Thursday, February 2, 2012

Jade Hart's Current Query

We're back to query letters today. Jade Hart's, to be specific. Jade is a Kiwi, which means she lives in Middle Earth, has Numenorean blood, and parties with the Noldor. I'm totally jealous. Seriously, though? Jade has a great blog. You need to go follow it.

Back? Great.

Here's Jade's query:

Dear ( Fantabulous agent )

(Enter research done on that agent and reference as to why I chose them, or something along those lines )

Loka has died. Again.

But this time it's different. A cobra bite to the neck while in the in-between worlds of Gods has injected more than just venom into her veins. It has started a chain reaction which will not only change Loka forever, but Satya, the world as we know it, as well.

When she re-awakes for her seventeenth reincarnation, nothing is quite the same. She's ethereally beautiful, has vortex pigmented eyes and can see things which only exist on temple etchings and Hindu fables.

As Chetan - her guide sent by the Gods - tries to help Loka understand her new powers and preform her responsibility as the new Reincarnation Redeemer, she finds it harder and harder to concentrate. Her body feels wrong, her thoughts seem muddied and hard to recall, and her powers feel limited. Even her heart is confused as it thrums like a hummingbird at the thought of a God. A love which bloomed from nowhere, but lingers with a remembrance of something locked within herself.

But it's only when a chaos loving mythological creature, who is both hideous and intriguing, enters her life, that Loka begins to find keys to tightly locked secrets.

Turns out, she might not be Loka at all....

Venom's Curse is a Mythological YA Urban Fantasy. Complete at 90,000 words. I am a member of a large critique group and participate actively with many published and unpublished writers. I am also an avid blogger and love anything to do with the worlds of words.

Thank you very much for your time and consideration.

Kindest regards

Jade Hart

That's it.

Please keep in mind that today is just for introductions. I like to give each query letter two posts, so that you can see the query, by itself, without all my rambling feedback. Tomorrow I will provide the red ink, and let Jade know what I think she should change or is missing. So please save your feedback for tomorrow as well. Thanks!

30 comments:

Jack said...

Saving my feedback for tomorrow! This is exciting!

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

I think I've read enough of your suggestions now that I can predict a couple you will make tomorrow!

Slamdunk said...

Sounds like an appealing story. Looking forward to how you and others improve the letter. In the meantime, I'll look at Jade's blog.

Liza said...

I have some thoughts. I'm looking forward to reading yours.

Nancy said...

sounds like a great book, looking forward to tomorrow.

Amber said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Amber said...

How exciting! I'm new to this blog, but I have had the pleasure of getting to read this story from its beginnning. I'm looking forward to reading the comments tomorrow. I know Jade loves helpful feedback. Hhmm, my wip is almost done. This makes me want to get a query together for some good ol' red ink :) (oh and, hi fellow Georgian :) I'm in Cartersville- tucked between a lake and a mountain.

Michael G-G said...

Nice to meet you, Jade. I'm looking forward to Matt's comments tomorrow, and will have some suggestions of my own.

A Beer for the Shower said...

Won't say anything in regards to feedback, but I will say that I love seeing these query letters, and that I'm off to Middle Earth to go say hi to Jade personally.

Kristen Wixted said...

Can I cheat? I'm not going to be around tomorrow. So sorry but I have to cheat and say a couple things today.

I LOVE "she may not be Loka at all." Somehow that takes my breath away.

In the first paragraph, I was a little confused about Satya and what it is or who it is.

That's it--I wouldn't have bothered but I thought it was so well written and interesting, so welcome, Jade Hart (awesome name!) and good luck with your query.

Matthew MacNish said...

We will break the rules, just this once, for you, Kristen.

Barbara Watson said...

Hi, Jade. I was up for query critique last week and learned so much from Matthew and everyone. Looking forward to tomorrow.

Jess said...

Thanks for sharing your query with us, Jade! Looking forward to tomorrow :)

Bryan Russell said...

A lot of intriguing elements here.

Jenny S. Morris said...

Hey Jade! Matt has looked at my query and he is awesome. Can't wait to see what he says.

Smiles from the "large critique group" LOL.

T.D. McFrost said...

I know I'm supposed to comment on the query but I couldn't help but wonder: Is your blond Labrador depressed? Why does he have his head stuck between the couch? That's the funniest thing I've seen today. LOL

Marta Szemik said...

Sounds interesting.
I'll wait until tomorrow to say what caught my eye in the query :)

Michael Offutt, Tebow Cult Initiate said...

Hello Jade. Your name sounds very exotic :)

Hope Roberson said...

Great concept Jade! Can't wait to read it :)

farawayeyes said...

Hi Jade, nice to meet you. Thanks for having the courage to share and help us all.

Christina Lee said...

Wow--people's creativity amazes me!

Angela Brown said...

Thanks, Jade, for stepping up to the plate. And I adore your blog.

Jade Hart said...

Hello Everyone! The sun has risen on my side of the planet so I'm able to comment. Thanks so much for the 'hellos' *waves back* :) and be nice tomorrow ;) lol
Thanks for all your help Matt!

Pk Hrezo said...

I like the sound of the story,...but do see some places for polishing as well. I'm sure your advice will be spot on, as usual, Matt.
Go, Jade!

The Golden Eagle said...

I'm interested to read tomorrow's critique!

Suzie F. said...

Nice to meet you, Jade! Matt's critiques are the best. I'll stop by tomorrow to read and perhaps comment on your query :)

Donna K. Weaver said...

I'll be back tomorrow.

Melissa Sugar said...

I like the sound of the book. I will be back tomorrow to see how you improve her query.

Talli Roland said...

Intriguing concept! I reckon I can guess a bit about what you'll say!

Elizabeth Seckman said...

It seems great to me. I will have to check back too.