Laura Stephenson's Kickstarter for The Complete Guide to Being Evil

Laura is a friend of mine and a blogging pal. She's been on here before with query letters, and now she has decided to self-publish her book, The Complete Guide to Being Evil. In order to do it right, she has created a Kickstarter campaign.

You know what Kickstarter is, right? I wrote a little about it here.

Anyway, check out Laura's video:



And then you can read more, and see the rewards, here.

Double Post Day!

I know, I never blog any more. So today, I blogged twice!

I'll try to get through this as quickly as possible, because I'm slammed at work. Anyway, if you have time, you can find me:

Talking about my favorite Roald Dahl books at Project Middle Grade Mayhem, or:

Unreviewing Reality Boy, by A.S. King, at YA Confidential.

That's it! Thanks.

Kodi Ross's Current Query Critiqued

All righty then, today we have Kodi's query again, this time with my feedback, in blue.

Here's the letter:

Dear Agent (Why I am querying)

(Why you are querying) I'm sure you meant to move this line down here, but just to be sure. Also, I've said many times I prefer personalization at the end, so I won't harp on it any longer.

Seventeen-year-old Mihael This is a weird spelling, but I see from the rest of the query it's on purpose. Wrath This name feels a little too obvious to me, but that's not really query critique territory. is the son of the most powerful Sin in the Demon Realm, but if he doesn’t turn into a full demon by his eighteenth birthday, he’ll be just another blood splatter on the sacrificial altar.

Okay. I like this. I have no idea what a Sin is, or how turning into a full demon works, but it doesn't really matter, because this is just the hook. I'm hoping we get an idea what Mihael is before becoming a full demon (half-demon? no-demon?), but I'm sure you'll get to that.

With his crucial birthday looming and not even a demonic roar inside him, See? I knew we could count on you. No-demon it is. Mihael discovers his father’s plans to launch the Apocalypse and make the AntiChrist rise, with Mihael’s split You really mean split, not spilled, right? blood being a key part of that plan.

I think you need to clarify what you mean here. You mention Mihael being murdered in the opening hook, but then this paragraph confuses it. Is he some kind of demon-human hybrid? If so, you need to say so. If not, you need to explain what he is.

With brains, guile, and a powerful aid, Like another character? This is vague. Mihael escapes from his father’s demonic clutches. His only hope lies in the human world, in his new allies(, Oxford comma) and the answers he’ll find there. He joins up with an unstable psychic and her half-angel friend, who he finds are also being hunted by his father, Wrath. You don't need this. Just "father" is sufficient. Also, are the psychic and the half-angel the same characters who were the "powerful aid?"

With few clues to guide them, Mihael and his friends must find a way to fight back against Wrath his father’s horde of demons. Though hopelessly outmatched, they have a weapon Wrath he doesn’t. If they figure out how to use it correctly, they might just have a chance at stopping Armageddon.

HALF-BREEDS AND OTHER LIABILITIES is a 80,000 word YA Urban Fantasy novel that will appeal to fans of Holly Black’s WHITE CAT White Cat and Cassandra Clare’s THE MORTAL INSTRUMENTS: CITY OF BONES The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones. It is a standalone with series potential.

Thank you for your time.

Okay. You're off to a good start here. You've got some cool elements, and you certainly cover a clear conflict, and imply a decent choice, but you need to focus this query more. Avoid vague-ness, and focus on specificity.

Also, I get that his father is Wrath, and that Mihael shares his surname, but I would suggest keeping that out of the query. It would just confuse things.

That's it!

What do you all think?

Kodi Ross's Current Query

We've had Kodi on before, so let's get right to:

Her query:

Dear Agent (Why I am querying)

Seventeen-year-old Mihael Wrath is the son of the most powerful Sin in the Demon Realm, but if he doesn’t turn into a full demon by his eighteenth birthday, he’ll be just another blood splatter on the sacrificial altar.

With his crucial birthday looming and not even a demonic roar inside him, Mihael discovers his father’s plans to launch the Apocalypse and make the AntiChrist rise, with Mihael’s split blood being a key part of that plan.

With brains, guile, and a powerful aid, Mihael escapes from his father’s demonic clutches. His only hope lies in the human world, in his new allies and the answers he’ll find there. He joins up with an unstable psychic and her half-angel friend, who he finds are also being hunted by his father, Wrath.

With few clues to guide them, Mihael and his friends must find a way to fight back against Wrath’s horde of demons. Though hopelessly outmatched, they have a weapon Wrath doesn’t. If they figure out how to use it correctly, they might just have a chance at stopping Armageddon.

