The QQQE Creature Compendium Volume V: Dragonkind

I'm not actually here. I mean I am somewhere, but I'm not here, at my desk at work, desperately refreshing my inbox hoping for your comments to pop up.

I'm kidding. I don't do that. Well, at least not all the time.

I'm in San Diego, at the World Fantasy Convention, with my CP Simon C. Larter, and awesome blogger friends like Carolina Miller, Sara McClung, and Stephanie Loree.

We're probably wasted right now. Or at least I am. Anyway, enough about me and the convention, this is the final Creature Compendium post I have for you guys, so I figured I'd make it a good one.

Dragons are the all time most awesome monster ever dreamed up, and even if you don't like to think of them as monsters (I get it, I do) it's still fun to discuss the different types, and even some other creatures that are similar to Dragons.

Red Dragon: The largest, most fearsome, and angriest of all Dragons, the Red Dragon is a terrible beast to behold. It is also probably the most famous of any type of Dragon, epitomized by Wyrms the likes of Smaug, Ember, and Thorn. Red Dragons have massive heads, gaping maws, and the most enormous wingspan of any creature that ever graced the skies. Their breath weapon is pure flame, and their lairs reek of smoke and sulfur.

Blue Dragon: Blue Dragons are the second most powerful chromatic Dragons. They are more agile in flight than any other Dragon, and they combine this skill with their lightning breath attack to dominate in aerial battles. They tend to dig their lairs into cliff-sides bordering on deserts or badlands, and their caves smell of sand, or ozone. They prefer to feed on beasts of burden like camels, oxen, or horses, but they will eat humans, and even desert plants if the need arises. They are infamous for using their powers of hallucination to trick travelers into drinking sand or losing themselves in the endless wastes of their homelands.

Green Dragon: The Green Dragon is the most cunning, and unpredictable kind of Dragon. They live in forested hills and cliffs, and are especially fond of hording magical weapons, armor, and jeweled crowns. They are long and slim, and can fly like all Dragons, but prefer to trick their prey into entering their lair for combat. Their breath is a cloud of poisonous Chlorine gas, a most dangerous weapon because it can seep around corners, and in through cracks in armor.

Black Dragon: Black Dragons are generally smaller than their more colorful counterparts, and make their homes in bogs and swamps, preferably among the broken stones of ancient ruins. They are the cruelest of all Dragons and enjoy taunting and torturing their prey. They like to attack from underwater, taking any travelers unfortunate enough to be nearby unawares. Their breath weapon is a cone of acid that can eat through even the sturdiest plate mail. The most famous Black Wyrm of all time was most likely Ancalagon The Black, from the First Age of Middle Earth.

White Dragon: The smallest and weakest of the colored Dragons, White Dragons make their homes in arctic mountain ranges, in caves with walls of ice. They are less intelligent, and more feral than their cousins. Their breath attack is a line of frost or shards of ice, and they will not eat any prey unless it is already frozen.

Metallic Dragon: In Dungeons & Dragons, and in worlds like Krynn, from Dragonlance, colorful Dragons are considered evil. Monsters who will almost always attack on sight. Their counterparts, good Dragons, who will aid good men in their quests for peace and justice, are said to be Dragons with metallic colored scales. They can be silver, gold, bronze, brass, copper, or even platinum. They are highly intelligent, adept in magic, and can speak in many tongues. Their breath weapons vary by their color, but they are known for being able to spit more than one type of magical exhalation from their mouths.

NOTE: Dungeons & Dragons and many related fictional worlds have always considered colored Dragons evil, and metallic Dragons good. That doesn't mean we must do the same in our own fiction. I see no reason why a blue or red Dragon could not be just as wise and benevolent as any other, it simply depends on the rules of the world you build around your story.

Asian Dragon: Asian Dragons are long, serpentine wingless creatures, and yet they can fly nonetheless. Unlike European legends, Asian folklore considers the Dragon to be an auspicious symbol, and a creature of great wisdom. Asian Dragons can be green, or red, or even yellow, and are often pictured with majestic beards, mustaches, and whiskers. Whether or not they breathe fire varies from culture to culture, but the Dragon is celebrated throughout Asia as a beast of great good, fortune and luck.

Wyvern: A Wyvern is a vaguely Dragon-esque, reptilian winged creature that unlike a Dragon has only two hind legs. They can fly, but are much smaller than Dragons, and do not have the ability to breathe fire, or any other breath attack. They have jointed, barbed, and poisonous tails, very similar to what is found on a scorpion. They are notorious for being vicious, as well as unintelligent.

