Here's another query for your perusal. Amber Mauldin blogs at Unyielding. Please drop by and follow her blog. Back? Great. Let's get to her query.
Here it is:
Dear (Agent),
It's hard enough being a lanky, seventeen year old boy who sparks lightning from his palms anytime he gets upset, but when Gabriyel’s parents are murdered and his best friend Rhet is kidnapped all in one tragic night, an unruly band of misfits might be his only chance at saving him. Gabriyel must learn to harness his supernatural abilities in order to fight alongside an alliance of gifted individuals. The only problem is, he can't seem to stop fighting against them.
Awaking in a hospital from a brutal beating that left him unconscious for a day, Gabriyel finds his world shattered. His parents have been murdered by the men that put him there, and his best friend Rhet is now missing, taken by the same men- a man named Samael and his legion of followers.
He excepts the help of a dwarf sized woman who is more than she appears, and she takes him into hiding. There he begins training for combat with an unruly group of supernaturally gifted teens who want to put an end to Samael's evil reign. Feeling lost, alone, and angry at the world, Gabriyel must learn to control his temper and put aside his less-than-fond opinion of the group, in order to save Rhet. He needs their help. And soon he discovers there is more that binds him to this band of questionable heroes than the common enemy they share.
Impenetrable, is a YA epic fantasy with Christian roots woven through the plot. Complete at 60,000 words, this novel, puts a unique spin on the classic story of the 40 days of temptation Christ suffered, but written from the POV of a hot headed disciple. Based on your interest in (put my heavily researched information about books they represent, and what they are looking for) I believe this story is the right fit for you.Thank you for your time.
Amber Mauldin
That's it.
Please keep in mind that today is just for introductions. I'm saving my feedback for tomorrow, and would appreciate it if you all could do the same.
22 comments:
I know I'm not supposed to say anything today, but I can't help it... wow!
Awesome! Thanks so much for your help :) (And anyone else who wants to jump in and help this newbie with her first completed novel. Eek)
Hey Amber!
Thanks for sharing Amber.
Hey Alex :)
I'm eager to see the feedback on this one. I'm also curious how the Christian fiction market is compared to the market for traditional fiction.
I am curious myself. My story is meant to be enjoyed by all, much like 'The Lord of the Rings', but Christians should be able to see the symbolism. Or at least I hope...but I'm not even sure if I should query it as Christian fiction- because it is high fantasy...no where does it mention Christ, everything is symbolic- not literal.
Thanks Natalie, I'm excited to hear all of the wonderful suggestions tomorrow.
Hi Amber,nice to meet you.
Sounds like a cool story Amber:)
Wow...great query. I can see where it could use some overall "tightening" but I'm quite certain that will be noted tomorrow, and the end product will rock. Great work, Amber.
I honestly am not a LOTR fan or anything of that nature, but I appreciate the sci-fi/fantasy genre. I also don't particularly look for Christian based writings, but this story is very interesting since I am a huge comic nerd. Give me anti-heroes with supernatural powers any day. This novel will have a huge consumer reach. Great work, Amber!
Hi Amber! That Christian bit made me go back in and re-read. :D Will tune back in tomorrow!
Hi Amber! Great query and your story sounds intriguing. Can't wait for the critique.
Thanks everyone for the comments. I find myself wanting to critique it too. hehe It's funny how you can write something and think it's good, then a week later think it has a million mistakes. Ha, thus is the life of a writer...so glad I have you all and this amazing blogging community to help me along the way :) (Oh and if anyone is interested there are snippets of this story in my latest several posts- for bloghop contests all last week and this week.)
Wow. That sounds really good!
Hi,
I'm your 1,100th follower!
Why not take a look at my page,
"Frank's Christian Thoughts"?
I hope you will find my blogs encouraging.
Frank.
Interesting. I'll have to check this out.
Hi there, Amber! Thanks for putting yourself out there. See you all tomorrow!
Thanks everyone for the support. It is so wonderful that you all have taken time to read over and make mental notes for tomorrow :) looking forward to all the critiques- Matt's especially- since he's a query mastermind :)
I think this was one if the most difficult queries yo critique I've seen yet. Good solid suggestions.
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