HALF-BREEDS AND OTHER LIABILITIES is a 80,000 word YA Urban Fantasy novel that will appeal to fans of Holly Black’s WHITE CAT and Cassandra Clare’s THE MORTAL INSTRUMENTS: CITY OF BONES. It is a standalone with series potential.

Thank you for your time.

That's it!

Please thank her for sharing, and save your feedback for tomorrow.

Indiestructable!

ONLY 99c TO HELP SUPPORT THE INDIE AUTHOR & AN AMAZING CHARITY!

by Jessica Bell

The day I realized I’d been obsessing over my sales figures way too much was the day I closed my eyes and tried to think about the real reason I am an indie author.

Is my primary goal to make money? No. So why do I keep obsessing over my sales stats? I realized it’s because more sales means more people reading my work. What I really really want is to be read. I want to share the one thing in this world I would cut my fingers off for. I know. If I didn’t have any fingers, I wouldn’t be able to physically write, but you know what I mean.

My passion for writing comes with a perpetual replacement button, attached to my side seam, just in case it becomes unraveled, and falls off, after a day gallivanting through the publishing jungle. It can be tough in there, but in the end, being an indie author is OH SO WORTH IT.

This made me wonder …  what’s everybody else’s story?

Then Indiestructible was born.

Need motivation and inspiration to self-publish, or sign that contract with an interested small press? Have you done all the research you can, but still feel ambivalent about the idea? Indiestructible: Inspiring Stories from the Publishing Jungle brings you the experiences of 29 indie authors—their passions, their insights, their successes—to help you make the leap into indie publishing.

This is not a how-to guide. This is the best of the indie tradition of experienced authors paying forward what they’ve learned, giving you information to help you on your journey. The personal essays in this book will leave you itching to get your work into the hands of readers and experience, first-hand, all the rewards indie publishing has to offer.

Not only is this anthology packed full of interesting, unique, and genuinely helpful information, and totally worth the 99c (only 99c!!!), 100% of proceeds will be donated to BUILDON.org, a movement which breaks the cycle of poverty, illiteracy, and low expectations through service and education.

Pretty amazing, huh?

What are you waiting for?

Buy Indiestructible—support the indie author and an amazing charity—TODAY!

CLICK HERE TO PURCHASE INDIESTRUCTIBLE

eBook: $0.99 USD
Publisher: Vine Leaves Press
ISBN 10: 0987593102
ISBN 13: 9780987593108
Language: English

Edited & Compiled: by Jessica Bell

Contributing authors:

Alex J. Cavanaugh <> Angela Brown <> Anne R. Allen <> Briane Pagel <> C.S. Lakin <> Ciara Knight <> Cindy M. Hogan <> D. Robert Pease <> Dawn Ius <> Emily White <> Greg Metcalf <> Jadie Jones <> Jessica Bell <> Karen Bass <> Karen Walker <> Kristie Cook <> Laura Diamond <> Laura Pauling <> Laurel Garver <> Leigh Talbert Moore <> Lori Robinson <> Melissa Foster <> Michael Offutt <> Michelle Davidson Argyle <> Rick Daley <> Roz Morris <> S.R. Johannes <> Stephen Tremp <> Susan Kaye Quinn

About Jessica Bell:

The Australian-native contemporary fiction author, poet, and singer/songwriter/guitarist, Jessica Bell, also makes a living as an editor and writer for global ELT publishers (English Language Teaching), such as Pearson Education, HarperCollins, Macmillan Education, Education First and Cengage Learning.

She is the co-publishing editor of Vine Leaves Literary Journal, and the director of the Homeric Writers’ Retreat & Workshop on the Greek island of Ithaca.

Connect with Jessica online:

Website | Blog | Facebook | Twitter

CassaStorm, by Alex J. Cavanaugh Releases Tomorrow!

Alex said we could ask him a question as thanks for hosting him on his Taking the World by Storm tour. I probably should have asked him what he looks like, but instead I asked him: How many robots did you have to program to visit 500 blogs every day?

Take it away, Alex ...

I only had to program the clone machine. Once it produced enough clones, I assigned each one a task of visiting twenty a day. It’s worked well so far ...

And if you buy the cloning thing, then I have this really cool bridge to sell you. It’s currently in Arizona ...

CassaStorm

By Alex J Cavanaugh

From the Amazon Best Selling Series!

A storm gathers across the galaxy…

Commanding the Cassan base on Tgren, Byron thought he’d put the days of battle behind him. As a galaxy-wide war encroaches upon the desert planet, Byron’s ideal life is threatened and he’s caught between the Tgrens and the Cassans.

