really follow the standard hook, character, conflict, choice, punchline that I tell you all about so often and try to advocate here on my blog. Part of the problem may be that the meat of Bryan's query, the story, is all one paragraph. On closer examination though, it does have a bit of each of those elements.
One thing I might want to see more of if I was to critique this query, would be more about Japheth's character in the opening. We soon learn he's old enough to become a soldier, so he's probably at least 18, but I would like to know a little more about what kind of man he is. Clearly he's killed his own father, but I get the impression that he had good reason to do it, which is actually a pretty clever way to give us some insight into his character, but I wouldn't mind something a little more overt. Is he a moral man? A clever rogue? At the end we are told that he is loyal to his fellow soldier, and that clearly indicates that he is a good person, but did he start out that way, or did his journey change him?
Actually now that I think about it, that's really not required. I mean the query certainly has me curious, and that's a very good thing. Were I the agent being addressed in the letter I would read the pages without question.
My professional publishing credits include two previous literary stories (The Windsor Review), as well as an interview and an article on writing. I have participated in many writing workshops, and hold both a BA and MA in Creative Writing, as well as a degree in Education. I currently haunt numerous writing blogs and sites while running my bookstore, Inklings Bookshop, from its cozy home in Windsor, Ontario. Just the basics here. I’d been published, what I did for a living (particularly as it had minor relevance). Though this makes me nostalgic, as the store has gone the way of the dodo.
There isn't much to be said here. If I wanted to have such an excellent writing and publishing related bio I would have had to spent a lot less time dicking around in my twenties.
I have appended the first five pages of The Dreams of Crows. I always attach a few pages, unless they specifically ask that I don’t. Smart. Upon your request, I'd be happy to send you a partial or complete manuscript. Hopefully this shows I have some idea of how the system works. Thank you for considering my work for representation. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Bryan Russell
I queried this novel only once, to the fabulous Nathan Bransford, so this query has only had that one test drive. Still has that new car smell! It drew a very quick request for a partial (the man is prompt, I tell you), and then an almost-as-quick request for a full. This led to edits and resubmission on my part, and then an ever-deepening series of edits as we started working together. And that is that, as the saying goes.
So in other words Bryan is batting a thousand with this query. Must be rough. I'm kidding, but in all seriousness I think this query is an excellent example of how you can stretch the rules a little, especially if your personalization and writing credits are this good, and still catch an agent's attention. I'm going to try to get Nathan to come chime in here today, but I'm guessing, based on what I already know about the quality of Bryan's writing, that he could have mailed Nathan a napkin with a scrawl reading "please read my pages" and as long as the pages were attached, the results would have been the same.
The query letter is a very important step, and we should definitely do all we can to make it the very best it can be. But in the end, an amazing query is not going to sell a bad story, and a bad query, while it probably most often will, will not always get in the way of a good story (I have evidence of this in the archives, trust me).
Thanks so much for sharing this with us Bryan, it really is a unique look into the process. You are one righteous cat, homeboy.
Readers? Questions? Thoughts? Propositions? Please share them in the comments.
Friday, January 14, 2011
CRACKED
Today we're getting back to the bread and butter of what makes the QQQE great: Queries. And not just talking about queries in a vague, nebulous kind of way, but showing you actual real world examples of queries that worked! Huzzah.
Today's guest blogger is K.M. Walton. She will be sharing and analyzing the query that landed her an agent for her debut novel CRACKED. Before you read on, please stop by her blog and become a follower.
If you haven't seen the other entries in this series, or simply don't remember them, this is how it works. Kate's query will be in normal text. Her analysis of why it worked, and why she did things a certain way, will be in blue text. My own thoughts, or stupid jokes at my own expense, will be in red.
If you are interested in reading the other entries, a new page has been added to the top of the blog. Click on Successful Queries.
Take it away Kate!
First, thank you to Matthew for hosting my query. And before we dive in, I’d like to say that Matthew is one of those rare human beings that continuously give and truly expect nothing in return. Each of his posts shows this to be true…a genuine compliment, a bit of encouragement, a kind word – all just good stuff.
Kudos to you, Matthew and I wish you well on your writing journey.
Thank you Kate, you're too kind!
Now, onto my query that worked (or shall I say ‘finally freaking worked’)…
This query letter was like my 900th draft. I had posted this sucker on Absolute Write…Evil Editor…and put it through the “Elana Johnson treatment” – otherwise known as – From the Query to the Call (best book on query writing out there). My point is this, get serious feedback on your query letter – put it out there in reputable places and take the punches to the chin – and finally, take advice from sound experts (of which I am not) or people who have had success with their query – don’t take everything you read to heart. At the end of the day, it’s your query letter. You have to love it and feel confident that it captures your book in a captivating and professional manner.
This is great advice. I think the number one most important thing I can say about trying to perfect your query is: don't do it alone. Call on your friends, call on willing strangers, call on anyone who can give you a second pair of eyes. I for one was way too close to my project for way too long. It wan't until I got advice and help from others that my query even really began to take shape.
Dear Ms. LaPolla:
I am an active member of #YALitChat and read today that you are now an agent with Curtis Brown Ltd. Congratulations on your new job! Now on to my query…
A bit of personalization to start off with is always good, but it has to be 100% true/genuine, otherwise the agent’s first impression of you is that of a lying doofus. And that’s not good.
Very true. Some agents will tell you to get right to the story, and leave the personalization for the end. There is plenty of advice out there arguing for either side. Just try to keep in mind that each agent is a person, and has a personal preference for how they like to see query letters. Try to find out what that is if possible.
CRACKED is a contemporary young adult novel, complete at 47,200 words.
Sixteen year old Victor knows he’s weak. He’s got the most self-absorbed parents alive. His life sucks. Then his dog dies.
Sixteen year old Bull knows he’s angry. He’s sick of taking the drunken beatings from his grandfather. His life sucks too. And he likes to take out his anger on Victor.
The above two descriptions are what caused me the most trouble while writing this query. My first draft of the query had them at looooong paragraphs and sort of written in each character’s voice. Every critique I got said they just weren’t working. And not until this one critiquer said, “Write it in 3rd person – still in their voice, but about them” did I see how to tighten up and severely shorten.
Length of the query letter is absolutely crucial – your query is competing with hundreds of other query letters every single day – so if you don’t nab the agent with some solid writing in the first 1 to 3 sentences – you risk the dreaded…skip. And then form rejection. Ick. I have a ton, trust me.
This is interesting. I think this may be the first query I've featured with two main characters. Kate does an excellent job of letting us get to know them both, as briefly as possible, with just enough backstory to know where they come from. I always talk about the three C's when I talk about querying: Character, Conflict, and Choice. Kate gets plenty of character across, along with her hook, all in two short paragraphs that leave us very interested to find out more.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaa. Both boys end up in the psych ward in the same room.
Now, even though I had to keep part of the above paragraph super secret (my editor advised me to keep the meat of the book under wraps) I want you to know this – that was the actual length of the real paragraph, and even more importantly, this paragraph was basically the entire book…in ONE paragraph. I can not tell you how I struggled when deciding what to reference. Asking myself: What scenes are crucial? What really matters? How the heck am I going to tell my whole book in one flipping paragraph???
You know what I did? I spent some time scrolling through the novel – re-visiting crucial moments and jotting them down. Then I went to task and crafted this paragraph (and honestly, my first draft had two paragraphs – yes, my first query for this novel was WAY too long).
This is tough for the rest of us to analyze, of course, but Kate makes an excellent point here. The query letter is kind of like a key. It's just an annoying little formality that's lets you unlock the door which is getting the agent to read your MS, or at least your pages.
It is really important, and it can be a very difficult part of the process for some, but we often make it harder than it needs to be. My own query, even though it won an award on WriteOnCon, is really still too long. At 309 words, without the personalization and housekeeping stuff like word count and genre, that's just too much.
Much to their disgust they spend the next five days together, and it gets ugly before it gets better.
Buried underneath their weakness and bravado are two sixteen-year-old boys. If they don’t realize how broken the other is and how similar their pain is, they may not survive.
The parts above are where you tell the agent what is at stake for the main character. What will happen if _______ does/doesn’t happen? A super important part of your query letter and my early drafts didn’t have it.
Excellent! We're clearly missing the main conflict in that secret paragraph, but this is a very concise summary of the choice they have to make, which essentially boils down to what are the stakes, and why should I care?
Fans of THE ABSOLUTELY TRUE DIARY OF A PART TIME INDIAN and GOING BOVINE with their heartbreaking hilarity will enjoy a similar style in CRACKED. This manuscript recently won a national writing contest organized by Sourcebooks Inc. and judged by Dan Ehrenhaft.
I’d like to make a big distinction here – comparing your manuscript to published books is not only a very good idea, it also shows the agent that you are a reader and aware of the market in which you’d like to be published – and note…the wording you use in your comparison paragraph is absolutely crucial.
GOOD (and Elana Johnson approved) = Fans of _______________ and ______________ will enjoy a similar style in (your manuscript’s title).
BAD = My book is exactly like Harry Potter and The Lighting Thief and will outsell both of them combined. I just need someone to believe in it.
Personally I struggle with this, because I don't know of any books that are like mine, even if only in style, but it's probably just because I'm not well read enough. Keep in mind that you don't HAVE to compare your story to anything, but if you do, and you do it well, especially if you compare it to novels the agent enjoyed; it can make a big difference. Get advice on this part, because it's a fine line between sounding brilliant and looking pretentious. Kate's example is obviously the former.
I’m a member of SCBWI and have a long and lively background teaching middle school language arts.
According to your online submission guidelines, please find the first chapter and full synopsis below. Thank you for your time and consideration.
It is always, always, always a good idea to visit the agency’s website before your hit send on your query. Publishing changes daily and sometimes submission guidelines change, sometimes agents go on query hiatus and sometimes they even switch agencies or careers altogether. The worst thing is having your query sit somewhere where no one is reading it. It has to be read to get the requests!!
And this is just my personal opinion here, but in the age of email queries, I always put the first five pages of my manuscript below my email – even if their submission guidelines didn’t call for it. I figured if they liked my premise then, BAM, there would be a taste of the book. I know some out there are purists and would argue that I broke the rules. To that I say, “Whatever.” It’s not like you’re calling the agent Mr. when she is actually a Ms. (yeah did that) or spelling their name wrong (yeah did that) or pleading your book’s case after receiving a rejection (yeah did that). All bad, bad, bad writer behavior. Having the first 5 pages below my query = convenient. And who doesn’t appreciate convenience?
Oh man. I am the master of bad writer behavior, or at least I used to be. I completely agree about the first five pages. Unless an agent's guidelines explicitly say not to include pages in the body of the email, there is no reason not to.
~ Kate Walton
blog: http://skateorbate.blogspot.com
"We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect."
~ Anaïs Nin
Well, that’s it. This query landed me my agent on August 2, 2010, the brilliant Sarah LaPolla from Curtis Brown Ltd. and she sold this book to Simon Pulse ~ Simon & Schuster! It comes out Spring 2012. I’m in the line edit phase with my editor, the equally brilliant, Annette Pollert, and it is wonderfully hard work – emphasis on the wonderful.
At the risk of sounding hokey or corny - Never give up your dream of being published. Ever. It took me 2.4 years to land my agent, and I wanted to give up a handful of times, but I didn’t. Dig your heels in, roll up your sleeves and either get started or keep going.
Thanks again to Matthew!
You're very welcome Kate! Thank YOU so much for sharing all of this with us. Best of luck with your edits, and I can't wait to see your novel on the shelves.
Visit me:
Email: kmwalton1@verizon.net
Twitter: www.twitter.com/kmwalton1
The Apocalypsies: http://apocalypsies.blogspot.com/2010/10/km-walton-everythings-not-lost.html
Goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/kmwalton
So that's it. Readers, please feel free to thank Kate in the comments, and be sure to let us both know if you have any questions!
Today's guest blogger is K.M. Walton. She will be sharing and analyzing the query that landed her an agent for her debut novel CRACKED. Before you read on, please stop by her blog and become a follower.
If you haven't seen the other entries in this series, or simply don't remember them, this is how it works. Kate's query will be in normal text. Her analysis of why it worked, and why she did things a certain way, will be in blue text. My own thoughts, or stupid jokes at my own expense, will be in red.
If you are interested in reading the other entries, a new page has been added to the top of the blog. Click on Successful Queries.
Take it away Kate!
First, thank you to Matthew for hosting my query. And before we dive in, I’d like to say that Matthew is one of those rare human beings that continuously give and truly expect nothing in return. Each of his posts shows this to be true…a genuine compliment, a bit of encouragement, a kind word – all just good stuff.
Kudos to you, Matthew and I wish you well on your writing journey.
Thank you Kate, you're too kind!
