Christine Hardy's Current Query II

First - a few announcements. The A to Z Challenge banner has been removed. It's a little sad, because I'd gotten used to it, but the challenge is over, so it is what it is. The Challenge Reflection post badge is still up, so mark your calendars if you haven't already, and the navigation buttons will stay up for at least a month, because I'm still using them to try to make sure I visit every blog that signed up at least once.

In other news, I'm honored to have been invited to join the group blog YA Confidential, which is an exciting blog about YA Books, writing for young people, and everything in between. Please do visit, and make sure you're following us! Speaking of which, if you're new here, from the challenge, I also blog at Project Middle Grade Mayhem, which is another group blog, with a focus on Middle Grade books and readers, so please check and make sure you're following there as well!

Finally, I know a lot of people are taking some time off after the challenge, but I don't have that luxury. I've got several people waiting for query critiques, so I have to get right back to work. I will dearly miss those nice, easy, short posts, though.

So, here we have Christine Hardy's query, again. You may remember she had a query letter for this same project on the blog not long ago, but she asked me to critique her revision, so he we are. Visit the original post, to find links to Christine's blog.

Here we go:

Dear Agent,

Faldur is a captain in the king’s rangers of Belhanor. He battles rebels, hunts killer lions left over from the last war, and keeps an eye on Marenya, the now-grown daughter of his deceased mentor. When Marenya’s cousin becomes engaged to the crown prince, he is assigned to escort the ladies to the capital for the wedding. Rebels attack them on the road and Marenya allows herself to be captured in her cousin’s place in order to allow an injured Faldur and the bride to escape.

Faldur must leave Marenya behind in order to fulfill his duty, forcing him to realize his feelings for her aren’t as brotherly as he thought they were. By the time he is able to go back for her, she has been taken to a secret stronghold in the mountains by the leader of the rebel movement: the prince’s younger brother who is also Faldur’s long-lost friend.

Marenya believes her captor is under magical thrall to the king’s uncle, who is using him as a puppet to take over the throne. Faldur must decide whether to kill his former friend or help her try to free him, in order to save his country and the woman he loves.

THE GOLDEN GRYPHON is complete in 100,000 words. [insert standard language]

That's it.

Please save your feedback for tomorrow, and thank Christine for her courage in the comments. Happy May Day, everyone!