Basilisk: Not really technically a Dragon, the Basilisk is a gargantuan reptilian creature of legend that is worthy of mention in any discussion breaking down Dragons. Basilisks do not have wings, but can vary from being giant legless snake-like wyrms to enormous, eight-legged lizard like creatures. The one feature that has never been disputed is their ability to kill with but a glance of their deadly gaze. In folklore the nature of this death is not always specified, but in D&D a Basilisk's stare will turn you to stone. Basilisks were feared and famous long before Harry Potter, but the Chamber of Secrets is certainly a great portrayal of their deadly power.

Hydra: The original Hydra, the Lernaean Hydra from Greek Mythology, was a sea serpent like creature from the mortal plane, with reptilian traits, and many heads. In Dungeons & Dragons a Hydra is typically said to simply be a Dragon with many heads. They are most often depicted with five heads (sometimes of varying color, like Takhisis, a goddess in the world of Dragonlance) but the important thing is that however many heads they start with, if one is severed, two will quickly grow back in its place.

If you read the newest Dungeons & Dragons Monster Manuals you will find more types of dragons than you could ever keep track of. Every thing from Chromatic Dragons (the colors listed above), to metallic, gem, ferrous, Lung, Planar, and even Undead Dragons. Dragons are probably the coolest creature ever invented in the memory of human legend, and considering that DRAGONS ARE REAL, I suppose this exhaustive list is necessary, but we just don't have time for it here.

That's it for the Creature Compendium! I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.

NOTE: My bookshelf, along with photographic evidence of how awesome it is, is being featured at Amy's blog today. You can see it here.

The QQQE Creature Compendium Volume IV: Giantkind

Word up. Time for another monster post (as in: about monsters, not a long-ass diatribe).

The introduction to this series is: here.

If you're too lazy busy to check that post, I'll sum up. All week long I've been introducing you, dear readers, to monsters that you can incorporate into your fiction. I have discovered these creatures through painstakingly sleepless nights filled with research and ... okay. That's a lie. I already knew about 90% of these beasts.

Actually, today's post I knew 100% of the creatures. I only looked some up for some of the other posts.

Hill Giant: A Giant is a Giant is a Giant, I know, but Dungeons & Dragons always separated them, and I figure what not share some of those details? A Hill Giant, while certainly larger than a Troll or Ogre, it the smallest and weakest of all Giants. They are not particularly intelligent or organized, and except for somewhat rougher features, they almost exactly resemble barbaric men, albeit very large ones. Think Grawp.

Stone Giant: The Stone Giant is the Hill Giant's slightly larger and more shy cousin. Very similar to a Hill Giant, they tend to live higher up the mountain slopes, wield slightly more advanced tools, and organize their societies beyond the brutish eking out of survival that the Hill Giant partakes in.

Frost Giant: Probably obvious, Frost Giants live either on the peaks of the highest mountains, or in arctic regions. They are known for their organized societies, which rely heavily on devout religion. They wield large ice-axes, or hurl boulders at their foes.

Fire Giant: Much like Frost Giants, Fire Giants are known for being more intelligent than their Hill and Mountain dwelling cousins. They live around active volcanoes, or in caves so deep they delve into depths beneath the earth's crust.

Cloud Giant: Cloud Giant's are the most cultured of all the Giant clans. As their name suggests, they are said to live on clouds, and are next to godliness. Their skin ranges in color from milky white to sky blue. Their hair is silver, and their eyes are iridescent blue. They dress in fine clothing and wear jewelry. They also appreciate music, and most can play one or more instruments, which is all kind of silly, for a, you know ... monster, if you ask me.

Storm Giant: The Storm Giant is the largest and most powerful of all Giants. They are said to raise thrones only on the tops of peaks that are so high that men have never reached their summits. They are solitary, primal creatures, and except for the divine intervention that Cloud Giant Clerics can sometimes call upon, they are the only Giants able to wield a kind of primitive, wild magic. They can control the weather, and throw lighting bolts at will. Storm Giants are said to reach over seven meters of height, and weigh as much as five tons or more. I can't remember if the scene is Bilbo and the Dwarves crossing the Misty Mountains, or The Fellowship attempting the pass at Caradhras, but when you think of Storm Giants think of Tolkien mentioning fell voices on the wind.