Now, onto my query that worked (or shall I say ‘finally freaking worked’)…
This query letter was like my 900th draft. I had posted this sucker on Absolute Write…Evil Editor…and put it through the “Elana Johnson treatment” – otherwise known as – From the Query to the Call (best book on query writing out there). My point is this, get serious feedback on your query letter – put it out there in reputable places and take the punches to the chin – and finally, take advice from sound experts (of which I am not) or people who have had success with their query – don’t take everything you read to heart. At the end of the day, it’s your query letter. You have to love it and feel confident that it captures your book in a captivating and professional manner.
This is great advice. I think the number one most important thing I can say about trying to perfect your query is: don't do it alone. Call on your friends, call on willing strangers, call on anyone who can give you a second pair of eyes. I for one was way too close to my project for way too long. It wan't until I got advice and help from others that my query even really began to take shape.
Dear Ms. LaPolla:
I am an active member of #YALitChat and read today that you are now an agent with Curtis Brown Ltd. Congratulations on your new job! Now on to my query…
A bit of personalization to start off with is always good, but it has to be 100% true/genuine, otherwise the agent’s first impression of you is that of a lying doofus. And that’s not good.
Very true. Some agents will tell you to get right to the story, and leave the personalization for the end. There is plenty of advice out there arguing for either side. Just try to keep in mind that each agent is a person, and has a personal preference for how they like to see query letters. Try to find out what that is if possible.
CRACKED is a contemporary young adult novel, complete at 47,200 words.
Sixteen year old Victor knows he’s weak. He’s got the most self-absorbed parents alive. His life sucks. Then his dog dies.
Sixteen year old Bull knows he’s angry. He’s sick of taking the drunken beatings from his grandfather. His life sucks too. And he likes to take out his anger on Victor.
The above two descriptions are what caused me the most trouble while writing this query. My first draft of the query had them at looooong paragraphs and sort of written in each character’s voice. Every critique I got said they just weren’t working. And not until this one critiquer said, “Write it in 3rd person – still in their voice, but about them” did I see how to tighten up and severely shorten.
Length of the query letter is absolutely crucial – your query is competing with hundreds of other query letters every single day – so if you don’t nab the agent with some solid writing in the first 1 to 3 sentences – you risk the dreaded…skip. And then form rejection. Ick. I have a ton, trust me.
This is interesting. I think this may be the first query I've featured with two main characters. Kate does an excellent job of letting us get to know them both, as briefly as possible, with just enough backstory to know where they come from. I always talk about the three C's when I talk about querying: Character, Conflict, and Choice. Kate gets plenty of character across, along with her hook, all in two short paragraphs that leave us very interested to find out more.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaa. Both boys end up in the psych ward in the same room.
Now, even though I had to keep part of the above paragraph super secret (my editor advised me to keep the meat of the book under wraps) I want you to know this – that was the actual length of the real paragraph, and even more importantly, this paragraph was basically the entire book…in ONE paragraph. I can not tell you how I struggled when deciding what to reference. Asking myself: What scenes are crucial? What really matters? How the heck am I going to tell my whole book in one flipping paragraph???
You know what I did? I spent some time scrolling through the novel – re-visiting crucial moments and jotting them down. Then I went to task and crafted this paragraph (and honestly, my first draft had two paragraphs – yes, my first query for this novel was WAY too long).
This is tough for the rest of us to analyze, of course, but Kate makes an excellent point here. The query letter is kind of like a key. It's just an annoying little formality that's lets you unlock the door which is getting the agent to read your MS, or at least your pages.
It is really important, and it can be a very difficult part of the process for some, but we often make it harder than it needs to be. My own query, even though it won an award on WriteOnCon, is really still too long. At 309 words, without the personalization and housekeeping stuff like word count and genre, that's just too much.
Much to their disgust they spend the next five days together, and it gets ugly before it gets better.
Buried underneath their weakness and bravado are two sixteen-year-old boys. If they don’t realize how broken the other is and how similar their pain is, they may not survive.
The parts above are where you tell the agent what is at stake for the main character. What will happen if _______ does/doesn’t happen? A super important part of your query letter and my early drafts didn’t have it.
Excellent! We're clearly missing the main conflict in that secret paragraph, but this is a very concise summary of the choice they have to make, which essentially boils down to what are the stakes, and why should I care?
Fans of THE ABSOLUTELY TRUE DIARY OF A PART TIME INDIAN and GOING BOVINE with their heartbreaking hilarity will enjoy a similar style in CRACKED. This manuscript recently won a national writing contest organized by Sourcebooks Inc. and judged by Dan Ehrenhaft.
I’d like to make a big distinction here – comparing your manuscript to published books is not only a very good idea, it also shows the agent that you are a reader and aware of the market in which you’d like to be published – and note…the wording you use in your comparison paragraph is absolutely crucial.
GOOD (and Elana Johnson approved) = Fans of _______________ and ______________ will enjoy a similar style in (your manuscript’s title).
BAD = My book is exactly like Harry Potter and The Lighting Thief and will outsell both of them combined. I just need someone to believe in it.
Personally I struggle with this, because I don't know of any books that are like mine, even if only in style, but it's probably just because I'm not well read enough. Keep in mind that you don't HAVE to compare your story to anything, but if you do, and you do it well, especially if you compare it to novels the agent enjoyed; it can make a big difference. Get advice on this part, because it's a fine line between sounding brilliant and looking pretentious. Kate's example is obviously the former.
I’m a member of SCBWI and have a long and lively background teaching middle school language arts.
According to your online submission guidelines, please find the first chapter and full synopsis below. Thank you for your time and consideration.
It is always, always, always a good idea to visit the agency’s website before your hit send on your query. Publishing changes daily and sometimes submission guidelines change, sometimes agents go on query hiatus and sometimes they even switch agencies or careers altogether. The worst thing is having your query sit somewhere where no one is reading it. It has to be read to get the requests!!
And this is just my personal opinion here, but in the age of email queries, I always put the first five pages of my manuscript below my email – even if their submission guidelines didn’t call for it. I figured if they liked my premise then, BAM, there would be a taste of the book. I know some out there are purists and would argue that I broke the rules. To that I say, “Whatever.” It’s not like you’re calling the agent Mr. when she is actually a Ms. (yeah did that) or spelling their name wrong (yeah did that) or pleading your book’s case after receiving a rejection (yeah did that). All bad, bad, bad writer behavior. Having the first 5 pages below my query = convenient. And who doesn’t appreciate convenience?
Oh man. I am the master of bad writer behavior, or at least I used to be. I completely agree about the first five pages. Unless an agent's guidelines explicitly say not to include pages in the body of the email, there is no reason not to.
~ Kate Walton
blog: http://skateorbate.blogspot.com
"We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect."
~ Anaïs Nin
Well, that’s it. This query landed me my agent on August 2, 2010, the brilliant Sarah LaPolla from Curtis Brown Ltd. and she sold this book to Simon Pulse ~ Simon & Schuster! It comes out Spring 2012. I’m in the line edit phase with my editor, the equally brilliant, Annette Pollert, and it is wonderfully hard work – emphasis on the wonderful.
At the risk of sounding hokey or corny - Never give up your dream of being published. Ever. It took me 2.4 years to land my agent, and I wanted to give up a handful of times, but I didn’t. Dig your heels in, roll up your sleeves and either get started or keep going.
Thanks again to Matthew!
You're very welcome Kate! Thank YOU so much for sharing all of this with us. Best of luck with your edits, and I can't wait to see your novel on the shelves.
Visit me:
Email: kmwalton1@verizon.net
Twitter: www.twitter.com/kmwalton1
The Apocalypsies: http://apocalypsies.blogspot.com/2010/10/km-walton-everythings-not-lost.html
Goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/kmwalton
So that's it. Readers, please feel free to thank Kate in the comments, and be sure to let us both know if you have any questions!
Friday, October 1, 2010
HANDS TOUCH
Today's guest blogger is Christina Lee, from Write-Brained. Please be sure to go visit her blog and become a follower.
You all know how this works by now, but just in case Christina's thoughts will be in blue and my stupid jokes at my own expense will be in red.
Now, take it away Christina!
Thanks for having me, Matt! I queried my first novel unsuccessfully in 2009 before totally ditching it. I realized I needed to move on in order to improve my craft (and my mental health). I started two more novels that I never finished until my idea for HANDS TOUCH grabbed hold of me. I actually wrote my query first and that helped keep me on a straight path (mostly). My final query, below, had been ElanaJ-afied and LiLa-afied before being sent out. My point in telling you that is, if you feel stuck, ask for help. It’s out there. We are all part of a wonderful, giving writing community. Without further adieu, here’s my query for HANDS TOUCH:
That is great advice. Elana and LiLa have actually helped me a BUNCH with my own query as well. Small world.
For most fifteen-year-old guys it’s no big deal to brush hands with a girl. But Callen Frazier wears gloves to school every day for a reason. And when he forgets to pull them on one morning there is hell to pay. Or a murder to solve. Depending on how you look at it.
(It took a lot of playing around to get the voice right. Callen is a mostly-serious kid who has a dry sense of humor and I wanted to reflect that.)
Awesome. What a great opening. It gives an idea of the sarcastic/snarky but also kind of dry voice that the narrator is going to have, while also giving us a great look into what kind of character this kid is, all in a few short, concise sentences. Great opening hook.
Because when he makes skin to skin contact he can literally see inside a person. And then the bad stuff happens. He can see which organ causes their death. And in his classmate’s case, it’s her windpipe. Because it’s going to be crushed. At the end of sophomore year.
I wanted to show what happens when Callen touches someone but not drone on about it. Also I needed to tie that to the conflict he faces, pretty quickly.
Interesting concept! Here we have the conflict and the choice (implied if not fully defined) laid out very cleanly, and we now have all the three big Cs laid out right off the bat (Character, Conflict, Choice, in that order), which is key. I also love the style here. The short, choppy sentences feel right and true for this kind of kid who probably cuts himself off from the world a great deal.
To make matters worse, he’s got a crush on a girl named Clair. Big Time. And he knows for certain that Clair’s boyfriend is involved in the murder. So Callen has some substantial decisions to make—the biggest one being whether his gloves will finally come off.
Ah, the love angle ;--) I could have said more and named Callen’s best friend, who is very involved in the plot, but I’ve already named three people and it would have been overkill. I wanted to make the stakes and consequences clear without going into too much detail. I wanted to pique the agent’s interest so they’d ask for more pages.
And here is the perfect ending to a perfect query. A possible romance angle and a murder? This has raised the stakes quite high, all in three short paragraphs, well done!
HANDS TOUCH is a 50,000 word young adult novel, with elements of paranormal and mystery.
I didn’t really know what to call my YA novel - a paranormal or a mystery. But on the phone with my agent, she said, “it’s not paranormal, it’s magic realism.” I had never even considered that -- and then had to go Google it!
Well now that is interesting. I know what magical realism is, but had never considered it a genre. I always thought paranormal was how you referred to a story with fantasy elements in a real word setting (which is an oversimplified explanation of magical realism), but this is good to know. Now I need to do some further research on paranormal and urban fantasy though!
So there you have it. Not perfect, but it did the trick!
I queried for about three months and sent out over 40 queries (5-10 a week) and got 18 requests for partials and fulls.
My agent (one I chose after a mind-numbing week of decision-making) asked for my full five minutes after receiving my query. She even tweeted about the “great query” she just received which made me grin. And then I got her offer about a week later.
I'm really not surprised. This is an excellent, text book query.
But just because I have an agent doesn’t mean it stops here. I’m still completing my third (a YA ghost story) because you never know what’s going to happen, at any stage. The key is to keep writing and continue moving forward. Sometimes, easier said than done!
Great advice, thanks so much for sharing this with us Christina! This query ought to be used in writing classes, it is a perfect example of how to get across exactly what you need to, without any extra unnecessary words or ideas.
Readers, any questions for Christina?
You all know how this works by now, but just in case Christina's thoughts will be in blue and my stupid jokes at my own expense will be in red.
Now, take it away Christina!
Thanks for having me, Matt! I queried my first novel unsuccessfully in 2009 before totally ditching it. I realized I needed to move on in order to improve my craft (and my mental health). I started two more novels that I never finished until my idea for HANDS TOUCH grabbed hold of me. I actually wrote my query first and that helped keep me on a straight path (mostly). My final query, below, had been ElanaJ-afied and LiLa-afied before being sent out. My point in telling you that is, if you feel stuck, ask for help. It’s out there. We are all part of a wonderful, giving writing community. Without further adieu, here’s my query for HANDS TOUCH:
That is great advice. Elana and LiLa have actually helped me a BUNCH with my own query as well. Small world.
For most fifteen-year-old guys it’s no big deal to brush hands with a girl. But Callen Frazier wears gloves to school every day for a reason. And when he forgets to pull them on one morning there is hell to pay. Or a murder to solve. Depending on how you look at it.
(It took a lot of playing around to get the voice right. Callen is a mostly-serious kid who has a dry sense of humor and I wanted to reflect that.)