After enemy ships attack the desert planet, Byron discovers another battle within his own family. The declaration of war between all ten races triggers nightmares in his son, threatening to destroy the boy’s mind.

Meanwhile the ancient alien ship is transmitting a code that might signal the end of all life in the galaxy. And the mysterious probe that almost destroyed Tgren twenty years ago could return. As his world begins to crumble, Byron suspects a connection. The storm is about to break, and Byron is caught in the middle…

“CassaStorM is a touching and mesmerizing space opera full of action and emotion with strong characters and a cosmic mystery.” – Edi’s Book Lighhouse 

“With a talent for worldbuilding and a compelling cast of characters, Alex J. Cavanaugh combines high powered space battles and the challenges of family dynamics to provide readers a space opera with heart.” 
- Elizabeth S. Craig, author of the Southern Quilting and Myrtle Clover mysteries

“I thought the revelation was going to be one thing and I was completely wrong … CassaStorm pushes the limits…”
- Tyson Mauermann, Speculative Reviews

$16.95 USA, 6x9 Trade paperback, 268 pages, Dancing Lemur Press, L.L.C.

Science fiction/adventure and science fiction/space opera

Print ISBN 9781939844002 eBook ISBN 9781939844019

$4.99 EBook available in all formats

Find CassaStorm:

Barnes and Noble - http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/books/1116848619?ean=9781939844002

Amazon -

http://www.amazon.com/CassaStorm-Alex-J-Cavanaugh/dp/1939844002/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1378484337&sr=1-1&keywords=cassastorm

Amazon Kindle - http://www.amazon.com/CassaStorm-ebook/dp/B00F2O9QMC/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1378811366&sr=1-1&keywords=cassastorm

Goodreads - http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/17670532-cassastorm

Here's the trailer:



Alex J. Cavanaugh has a Bachelor of Fine Arts degree and works in web design and graphics. He is experienced in technical editing and worked with an adult literacy program for several years. A fan of all things science fiction, his interests range from books and movies to music and games. Online he is the Ninja Captain and founder of the Insecure Writer’s Support Group. The author of the Amazon bestsellers, CassaStar and CassaFire, he lives in the Carolinas with his wife.

Website – http://alexjcavanaugh.blogspot.com/
Twitter – http://twitter.com/AlexJCavanaugh
Goodreads - http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4287922.Alex_J_Cavanaugh

Traci Kenworth's Current Query Critiqued

Today we have Traci's query again, this time with my feedback, in blue.

The letter:

Dear:

Personalization.

Personllay (see what I did there?) I subscribe to the Janet Reid method, which basically says that nothing matters more than story. In other words, save your personalization for the end. The reason for this is simple, a mediocre query may be overlooked if the pages are stellar enough, but no amount of personalization is going to sell a mediocre manuscript. So in other words, get right to what matters: story.

Caveat: obviously different agents have different preferences, if you happen to know what they prefer, certainly stick with that.

Eighteen-year-old Native-American, I don't believe you hyphenate Native American, and furthermore, it feels a little ... insensitive. I mean, I get what you're going for, and I LOVE POC in the books I read, but if the most important aspect of his character is his race ... you're in trouble. I'm sure it doesn't work that way in the book, but including it in the query seems a bit forced. Thomas Skyhawk wants out of the Supernatural hunter business. I like this. A hint of world, AND some built in conflict. Good start. Since a failed mission three years ago, he’s wrestled with being an Akara guard, but he can’t simply walk away from a job that’s been his family’s occupation for generations. There’s also his padina, or blood brother, to consider. They’ve come up through the ranks together, leaving. Leaving would be a betrayal of that friendship. Thomas always met the challenges before but now in 2021, a new creature has been born into the 2021 eastern Tennessee lands, one who knows Thomas’s name, and marks him and those he loves for death.

Okay. So this isn't bad, but I'm concerned you have a bit much here. I like what you're trying to do by mentioning Thomas is Native American, but I'm afraid that's the wrong detail to go with. Something else about his character, about who he is before what happens to him starts ... happening, would go a long way toward making your reader sympathize with him.

Then ... the details about his family and his brother and the creature are good, but I feel like you take too many words to get it all out. You want your opening paragraph to introduce a character, and then get as quickly and as hookily to an inciting incident as you can. Obviously certain details cannot be skipped, but if you can tighten this paragraph up, you'd be in better shape.