Troll: Some people complained pointed out that both Trolls and Ogres could have been grouped in with the other Humanoid Monsters, and while this is true, I prefer them here, and it's my blog. Seriously though? The smallest Ogre will always be larger than the largest human, and while there are some fictional worlds in which Trolls are considered small hairy (or even leafy) creatures, my memory will always recall them as extremely large humanoids, who differ from Giants because they are never as tall, and have hard, grey hides. Etymologically the world Troll was a slur for a Jotun, a Giant of Norse mythology, but they evolved through the ages, into creatures that lived in caves and hollows (or under bridges), shunned daylight, and were more dim of wit than even Giants. Trolls are particularly difficult to kill, because they are deceptively agile, taller and stronger than they first appear, and have constitutions that rapidly regenerate health.

Ogre: If you look back in the history of the two creatures, you'll find that the origins of the Troll and the Ogre are closely related. Trolls come from Scandinavian Legends, while the etymology of the word Ogre is French, but barring that, much of their history, and the perception of the two giant humanoid beasts is similar.Ogres are sometimes portrayed with horns that curl backward and inward from their forehead, but other than that they are usually considered more closely physically related to humans than Trolls are. They are large, and strong, and thick of hide, but they are less inhuman than Trolls, according to most opinions.

Oni: If a an uneducated and uninformed Westerner (like me) was to oversimplify this monster for his readers, he might say that an Oni is simply a Japanese title for a Demonic-Ogre. That wouldn't be completely false, but it would be too simple to explain this complex creature. They are physically unique, being hideous, gigantic creatures with sharp claws, wild hair, and two long horns growing from their heads. In Japanese mythology they lie somewhere between beast and spirit, but that doesn't necessarily make them more demon than monster, because in Japan, land of Shinto and Kami, everything is a spirit. They are almost exclusively depicted wearing tiger-skin loincloths, and wielding an iron club. Hence the phrase: oni-ni-kanabō or: an Oni with an iron club, which is a Japanese idiom meaning invincible.

Cyclops: The Cyclops is Greek in origin, but his stature casts a deep and varied shadow across the tomes of history. I don't know if he invented it, but the term Cyclopean defines the mythos of a majority of H.P. Lovecraft's stories, and Lovecraft is probably the last century's greatest arcane master of the monstrous and macabre. Of course there are countless famous Cyclopses, Cyclopsae, Cyclopes(?) in Greek and Roman mythology, but in Dungeons & Dragons, and probably some fiction, they're just monsters. Basically Giants with one eye (and sometimes one horn).

Minotaur: Minotaurs are also Greek. Remember the legend of Theseus and the Cretan Labyrinth? They are said to be large, musclebound men with the head of a bull. I suppose that doesn't really make them Giants, but they didn't fit with the humanoids either. They also vary depending on the source and fantastic setting. In Dungeons & Dragons they were man-eaters. In Krynn (Dragonlance) they existed within a highly organized society, and were mostly sailors and sea-captains. In Dante's Inferno, Dante and Virgil encounter the beast among those damned for their violent natures, the "men of blood."

I'm sure there are countless other examples of large dudes in Fantasy that I have skipped, but these posts go on long enough already, don't you think? I'll be in San Diego tomorrow morning, partying like a rock star, but I promise to put the last, and I daresay best, post up anyway.

The QQQE Creature Compendium Volume III: Demonkind

All right. Let's keep this thing moving.

I assume that you're familiar with this series by now. If not, you should probably read my blog every day. Hello? Or you can find the first post in the series, here.

Anyway, today's post will be covering Demons. Another name for this category might be Jinn (as in Djinn). There are many different cultures that describe demons in many different ways, but the common theme with the creatures I'll include in this post is that they are said to be able to be summoned (and then commanded) by Wizards of varying prowess.

It can also be argued that certain more powerful spirits can elect to appear, and cause havoc, all on their own. All of this depends on the rules of magic and spirituality in the world you're creating in your stories. I'm just here to share generic examples I've already come across.

Ifrit/Efreet/Afrit: Originating in Arabic and Islamic culture, Ifrit are spirits of air or fire. They are considered a class of infernal Jinn, below the strength of Angels, but above that of more common Djinn. In role-playing games they are generally considered to manifest them selves as spirits of fire, as in the image above, and are considered too powerful to be summoned by all but the most learned Magi.

Djinn/Genie: Also originating from Arabic and Islamic culture, Djinn is a term sometimes considered interchangeable with Jinn, but for our purposes we will consider a Djinn a spirit of the air who manifests itself as a wisecracking blue man, with a vaporous tail and too much gaudy jewelry. Seriously though, Djinn are much like Ifrit, but are generally considered to be more related to the elemental plane of air, rather than fire, and are usually considered less powerful than Ifrit.

