KATANA

Okay, without further ado, here is another awesome guest post, this time by Cole Gibsen of Hair Dye & Samurai.

Please visit her blog and her website: www.colegibsen.com if you would like to find out more about her or her novel.

Her agent, Chris Richman, has agreed to have his name and emails included in the post. He is obviously an awesome agent but that does not mean that any of us should use his willingness to be involved in this post as an excuse to contact him outside the normal channels in any way. He is an agent with Upstart Crow Literary and they are accepting e-queries so simply visit here for details.

I’m not really going to critique her query much because as a novice, un-agented and unpublished author, what the hell do I know that could possibly help such an awesome, experienced and worldly author? If I do have anything to say it will be in red. Cole’s thoughts are in blue.

The query:

Dear Chris,

Your agency appeals to me because of your interest in young adult novels and for the reputation you’ve established for representing authors who have a passion for excellence and commitment.

I wrote the opening line this way, because at the time, Chris was just recently promoted to agent from intern. Being that he had no recent sales I didn’t know too much other than he was looking for “fantasy that doesn’t take itself too seriously”. So, instead of writing the first line about him, I made it about the agency.

Seventeen-year-old Rileigh Martin thought she was going to the mall to buy a toaster, she didn’t count on the life altering experience that came with it. After thwarting a mugging in the parking lot, Rileigh awakens the spirit of an ancient samurai warrior inside of her. As Rileigh fights to keep the spirit from taking her over completely, the appearance of a mysterious handsome martial arts instructor as well as an unknown enemy only increase her problems.

This entire paragraph about my book is three sentences. I’ve always heard to keep things short and sweet so that’s what I set out to do. Granted, keeping things short doesn’t allow for me to implement any “voice” in my query letter. But then, I, personally, always been a fan of the business letter query letter.

Okay I lied. I know I said I wouldn’t critique her query but I just have to say this: This paragraph is awesome. It’s perfect because it is short and sweet and gets to the point of the plot while including a tiny bit of voice AND giving some hints as to the comedy and romance elements she mentions later.

Remember, the query has only one purpose: to get the agent to read pages. Sure you ultimately want to be offered representation but that decision is based on the pages, not the query. Less is more.

KATANA is a young adult urban fantasy with elements of romance and comedy, complete at 70,000 words.

My adult urban fantasy short story, FED BY FIRE, took second place at the 2007 ARCHON/NASFIC convention.

I have no prior publication experience but was told how important it is to include an author bio. This sentence is it.

I would be happy to submit sample pages of KATANA upon your request.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Cole Gibsen

I sent this query out 67 times and received 9 partial request, 2 full requests, and 3 offers for representation.

I wonder why (no I don’t).

His reply to her query:

Hi Cole,

Thanks for thinking of me for KATANA. It's crazy--but crazy in an interesting way. I'd like to take a look at the rest of the story. Could you please upload it as a single MS Word document? Thanks!

Chris Richman

At the time Chris was still with Firebrand and he included a link to the Firebrand website where I was able to upload my MS.

His second email:

Hi Cole,

I wanted to shoot you a quick note to let you know that I'm about 90 pages into Katana and I'm enjoying it so far. If it holds up all the way through, the next step on my end would be bringing it to a meeting with the rest of my agency for their thoughts/approval. In the meantime, I was wondering if this story is currently in the hands of other agents and if you have other completed or planned projects? I know you mentioned something called Fed by Fire in your query; could you tell me more about that?

Thanks!

So, I wrote back:

Chris,

I am so glad you are enjoying KATANA. It was a blast to write. In fact, KATANA was so much fun to write that I have started book two and outlined book three. I currently envision a four book story arc for the series.

To answer your question, KATANA is in the hands of seven other agencies that requested partials.

FED BY FIRE is a short story that won second place in the ARCHON/NASFIC writers contest. It focuses on a young woman, Sierra, a pyrokentic who has difficulties controlling her abilities. Etc. Etc. Etc. (I didn’t actually write ETC, I just don’t want to bore people with the details).

Another idea that I have outlined and begun, BREATHLESS, Etc. Etc. Etc.

Lastly, I have DRAGON HEART DICE, a young adult work in progress. DRAGON HEART DICE is about a group of three boys and one girl who Etc. Etc. Etc.

I will quickly point out that I’m sure all of us novice writers would NOT be bored with these details and would probably gobble them up. That being said this post is long enough already. Please follow Cole’s blog to stay abreast of her projects.

I would be happy to discuss any or all of these with you in greater detail.

I look forward to talking with you.

Sincerely, Cole

His reply:

Hi Cole,

I've finished KATANA and discussed it with my colleagues. I really enjoyed the story and especially the voice in the writing. I think you have the makings of a very strong project that, with a little tweaking, could turn into something really great. I'd like to set up a time to talk to you about representation. When would be the best time to reach you? Oh, and I guess having your phone number would help, too.

I look forward to talking to you,

Chris Richman

Chris was the first agent to offer representation, so at this point I just screamed like a fan girl and emailed him my number. I’d been querying this novel and another for over the course of two years and a hundred rejections. This was definitely a dream come true.

This is so amazing that I’m not even afraid to admit it makes my eyes grow slightly moist. I mean I don’t even know Cole personally but I know enough to know that she is an awesome person and a great writer who certainly deserves success. Congratulations are due!

So that’s it for the post and Cole’s correspondence with Chris, at least as far as she shared with me. Please take a moment to thank both of them in the comments.

Otherwise what do you all think? I know I’ll be revising my query to make it much shorter and more concise and then querying Chris someday (if I can ever cut my MS to a reasonable size).