Awesome. What a great opening. It gives an idea of the sarcastic/snarky but also kind of dry voice that the narrator is going to have, while also giving us a great look into what kind of character this kid is, all in a few short, concise sentences. Great opening hook.
Because when he makes skin to skin contact he can literally see inside a person. And then the bad stuff happens. He can see which organ causes their death. And in his classmate’s case, it’s her windpipe. Because it’s going to be crushed. At the end of sophomore year.
I wanted to show what happens when Callen touches someone but not drone on about it. Also I needed to tie that to the conflict he faces, pretty quickly.
Interesting concept! Here we have the conflict and the choice (implied if not fully defined) laid out very cleanly, and we now have all the three big Cs laid out right off the bat (Character, Conflict, Choice, in that order), which is key. I also love the style here. The short, choppy sentences feel right and true for this kind of kid who probably cuts himself off from the world a great deal.
To make matters worse, he’s got a crush on a girl named Clair. Big Time. And he knows for certain that Clair’s boyfriend is involved in the murder. So Callen has some substantial decisions to make—the biggest one being whether his gloves will finally come off.
Ah, the love angle ;--) I could have said more and named Callen’s best friend, who is very involved in the plot, but I’ve already named three people and it would have been overkill. I wanted to make the stakes and consequences clear without going into too much detail. I wanted to pique the agent’s interest so they’d ask for more pages.
And here is the perfect ending to a perfect query. A possible romance angle and a murder? This has raised the stakes quite high, all in three short paragraphs, well done!
HANDS TOUCH is a 50,000 word young adult novel, with elements of paranormal and mystery.
I didn’t really know what to call my YA novel - a paranormal or a mystery. But on the phone with my agent, she said, “it’s not paranormal, it’s magic realism.” I had never even considered that -- and then had to go Google it!
Well now that is interesting. I know what magical realism is, but had never considered it a genre. I always thought paranormal was how you referred to a story with fantasy elements in a real word setting (which is an oversimplified explanation of magical realism), but this is good to know. Now I need to do some further research on paranormal and urban fantasy though!
So there you have it. Not perfect, but it did the trick!
I queried for about three months and sent out over 40 queries (5-10 a week) and got 18 requests for partials and fulls.
My agent (one I chose after a mind-numbing week of decision-making) asked for my full five minutes after receiving my query. She even tweeted about the “great query” she just received which made me grin. And then I got her offer about a week later.
I'm really not surprised. This is an excellent, text book query.
But just because I have an agent doesn’t mean it stops here. I’m still completing my third (a YA ghost story) because you never know what’s going to happen, at any stage. The key is to keep writing and continue moving forward. Sometimes, easier said than done!
Great advice, thanks so much for sharing this with us Christina! This query ought to be used in writing classes, it is a perfect example of how to get across exactly what you need to, without any extra unnecessary words or ideas.
Readers, any questions for Christina?
Friday, September 24, 2010
ZOMBIE RABBIT
Good morning and happy Friday readers! Today's guest blogger is going to be Melissa Gill, and she will be sharing her query for ZOMBIE RABBIT. Don't forget to visit her blog and become a follower.
Neither Melissa or I are going to be analyzing her query today. The reason for this is Melissa's note below in blue. She makes a great point about conferences and she very well may be right about her query.
Dear Mr. Fraser:
I had the opportunity to receive your critique of my novel, ZOMBIE RABBIT, at the St. Louis Agents Day on 3/20/10. I think this is probably what did it right here. I doubt if he read any farther, and it’s a good reason to attend conferences when you can. I used your suggestions to craft a complete revision of my novel. I would be honored if you would take a look at any or all of it.
Milo Thimbleberry is a rabbit bumbling down the road of life when he’s run over by a truck. Most rabbits move on to the Misty Meadow when they die, but not Milo. He realizes that he’s been turned into a zombie and, man, death stinks. He can’t get a nap in, scavengers won’t leave him alone, and his parents drive him away.
He wants to move on to the Misty Meadow, but he didn’t live up to his potential while he was alive. Grandmother Oaketower, the guardian of the forest gives him a second chance, but he’ll have to lead a hero’s quest if he wants to see the afterlife. If he can save a rabbit from an animal testing lab before the next full moon, or before he and his friends disintegrate completely, he and his friends can all move on.
Milo shepherds the group of zombies on a journey inspired by the Odyssey (with woodland animals.) They have to out riddle the vulpine Circe, escape the vulturine Scylla, and avoid the voluptuous Sirens.
Milo and his followers overcome every challenge that’s thrown at them and one by one earn the chance to move on.
ZOMBIE RABBIT is Middle Grade, Humor, complete at 31,500 words.
I’m an active member of my local SCBWI.
Thank you for taking the time to consider my query.
Melissa L. Gill
I think Melissa's story idea and premise sound quite fun. It seems like a perfect idea for younger middle grade, and something that might be especially appealing to young boys, which is always important.
What do you guys think?
Neither Melissa or I are going to be analyzing her query today. The reason for this is Melissa's note below in blue. She makes a great point about conferences and she very well may be right about her query.
Dear Mr. Fraser:
I had the opportunity to receive your critique of my novel, ZOMBIE RABBIT, at the St. Louis Agents Day on 3/20/10. I think this is probably what did it right here. I doubt if he read any farther, and it’s a good reason to attend conferences when you can. I used your suggestions to craft a complete revision of my novel. I would be honored if you would take a look at any or all of it.
Milo Thimbleberry is a rabbit bumbling down the road of life when he’s run over by a truck. Most rabbits move on to the Misty Meadow when they die, but not Milo. He realizes that he’s been turned into a zombie and, man, death stinks. He can’t get a nap in, scavengers won’t leave him alone, and his parents drive him away.
He wants to move on to the Misty Meadow, but he didn’t live up to his potential while he was alive. Grandmother Oaketower, the guardian of the forest gives him a second chance, but he’ll have to lead a hero’s quest if he wants to see the afterlife. If he can save a rabbit from an animal testing lab before the next full moon, or before he and his friends disintegrate completely, he and his friends can all move on.
Milo shepherds the group of zombies on a journey inspired by the Odyssey (with woodland animals.) They have to out riddle the vulpine Circe, escape the vulturine Scylla, and avoid the voluptuous Sirens.
Milo and his followers overcome every challenge that’s thrown at them and one by one earn the chance to move on.
ZOMBIE RABBIT is Middle Grade, Humor, complete at 31,500 words.
I’m an active member of my local SCBWI.
Thank you for taking the time to consider my query.
Melissa L. Gill
I think Melissa's story idea and premise sound quite fun. It seems like a perfect idea for younger middle grade, and something that might be especially appealing to young boys, which is always important.
What do you guys think?
Friday, September 3, 2010
AUTOCHROMATIC
Today's guest blogger is the amazing, spunky, punky, hilarious Emilia Plater, author of AUTOCHROMATIC and proprietor of the Punk Writer Kid blog. Make sure you visit and become a follower before reading on, you will not regret it.
Emilia is only 17 years old, and still in school. She should be an inspiration to us all but she is especially close to my own heart because my daughter, Kylie, would like to be a writer when she grows up. Kylie is 14 and has just entered high school but when she looks at someone like Emilia and sees that with enough hard work and dedication anything is possible, it really gives her good reason to believe in herself.
Emilia's query will follow in black text, along with her analysis and thoughts on why it worked in a sort of lovely aqua. I'll add some off-hand remarks and pointless jokes in goldenrod, just for fun.
Take it away Emilia!
Matthew, I'd like to first thank you again for recruiting me for the QQQe. It's such an honor! I can't claim to be an expert on queries - it took me a looong time to write this one - but hopefully I can help somebody out. Plus, it's cool to look back when the trauma is over!
You're most welcome Emilia! That's the idea.
Dear Suzie,
You may remember me as that crazy blonde girl in pigtails who sang Boom De Ya Da (I Love Publishing) back in April. You requested then that I send you a query for my YA novel, AUTOCHROMATIC, when the time came. Having heard nothing but awesome things about your work as agent from my fellow YA Highwayer Kristin Miller, I was happy to oblige. Now, the time has come - and it is ready to sing. (...Or something.)
And you have now all been introduced to the silliness that is Emilia. It wasn't necessary, but I couldn't resist the urge to start off with a little silly personality - especially because I had some connections to work with beyond "I thought you'd be interested in this." Agents are human, and if a particular agent strikes you as good-humored, why not be yourself? Of course, professionalism comes first, but it's always nice to give agents an idea of who they'd be working with. (In my case, it's more of a warning.)
Have you seen this video? Is freaking hilarious.
Ask seventeen-year-old Riley Tanner how she's dealing with the death of her boyfriend, Adrian, and she'll respond with an eye-roll and a "fantastically." Truth is, the car crash wrecked her world, and Riley has pretty much accepted her fate as a screwed-up therapy case. But when she starts getting texts from Adrian's phone number, each containing a different address, her plan to spend the summer not thinking about him falls apart.
In the same realm as the above paragraph, my main concern with the summary was communicating Riley's voice. Riley is such a powerful force in the novel, but in earlier drafts, she just came across as depressed. (Which she is, but in a fun way.) Looking back, I could have tried to highlight the hook more - texts from dead boyfriend omg! - but this worked well enough, and since Riley is so important, I wanted to introduce her inner conflict from the very start. In my grandest dreams, Riley's voice is as much of a hook as the boyfriend texts.
Cool premise, strong voice and very current, contemporary scenario. I would say this is all big win.
Desperate to track down the sender - mostly so she can punch that creep in the face - Riley sets off on a follow-the-texts road trip with her best friend. From New York City to the Wild West, she meets people from Adrian's past who she didn't know existed. Their stories of betrayal, alcoholism, and messed-up family dramas paint a not-so-pretty picture of the guy she thought she loved. Great.
A few people suggested I delete the "punch" bit. In the end, it felt so right, I decided to be stubborn and keep it - and that ended up being the bit Suzie liked most! This paragraph was all about keeping things clear: motivation for the trip, check, what the trip exactly is, check, where the trip goes, check - and then, the big conflict. Again, I wanted to get the emotions across without using too much Lifetime Language (i.e., "a betrayal of her heart").
This reminds me a lot of a bit in my own query. I have to agree with Suzie, that line rocks!
Fun fact: I spent nearly an hour obsessing over whether to delete that Great. In the end, I went with what felt truer to the story - and I found italicizing the word gave it a lot more snap. Ah, only a writer.
I love it. I don't know for sure about the italics because I catch a lot of crap for using that kind of formatting in my own query but it obviously worked, which is the most important thing anyway, right?
With her beliefs caught in a crapstorm, Riley recognizes the real source of her frustration: Adrian's mistakes. But there's nothing in the Angsty Teen manual about conflict resolution with dead people, and things only get worse when her best friend heads home after a fight. Stranded on the wrong side of the country, Riley has to choose: give up healing for good, or ask for help from the one person who refuses to show their face…
Mistakes? Misdeeds? Lies? I went through a million synonyms for the first sentence, but nothing quite fit. Eventually, I chose the one that flowed best, even if it wasn't 100% perfect. The Angsty Teen thing is probably my favorite bit - so Riley. Here we have the ever-building problems, and finally the concluding conflict, AKA what you leave the agent freaking out over. Important stuff! I wanted to finish off with the mystery of the sender, since that's probably what a skimming agent would be most interested in.
I can see your point about the mistakes bit. Obviously it gets worked out and makes sense in the book but it is the kind of thing we can agonize over in a query. I also love the idea of an Angsty Teen manual. That is a great bit of snark, voice, hilarity and characterization all wrapped up in a nice, tight little package.
AUTOCHROMATIC is a contemporary YA novel complete at 47,000 words. I've included sample pages below; the whole manuscript is available upon request. Thank you so much for considering my work!
I didn't really have much to say for a bio (I put the link to my group blog in my contact info), so I skipped that part. Most of my queries included sample pages - I stuck 'em in unless the agent asked otherwise - but whatever it was, I ended up having a pretty good request rate. I received three offers total and went with Suzie thanks to her great revision ideas and overall awesomeness. Yay!
Awesome. Good for you Emilia!
Sincerely,
Emilia Plater-Zyberk
struckheartera@gmail.com
www.emilia-plater.com
www.yahighway.com
[Phone number]
[Address]
Emilia also just so happens to be currently holding a contest. It's for the Punkiversary. Some of the prizes are query critiques so I thought it was highly appropriate to mention today. You can find out more by visiting the post here.
Otherwise what do you guys think? Can you imagine being an agented author at 17? Can you think of a more amazing dream come true? Any questions for Emilia? Comments? Feel free to share your thoughts below, and thanks for visiting!
Emilia is only 17 years old, and still in school. She should be an inspiration to us all but she is especially close to my own heart because my daughter, Kylie, would like to be a writer when she grows up. Kylie is 14 and has just entered high school but when she looks at someone like Emilia and sees that with enough hard work and dedication anything is possible, it really gives her good reason to believe in herself.