To make matters worse, his people are becoming uncomfortably close to the local ghost population, Oh wow. Ghosts too? Okay. his own mother turns out to be a witch hell-bent on his destruction, And witches? Got it. and his longlost half-sister has been groomed by a cult to infiltrate and destroy his village. And cultists? So it's like Resident Evil meets TrueBlood? I like it. In a world where enemies lurk beneath even the friendliest faces, Great line. Thomas must use everything he has to not only survive but to save his people from an evil that threatens to engulf them. This last clause is kind of meh. It's not only vague, but it's implicitly understood anyway. For one thing, what is everything Thomas has? Does he have powers? Tech? Magic? Poisonous farts? Whatever it is, be specific. And furthermore, which evil? The creature? The cult? The ghosts? You need to work on making exactly what the conflict is crystal clear. You've got a lot of cool elements included here, but there's very little sense of how it all goes down.

I’m a Lit Intern at Month9Books. I blog at http://www.tracikenworth.wordpress.com. I would move these details into or after your word count and genre paragraph. You can see how I do my own queries, here.

LIFE AS THE WALKING DEAD is a NA Horror manuscript at of (or, complete at) 72,000 words. I believe it would appeal to the fans of ghost-hunter, Cas, Anna Dressed in Blood and Girls of Nightmares by Kendare Blake as well perhaps, to those of the hit CW show, Supernatural. I'm confused by these comparisons. People who've read them probably won't be, but I can't tell what's a title and what's a character. Titles of published works go in italics in a query letter.

Sincerely,

Traci Crites

Writing as Traci Kenworth

Okay, in summary, you've got what is clearly a very cool world going here. From Van Helsing to Vampire Hunter D, I'm a sucker for characters who hunt evil (or monsters, whatever), but ... there really is no clear sense of plot. It's almost like you've got two-thirds of a query letter here. You've got your character, his world, and inciting incident, more details of the world and some hints at who the antagonist might be, but then ... you just end it. What is the main conflict? You vaguely mention evil engulfing Thomas' people, but we've got no idea which evil, or how they go about it.

Obviously, with no sense of the main conflict, it's difficult to move on to choice, but that's actually the least critical of the three Cs. However, don't despair. You've got something good going here, it just needs a little work. Your world is well imagined, and exciting. You've got a good start on a sense of character, and some excellent bits of writing. If you can just work on fleshing out the final third of this query, I think you'd be in great shape.

That's it!

What do you all think? Please share your feedback in the comments, and thank Traci for being so brave to share her query letter with us.

Traci Kenworth's Current Query

Hey ya'll, happy Thursday! Sorry this is going up so late, but I got into the office late today. Anyway, today we have Traci's query. If you don't know her, drop by her blog and say hello!

The letter:

Dear:

Personalization.

Eighteen-year-old Native-American, Thomas Skyhawk wants out of the Supernatural hunter business. Since a failed mission three years ago, he’s wrestled with being an Akara guard, but he can’t simply walk away from a job that’s been his family’s occupation for generations. There’s also his padina, or blood brother, to consider. They’ve come up through the ranks together, leaving would be a betrayal of that friendship. Thomas always met the challenges before but now, a new creature has been born into the 2021 eastern Tennessee lands, one who knows Thomas’s name, and marks him and those he loves for death.

To make matters worse, his people are becoming uncomfortably close to the local ghost population, his own mother turns out to be a witch hell-bent on his destruction, and his longlost half-sister has been groomed by a cult to infiltrate and destroy his village. In a world where enemies lurk beneath even the friendliest faces, Thomas must use everything he has to not only survive but to save his people from an evil that threatens to engulf them.

I’m a Lit Intern at Month9Books. I blog at http://www.tracikenworth.wordpress.com.

LIFE AS THE WALKING DEAD is a NA Horror manuscript at 72,000 words. I believe it would appeal to the fans of ghost-hunter, Cas, Anna Dressed in Blood and Girls of Nightmares by Kendare Blake as well perhaps, to those of the hit CW show, Supernatural.

Sincerely,

Traci Crites

Writing as Traci Kenworth

That's it!

Please save your feedback for tomorrow.

YA Confidential Unreview of Where Things Come Back, by John Corey Whaley

I hate writing these tiny little posts just to send you all somewhere else, but I'm over at YA Confidential today, recommending Where Things Come Back, by John Corey Whaley. I'd appreciate it if you'd all drop by.

Kay Em Evans' World Race Mission: Auctions Open

We’ve got some awesome gift sets to be auctioned and raffled. It’s really easy, and I’ll explain exactly what to do.

All proceeds go to our friend Kay Em Evan’s WORLD RACE MISSION. Kay is going on an 11-month mission to Central and South America, where she’ll be doing ministry and humanitarian work. She’s got to raise a lot of money, so let’s help her out!

