Thursday, January 31, 2013

Patricia Moussatche's Current Query

I've had Patricia on before. Now she's back, with a revision.

Here's the query:

Dear [Agent Name],

David and Catrine, top governance graduates from the Academy of Demia, are more than friends and schoolmates--they are a team. At least until the day she kisses him on the way to their proposal defense. It is the kind of kiss that makes a guy forget his speech. Catrine steps in to salvage their pitch, and earns for herself the directorship of the new program they proposed.


When David notices the tiny tattoo hidden beneath Catrine's hair, he is convinced she is next in line for a hereditary throne that should not exist on their school-planet. David is appalled by the discovery that a single family has been ruling Demia in secret since colonization. Demia is the center of knowledge in the galaxy. It is supposed to value merit, not birthright.

As the utopia he has always cherished crumbles into a school-boy’s fantasy, David realizes his parents want to institute marriage on the planet by wedding him to Catrine. They want to crown him the first king of Demia. If he exposes the ploy, David will ruin both his and Catrine's chances of ever governing their planet. He can only hope his governance degree will be worth something at the other end of the galaxy. But Catrine cannot forget him, nor does she believe Demia can prosper without him. And she might just be the bait to lure him back home.

THE LEGACY OF THE EYE, complete at 86,000 words, is science fiction with romantic components. LEGACY has a literary bent and was inspired by Plato’s Republic. It will appeal to those who think Jane Austen should have penned 1984.

That's it.

Please thank Patricia for sharing, and save your feedback for tomorrow.

10 comments:

Em-Musing said...

Story sounds intriguing. I'll be back tomorrow.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

I'll be back!

Patchi said...

Thanks Matt! Can't wait to read your comments :)

Mia Hayson said...

Very interesting premise! Thank you for sharing, Patricia!

I will totes return tomorrow.

<3

Aurora Smith said...

More? Want more!

Tasha Seegmiller said...

This is a really cool concept. Looking forward to your feedback tomorrow.

Al Diaz said...

Will have to check this out tomorrow.

Angela Brown said...

I finally have a chance to check out some queries. I've missed seeing these on the regular. Thanks to Patricia for sharing her query and Matt, look forward to tomorrow's feedback.

Nancy LaRonda Johnson said...

Seeing these queries do help. Thanks for sharing.

I think it's quite intriguing and grabs you in the beginning. The second to last paragraph had me stalled for a bit. The first sentence ("As the utopia he has always cherished...) is a bit awkward and I had to reread it several times to understand what's being said.

But I think it's good overall.

Michael Offutt, Speculative Fiction Author said...

I plan to be back tomorrow. Nice meeting you Patricia.