Emilia's query will follow in black text, along with her analysis and thoughts on why it worked in a sort of lovely aqua. I'll add some off-hand remarks and pointless jokes in goldenrod, just for fun.
Take it away Emilia!
Matthew, I'd like to first thank you again for recruiting me for the QQQe. It's such an honor! I can't claim to be an expert on queries - it took me a looong time to write this one - but hopefully I can help somebody out. Plus, it's cool to look back when the trauma is over!
You're most welcome Emilia! That's the idea.
Dear Suzie,
You may remember me as that crazy blonde girl in pigtails who sang Boom De Ya Da (I Love Publishing) back in April. You requested then that I send you a query for my YA novel, AUTOCHROMATIC, when the time came. Having heard nothing but awesome things about your work as agent from my fellow YA Highwayer Kristin Miller, I was happy to oblige. Now, the time has come - and it is ready to sing. (...Or something.)
And you have now all been introduced to the silliness that is Emilia. It wasn't necessary, but I couldn't resist the urge to start off with a little silly personality - especially because I had some connections to work with beyond "I thought you'd be interested in this." Agents are human, and if a particular agent strikes you as good-humored, why not be yourself? Of course, professionalism comes first, but it's always nice to give agents an idea of who they'd be working with. (In my case, it's more of a warning.)
Have you seen this video? Is freaking hilarious.
Ask seventeen-year-old Riley Tanner how she's dealing with the death of her boyfriend, Adrian, and she'll respond with an eye-roll and a "fantastically." Truth is, the car crash wrecked her world, and Riley has pretty much accepted her fate as a screwed-up therapy case. But when she starts getting texts from Adrian's phone number, each containing a different address, her plan to spend the summer not thinking about him falls apart.
In the same realm as the above paragraph, my main concern with the summary was communicating Riley's voice. Riley is such a powerful force in the novel, but in earlier drafts, she just came across as depressed. (Which she is, but in a fun way.) Looking back, I could have tried to highlight the hook more - texts from dead boyfriend omg! - but this worked well enough, and since Riley is so important, I wanted to introduce her inner conflict from the very start. In my grandest dreams, Riley's voice is as much of a hook as the boyfriend texts.
Cool premise, strong voice and very current, contemporary scenario. I would say this is all big win.
Desperate to track down the sender - mostly so she can punch that creep in the face - Riley sets off on a follow-the-texts road trip with her best friend. From New York City to the Wild West, she meets people from Adrian's past who she didn't know existed. Their stories of betrayal, alcoholism, and messed-up family dramas paint a not-so-pretty picture of the guy she thought she loved. Great.
A few people suggested I delete the "punch" bit. In the end, it felt so right, I decided to be stubborn and keep it - and that ended up being the bit Suzie liked most! This paragraph was all about keeping things clear: motivation for the trip, check, what the trip exactly is, check, where the trip goes, check - and then, the big conflict. Again, I wanted to get the emotions across without using too much Lifetime Language (i.e., "a betrayal of her heart").
This reminds me a lot of a bit in my own query. I have to agree with Suzie, that line rocks!
Fun fact: I spent nearly an hour obsessing over whether to delete that Great. In the end, I went with what felt truer to the story - and I found italicizing the word gave it a lot more snap. Ah, only a writer.
I love it. I don't know for sure about the italics because I catch a lot of crap for using that kind of formatting in my own query but it obviously worked, which is the most important thing anyway, right?
With her beliefs caught in a crapstorm, Riley recognizes the real source of her frustration: Adrian's mistakes. But there's nothing in the Angsty Teen manual about conflict resolution with dead people, and things only get worse when her best friend heads home after a fight. Stranded on the wrong side of the country, Riley has to choose: give up healing for good, or ask for help from the one person who refuses to show their face…
Mistakes? Misdeeds? Lies? I went through a million synonyms for the first sentence, but nothing quite fit. Eventually, I chose the one that flowed best, even if it wasn't 100% perfect. The Angsty Teen thing is probably my favorite bit - so Riley. Here we have the ever-building problems, and finally the concluding conflict, AKA what you leave the agent freaking out over. Important stuff! I wanted to finish off with the mystery of the sender, since that's probably what a skimming agent would be most interested in.
I can see your point about the mistakes bit. Obviously it gets worked out and makes sense in the book but it is the kind of thing we can agonize over in a query. I also love the idea of an Angsty Teen manual. That is a great bit of snark, voice, hilarity and characterization all wrapped up in a nice, tight little package.
AUTOCHROMATIC is a contemporary YA novel complete at 47,000 words. I've included sample pages below; the whole manuscript is available upon request. Thank you so much for considering my work!
I didn't really have much to say for a bio (I put the link to my group blog in my contact info), so I skipped that part. Most of my queries included sample pages - I stuck 'em in unless the agent asked otherwise - but whatever it was, I ended up having a pretty good request rate. I received three offers total and went with Suzie thanks to her great revision ideas and overall awesomeness. Yay!
Awesome. Good for you Emilia!
Sincerely,
Emilia Plater-Zyberk
struckheartera@gmail.com
www.emilia-plater.com
www.yahighway.com
[Phone number]
[Address]
Emilia also just so happens to be currently holding a contest. It's for the Punkiversary. Some of the prizes are query critiques so I thought it was highly appropriate to mention today. You can find out more by visiting the post here.
Otherwise what do you guys think? Can you imagine being an agented author at 17? Can you think of a more amazing dream come true? Any questions for Emilia? Comments? Feel free to share your thoughts below, and thanks for visiting!
Friday, August 20, 2010
FATAL BEAUTIES
Today's guest blogger is Renae Mercado, author of FATAL BEAUTIES! Remember the rules? go visit her blog and become a follower before reading on or doom shall follow you for all ...
Who am I kidding? Just do it. We trust you.
So Renae is going to be adding her thoughts in a nice light purple today, and I suppose that I will think in orange, in honor of everyone's favorite agent. Take it away Renae!
Thank you so much for the chance to share, Matt! My novel Fatal Beauties is represented by Bree Ogden at Martin Literary Management. Bree was one of my top choices so when I polished up my novel, I queried her immediately.
You're most welcome Renae, thanks for sharing this with us!
Dear Ms. Ogden,
Their screams can stop a human heart, their songs can drive humans to the brink of madness. But these cruel fates are nothing compared to what could happen if a Siren falls in love …
I love hooks! I always start with some sort of hook. As with your first few pages, you want to pull the agent in and leave them wanting more. Now she knows what my character is and the havoc she is able to create, all in the first two sentences.
This is vivid description, which is uncommon in a query but works amazingly well here. This is also an awesome premise. Renae has set it up very well here too, as she said it's just enough to entice the reader!
Toying mercilessly with humans and delivering them to their darkest hour was all part of daily life for Amber Ballentine and her sisters. But that normal life is turned upside down when Amber grows tired of the monotony and matriculating from town to town.
Short sweet and to the point. Again, I mention the fact that Amber is a force to be reckoned with. Though she’s flawed, there may be some redeeming qualities.
Nice. I like the way you put this and you're right: it does sort of endear me to the character in an interesting way. I mean, yes, she sounds a little shallow, and possibly evil, but that also sounds damn entertaining.
But living by the rules comes with a price. Amber grows weak, lets her guard down. And then she meets Kellan Westwick. Kellan is everything one would expect from the proverbial bad boy … brooding, rich, and devastatingly handsome. He’s also off limits for Sirens aren’t allowed to fall for humans … the risk is too great.
Enter the bad boy. Of course. I’ve now introduced my other main character and given the agent an initial impression of his demeanor. I’ve also laid the groundwork for the main conflict without going into a lot of unnecessary detail.
Simple, but compelling. Of course we don't yet know if this is the entire conflict, but if it is, at least we know it's going to be entertaining.
Though she fights against her feelings Amber finds herself drawn to this hauntingly mysterious human. As they grow closer, Amber stumbles upon the buried past of Kellan's family ... the Westwick’s are Reapers, a group of humans with the strength and power to destroy all paranormal creatures including Sirens. When the truth comes out Amber must ask herself if Kellan is her hero or the one who will lead to her ultimate demise.
And we have the twist. I never give away the resolution, but I have given just enough information to hopefully leave the agent wanting to read more.
Oooh, I see your point. This is a corkscrew isn't it? I for one am VERY curious as to what Kellan's powers are or how he would have the ability to destory paranormal creatures. Since you don't tell me how I now have to read your book. Oh wait ... that's the point of a query in the first place? Win.
This gothic tale mixes elements of mystery, romance and the paranormal bringing a fresh new twist to this young adult novel. FATAL BEAUTIES is complete at around 100,000 words with series potential.
Here I sum up the page count while letting the agent know that there is potential for a series. I also bring to light the fact that this is not something that’s already on the market. I had done my research and was well aware that Bree was looking for something different and new.
Makes sense. Plus it worked, there is that too.
I am an elementary school teacher by day and an avid writer by night. If you would like to consider FATAL BEAUTIES, I’ll happily forward the manuscript at your request.
Just a little bit about myself while letting her know that the manuscript was complete and ready for her to review.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Kind Regards,
Renae Mercado
Three days after my initial query, Bree asked for the full. A few more (long) days she e-mailed offering representation if I would be willing to change one little part of the book. It didn’t change my vision of the story at all so of course I said yes! And there you have it. I’m now on submission and trying desperately to keep my fingernails intact. But I wouldn’t trade this experience for anything. So don’t give up no matter what. I truly believe the right agent is out there for everyone!
Very exciting! Congrats Renae. And best of luck with your submission process, I'm sure it will work out for you!
What do you guys think? Questions for Renae? Comments making fun of me? Please, share anything you like in the comments section.
Who am I kidding? Just do it. We trust you.
So Renae is going to be adding her thoughts in a nice light purple today, and I suppose that I will think in orange, in honor of everyone's favorite agent. Take it away Renae!
Thank you so much for the chance to share, Matt! My novel Fatal Beauties is represented by Bree Ogden at Martin Literary Management. Bree was one of my top choices so when I polished up my novel, I queried her immediately.
You're most welcome Renae, thanks for sharing this with us!
Dear Ms. Ogden,
Their screams can stop a human heart, their songs can drive humans to the brink of madness. But these cruel fates are nothing compared to what could happen if a Siren falls in love …
I love hooks! I always start with some sort of hook. As with your first few pages, you want to pull the agent in and leave them wanting more. Now she knows what my character is and the havoc she is able to create, all in the first two sentences.
This is vivid description, which is uncommon in a query but works amazingly well here. This is also an awesome premise. Renae has set it up very well here too, as she said it's just enough to entice the reader!
Toying mercilessly with humans and delivering them to their darkest hour was all part of daily life for Amber Ballentine and her sisters. But that normal life is turned upside down when Amber grows tired of the monotony and matriculating from town to town.
Short sweet and to the point. Again, I mention the fact that Amber is a force to be reckoned with. Though she’s flawed, there may be some redeeming qualities.
Nice. I like the way you put this and you're right: it does sort of endear me to the character in an interesting way. I mean, yes, she sounds a little shallow, and possibly evil, but that also sounds damn entertaining.
But living by the rules comes with a price. Amber grows weak, lets her guard down. And then she meets Kellan Westwick. Kellan is everything one would expect from the proverbial bad boy … brooding, rich, and devastatingly handsome. He’s also off limits for Sirens aren’t allowed to fall for humans … the risk is too great.
Enter the bad boy. Of course. I’ve now introduced my other main character and given the agent an initial impression of his demeanor. I’ve also laid the groundwork for the main conflict without going into a lot of unnecessary detail.
Simple, but compelling. Of course we don't yet know if this is the entire conflict, but if it is, at least we know it's going to be entertaining.
Though she fights against her feelings Amber finds herself drawn to this hauntingly mysterious human. As they grow closer, Amber stumbles upon the buried past of Kellan's family ... the Westwick’s are Reapers, a group of humans with the strength and power to destroy all paranormal creatures including Sirens. When the truth comes out Amber must ask herself if Kellan is her hero or the one who will lead to her ultimate demise.
And we have the twist. I never give away the resolution, but I have given just enough information to hopefully leave the agent wanting to read more.
Oooh, I see your point. This is a corkscrew isn't it? I for one am VERY curious as to what Kellan's powers are or how he would have the ability to destory paranormal creatures. Since you don't tell me how I now have to read your book. Oh wait ... that's the point of a query in the first place? Win.
This gothic tale mixes elements of mystery, romance and the paranormal bringing a fresh new twist to this young adult novel. FATAL BEAUTIES is complete at around 100,000 words with series potential.
Here I sum up the page count while letting the agent know that there is potential for a series. I also bring to light the fact that this is not something that’s already on the market. I had done my research and was well aware that Bree was looking for something different and new.
Makes sense. Plus it worked, there is that too.
I am an elementary school teacher by day and an avid writer by night. If you would like to consider FATAL BEAUTIES, I’ll happily forward the manuscript at your request.
