A to Z Challenge Assistants

We're almost there! Just a few more days. Sadly, as I mentioned yesterday, I'll be out of town for almost the whole first week of the challenge.

But never fear! I've got my trusty assistants here to help you.

As a co-host of the challenge, there is a certain section of the list that I'm responsible for (if you're in my section, you'll be getting an email from me today), and so you can always contact me with any questions or concerns you have, and even while I'm out of town, I will be able to check email in the evenings.

But, if you have any really pressing questions, please don't hesitate to ask one of my five assistants. In case you don't know them, please be sure to visit their blogs, follow them, and leave a comment, so they know who you are:

Joshua, from Vive Le Nerd. Josh is the only of my assistants I've met in real life. A gamer, a writer, a dad, and a freelance copyeditor, Josh runs one of the coolest blogs on the web.

Sheri Larsen, from Writer's Ally. Sheri is the blogger I've known the longest of my assistants. We started blogging around the same time, and both really love being a part of the online writing community.

Deniz Bevan, from The Girdle of Melian. Seriously? Have you ever heard of a cooler title for a blog? Deniz is one of the few bloggers who can claim to be a bigger and more knowledgeable Tolkien fan than me, which, trust me, is very rare.

Jay Noel, whose blog is self titled, is an awesome writer. Last year, his A to Z theme was steampunk technology and it was definitely was one the coolest stops in the challenge.

Melanie Schulz, from Melanie Schulz YA Writer. Melanie is the newest blogger of this group, at least as far as my acquaintance with her, but she's just as great as the rest of them. She didn't hesitate to volunteer when I asked for assistance with the challenge.

So please visit all their blogs today, and make sure you're following them. Some of them may be revealing their themes, but if not, you can at least make sure you know how to find them if you need help during the challenge.

As for me, I'm going with etymologies again this year, since it makes for great, informative, and most importantly, short posts. I look forward to seeing all of you!

Deniz Bevan's Current Query Critiqued

Happy Friday, QQQE Massive. Today we have Deniz's query again, this time with my thoughts, in red.

Here we go:

Dear [Agent],

Rosa becomes separated from her family as they flee their Spanish homeland – and the Inquisition. Now her one hope of reaching Constantinople, and reuniting with her family, lies with a stranger, Baha, an artist from the Ottoman Empire. As they travel together, Rosa's drive to find her loved ones is matched by a deepening desire for the man at her side.

At first glance, this looks awesome. I mean you've got such a unique setting, I would personally probably request pages on that alone. But with a closer inspection, you're missing some key elements. We can tell from the genre you share later that Rosa is probably an adult, but we really need to get a better sense of character in the query. We've got a lot of tough, exciting things happening to her, but we have no idea who she is.

I think we can safely assume her family is not Catholic, and is therefore fleeing the Inquisition because they would otherwise face persecution, but I'd like to get a better understanding of why they'd head to Constantinople. Was that not the seat of the Catholic church at the time? The home of the Pope? Or was that much earlier? Either way, it would help your plot make more sense if we understood why.

Finally, who is Baha and why is he the only person who can help her? I mean, sure, he sounds very cool, and I love the idea of an artist (what kind?) from another culture being able to help her flee, but it doesn't make sense to me how he comes out of left field or why he has the power to help her when no one else can. I'm sure it makes perfect sense in your novel, but here I'm left scratching my head a bit.

And I'm not going to mention the em-dash. You guys know by now how I feel about em-dashes in queries.

Her family refuses to accept this man of a different faith, I thought she was separated from her family, and the plot was going to be how she returned to them? It sounds like maybe the separation is only part of the story, but be careful about making that kind of leap in a query. but when janissaries I'm no expert, but I think Janissaries needs to be capitalized. arrest her father and brother, Rosa and Baha risk everything to rescue them. Together they will prove that their love can withstand their differences... if the Grand Vizier doesn't throw them both into the dungeons first.

The rest of this is pretty awesome. It's quick, and to the point, but it packs a nice punch, and it really sets up your world and your setting in just a few short sentences.

OUT OF THE WATER is complete at 115,000 words. I admire your client [Name] and found your website through [his/her] blog. Based on [xyz], you might find my 15th Century historical romance a good fit for your interests.

I'd say this is pretty good, especially if the author the agent represents is someone you know well through blogging or conferences.

I have lived and worked in Turkey, and my non-fiction work, including travel articles, book reviews and personal essays, has most recently appeared in the trilingual (English, French, and Turkish) newspaper Bizim Anadolu. Initial drafts of OUT OF THE WATER were revised through participation in author Barbara Rogan's invitation-only Next Level Workshop. I don't know anything about this workshop, but it sounds prestigious enough to mention, so I'm going to assume it is. The rest of this is top-notch. Even though you're not published when it comes to fiction, you clearly have unique experience that directly relates to your ability to tell this story.

Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,

Deniz Bevan

So, to summarize, as many people pointed out yesterday, this premise is so interesting, and lush, and unique, I think your query would probably do pretty well as is. In order to make it even sharper, and reflect a bit better how awesome your story is, it needs to open with a better sense of Rosa's character, and then include logic for why Baha can save her, and then explain how they get to Constantinople to deal with her family.

Other than that, I think you're already in great shape.

That's it.

What do you all think?

Deniz Bevan's Current Query

Do you guys know Deniz? She blogs over at The Girdle of Melian (and if you don't know what that references, we probably can't be friends). Go on. Go follow her.

Back? Excellent.

Here's her query:

Dear [Agent],

Rosa becomes separated from her family as they flee their Spanish homeland – and the Inquisition. Now her one hope of reaching Constantinople, and reuniting with her family, lies with a stranger, Baha, an artist from the Ottoman Empire. As they travel together, Rosa's drive to find her loved ones is matched by a deepening desire for the man at her side.

Her family refuses to accept this man of a different faith, but when janissaries arrest her father and brother, Rosa and Baha risk everything to rescue them. Together they will prove that their love can withstand their differences... if the Grand Vizier doesn't throw them both into the dungeons first.

OUT OF THE WATER is complete at 115,000 words. I admire your client [Name] and found your website through [his/her] blog. Based on [xyz], you might find my 15th Century historical romance a good fit for your interests.

I have lived and worked in Turkey, and my non-fiction work, including travel articles, book reviews and personal essays, has most recently appeared in the trilingual (English, French, and Turkish) newspaper Bizim Anadolu. Initial drafts of OUT OF THE WATER were revised through participation in author Barbara Rogan's invitation-only Next Level Workshop.

Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,

Deniz Bevan

That's it.

Please save your feedback for tomorrow, when I'll be sharing mine.

Deniz Bevan

Morning all. I've got an important correspondence I have to work on today, so I don't have time to write a real blog post.

Instead I'm going to ask you to check out Deniz Bevan. She's a blogger I recently met who had some excellent analysis of Tolkien's Eagles during the Deus ex Machina post the other day. You can see her comment here. Once you've done that you should really visit her well named blog, The Girdle of Melian (which happens to be an awesome reference to Thingol's kingdom of Doriath, from the Silmarillion), and follow her.

She's awesome.