Imp: An Imp is generally considered to be the lowest form of Demonkind. Sometimes considered little more than evil fairies, they are actually simply lesser spirits, who can be summoned by almost any wizard, for menial tasks such as manual labor, food-service, guard duty and other insulting work. They generally appear as small, twisted things, possibly resembling the least scary gargoyles you may have ever seen.

Foliot: I'm including this one because of the seminal work on the topic of Demons: The Bartimaeus Trilogy, by Jonathan Stroud. A Foliot is apparently barely mentioned in Italian Folklore, but Stroud paints them (rather skillfully, I might add) as a Jinn of a caste above Imps, and yet painfully lacking the grace, intellect, and power of the higher ranking Djinn, Ifrit, and Marid.

Marid: The Marid are the highest level Jinn spirit in Arabic Folklore (and the Barty books). They are considered to have massive power, rivaling deities, and are associated with seas and the open ocean. They were first mentioned in pre-Islamic Arabian mythology, as well as in the One Thousand and One Nights collection of folktales. They are considered to be spirits of the elemental plane of water, and can manifest themselves as anything from a cloud, to a storm, to a sea creature like a Kraken.

Dao: A Djinn from the elemental plane of earth, they often run mining operations on the material plane.

Janni: The weakest Djinn besides Imps and Foliots, Janni are formed of all four elements, and therefore trapped on the material plane.

Demon: Easily interchangeable with any of the examples, as they are all considered Demonkind, the Demon itself can also take on many other roles. Nearly endless in the variations of its manifestations, creatures ranging from The Balrog of Morgoth, to Abbadon from City of Bones, to Betelgeuse, to even Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer are all considered Demons. Often appearing as horned, muscle bound red-skinned men, demons of significant power can actually assume any form they choose.

There are countless other examples of specific demons, both in fiction and in religion and mythology. The topic is actually a deep and fascinating one, if you're interested in researching it.

Don't forget to come back tomorrow!

The QQQE Creature Compendium Volume II: Humanoids

Hopefully you saw the introduction to this series of posts yesterday. If not you can read it here (or just scroll down, duh).

Anyway, the idea is to summarize some of the most common types of monsters that I've come across in my love of literature, film, video games, and the pillar of every nerdfighter's merit badge vest: role-playing games (specifically Dungeons & Dragons).

Today's category of monstrous creatures is Humanoids.

I'm not going to cover fantastic races likes Elves, Dwarves, Hobbits, halflings, Kender, Gnomes, Fae, or Pixies (except for one exception you'll see below) because they are generally considered "good guys," player-characters, or fill the roles of protagonists, friends, and sidekicks.

This series is about the bad guys. These guys:

Orc: One of J.R.R. Tolkien's greatest inventions, the Orc may be the singular greatest manifestation of evil in all of fantasy. They may not be the most intelligent, powerful, or legendary creatures, but considering the origin of their creation (Tolkien describes the birth of the Orcs as Elves twisted to evil by Morgoth, the deity of all that is evil in Middle Earth). Orcs have obviously evolved since Tolkien's earliest dreams, but remain very similar in their basics. Appearing like men or elves twisted by dark arts, and possibly crossed with swine, they are grey or green of skin, with fangs or tusks protruding from their mouths, brutally strong, and sour of disposition. Some people play Orcs or Half-Orcs as characters in RPGs, but we all know that's just wrong. Right?

Goblin: Contrary to J.K. Rowling's opinion (esteemed and wonderful as it is) Goblin's are not bankers. They are twisted, evil little creatures, sometimes considered to be weaker and lesser Orcs (as in Middle Earth), or somehow related to gnomes or brownies, and their physical characteristics are highly varied, depending on who you listen to. My own opinion is that if an Orc is an Elf twisted by evil magic, then a Goblin might be a Hobbit, twisted by the same malevolent forces.

Hobgoblin: I didn't know this until I just looked it up, but apparently the first Hobgoblin was Puck, from a Midsummer Night's Dream. I've always considered Puck to simply be some kind of mischievous little Fae, so that's news to me. My understanding of a Hobgoblin has always been that they resided somewhere on the spectrum between Orc and Goblin. Larger than their smaller cousins, but not as powerful as their larger ones. To continue the analogy: if Orcs are evil Elves, and Goblins are evil Hobbits (or Dwarves), then perhaps Hobgoblins are evil Men.