Just a little bit about myself while letting her know that the manuscript was complete and ready for her to review.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Kind Regards,
Renae Mercado
Three days after my initial query, Bree asked for the full. A few more (long) days she e-mailed offering representation if I would be willing to change one little part of the book. It didn’t change my vision of the story at all so of course I said yes! And there you have it. I’m now on submission and trying desperately to keep my fingernails intact. But I wouldn’t trade this experience for anything. So don’t give up no matter what. I truly believe the right agent is out there for everyone!
Very exciting! Congrats Renae. And best of luck with your submission process, I'm sure it will work out for you!
What do you guys think? Questions for Renae? Comments making fun of me? Please, share anything you like in the comments section.
Friday, August 13, 2010
THE SHARD
Today's guest blogger is my good friend Ted Cross. He is in my critique group but I promise to try not to let the fact that I have read some of THE SHARD affect my thoughts on his query.
You know the rules. Follow his blog, then come back and read his query.
I'll let him take it away but first I should point out that I went with dark green for Ted's thoughts, and doo-doo brown for my own. The reason for this should be clear but if not the green represents wise elves, and the brown? Stupid Orcs.
Go ahead Ted:
Dear Nathan,
I’ve been an avid follower of your blog for well over a year; you might recall me (knight_tour) as being the person who would have won your last March Madness Challenge had Butler won instead of Duke. I am seeking representation for my epic fantasy novel, The Shard, which is complete at 130,000 words.
I decided to go with my letter to Nathan since I think the letter sounds too dry without the personalization that I do for each and Nathan is the one agent that I think doesn’t mind us all trying to learn from each other. I wouldn’t do this with any other agent. I knew up-front that Nathan had never signed up a fantasy novel, but he is so awesome that I had to give him a try.
Ahh, I remember that March Madness chaos! What fun. I was on the first page, but had picked Kentucky. What were we talking about? Oh, Ted's query. Right. Well personalization is HUGE I think, especially with a young, hip agent like Nathan. Is hip a hip word still? Was it ever?
Three years after losing a son in an ambush by a troll, the minor noble Midas’s marriage is crumbling and the Known Lands are threatened by an invasion from a mysterious race of dragon men (called wyrmen). Midas is torn between his duty to raise his two remaining sons to be proper leaders and the insistence of his wife that he keep the boys safe.
He takes his sons to war, but hopes to shield them from the worst dangers. His intentions go awry when a seer involves them in a plan to defeat the wyrmen by finding a shard of a shattered magical relic, lost centuries ago in the lair of Kathkalan, a dragon so vicious it has turned the entire eastern region of the realm into an abandoned wasteland.
After surviving the dragon, cannibals, ice-wraiths that can kill with a touch, and a chase through an underground labyrinth, Midas and his companions find the shard and join the armies of the realm to confront the superior forces of the wyrmen, only to discover that the magic of the shard doesn’t work as expected. Midas is faced with the most excruciating of decisions -- save his sons, or save the realm and risk losing everyone that he loves.
Okay, I have tried a few versions but they were all terrible. I’m not in love with this, but it has gotten me two partial requests (out of five responses so far), so I feel it can’t be that bad. I know some say we should only use one paragraph or two at the most for this part, but I couldn’t make it work that way. In fact, I already feel like a fraud since the above describes only a tiny part of what my story is about! I would love to see how George R.R. Martin would have queried his A Song of Ice and Fire series if he had to.
I'm going to get serious now (finally) because I seriously love this book. I've actually only read like the first 6 chapters because our crit group has been taking it slow, but I've known about the premise for a while and I LOVE it.
I would have to argue that for a story like Ted's a query much shorter than this would not do it justice. Yes short and sweet is generally best and the idea is to share just enough to get the agent to ask for more, but you also don't want to leave so much out that they feel betrayed when they do read your pages.
I want to talk more about Ted's story because it is in a vein that I love, but this post is really about his query. The only other things that I'll point is that while Ted's tale does contain some traditional fantasy elements he also has some highly unique aspects like these Wyrmen and his own take on magic.
The only other thing is that while this query may sound a little dry, lacking some of the stronger voice that makes others stand out so much I actually think it is highly appropriate for Ted's story. We talk about voice a lot when I critique his pages and without giving away the secret behind his twist I will simply say that there is a reason that his people speak the way they do, not quite in a medieval tongue, not quite in a modern one. It's subtle, but it works.
George R.R. Martin has shown with his A Song of Ice and Fire series how hungry audiences are for realistic epic fantasy. I believe that the forthcoming movies based on The Hobbit will form a renewed bubble of interest in this genre. Though my novel can stand alone, I have begun a prequel and also outlined two other novels within the series.
I know some won’t like this, but I get the feeling that agents are not as forward-looking as I would like them to be. I wanted to remind them about the Hobbit movies (and now the Game of Thrones series) that are forthcoming. How could there not be a renewed interest in epic fantasy after those come out? I also honestly feel that if someone like Mr. Martin wrote his down and dirty style of fantasy tale within a high fantasy setting it would sell like crazy.
I'm not sure I can talk about this. I keep hearing terrible things about what's going on with The Hobbit films and it makes me very sad. I can say that I think Ted's point to agents is valid. Even if High Fantasy like this never reaches the top of the bestseller list I feel like there is still a strong niche market. Novels of this kind will sell steadily for years I think, rather than like a blockbuster all at once.
I'm no expert on the industry of course but I know I would buy this book and I know several other fantasy fans who would as well.
Below are my first five pages. Thank you very much for your consideration.
Ted Cross
I’ve sent this to only eleven agents so far. I’ve had three rejections and two partial requests that eventually were rejected. Six haven’t responded at all even though it has been quite some time. I was encouraged by the fact that the two partial requests came from very well known agents, but I can’t wait to someday get a full request!
I can't wait either Ted. It seems tough to sell Fantasy right now, not that I've tried personally, but I think your novel stands out.
So what do you guys think? Can Adult Fantasy shine in the YA era? Should Ted give more away in his query about some of the more unique elements of his story?
I can't answer those questions except for with my gut. As far as Ted's query the most important thing is that it's working.
P.S. Yes I did win something over at WriteOnCon last night. I know some of you were hoping I would write about it today. I promise to do a post on the whole thing on Monday, but Fridays are for guest posts. Sorry.
You know the rules. Follow his blog, then come back and read his query.
I'll let him take it away but first I should point out that I went with dark green for Ted's thoughts, and doo-doo brown for my own. The reason for this should be clear but if not the green represents wise elves, and the brown? Stupid Orcs.
Go ahead Ted:
Dear Nathan,
I’ve been an avid follower of your blog for well over a year; you might recall me (knight_tour) as being the person who would have won your last March Madness Challenge had Butler won instead of Duke. I am seeking representation for my epic fantasy novel, The Shard, which is complete at 130,000 words.
I decided to go with my letter to Nathan since I think the letter sounds too dry without the personalization that I do for each and Nathan is the one agent that I think doesn’t mind us all trying to learn from each other. I wouldn’t do this with any other agent. I knew up-front that Nathan had never signed up a fantasy novel, but he is so awesome that I had to give him a try.
Ahh, I remember that March Madness chaos! What fun. I was on the first page, but had picked Kentucky. What were we talking about? Oh, Ted's query. Right. Well personalization is HUGE I think, especially with a young, hip agent like Nathan. Is hip a hip word still? Was it ever?
Three years after losing a son in an ambush by a troll, the minor noble Midas’s marriage is crumbling and the Known Lands are threatened by an invasion from a mysterious race of dragon men (called wyrmen). Midas is torn between his duty to raise his two remaining sons to be proper leaders and the insistence of his wife that he keep the boys safe.
He takes his sons to war, but hopes to shield them from the worst dangers. His intentions go awry when a seer involves them in a plan to defeat the wyrmen by finding a shard of a shattered magical relic, lost centuries ago in the lair of Kathkalan, a dragon so vicious it has turned the entire eastern region of the realm into an abandoned wasteland.
After surviving the dragon, cannibals, ice-wraiths that can kill with a touch, and a chase through an underground labyrinth, Midas and his companions find the shard and join the armies of the realm to confront the superior forces of the wyrmen, only to discover that the magic of the shard doesn’t work as expected. Midas is faced with the most excruciating of decisions -- save his sons, or save the realm and risk losing everyone that he loves.
Okay, I have tried a few versions but they were all terrible. I’m not in love with this, but it has gotten me two partial requests (out of five responses so far), so I feel it can’t be that bad. I know some say we should only use one paragraph or two at the most for this part, but I couldn’t make it work that way. In fact, I already feel like a fraud since the above describes only a tiny part of what my story is about! I would love to see how George R.R. Martin would have queried his A Song of Ice and Fire series if he had to.
I'm going to get serious now (finally) because I seriously love this book. I've actually only read like the first 6 chapters because our crit group has been taking it slow, but I've known about the premise for a while and I LOVE it.
I would have to argue that for a story like Ted's a query much shorter than this would not do it justice. Yes short and sweet is generally best and the idea is to share just enough to get the agent to ask for more, but you also don't want to leave so much out that they feel betrayed when they do read your pages.
I want to talk more about Ted's story because it is in a vein that I love, but this post is really about his query. The only other things that I'll point is that while Ted's tale does contain some traditional fantasy elements he also has some highly unique aspects like these Wyrmen and his own take on magic.
The only other thing is that while this query may sound a little dry, lacking some of the stronger voice that makes others stand out so much I actually think it is highly appropriate for Ted's story. We talk about voice a lot when I critique his pages and without giving away the secret behind his twist I will simply say that there is a reason that his people speak the way they do, not quite in a medieval tongue, not quite in a modern one. It's subtle, but it works.
George R.R. Martin has shown with his A Song of Ice and Fire series how hungry audiences are for realistic epic fantasy. I believe that the forthcoming movies based on The Hobbit will form a renewed bubble of interest in this genre. Though my novel can stand alone, I have begun a prequel and also outlined two other novels within the series.
I know some won’t like this, but I get the feeling that agents are not as forward-looking as I would like them to be. I wanted to remind them about the Hobbit movies (and now the Game of Thrones series) that are forthcoming. How could there not be a renewed interest in epic fantasy after those come out? I also honestly feel that if someone like Mr. Martin wrote his down and dirty style of fantasy tale within a high fantasy setting it would sell like crazy.
I'm not sure I can talk about this. I keep hearing terrible things about what's going on with The Hobbit films and it makes me very sad. I can say that I think Ted's point to agents is valid. Even if High Fantasy like this never reaches the top of the bestseller list I feel like there is still a strong niche market. Novels of this kind will sell steadily for years I think, rather than like a blockbuster all at once.
I'm no expert on the industry of course but I know I would buy this book and I know several other fantasy fans who would as well.
Below are my first five pages. Thank you very much for your consideration.
Ted Cross
I’ve sent this to only eleven agents so far. I’ve had three rejections and two partial requests that eventually were rejected. Six haven’t responded at all even though it has been quite some time. I was encouraged by the fact that the two partial requests came from very well known agents, but I can’t wait to someday get a full request!
I can't wait either Ted. It seems tough to sell Fantasy right now, not that I've tried personally, but I think your novel stands out.
So what do you guys think? Can Adult Fantasy shine in the YA era? Should Ted give more away in his query about some of the more unique elements of his story?
I can't answer those questions except for with my gut. As far as Ted's query the most important thing is that it's working.
P.S. Yes I did win something over at WriteOnCon last night. I know some of you were hoping I would write about it today. I promise to do a post on the whole thing on Monday, but Fridays are for guest posts. Sorry.
Friday, August 6, 2010
POSSUM SUMMER
Today's guest blogger is Jen K. Blom, the wonderful author of POSSUM SUMMER.
You all remember the rules right? Go read her blog, become a follower, and only then may you return to read this amazing post!
Also don't forget how this works. Jen's thoughts are going to be in blue (she asked for red but I was worried that would be too confusing - also I am the mad professor here and I will not give up the power of the red pen for anyone, mwah hah ha ...).
Yeah, where was I? Oh yes, my own comments will be in red so try to keep that straight, okay?
Take it away Jen!
First off: The Story. I'd just decided to query my recently completely revised manuscript. I had two agents I wanted to try first...one I'd loved long and long, and one that had shown previous interest in my writing. I'm a member of Publishers Marketplace (**highly recommended!**) and they had a short blurb on Marlene branching out on her own when I went in to see what was selling that day. (Common knowledge but still > an agent with a new business is a hungry agent. Plus you'd be at the top of their client list, which was also a nice idea).
The blurb on Marlene came out New Year's Day. I queried her that day, as well as the two other agents I had in mind. The next day all three asked for partials - then fulls the next day - then all offered that week! It was a week full of LOTS of angst! But I made a great decision, and Marlene recently sold my debut novel POSSUM SUMMER to Holiday House books for a 2011 release. (I'm on Goodreads - friend me there!)
Hmm, I'm not sure I'm aware of a more awesome story, POSSUM SUMMER must be quite good!
