Friday, September 24, 2010

ZOMBIE RABBIT

Good morning and happy Friday readers! Today's guest blogger is going to be Melissa Gill, and she will be sharing her query for ZOMBIE RABBIT. Don't forget to visit her blog and become a follower.

Neither Melissa or I are going to be analyzing her query today. The reason for this is Melissa's note below in blue. She makes a great point about conferences and she very well may be right about her query.

Dear Mr. Fraser:

I had the opportunity to receive your critique of my novel, ZOMBIE RABBIT, at the St. Louis Agents Day on 3/20/10. I think this is probably what did it right here. I doubt if he read any farther, and it’s a good reason to attend conferences when you can. I used your suggestions to craft a complete revision of my novel. I would be honored if you would take a look at any or all of it.

Milo Thimbleberry is a rabbit bumbling down the road of life when he’s run over by a truck. Most rabbits move on to the Misty Meadow when they die, but not Milo. He realizes that he’s been turned into a zombie and, man, death stinks. He can’t get a nap in, scavengers won’t leave him alone, and his parents drive him away.

He wants to move on to the Misty Meadow, but he didn’t live up to his potential while he was alive. Grandmother Oaketower, the guardian of the forest gives him a second chance, but he’ll have to lead a hero’s quest if he wants to see the afterlife. If he can save a rabbit from an animal testing lab before the next full moon, or before he and his friends disintegrate completely, he and his friends can all move on.

Milo shepherds the group of zombies on a journey inspired by the Odyssey (with woodland animals.) They have to out riddle the vulpine Circe, escape the vulturine Scylla, and avoid the voluptuous Sirens.

Milo and his followers overcome every challenge that’s thrown at them and one by one earn the chance to move on.

ZOMBIE RABBIT is Middle Grade, Humor, complete at 31,500 words.

I’m an active member of my local SCBWI.

Thank you for taking the time to consider my query.

Melissa L. Gill

I think Melissa's story idea and premise sound quite fun. It seems like a perfect idea for younger middle grade, and something that might be especially appealing to young boys, which is always important.

What do you guys think?

21 comments:

Creepy Query Girl said...

I think it sounds like a great read! I can already visualize the movie version. Great query!

Jen said...

Sounds like a great read! I'm in full agreement with CQG! I don't know if you forgot, but I hopped over from the link you gave on the Great Blogging Experiment :)

Either way I never regret my visit!

Robyn Campbell said...

I love Milo and can't wait to read the book. This book idea is the kind that makes a writer say, "I wish I'd thought of that idea."

Good luck Melissa.

Happy Punctuation Day, Matt. :0)

Hannah Kincade said...

omg, that sounds like so much fun! Move over Bunniculas but not too far because I still love you. I can't wait for this one to get published!!

Stina Lindenblatt said...

Great query! Definitely not YA. ;)

It's a book I'm sure my kids would love to read.

salarsenッ said...

I totally agree with your assessment of the opening lines. Um, yeah...

Sounds fun! Like the flow of the query.

Bish Denham said...

I'm not sure what I think about this idea...part of me is creeped out by it, part of me intrigued,

Justine Dell said...

Oh, this is so cute. And something my daughter would probably still read. Congrats!

~JD

Christina Lee said...

I LOVE this premise! I'd buy it for my son *wink*

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

It's certainly unique! That ought to get someone's attention.

Melissa Gill said...

Thanks guys. I appreciate all your support. From your lips to agents ears.

Should I add a line in my query that says, "Everyone on Matts, Quintessentially Quetsionable Query Experiment says this sounds like a great idea, so you should sign it?" Ha ha.

Matthew Rush said...

Hah! That would be hilarious.

Tessa Quin said...

You've changed it to humor! That's great ^.^

Just a little suggestion:

"If he can save a rabbit from an animal testing lab before the next full moon, or before he and his friends disintegrate completely, he and his friends can all move on."

Repetition. You also mention his friends in the next paragraph, so they sort of pop out of the blue in this paragraph.

Melissa said...

This sounds fun, and is definitely something I'd pick up.

mshatch said...

I think it sounds like a hilarious read, kind of like Watership Down meets Dawn of the Dead(2004).

Elana Johnson said...

I don't know if we're supposed to critique this or what, but I'm going to anyway. If you hate it, Matt can delete the comment.

I like the query and I think it has a lot of voice, but I think you're talking yourself right out of a request. You spill the ending. You don't leave me salivating for more.

So, I copied and pasted:

If he can save a rabbit from an animal testing lab before the next full moon, or before he and his friends disintegrate completely, he and his friends can all move on. (I would make this the end of your query, and I'd cut out the bit about his friends. I'd just say, "If he can save a rabbit from an animal testing lab before the next full moon, he can shepherd a group of zombies into the afterlife." Or some such. Then you need to make it clear what will happen if he doesn't: disintegration. So I might add, "If he can't, he'll have to watch the world fade into nothing, taking him with it piece by piece." Or something less lame, and you know, related to the novel. ;-) )

Milo shepherds the group of zombies on a journey inspired by the Odyssey (with woodland animals.) They have to out riddle the vulpine Circe, escape the vulturine Scylla, and avoid the voluptuous Sirens.

Milo and his followers overcome every challenge that’s thrown at them and one by one earn the chance to move on. (I'd cut all of this. You already stated the consequence up there. I don't need all the proper nouns (Circe, Scylla, and Sirens) or to know the ending. I think that weakens the query quite a lot.

Now, if you want to say something about the Odyssey, then you could say it like, "Inspired by the Odyssey, TITLE, a humorous middle grade novel, is complete at XXX words." (Sorry, I can't remember because I've navigated away from the post.)

I also have one last comment and that's that you want to thank the agent for their consideration, but not of your query. Of your full. So I'd just trim that last bit to "Thank you for your consideration," because if they don't request, chances are they haven't even read down to the bottom of the letter. It's only if they request that they'll actually spend any time on your material.


Okay, Elana out. Sorry for the novel.

Dawn Simon said...

Sounds like a super fun book! Good luck! :)

Renae said...

Great query! This sounds like a great read...I know boys would love it!

Stephen Tremp said...

It does sound like a fun read. I'm getting back kids books, reading them with my kids. I'm finding I can get a lot of inspiration from kids books as they are more imaginative than many adult books I read.

Stephen Tremp

SAMUEL PARK said...

You really don't think he read any farther after the critique mention? I'd think he'd be curious to see how he impacted the ms...but either way, really glad you shared the query. Great post.

Lenny Lee! said...

hi mr matthew and miss melissa! first i said zombie rabbit?? huh? then i read more about milos adventure and it sounds sooooo neat and lots of fun. i could like to read this book. i could speak up for boys liking this story cause im a boy!
...smiles from lenny