Bid on these amazing gift sets and enter to win one of the incredible raffle prizes! We’re even giving away RUNNER UP PRIZES, so there will be lots of winners by the end of the contest!

We’ve got two AUCTIONS to bid on:

AUCTION #1

Abby Road Gift Set

Winner receives an autographed copy of Abby Road by Ophelia London! Comes with Abby swag, and the winner will also get copies of Ophelia’s other titles (both in ebook format): Speaking of Love and Playing at Love. And since Abby Road has a Beatles-y type of theme, Ophelia’s going to include some Beatles swag too!

If you’re a Beatles fan, or if you just love romance-y novels, this auction item is for you! Ophelia London fans, you’ll definitely want to bid on this unique gift set! We’re using Ebay since it’s a dedicated auction site, so just go to the listing to place your bid:

http://www.ebay.com/itm/200959695632?ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1555.l2649

Starting Bid: $16

AUCTION #2

Dragonfly Gift Set

Winner receives an autographed copy of Leigh T. Moore’s Watercolor (book 3 in the DRAGONFLY series). Comes with books 1 and 2 in the DRAGONFLY series (both in ebook format) plus your choice from any of Leigh’s other titles (choice of one, also in ebook format):

The Truth about Faking – YA romantic comedy

The Truth about Letting Go – YA coming of age; Semifinalist, 2013 "Best Indie Book Awards" sponsored by The Kindle Book Review

Rouge – New Adult romantic suspense & Quarterfinalist, 2013 Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award

If you’re a Leigh T. Moore fan, or if you just love a good YA book, this is the auction item for you! Start bidding to win this amazing gift set! We’re using Ebay since it’s a dedicated auction site, so just go to the listing to place your bid:

http://www.ebay.com/itm/200959699207?ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1555.l2649

Starting Bid: $16

RUNNER UP PRIZES – for second highest bidder in each auction

One of the following:

Autographed copy of S.A. Bodeen’s The Raft (or)

Ophelia London’s Playing at Love or Speaking of Love in ebook format (or)

The Tao of Travel by Paul Theroux (or)

A Short History of Almost Everything by Bill Bryce

And we’ve got two RAFFLES you can enter:

RAFFLE #1

The RaShelle Workman Gift Set

The winner of this raffle drawing receives a 15-page critique by RaShelle plus any TWO of RaShelle’s books: 1 autographed copy and 1 in ebook format (winner’s choice!). Here are the titles the winner can choose from:

Blood and Snow

Sleeping Roses

Touching Melody

Exiled – Immortal Essence #1

Beguiled – Immortal Essence #2

This gift set is truly one of a kind! RaShelle is an experienced author, and she knows what editors are looking for—let her help you nail your opening pages so agents and editors will be begging to see more! If you don’t need a critique but know someone who does, you can team up with that person to enter this raffle: you keep the books, your friend gets the critique. BAM. Easy as that. J

To enter this raffle, just go to Kay’s mission blog and make a TAX-DEDUCTIBLE donation of $10: kayemevans.theworldrace.org. Click SUPPORT ME at the top of the page, and you’ll be redirected to Kay’s donation page at Adventures in Missions. Donations can be made by credit card or bank draft.

NOTE: For every $5 more you donate, you’ll receive EXTRA ENTRIES in the drawing!

RAFFLE #2

The Kay Em Evans Ultimate Critique Package

The winner of this raffle receives an ultimate critique package by Kay Em Evans: one-page query, two-page synopsis, and first 10,000 words of manuscript. The finalized query will be featured on Matthew MacNish’s Quintessentially Questionable Query Experiment with breakdown and analysis. Package comes with a copy of SCENE & STRUCTURE (Elements of Fiction Writing) by Jack M. Bickham.

To enter this raffle, all you have to do is buy one of Kay’s APOSTLE t-shirts! These soft, comfy tees are a great way to show support for Kay’s mission, they come in both men’s and women’s styles, and they’re free shipping: www.HeartsAndStars.org.

RUNNER UP PRIZES – to be awarded to secondary names drawn in each raffle:

Choice of the following:

Autographed ARC of Jessica Bell’s latest book BITTER AS ORANGE PEEL (or)

Critique of choice: query or opening pages of manuscript – to be provided by Matthew MacNish/Kay Em Evans (or)

Autographed copy of The Straits of Galahesh (Book Two of the Lays of Anuskaya) by Bradley P. Beaulieu (or)

Any of S.A. Bodeen’s titles (limit 1, ebook format)