But let's go on...
Dear Ms. Stringer,
It's so hard to know if they're married or not. And you don't want to P-O an agent over something so silly as a Mrs. Ms. Miss. etc - and I didn't want to email her "Yo, Marlene"!, either. So I went with Ms.
What a good point. Back when I queried terribly over a year ago I would address agents by their first name. This is passable I guess but it really is more professional to use Mr. or Ms. Jen is spot on about it being a good idea not to insult anyone, so I think she gives good advice here about using the universal Mizz.
First off, congratulations on your new agency! Two thumbs up on the webpage too, it's quite classy.
This way I thought she'd know I was savvy to the relevant information outlets available for non-pubbed (and non-agented) writers. It's always good to appear like you know what you're doing - even if you don't! I also went to her website and snooped around. It was nice. Succinct, elegant, and full of info. Since I'm a succinct sort of girl myself, I appreciated this. Plus I was a bit irreverent without being cheeky. Cheeky is bad.
I had never really thought of this but I don't suppose it's all that different from saying: I read your blog daily and thought you would be a good fit for my novel because ...
Of course this kind of personalization is not going to earn representation for a poor story or bad writing. Story, voice and good writing are still requirements, but if you've got all three of those, along with a dash of work ethic and a pinch of uniqueness, there's no reason something like this would hurt your chances.
Princess is a die-hard tomboy growing up in the middle of the Oklahoma plains with only two friends in a thirty-mile radius: her best buddy Mart and her mutt, Blackie. Her dad's off to war and her mama is gone all day working, so she's in charge of the farm and all the inhabitants living on it for the summer. When she finds an orphan opossum kit in the ragged remains of a possum her dog just killed, she has a real tough decision to make.
I wanted the query to be in the style of the voice in POSSUM SUMMER, so I wrote it out in 1st POV and then switched it to third. It took many different attempts before I got the sense of loneliness and responsibility down that I wanted to hook the agent in the first sentence.
Well this is certainly different. Remember what I was saying about uniqueness? This story sounds very intriguing. You've got a unique setting, a sympathetic character, and a scenario of conflict that I've certainly never heard of before. No wonder agents took an interest.
Save him against her father's wishes? Or let him die?
I deplore rhetorical questions, but sometimes I think a good question or two can make the agent's mind wander to the possibilities inherent in a book. Since mine didn't have explosions, vampires or a love triangle - unless you counted a dog and a possum - I thought this was a handy way to bring them into the world my protag resides in. :-D
We're all well aware of the hate for rhetorical questions among some but I think this works just fine here. Jen quickly introduces further conflict by mentioning the father's wishes but leaves us wondering exactly what she means, which is just fine in a query.
From the moment she looks into his eyes h er - ACK! A typo! Er, don't do this HA HA *gasps* heart is lost, and she decides to try it - no matter the cost to her. But when Ike the possum's cover is blown and tragedy strikes, she struggles to find the power in herself to get past the price he has to pay.
Cliche are so cliche, but I wanted to turn one on its nose and have a little word play at the same time.
I don't really see the cliche here. I mean yeah "price to pay" is a pretty common phrase but applying it to a possum's cover being blown is pretty darn new and different if you ask me. I love that the conflict at the heart of this story is really pretty simple. Girl feels sympathy for an adorable dying animal and saves its life against her better judgment. This kind of thing sounds perfect for MG.
A Middle Grade novel complete at 55,000 words, "Possum Summer" would appeal to fans of Laura Ingalls Wilder, Kate DiCamillo, and Wilson Rawls. I'd be happy to forward at your request.
Genre! Word count! Title! Easy author placement! And the "I'd be happy..." I got from Janet Reid. I figured if the agent had gotten this far I wasn't gonna blow it with a long-winded About me section.
Great advice! Keep the housekeeping succinct. As long as your word count isn't 400,000 or your title POSSUMS GONE WILD, none of this matters THAT much anyway. Just make sure these details aren't ones that would blow it.
Yours sincerely,
Jennifer Blom
I included my blog addy after my name and used a stock generic ending for that last bit. Plus, I'm not a really windy writer at all, and short and sweet is how I roll, baby.
Awesome. So what do you guys think? I think this story sounds incredible. The simple idea of saving the life of a needful animal, without magic, vampires or telepathy sounds pretty powerful to me. This kind of story takes me back to my childhood and the kind of stuff I used to read like Where the Red Fern Grows, The Red Badge of Courage, or Danny, Champion of the World.
I haven't read Jen's book but it sounds like it will be really touching and just the kind of thing a young girl like my 9 year old daughter would love to read. Any questions? Did you forget to follow Jen's blog? Shame on you.
You all remember the rules right? Go read her blog, become a follower, and only then may you return to read this amazing post!
Also don't forget how this works. Jen's thoughts are going to be in blue (she asked for red but I was worried that would be too confusing - also I am the mad professor here and I will not give up the power of the red pen for anyone, mwah hah ha ...).
Yeah, where was I? Oh yes, my own comments will be in red so try to keep that straight, okay?
Take it away Jen!
First off: The Story. I'd just decided to query my recently completely revised manuscript. I had two agents I wanted to try first...one I'd loved long and long, and one that had shown previous interest in my writing. I'm a member of Publishers Marketplace (**highly recommended!**) and they had a short blurb on Marlene branching out on her own when I went in to see what was selling that day. (Common knowledge but still > an agent with a new business is a hungry agent. Plus you'd be at the top of their client list, which was also a nice idea).
The blurb on Marlene came out New Year's Day. I queried her that day, as well as the two other agents I had in mind. The next day all three asked for partials - then fulls the next day - then all offered that week! It was a week full of LOTS of angst! But I made a great decision, and Marlene recently sold my debut novel POSSUM SUMMER to Holiday House books for a 2011 release. (I'm on Goodreads - friend me there!)
Hmm, I'm not sure I'm aware of a more awesome story, POSSUM SUMMER must be quite good!
But let's go on...
Dear Ms. Stringer,
It's so hard to know if they're married or not. And you don't want to P-O an agent over something so silly as a Mrs. Ms. Miss. etc - and I didn't want to email her "Yo, Marlene"!, either. So I went with Ms.
What a good point. Back when I queried terribly over a year ago I would address agents by their first name. This is passable I guess but it really is more professional to use Mr. or Ms. Jen is spot on about it being a good idea not to insult anyone, so I think she gives good advice here about using the universal Mizz.
First off, congratulations on your new agency! Two thumbs up on the webpage too, it's quite classy.
This way I thought she'd know I was savvy to the relevant information outlets available for non-pubbed (and non-agented) writers. It's always good to appear like you know what you're doing - even if you don't! I also went to her website and snooped around. It was nice. Succinct, elegant, and full of info. Since I'm a succinct sort of girl myself, I appreciated this. Plus I was a bit irreverent without being cheeky. Cheeky is bad.
I had never really thought of this but I don't suppose it's all that different from saying: I read your blog daily and thought you would be a good fit for my novel because ...
Of course this kind of personalization is not going to earn representation for a poor story or bad writing. Story, voice and good writing are still requirements, but if you've got all three of those, along with a dash of work ethic and a pinch of uniqueness, there's no reason something like this would hurt your chances.
Princess is a die-hard tomboy growing up in the middle of the Oklahoma plains with only two friends in a thirty-mile radius: her best buddy Mart and her mutt, Blackie. Her dad's off to war and her mama is gone all day working, so she's in charge of the farm and all the inhabitants living on it for the summer. When she finds an orphan opossum kit in the ragged remains of a possum her dog just killed, she has a real tough decision to make.
I wanted the query to be in the style of the voice in POSSUM SUMMER, so I wrote it out in 1st POV and then switched it to third. It took many different attempts before I got the sense of loneliness and responsibility down that I wanted to hook the agent in the first sentence.
Well this is certainly different. Remember what I was saying about uniqueness? This story sounds very intriguing. You've got a unique setting, a sympathetic character, and a scenario of conflict that I've certainly never heard of before. No wonder agents took an interest.
Save him against her father's wishes? Or let him die?
I deplore rhetorical questions, but sometimes I think a good question or two can make the agent's mind wander to the possibilities inherent in a book. Since mine didn't have explosions, vampires or a love triangle - unless you counted a dog and a possum - I thought this was a handy way to bring them into the world my protag resides in. :-D
We're all well aware of the hate for rhetorical questions among some but I think this works just fine here. Jen quickly introduces further conflict by mentioning the father's wishes but leaves us wondering exactly what she means, which is just fine in a query.
From the moment she looks into his eyes h er - ACK! A typo! Er, don't do this HA HA *gasps* heart is lost, and she decides to try it - no matter the cost to her. But when Ike the possum's cover is blown and tragedy strikes, she struggles to find the power in herself to get past the price he has to pay.
Cliche are so cliche, but I wanted to turn one on its nose and have a little word play at the same time.
I don't really see the cliche here. I mean yeah "price to pay" is a pretty common phrase but applying it to a possum's cover being blown is pretty darn new and different if you ask me. I love that the conflict at the heart of this story is really pretty simple. Girl feels sympathy for an adorable dying animal and saves its life against her better judgment. This kind of thing sounds perfect for MG.
A Middle Grade novel complete at 55,000 words, "Possum Summer" would appeal to fans of Laura Ingalls Wilder, Kate DiCamillo, and Wilson Rawls. I'd be happy to forward at your request.
Genre! Word count! Title! Easy author placement! And the "I'd be happy..." I got from Janet Reid. I figured if the agent had gotten this far I wasn't gonna blow it with a long-winded About me section.
Great advice! Keep the housekeeping succinct. As long as your word count isn't 400,000 or your title POSSUMS GONE WILD, none of this matters THAT much anyway. Just make sure these details aren't ones that would blow it.
Yours sincerely,
Jennifer Blom
I included my blog addy after my name and used a stock generic ending for that last bit. Plus, I'm not a really windy writer at all, and short and sweet is how I roll, baby.
Awesome. So what do you guys think? I think this story sounds incredible. The simple idea of saving the life of a needful animal, without magic, vampires or telepathy sounds pretty powerful to me. This kind of story takes me back to my childhood and the kind of stuff I used to read like Where the Red Fern Grows, The Red Badge of Courage, or Danny, Champion of the World.
I haven't read Jen's book but it sounds like it will be really touching and just the kind of thing a young girl like my 9 year old daughter would love to read. Any questions? Did you forget to follow Jen's blog? Shame on you.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
GOSSIP FROM THE GIRLS ROOM, A BLOGTASTIC! NOVEL.
Today's guest blogger is Rose Cooper. You all know the rules by now right? Before reading on you must visit her blog and become a follower.
Back? Excellent. So, Rose is (obviously) the author of GOSSIP FROM THE GIRLS ROOM, A BLOGTASTIC! NOVEL. Her novel will be released on January 11, 2011 by Delacorte/Random House. You can Pre-Order it online now at: Amazon or Borders or Barnes & Noble.
I won't go on any longer but just make sure you check Rose out. She has some very cool and quirky artwork, and her blog is a damn fun read! Also, a quick shout out to Vicki Rocho, who introduced me to Rose and talked her into coming on to The QQQE to share her query with us. Yay MissV.
I know it's been a couple of weeks but you guys do remember how this works right? Rose's query will be in black. She has elected a lovely light blue to indicate her own analysis and I think I'll go with ... a sort of magenta for my thoughts, because the pink on Rose's blog IS awesome, but it would be too hard to read.
Take it away Rose:
Thank you so much for the chance to share, Matthew! I chose Rosemary Stimola, who was always at the top of my list. I had queried her in the past but still held out hope. When I came up with the idea for this new book, it happened so quickly (I wrote it in two weeks) and I immediately thought of her and queried her at once.
Dear Rosemary Stimola,
I am seeking representation for my middle grade novel, BATHROOM BLOG.
Very simple and upfront. She knows exactly what I’m querying her about. *Note-this was the title before my editor, and then marketing, made final changes to what is now the current title.
What is said in the Girls Room stays in the Girls Room. Until now. The unspoken law about bathroom gossip has been broken, by none other than 6th grader Sofia Becker. She can’t help but overhear (very carefully) the best kept secret in all of Middlebrook Middle School. And it’s so interesting that she can’t help but blog about it. The gossip gets better as Sofia begins staking out the girls room by spending embarrassing amounts of time in the stall.
I wanted to try to hook the agent with this paragraph, summing it all up without giving boring details, and even gaining some character insight right off the bat. You can already tell what some of the conflict will deal with. And because this is a humorous book, I didn’t want the query to be taken “too seriously.”
Are you surprised that I like Sofia right away? I'm not. Details are vague here, sure, but that's just fine in a query, in fact it's often better. The key here is that I'm sympathizing with her right away, I'm curious what she's discovering, and I'm enjoying how she's going about it. A 6th grader who blogs? How could that not be awesome.
