Revision Techniques at Project MG Mayhem

The contest you may have seen me discussing recently on Facebook will be coming up soon, but for now, I'm over at Project Mayhem, discussing a revision technique I use.

Stella Telleria's Current Query II

I'm you sure you all remember Stella's first query, and the critique. She's asked us to have a look at her revision.

So here's the new letter:

Dear Agent,

When badass former marine, Mia Mitchell, steps into a dark alley to pull a few thugs off their prey, she finds the fight she’s looking for. The problem is the prey proposes she take up another fight, and a button-click later she awakes on an Earth-like parallel world. That’s one mad left-hook.

The scrap leads to a cryptic job offer any sane person would refuse. So, she takes it. She’s got nothing to lose. Turns out the other side of the rabbit-hole leads to a matriarchal utopia where freedom doesn’t exist, and fighting for it means execution for either gender. Mia finds herself with an underground syndicate of men longing for freedom. She’s been tasked with training them to fight, but not all agree they need her to show them the way. After all, she’s the enemy.

Eben, an ex-slave, is trying to understand Mia’s odd views of freedom. He’s also complicating her exit strategy. If she leaves, the power struggle within the syndicate may make their battle for freedom impossible. That Eben doesn’t want her to go only makes things worse for stoic Mia. Haunted by nightmares and post-traumatic stress, unsure who to trust or how to get home, their collective fight for independence becomes her last hope for salvation. But before long, she discovers all is not what it seems. Reality checks never bounce.

THE MALE AMENDMENT is a 115,000 word speculative/romantic novel with series potential and duelling POVs. Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,

Stella Telleria

That's it.

Please save your feedback for tomorrow. I'm working on three manuscripts right now (critiquing one, editing one, and drafting one), and I made a lot of progress on all three yesterday, so I won't be reading many blogs today. Mention your post in a comment if you have something important you want me to see, and I will stop by.

Announcement: Brent Taylor's Editing Services

Do you all know Brent Taylor? Or perhaps you recognize him better as the sole proprietor of Naughty Book Kitties? Either way, Brent is opening his keen eye to the public, at prices that you're probably going to be pleasantly surprised by.

Before I get to the details, let me just say a few things about my own personal experience with Brent. I knew him first as one of the best book reviewers on the web, but since then, I have worked with him on my own manuscript, and I can tell you his knowledge is impressive.

Brent has been an intern in publishing for over a year now, and he also writes freelance for VOYA, SLJ, and Lambda Literary. What this means is that Brent has a keen eye for pacing, character arc, plot development, and especially YA voice, and he knows what's selling. But he doesn't deal exclusively with YA novels, and his editing skills can be applied to almost any genre. Here's how he describes his skills at his blog:

My areas of expertise are YA and middle grade in children's; in adult, paranormal romance, urban fantasy, cozy mysteries, and upmarket commercial and women's fic.

The thing that has impressed me most about working with Brent is how fast his turn-around time is, without sacrificing how in depth he goes.

Here are some testimonials from authors who have worked with him:

"I can always count on Brent for a sharp-eyed critique and a quick turn-around. He possesses a winning combination of honesty and kindness, and I know his insightful commentary and agency experience will improve my manuscript. If I was in the process of finding representation, you can bet he would be the first person I would count on to help prepare a killer query and polish up my manuscript."

- Delilah S. Dawson, author with Pocket/S&S and Associate Editor at http://www.coolmompicks.com/

"Brent’s editorial input was absolutely essential in making my manuscript what it is today. He has a remarkable eye for characterization and voice, pinpointing the inconsistencies that were holding my characters back and suggesting changes that fit seamlessly into my voice and vision for the story. Most importantly, Brent didn’t just point out the things that didn’t work in my novel, but the things that really worked as well, helping me use those strengths to my advantage. My novel, and my writing itself, has improved because of his guidance."

- Laura Wettersten, represented by Ken Wright at Writers House

Brent has great prices, but rather than share the details, and give out his email address, here, I'll just direct you to the page on his blog that has the details, since you should be following his blog anyway.

EDIT: Brent shared a tidbit with me that might also interest you: he'll do queries alone, for the bargain basement price of $10.00, and that includes how ever many passes it take before it really shines.

You can also follow Brent on Twitter at: @NaughtyBrent

Any questions?