Kobold: According to Wikipedia, a Kobold is a sprite of Germanic origin, but as far as I'm concerned, that's got nothing to do with anything. In fantasy and role-playing, a Kobold is a small humanoid monster, smaller even than a Goblin, that depending on what source you want to listen to, are either hairy and fanged like some kind of cross between rats, dogs, and little men, or scaled, fanged, and thick-tailed like a lizard-man. Feel free to get creative with your own interpretation.

Gnoll: In Middle English the word Noll meant a very stupid or drunk person. Like the Kobold, that has little to do with anything. According to Wikipedia, a Gnoll is a cross between a Troll and a Gnome, but we all know those two races would never breed (mission impossible anyone?), so I prefer to just consider the original D&D description, which considers Gnolls to be humanoid monsters who are taller than humans, covered with brown fur except on their hands and faces, and vaguely resemble upright hyenas.

Drow (Dark Elf): A Drow is an an Elf that lives underground, is dark or purple-skinned, and often considered to be evil, or at least chaotic, by comparison to their above ground counterparts. In fantasy and role-playing they have often played the part of evil monsters, which is why they're featured here, but they have also taken the role of hero (or anti-hero, like the Forgotten Realms character: Drizzt).

Several minor creatures such as Gremlins, Swanmay, Ratlings, Kuo-Toa and Sahuagin will not be listed here, in the interest of time. Hopefully some of the creatures covered will still be new to some readers.

Did I miss any monsters you would have included?

The QQQE Creature Compendium Volume I: The Undead

Being the first part in a new series, this post might require an introduction.

Assuming the truth of that statement, I'll explain what I intend to do. I know a lot of us write Fantasy, Sci-Fi, or Paranormal books. Even if we don't, there are genres like Horror, and others, that still require a well full of monsters to be called upon.

What I'd like to do today, and all week, for that matter, is make a list of every monster I've ever come across in all my readings of fiction, history, legend, mythology, and role-playing-game manuals. Are you with me?

I'll start with the undead, because they're just so fascinating. They've also been featured a lot in literature, film, and TV lately, but I bet you haven't heard of some of these:

Lich: By most basic definition, a Lich is much like any any other corporeal animated corpse. What sets the Lich apart is that the person who supplied the body before it died was a king, great warrior, or wizard of unheard of power. Basically a Lich might have been but a Zombie, if he hadn't been so high-born in life. The key here is that the consciousness, wisdom, and awareness that were earned in life, are remembered after death, for whatever reason. So watch out, because undead as he may be, a Lich may have powerful spells, or a magic sword.

Skeleton: Skeletons are generally considered to be death personified. The Skeleton is the most wasted manifestation of the human form. They are obviously, by definition, little more than bone and connective tissue. But in Fantasy and role-playing games, the Skeleton can play a much larger role. Creatures of pure bone are rarely a threat in most stories of might and magic, but they can occasionally come into play if a powerful necromancer is in the vicinity, and has the ability to raise the dead, even from within the depths of the earth.

Vampire: The Vampire, or Vampyr, is probably the most famous undead creature in any legend. It might seem that Stephanie Meyer's Twilight, and even Anne Rice's Interview With a Vampire (and subsequent books) gave the Vampyl it's modern fame, but if you truly research this history of the legend, you will see that Vlad the Impaler and Bram Stoker were only the beginning. There are literally hundreds of variations on the Vampire, and they have been portrayed as everything from wild beasts to refined intellectuals, but the bottom line is that they have to at least prey on live victims for their blood, and they do not die of age or disease.

Zombie: If you thought the concept of a Vampire was widespread, wait until you read about Zombies. Originally, and in cultures that consider the Zombie a real entity, a Zombie was a corpse that was reanimated by witchcraft, or like in The Serpent and the Rainbow, by chemistry. More recently, Zombies have taken a role in literature where they are animated (or diseased) by some form of virus. The bottom line though, is that Zombies are generally mindless, ravenous hordes of shambling dead, on the hunt for brains. Some adaptations give them abilities like running and leaping, but we all know that Zombies are actually really slow, right?

Ghost: A Ghost is the soul or spirit of a dead person that refuses to leave the world of the living for whatever reason. They can range from rather benign up to a annoying forms like poltergeists or even to dangerous spirits that can do physical harm to the living, like a Wraith.