Sofia first uses her pre-blogging notebook to jot down all the juiciness so she won’t forget any single important detail. Even if some of it gets mixed up or embellished a little before it hits the computer screen. After all, that just makes it more interesting, right? I’m incorporating some of the characters voice here, but not going overboard. I didn’t want the info to sound robotic or dull. I wanted it to be personable and try to show some of my character in here too. What Sophia doesn’t anticipate is what to do when she hears gossip about herself. Or her best friend. Or if her notebook falls into the wrong hands. And here’s the main conflict. I never give away how the resolution in a query. That’s left for the synopsis. It should be just enough to leave the agent wanting more, but at the same time knowing you have a strong character, great hook and concept.
Flawed character (willing to exaggerate is plenty of flaw for a middle schooler)? Check. Entertaining voice? Check. Conflict? Check. Tough decisions to be made re: said conflict. Um, yeah ... check.
In BATHROOM BLOG, Sophia’s pre-blogging notebook features all the gossipy details along with humorous sketches and drawings from her point of view. She includes notes to herself, since her brain goes numb when it comes to the super important things, her helpful lists and ranks of classmates, and not to mention the mixed up info she actually puts on her blog. Sofia may take things a bit far, but that doesn’t mean she’ll always learn her lesson. Hmmm, I wonder what’s being said in the Boys Room…
See how I slyly added in the possibility for a sequel without pitching to her that I wanted this to become a series (which was my main intention)? And guess what? My second book in the series will be out 2012—RUMORS FROM THE BOYS ROOM! Normally, I wouldn’t have added this last paragraph to a query, I like it short and simple, but in this case I felt like I need to because I did something I’ve never done before—I drew those sketches and illustrations and included them with the manuscript. I had no idea of knowing how she or any other agent would react to this, so I wanted to add additional info to set this idea up.
Okay, of course that's great news, congrats Rose! But what I like is how smoothly she delivered it in the original query. This kind of tact requires great skill and though it might seem at first as if it was something that might be missed remember that agents are very smart people, but they don't like to be TOLD things outright.
Also I'm sure we've all read not to ever include illustrations with your query. They say the writing must stand on its own, the publisher will choose their own illustrator if they elect to and so on ... but the bottom line is that rules, especially rules about writing, are MEANT to be broken, and I LOVE LOVE LOVE that Rose has given us an awesome example of that here.
I am a freelance writer and artist with children’s stories that have appeared in Dragonfly Spirit, Whittle Tykes, and Wee Ones. I am published online and in print papers and magazines including Foolish Times, OnTopic Magazine, Cynic Mag, and Sacramento Book Review. I’m an online humor columnist with The NetWits and a previous editor of BellaOnline.
I didn’t have any published books under my belt, and I’m not sure if this even worked, but I thought it might help to show I had some “humor” credentials since I was pitching for a humor kid’s book, even though some of my published articles were non-kid related.
Not being an agent myself it's hard to know exactly how much difference this stuff makes. My best guess is that in this situation it certainly didn't hurt!
BATHROOM BLOG is geared toward the audience of Diary of a Wimpy Kid series and Dear Dumb Diary series. The sketches are similar to those books in the way that they are very simple, neat and clean. And it portrays the fantastic artistic talent of Sofia Becker.
This last paragraph was very important for me. I felt I needed to make the comparison to give her the idea of what she would be looking at, if she requested more. I didn’t want her to expect great works of art, because it was, as the last sentence sums up, the sketches of the main character. And when you see the sketches, you know she’s anything but a fantastic talented artist. So right there, you would know the character is very sarcastic as well.
Love that little bit of snark!
May I send you sample chapters and/or accompanying artwork possibilities for consideration?
Thank you for your time. I look forward to hearing from you.
Best,
Rose Cooper
I got the first response back from Rosemary in about an hour. She requested the first 15 pages, read it, then later that day asked if she could share it with editors at the Bologna Book Fair. It was hard to wrap my head around. I didn’t even have the rest of the illustrations scanned in, since I wasn’t sure if she would want to see more. She told me when she got back into town (2 looong weeks later) to send her the full ms will all images. I did and she signed me the next day. BUT, if I had been better prepared, I could’ve had an agent with days of my query! So my tip—have confidence in your work and always be prepared no matter what!
Well that probably sounds lighting fast to all of us but of course if you're the one waiting ...
So what do you guys think? I find it really fun and interesting to see the process for a MG novel in which the author IS the illustrator, especially since Rose is just so darn cool.
Do you all have any questions for her? Thoughts or comments?
In the meantime don't forget to visit Rose's blog and become a follower, since if you read this post without doing so first you're fired anyway. Also, she's holding a contest. Well we're sort of holding it together, but as lazy as I am I'm having her do all the work. Yayz!
All you have to do is leave a comment mentioning that you are interested, on my blog or on Rose's (leaving one on both WILL grant you a double entry). She'll have more details on her blog, but since you've already visited you know that. The prize? Oh yeah, contests have prizes. The winner(s) will receive a query critique from Rose!
I'll see if I can talk her into letting me post the critique and add some of my own analysis (or just jokes) once it's done! Huzzah!
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Recruiting
I don't have anything profound or even mildly entertaining to say today so I am going to ask you all for help. As you can see from my blog subtitle announcement thingy The Amazing Rose Cooper is going to be doing the guest post this Friday. She is totally awesome so make sure you come back to read it.I've taken the last two weeks off from the Friday guest posts which, let's face it, were really the only worthwhile thing going on around here in the first place. Now I need your help. After Rose I've got nothing. I do have some amazing buds like Bryan Bliss and Shannon Whitney Messenger who have agreed to share their queries with us ... once their agents have decided their stories are no longer TOP SECRET.
So what I want you guys to do, please, is help me scour the blogoshpere. I am looking for writers with awesome queries to share myself but I'm not having much luck of late and I figure with all of you helping we can cast our net that much wider. My good friend Vicki Rocho helped me find Rose, and I'm quite glad she did.
So go out. Read blogs. Find queries you think the world (or at least a couple of my readers) ought to see ... and basically do my job for me. Thanks.
Friday, July 9, 2010
SHARDS OF GLASS
Today's guest blogger is Guinevere Robin Rowell from This is Not My Day Job. Please make sure to visit her blog and become a follower!
I'll let her get right to it then, but remember her analysis is in blue and my own stupid thoughts and pointless ramblings will be in red.
Take it away Guin!
The life and death of my query: I spent hours tweaking this query letter until I felt it was perfect. Each sentence has been overanalyzed and re-written constant times with an obsessive precision I usually reserve for separating jelly beans by flavor. I sent the query to ten agents, and received four responses, including one request for a full. My story didn’t make it, but hey, at least I think I learned to write a decent query letter! I wasn’t too disappointed by the rejections, but I realized I needed to revise my novel as thoughtfully as I had the query before I sought representation – it just wasn’t ready yet. Hopefully, I’ll be back on the Quintessentially Questionable Query Experiment with a letter that led further someday!
As long as you never give up, I know you will!
Dear (Agent),
April Mitchell killed her father while Mom was at a PTA meeting.
This is actually the first sentence of my novel, too. I felt I had a strong hook for the beginning of the novel – why not get every mile out of that hook possible?
Boy that's good! Like literally laugh out loud good. The thing is this is funny, snarky as hell, but it also has that hint of a dark, sinister side that pretty much covers all the bases. Of course we don't know WHY yet, or even WHAT HAPPENS, but I bet the rest of you want to find out just as badly as I do now!
April is a high school senior when her father, dying of a terminal illness, asks her to assist him and then cover up his suicide. Her lie that he died alone devastates her mother. She seeks comfort from her grief and anger in the oh-so-not-legal arms of her English teacher, destroying her relationships with high school sweetheart and friends (Prom is overrated, anyway).
Fast forward six years – April has become a pathological liar, putting an extra gloss on her already "perfect" life as a shiny blond medical student with a gorgeous boyfriend. But appearances are about to be destroyed, because someone found out about April's role in Daddy's death. Between blackmail threats, an estranged mother who nonetheless sometimes offers April unsolicited advice or pie, her old English teacher's re-entrance into her life, an investigation for life insurance fraud, and April's new sociopathic and bubbly rocker chick arch-enemy, life just got very, very messy (again). But how does April put her life back together – as more than just a lovely façade this time?
I tried to reflect the voice in the novel here by interjecting a little bit of levity into a stream of rather horrid things. The novel cuts back and forth between April in high school and April six years later, but I felt for clarity’s sake – and to keep everything in present tense – it was best to make these two paragraphs chronological.
I really like this concept you've got going here. It's almost like a Jekyll and Hyde of tragedy and comedy. Dark things are happening to April, many through her own fault, but we're hearing about them in a unique and zany way! Sounds fun.
SHARDS OF GLASS is approximately 127,000 words of literary fiction with attitude – a snarky and sassy main character, two charmingly imperfect male leads, vindictive but witty villains, a bank robbery, a kidnapping rescue, and lots of chocolate. This is a novel for the woman who loves both Jane Austen's Emma and Ian Fleming's Bond.
So many things I deliberated over here. Is SHARDS OF GLASS really literary fiction? I won’t be marketing it as such this next go-round, but identifying genre can be tough! I debated the use of “snarky and sassy” (after all, Word spellchecker doesn’t even recognize “snarky”), the chick lit cliché of “lots of chocolate”, and especially the bit about Emma meets Bond. I wanted to indicate there was lots of action in this story– I didn’t want an agent who requested pages to be surprised when April crawls into the second-story window of a house to rescue her kidnapped boyfriend!
I love the bit about Emma vs. Bond, but of course that kind of thing is so subjective.
This novel is vaguely inspired by my own experiences, having lost my father to cancer and being the difficult daughter of a difficult mother (though no patricide or pathological lying in my own past). I have been previously published in Cicada and Windhover.
I am enclosing the first page of my novel below, in the body of my email, as requested on your site. I hope you enjoy reading it! Thank you for your time and consideration,
It’s important to follow whatever that agent’s particular requirements for querying are, and I don’t think it hurts to make it clear that you’ve done so in your query.
Polite and professional. Nicely done Guinevere.
Sincerely,
Guinevere Robin Rowell
So what do you guys think? For a second I was thinking YA, but of course it looks like the bulk of this story takes place after April grows up. I know the prevailing wisdom says it's nearly impossible to publish a debut novel over 120,000 words but I applaud Guin for trying. I for one prefer longer books and have my own very long MS, so there is that!
Please thank her for sharing this with us in the comments and let us know if you have any questions. Thanks for visiting!
I'll let her get right to it then, but remember her analysis is in blue and my own stupid thoughts and pointless ramblings will be in red.
Take it away Guin!
The life and death of my query: I spent hours tweaking this query letter until I felt it was perfect. Each sentence has been overanalyzed and re-written constant times with an obsessive precision I usually reserve for separating jelly beans by flavor. I sent the query to ten agents, and received four responses, including one request for a full. My story didn’t make it, but hey, at least I think I learned to write a decent query letter! I wasn’t too disappointed by the rejections, but I realized I needed to revise my novel as thoughtfully as I had the query before I sought representation – it just wasn’t ready yet. Hopefully, I’ll be back on the Quintessentially Questionable Query Experiment with a letter that led further someday!
As long as you never give up, I know you will!
Dear (Agent),
April Mitchell killed her father while Mom was at a PTA meeting.
This is actually the first sentence of my novel, too. I felt I had a strong hook for the beginning of the novel – why not get every mile out of that hook possible?
Boy that's good! Like literally laugh out loud good. The thing is this is funny, snarky as hell, but it also has that hint of a dark, sinister side that pretty much covers all the bases. Of course we don't know WHY yet, or even WHAT HAPPENS, but I bet the rest of you want to find out just as badly as I do now!
April is a high school senior when her father, dying of a terminal illness, asks her to assist him and then cover up his suicide. Her lie that he died alone devastates her mother. She seeks comfort from her grief and anger in the oh-so-not-legal arms of her English teacher, destroying her relationships with high school sweetheart and friends (Prom is overrated, anyway).
Fast forward six years – April has become a pathological liar, putting an extra gloss on her already "perfect" life as a shiny blond medical student with a gorgeous boyfriend. But appearances are about to be destroyed, because someone found out about April's role in Daddy's death. Between blackmail threats, an estranged mother who nonetheless sometimes offers April unsolicited advice or pie, her old English teacher's re-entrance into her life, an investigation for life insurance fraud, and April's new sociopathic and bubbly rocker chick arch-enemy, life just got very, very messy (again). But how does April put her life back together – as more than just a lovely façade this time?
I tried to reflect the voice in the novel here by interjecting a little bit of levity into a stream of rather horrid things. The novel cuts back and forth between April in high school and April six years later, but I felt for clarity’s sake – and to keep everything in present tense – it was best to make these two paragraphs chronological.
I really like this concept you've got going here. It's almost like a Jekyll and Hyde of tragedy and comedy. Dark things are happening to April, many through her own fault, but we're hearing about them in a unique and zany way! Sounds fun.
