Thursday, September 1, 2011

Stephen Tremp's Current Query

Okay. Today I'm helping Stephen Tremp with the query letter he's written for OPENING, the second installment of his Breakthrough trilogy. I hosted Stephen on his original blog tour, the post for which you can find here.

Today is just the query, and my critique will follow tomorrow. Please save your feedback until then as well.

Here's his query:

Chase Manhattan has just been rescued from certain death in Boston. His talented team of California-based comrades, contriving and executing a bold and daring plot, managed to thwart his execution by a group of psychopathic M.I.T. grad students. These gifted zealots are on a mission to stop a new global order of aristocracy by the super-rich egregious elite and instead establish a scientific oligarchy. They will murder anyone who stands in their way, using to their exclusive advantage a stolen technological innovation of future altering eminence—wormholes. Chase and his band have blocked and counterpunched, stymieing the M.I.T. maniacs temporarily; but their problems have just begun. More challenges and a diverse array of new villains await them in the second installment of Stephen Tremp’s action suspense Breakthrough Trilogy—where science meets the supernatural.

As if tampering with wormholes in unchartered spatial realms—a key plot dilemma in Breakthrough—wasn’t enough trouble, in Opening, the na├»ve use of wormholes unlocks Pandora’s Box, unleashing demonic forces of Biblical, Armageddon magnitude. Chase, and a cast of diabolical villains competing for control of this reality-shaking discovery, are compelled to consider concepts of parallel dimensions—impugning their perception of the universe and humanity’s place in it.

The action and adventure for Chase enters the global stage where the geopolitical scene is almost overnight thrust into what appears to the unsuspecting population to be an inevitable World War III—but it’s much worse than even that. The aggressing China’s leadership has been usurped by a military leader who is now possessed by an archfiend from hell and its army is backed up by a demonic host of death angels on a mission to kill the entire human race. Love, sacrifice, greed, betrayal, and spiritual contemplation define this thriller of science run amok. Chase Manhattan must discover a depth of courage and rely on the strength of his soul mate, Susan Anderson, and the rest of their group if he is to destroy a technology mankind is clearly not ready for.

I have a BSB in Information Systems and an MBA in Global Management, and have worked for some of the world’s largest banking institutions such as General Electric, Deutsche Bank, and E*Trade Bank. This background allows me to weave a particular complexity into this unique thriller. BREAKTHROUGH will appeal to fans of Dean Koontz, Dan Brown, Stephen King, and Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child.

So that's it for today.

Except for this: if you missed Diane's blog post yesterday, you should go have a look. Alex, Talli, and I were talking blogging and comments with Diane, and it turned into a great discussion!

21 comments:

Jessica Bell said...

Sounds amazing. Tad long ... but still amazing :o)

Sarah Pearson said...

I'll be interested to see what comments you make on this one Matt, I might even get here in time to say something useful myself. (Maybe!)

Suzie F. said...

Great premise, Stephen. Looking forward to your critique, Matt.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

I will be back tomorrow!

Donna K. Weaver said...

I will definitely be back tomorrow.

Karen Lange said...

Looking forward to the critique, and to the book.

Enjoyed your post over at Diane's. Good stuff!

Old Kitty said...

Ooooh "aggressing China"? I know, I know save critiques for tomorrow, sorry!

But what a query! WOWZA!!! Yay!! Take care
x

Michael G-G said...

I'll be back!

Bish Denham said...

Hmmmmm,interesting.

Stephen Tremp said...

Thanks Matthew for posting this today, and thanks everyone for stopping by. I always appreciate feedback, the good the bad and the ugly. I have thick skin and won't get my feelings hurt.

I'll be checking in throughout the day to see what people have to say. Thanks again!

Carolyn V said...

It does sound interesting. And just enough info. ;)

Michael Offutt said...

Oooo I love these kinds of queries. I just wanted to say that "Chase Manhattan" may be a risky name for your character as it is the trademark name of a huge bank. They might have some issues with you using it in this context and read allegory (which could be very easy) into this possibly opening you up to some kind of libel. I think this kind of strays into uncomfortable territory for a writer.

Michael Offutt said...

Hmmm...I checked out that this is a sequel so nevermind. I guess my fears are unfounded. Stephen has a lot more courage than I would though. I just don't think I would name a character after a branded company like that. I'm trying to think of a situation like maybe calling an antagonist "Pepsi" and then have her poison people by working in a soda plant in her diabolical attempt to control the world.

Stephen Tremp said...

Michael and all, I've heard these concerns before and had them myself. Chase Manhattan is not trademarked in that it is a name in just about any telephone book in any mid to major city.

And here is a link as to how I cam up with that name:

http://stephentremp.blogspot.com/2010/07/name-game.html

Hilary Melton-Butcher said...

Hi Matthew - I'll be interested to read what you have to say tomorrow .. Stephen weaves some amazing fast-paced action into his first book .. and this one sounds as though he's emulating that and more .. it's certainly different.

Cheers for now .. Hilary

Kelly said...

Good luck, Stephen!

Misha said...

I really hope that I get to come back tomorrow. I always learn a lot from the query crits. But I have a long day at class tomorrow, so I'm not sure if I'll make it. :-(

maine character said...

Supernatural thriller - cool!

Munk said...

Baited.

Stephen Tremp said...

Although the Breakthrough trilogy is of the action genre, there are elements of numerous genres weaved throughout the story. Near future sci - fi, comedy, techno thriller, and even a love story (ahhhhh!)

These additional genres simply rolled out of the story as I developed it. I had a lot of fun with it, and again look forward to reading Matthew's feedback and follower comments tomorrow.

Will Burke said...

I'mm looking forward to the break-down as well. The book sounds great, but I'm wondering if the letter should be less artisticly written and more clinical for the query letter.