Wight: A Wight is a living corpse somewhat similar to a Lich or Zombie, but it is said to still have lingering aspects of its living soul connected to it. Wights are often associated with extreme cold, such as Tolkien's Barrow-Wights, or Martin's Wights from Beyond-the-Wall. They would be considered more conscious and more dangerous than a Zombie, but not as powerful as a Lich.

Ghoul: In Dungeons and Dragons, a Ghoul is said to be the reanimated corpse of a person who in life was a cannibal. Much like a Zombie, a Ghoul is a creature who in undeath feasts on the flesh of the living, perhaps without a preference for brain over muscle or other tissue. In the Fallout universe, a Feral Ghoul is a human who is technically still alive, but whose mind is so damaged by radiation, that they no longer know themselves, and have been reduced to cannibalism.

Banshee: In Celtic legend, a Banshee is said to be the spirit of a female faerie who wails as someone of import is about to die. In Ireland she was known as the bean-sidhe, in Scotland as the bean-nighe. There are many legends and stories of these spirits, but in role-playing games they are often considered little more than a more powerful type of ghost.

Mummy: We all know the stories and histories of the mummification processes used in real life, but when it comes to the Mummy as a monster in fantasy it's not much different than any other animated corpse. Because of the history of the practice, it is usually assumed that a Mummy was made of a person because of their great stature, so a living corpse that was put through the mummification process is usually considered a monster of some power, assuming he was some kind of king when he still lived. Mummies are generally considered the second most powerful corporeal undead after the Lich.

Will-o'-the-Wisp: From the hinkypunk, to the faerie light, to the corpse road, there are hundreds of variations on the Will-o'-the-Wisp, but the one thing that is agreed upon is that it generally lives in swamps, bogs, and marshes, and will recede when approached, often assumed to be attempting to lead it's victim to a watery grave.

Jiang Shi: The Jiang Shi (Chinese), or Gangshi (Korean), or Kyonshi (Japanese) is known as a hopping Vampire (or sometimes Zombie). They are said to live in coffins or caves during the day, and move around at night by taking great leaps of impressive agility. They are known for feeding on a living person's Ch'i (or Qi or Ki) rather than their blood.

There are countless variations on these forms of undead from many different cultures and histories, but I hope I have covered the main ones, and maybe even introduced some of you to something new.

Please continue to return and read this week, as I will cover other categories of fantastic creatures all week long.

Blog Chain: What's Your Favorite Monster

I just joined the blog chain a month or two ago, and already it's mine turn to host. On a Saturday, no less. I swear these people are trying to do me in.

Anyway, since it's my turn to come up with a topic, I thought I would go with something random, fun, and informative.

It also ties in to my plans for blogging this week, and a flash fiction piece I recently wrote. So here's the prompt for this blog chain:

What is your all-time favorite monster? You can take this in any direction you'd like. For example: my most bad-ass monster would easily be a dragon, and it is my favorite in some ways, but you don't have to go with that kind of measurement. Like me, you could go with the most ridiculously hilarious monster you ever heard of, or, like Stephanie Meyer, you could go with the most romantic creature to ever grace the pages of mythology. Or like Carrie Ryan, you could choose the old standby: Zombies. One alone might not be much to handle, but the horde is probably the single most powerful monster force ever invented in gaming, film, literature, or legend. It's up to you: what's your favorite monster?

So I pass this topic along to my blog chain comrades, and instead of writing my own post, I'll send you to a piece of flash fiction that I recently wrote: Cubic. This piece was inspired by Gary Gygax's most ludicrous monster invention: The Gelatinous Cube. Please visit, comment, and let me know what you think, but be aware, the piece was written in a tongue-in-cheek attempt at hyper-camp, because a Gelatinous Cube deserves no less.

Please be sure to visit the next link in the chain: Kate.

Christine Danek's Current Query Critiqued

Okay. Today we have Christine's query letter again, this time with my thoughts and suggestions.

For anyone who is new to this, Christine's query will be in plain text, below, and my feedback will be in red.

The query:

For eighteen(-)yea(-)old Anna Page, a failed suicide attempt I'm not sure you need "failed" and "attempt." They're redundant, because if you only attempt suicide, by definition you did not succeed. and a subsequent? I want this word or something like it here, because I want it to be obvious that the two things are closely related. stay at the psych ward just may be easier than fighting the alien war she has been forced to fight. This has some great punch to it, but I'm not sure about the execution. How is she forced to fight? And by whom?