SHARDS OF GLASS is approximately 127,000 words of literary fiction with attitude – a snarky and sassy main character, two charmingly imperfect male leads, vindictive but witty villains, a bank robbery, a kidnapping rescue, and lots of chocolate. This is a novel for the woman who loves both Jane Austen's Emma and Ian Fleming's Bond.
So many things I deliberated over here. Is SHARDS OF GLASS really literary fiction? I won’t be marketing it as such this next go-round, but identifying genre can be tough! I debated the use of “snarky and sassy” (after all, Word spellchecker doesn’t even recognize “snarky”), the chick lit cliché of “lots of chocolate”, and especially the bit about Emma meets Bond. I wanted to indicate there was lots of action in this story– I didn’t want an agent who requested pages to be surprised when April crawls into the second-story window of a house to rescue her kidnapped boyfriend!
I love the bit about Emma vs. Bond, but of course that kind of thing is so subjective.
This novel is vaguely inspired by my own experiences, having lost my father to cancer and being the difficult daughter of a difficult mother (though no patricide or pathological lying in my own past). I have been previously published in Cicada and Windhover.
I am enclosing the first page of my novel below, in the body of my email, as requested on your site. I hope you enjoy reading it! Thank you for your time and consideration,
It’s important to follow whatever that agent’s particular requirements for querying are, and I don’t think it hurts to make it clear that you’ve done so in your query.
Polite and professional. Nicely done Guinevere.
Sincerely,
Guinevere Robin Rowell
So what do you guys think? For a second I was thinking YA, but of course it looks like the bulk of this story takes place after April grows up. I know the prevailing wisdom says it's nearly impossible to publish a debut novel over 120,000 words but I applaud Guin for trying. I for one prefer longer books and have my own very long MS, so there is that!
Please thank her for sharing this with us in the comments and let us know if you have any questions. Thanks for visiting!
Friday, July 2, 2010
FADING
Today's guest blogger is Stephanie Boman. Please make sure to visit her blog and become a follower. She also has a nice website so stop by there as well if you find the time.
You guys know the drill. Stephanie's thoughts are in blue. Mine are in red. If you haven't figured that (or something like it) by now you may have to check your head.
Take it away Steph!
Thanks, Matt, for giving me a chance to share my query with your readers. I chose Alyssa Reuben of Paradigm to be my agent this past March. This was the second wave of email queries I had sent on this book after a major revision. My original query was not too different, but I did tweak it, and this time I got more requests early on. Whether I did something right or the bad-economy scare was easing up, I'm not sure. I originally sent my query to her colleague, Jason Yarn on December 18, 2009.
I'm sure that even with the economy recovering agents are not offering to rep projects they don't love.
Dear Mr. Yarn,
I am hoping you will be interested in my YA paranormal originally I had called it urban-fantasy, but since it had a ghost element, I decided this was more appropriate. Sometimes it's hard to nail down the exact genre of your novel titled FADING, complete at 56,000 words.
I have this problem big-time. I think many of us do.
What would you do if you had to choose between your best friend and your first love? What if your best friend was dead? I honestly don't know what other people think of this line, but it's my favorite part of my query. I personally think it works well as a hook: short, simple and sums up the major conflict of my book.
High stakes, unique premise. Clearly it worked.
Sixteen-year-old Lovey doesn't know why Celeste has come back as a spirit after being hit and killed by a car, she's just happy to have her BFF again, in whatever form. But a door has been left open to the spirit world, allowing evil wraiths to enter and torment the living. Adding to her turmoil, new guy Troy Armstrong seems to be interested in Lovey, but the closer she gets to him, the more Celeste begins to fade. All the main elements of the story are in this paragraph.
Ooh, that's unique (and troublesome). Looks like Stephanie has set up some great conflict here that certainly seems dramatic. The stakes might not be quite life and death, but they sound close.
Lovey, whose OCD has gotten worse since the accident see how slyly I slipped in another layer of the story? heh heh, has to make a choice, but it will take a strength she's never known before to overcome her guilt and insecurity. Can Lovey sacrifice the one thing that's ever given her a feeling of self-worth in order to set things right?
Smooth.
FADING has been well received on the HarperTeen website for teen literature, "inkpop". I know the opinion of random people doesn't mean a lot at this point, but you may want to check out the enthusiasm of my readers here (link to site where reviews were posted) This was the iffiest part of the whole query. In past queries I NEVER mentioned what Joe Blow thought; I know it's uber-unprofessional. BUT, in this case I thought it was worth the risk, because these were not opinions of people I knew. I put some chapters up on this site, which is run by a reputable publishing house, and the response from teen readers, my target audience, was overwhelming. My book soared in the ranks. I was never told if this did anything to help or hinder my query, however, so I guess I'll never know how foolish or smart it was. Recently, I was one of the top five finalists in a Querytracker.net agent submission contest again, not a big whoopti-do, but I guess I wanted to point out the fact that it was getting attention in the industry. It must have just happened and I guess I was still stoked about it. I probably wouldn't include this if I had it to do over again. Oddly enough, my choice came down to the agent who looked at it from the contest and Alyssa. I have had a short story and poems published in the American River Literary Review la, all the publishing credits I had to my name. Though small, I included it, hoping that the fact that someone thought my writing was publishable would carry some weight (besides vanity presses, of course, who think EVERYONE is publishable). I have included the first chapter in the body of this email. I feel super strongly about this. I think it's important to offer a sample of your writing right up front whenever you can. Unless the guidelines STRICTLY forbid it, and I mean, they explicitly say, "DO NOT include a sample chapter in the body of your query email unless you want to be publicly humiliated on twitter", or they request an initial sample in another form, I would include it. Many times there are no submission guidelines, or if there are, they don't say not to. My thought is that the agent can read it if she wants to, or not, and if it really annoys him/her then I probably wouldn't want to work with them anyway. Thanks for your time, I look forward to hearing from you!
Sorry for the huge block of text guys! But of course Stephanie's real paragraph (sans analysis) is short and her analysis is worth it.
Sincerely,
Stephanie Boman
On December 29th I received:
Dear Ms. Boman,
Thanks for getting in touch with your query. I found your opening interesting and would like to see more (see? that chapter I included in the BODY of the email (never as an attachment) worked!) – I’d appreciate it if you would email me the first 50 pages as an attachment. I look forward to reading.
Best regards,
- Jason Yarn
I sent it to him lickety split and heard from Alyssa on Feb 22:
Dear Ms. Boman:
My colleague, Jason Yarn, passed me your sample of FADING to review and I very much enjoyed it. Would you mind emailing me your complete manuscript?
All best,
Alyssa
Me, later that day (okay, within minutes):
Ms. Reuben,
I am very happy to send along the full manuscript of FADING. I have attached it and look forward to hearing your thoughts.
Sincerely,
Stephanie Boman
And on March 2, Alyssa wrote: (note the switch to a first name basis!)
Hi Stephanie:
I would love to have a chat with you about your material. Would you mind passing me your number or you can try me anytime at the number below.
All best,
Alyssa
And it just got better from there. Currently, my book is on submission to editors.
That's great Stephanie! It sounds like representation got worked out for you quickly and no major revisions were necessary. I know I'm looking forward to seeing your book on the shelves.
Well, we certainly wish her the best of luck with getting it sold, don't we guys? So what do you guys think? What was different about Stephanie's query? Why do you think it worked?
Stephanie is unfortunately out of town right now and probably won't respond to any comments today, but I'll leave this up all weekend and she may get a chance to look at it then. Thanks for stopping by!
You guys know the drill. Stephanie's thoughts are in blue. Mine are in red. If you haven't figured that (or something like it) by now you may have to check your head.
Take it away Steph!
Thanks, Matt, for giving me a chance to share my query with your readers. I chose Alyssa Reuben of Paradigm to be my agent this past March. This was the second wave of email queries I had sent on this book after a major revision. My original query was not too different, but I did tweak it, and this time I got more requests early on. Whether I did something right or the bad-economy scare was easing up, I'm not sure. I originally sent my query to her colleague, Jason Yarn on December 18, 2009.
I'm sure that even with the economy recovering agents are not offering to rep projects they don't love.
Dear Mr. Yarn,
I am hoping you will be interested in my YA paranormal originally I had called it urban-fantasy, but since it had a ghost element, I decided this was more appropriate. Sometimes it's hard to nail down the exact genre of your novel titled FADING, complete at 56,000 words.
I have this problem big-time. I think many of us do.
What would you do if you had to choose between your best friend and your first love? What if your best friend was dead? I honestly don't know what other people think of this line, but it's my favorite part of my query. I personally think it works well as a hook: short, simple and sums up the major conflict of my book.
High stakes, unique premise. Clearly it worked.
Sixteen-year-old Lovey doesn't know why Celeste has come back as a spirit after being hit and killed by a car, she's just happy to have her BFF again, in whatever form. But a door has been left open to the spirit world, allowing evil wraiths to enter and torment the living. Adding to her turmoil, new guy Troy Armstrong seems to be interested in Lovey, but the closer she gets to him, the more Celeste begins to fade. All the main elements of the story are in this paragraph.
Ooh, that's unique (and troublesome). Looks like Stephanie has set up some great conflict here that certainly seems dramatic. The stakes might not be quite life and death, but they sound close.
Lovey, whose OCD has gotten worse since the accident see how slyly I slipped in another layer of the story? heh heh, has to make a choice, but it will take a strength she's never known before to overcome her guilt and insecurity. Can Lovey sacrifice the one thing that's ever given her a feeling of self-worth in order to set things right?
Smooth.
FADING has been well received on the HarperTeen website for teen literature, "inkpop". I know the opinion of random people doesn't mean a lot at this point, but you may want to check out the enthusiasm of my readers here (link to site where reviews were posted) This was the iffiest part of the whole query. In past queries I NEVER mentioned what Joe Blow thought; I know it's uber-unprofessional. BUT, in this case I thought it was worth the risk, because these were not opinions of people I knew. I put some chapters up on this site, which is run by a reputable publishing house, and the response from teen readers, my target audience, was overwhelming. My book soared in the ranks. I was never told if this did anything to help or hinder my query, however, so I guess I'll never know how foolish or smart it was. Recently, I was one of the top five finalists in a Querytracker.net agent submission contest again, not a big whoopti-do, but I guess I wanted to point out the fact that it was getting attention in the industry. It must have just happened and I guess I was still stoked about it. I probably wouldn't include this if I had it to do over again. Oddly enough, my choice came down to the agent who looked at it from the contest and Alyssa. I have had a short story and poems published in the American River Literary Review la, all the publishing credits I had to my name. Though small, I included it, hoping that the fact that someone thought my writing was publishable would carry some weight (besides vanity presses, of course, who think EVERYONE is publishable). I have included the first chapter in the body of this email. I feel super strongly about this. I think it's important to offer a sample of your writing right up front whenever you can. Unless the guidelines STRICTLY forbid it, and I mean, they explicitly say, "DO NOT include a sample chapter in the body of your query email unless you want to be publicly humiliated on twitter", or they request an initial sample in another form, I would include it. Many times there are no submission guidelines, or if there are, they don't say not to. My thought is that the agent can read it if she wants to, or not, and if it really annoys him/her then I probably wouldn't want to work with them anyway. Thanks for your time, I look forward to hearing from you!
Sorry for the huge block of text guys! But of course Stephanie's real paragraph (sans analysis) is short and her analysis is worth it.
Sincerely,
Stephanie Boman
On December 29th I received:
Dear Ms. Boman,
Thanks for getting in touch with your query. I found your opening interesting and would like to see more (see? that chapter I included in the BODY of the email (never as an attachment) worked!) – I’d appreciate it if you would email me the first 50 pages as an attachment. I look forward to reading.
Best regards,
- Jason Yarn
I sent it to him lickety split and heard from Alyssa on Feb 22:
Dear Ms. Boman:
My colleague, Jason Yarn, passed me your sample of FADING to review and I very much enjoyed it. Would you mind emailing me your complete manuscript?
All best,
Alyssa
Me, later that day (okay, within minutes):
Ms. Reuben,
I am very happy to send along the full manuscript of FADING. I have attached it and look forward to hearing your thoughts.
Sincerely,
Stephanie Boman
And on March 2, Alyssa wrote: (note the switch to a first name basis!)
Hi Stephanie:
I would love to have a chat with you about your material. Would you mind passing me your number or you can try me anytime at the number below.
All best,
Alyssa
And it just got better from there. Currently, my book is on submission to editors.
That's great Stephanie! It sounds like representation got worked out for you quickly and no major revisions were necessary. I know I'm looking forward to seeing your book on the shelves.
Well, we certainly wish her the best of luck with getting it sold, don't we guys? So what do you guys think? What was different about Stephanie's query? Why do you think it worked?
Stephanie is unfortunately out of town right now and probably won't respond to any comments today, but I'll leave this up all weekend and she may get a chance to look at it then. Thanks for stopping by!
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