All right. So for your opening you're not off to a bad start. I like the characterization you've given us for Anna, as she's obviously a troubled girl, but I think you could re-word things here, to make her more active. What causes Anna to give up on life? Give her control of her own choices, then (and I love the alien war coming out of left field like that, it makes for a great hook) give us more specific information about this war. Did aliens invade Earth? Have they been here for a while and just decided to take over? Who is forcing an eighteen-year-old to take part in a war, and why?

Almost dying leaves Anna a broken mess in therapy and telepathic. Wait, what? I love telepathy almost as much as I love telekinesis, but this is worded too suddenly for me. I get that there may not be a logical explanation for her sudden telepathy, but ease us into it with a few more words. Maybe say "... in therapy and with some surprising new mental abilities. Like telepathy." Or something. That's not great, but you get my point. She even thinks her soul lingered over her body for a while. Something she doesn’t want anyone to know. I like this, but I need to have a better idea of what you mean. Is this near death? Out of body? How can she think but not know? But when Anna meets and falls for IAN MCCLENNEND being part Scottish, I ADORE this name, but you don't capitalize character names in a query letter. Not unless their name is all caps in the book for some strange reason. her life changes—don't put em-dashes in query letters if you can at all help it, they do not play nice with email formatting. and it’s not all good. Strange things begin to happen, like what? Be specific. her friends distance themselves, and she’s confronted by ghostly shadow people that try to kill her. Bad-ass.

Your second paragraph is a bit jumbled. You bring up some excellent and interesting concepts, but I really have no clear idea of what the root conflict is. I get the feeling that your novel has some internal conflict of Anna trying to outgrow her ... sadness, grief, depression, whatever, and then also some external conflict, which could either be the romance with Ian or surviving the shadow people, or both but either way we need a better picture of what and why. And another thing: what happened to the alien war?

As Ian and Anna become close, she soon discovers that he isn’t what she thought. He is part of a powerful race what does this mean, exactly? I'm not sure I like the term race. of humans created by Alien why is alien capitalized? refugees and was sent to protect her. I like the idea, but I want to know more about how it works, and what it means for the plot. Is he her protector? Did they meet by chance?

Shockingly, these Aliens had big plans for Anna’s lingering soul, this is vague. What plans? What kind of advantage would her soul give them? but since she surprised them by living through her suicide attempt, now the stakes are even higher. Why did that surprise them? Did they know the attempt was coming? Did they somehow play a role in it? Anna learns she has great power that the refugees can use against the evil lord RAIDEN, I'll share some links below, about famous characters named Raiden, who's names aren't in all caps (as an aside, this might be one instance where a character's name could be all caps. Maybe it's an acronym for some kind of alien AI: Radiant Artificial Intelligence Dynamic Electronic Node: R.A.I.D.E.N.) who has destroyed their planet and is ready to take over Earth. War is brewing, and Anna must fight to save Ian, I thought he was a powerful human sub-species that was going to save her? the aliens and the world.

Can Anna win the war, save the world and the guy she loves when her soul still dreams of dying? Wow. Cool. I like this summary. It's hints at something mystic, metaphysical ... spiritual.

LINGERING SOULS is a young adult, Earth-based, science fiction novel, complete at 62,000 words.This might be a bit short, especially for a novel that might need some world-building, even if it is Earth. I am an active member of SCBWI.

Thank you for your time and consideration,

Christine Danek

Okay, here are a couple of links to some famous Raiden's, showing why you might not want to name a character that, although it is an awesome name:

Raiden, AKA Lord Raiden, the thunder god of the Mortal Kombat universe, and protector of the Earthrealm.

Raiden, AKA Jack, a part human part cybernetic androgynous ninja agent in the Metal Gear series.

Raiden, a character from the video game Fatal Fury.

And the deity who probably inspired all of them:

Raijin, AKA Raiden, god of thunder and storms in the Shinto religion and Japanese mythology.

Anyway, I don't think any of that means you have to change the name, but I think you should be aware he won't be the first.

So, to summarize: It's obvious to me you've got an awesome story here. I've got a decent sense of your main character, but most of it is from what happens to her, and I'd like to know a little more about what kind of person she is, and how she thinks/feels/reacts to all this external suffering. I'm still not clear what the main plot is, or whether the alien war or the shadow people are more prominent, but I think that's easy to fix. Other than some minor logistical things, I don't think you need any kind of major overhaul.

So that's it.

What do you guys think? What would you change? What of my thoughts do you disagree with? Would you like to see a story with a Radiant Artificial Intelligence Dynamic Electronic Node in it?

Please share your thoughts in the comments, and have a great weekend!

Christine Danek's Current Query

You all know Christine, right? She's very nice, and runs a great blog at Christine's Journey. Go visit it, and follow her.

Today I'm introducing you not only to Christine, but to her query letter. Please save your feedback for tomorrow.

Here's her query:

Dear Ms./Mr.

For eighteen year old Anna Page, a failed suicide attempt and a stay at the psych ward just may be easier than fighting the alien war she has been forced to fight.

Almost dying leaves Anna a broken mess in therapy and telepathic. She even thinks her soul lingered over her body for a while. Something she doesn’t want anyone to know. But when Anna meets and falls for IAN MCCLENNEND her life changes—and it’s not all good. Strange things begin to happen, her friends distance themselves, and she’s confronted by ghostly shadow people that try to kill her.

As Ian and Anna become close, she soon discovers that he isn’t what she thought. He is part of a powerful race of humans created by Alien refugees and was sent to protect her.

Shockingly, these Aliens had big plans for Anna’s lingering soul, but since she surprised them by living through her suicide attempt, now the stakes are even higher. Anna learns she has great power that the refugees can use against the evil lord RAIDEN, who has destroyed their planet and is ready to take over Earth. War is brewing, and Anna must fight to save Ian, the aliens and the world.

Can Anna win the war, save the world and the guy she loves when her soul still dreams of dying?

LINGERING SOULS is a young adult, Earth-based, science fiction novel, complete at 62,000 words. I am an active member of SCBWI.

Thank you for your time and consideration,

Christine Danek

There you go.

So that's it for today. Please say hello to Christine in the comments, and save your feedback on her query letter for tomorrow. Have a great Thursday!

Blog Marketing Critique by Laura Barnes

Today I'm getting my blog critiqued by Laura Barnes. I don't know Laura that well but she's a Marketing Consultant, and a writer of Middle Grade Fiction who runs the blog, Laura B Writer.

She also runs a really cool service on her blog, called Blog Critique, where she critiques other writer's blogs from a Marketing Standpoint. My blog is not really a commercial venture, but I do one day hope to have a book to sell you people, so maximizing my blogs marketing potential seems like a wise think to at least think about.

Anyway, you can find Laura's critique of my blog, here.

My Very Un-Fairy Tale Life, by Anna Staniszewski

A few weeks ago writer blogger Heather Kelly asked me to participate in an ARC blog tour for Anna Staniszewski's debut novel, My Very Un-Fairy Tale Life.

When I first saw the cover, I thought to myself: this looks pretty funny, but probably not the kind of book I would run out to buy on release day (being a dude, I like explosions, sword-fights, car-chases, lightsabers, that kind of thing). But also being a writer, and a writer who blogs, I really do care a lot about helping each other out, so I figured what's the worst that could happen?

Sure I could have received the book, read it, hated it, and then felt really awkward about telling Anna and Heather that I just couldn't take part in the tour. But I should have known I wouldn't have to worry about any of that.

The day the package showed up at my house (we get a lot of books sent to us) my 10 year old daughter, Madison, wanted to know what was in it. When I opened it, and saw what it was, I told her the story of the ARC tour, and explained how such things work.

When she saw the cover she started freaking out. "Daddy, daddy, please let me read it? Please, please, please?" I may be paraphrasing here, but the point is my kid was not going to let me end the conversation without agreeing to let her read the book first.

So I did. It was clear that the cover was doing its job, and I figured if the book was marketed toward this kind of audience, why not let Madison in on the tour? The book is about 12-year-old Jenny, anyway, so it's a MG novel that is just right for my daughter's reading level.

I could go on about how exciting this all was, but I should probably get to the interview I conducted with Madison before this post goes on any longer.

When we first opened the package the book came in, you saw the cover, and immediately asked me if you could read it first. What was it about the cover that made you want to read the book?

It was the opposite of a fairytale (which are usually pretty boring, snore).

Did the book live up to what you expected it would be like, based on what you liked about the cover?

Yes, it was funny, and not as old fashioned as normal fairytales.

Who was your favorite character, and what did you like best about them?

Jenny, because she says the funny (and cheesy) things that could come out of a movie.

Without giving away any spoilers, what was your favorite part of the book?

Where the friends figured out Jenny was lying.

Have you read any books that were similar to this book? If so which ones, and how would you compare them?

Not really, I can’t think of any books like this one.

I saw you doing some writing in your notebook the day you finished this book. Did it inspire you to write a story of your own?

Yes, because it was fun to read.

Do you notice any themes in this story? If so, what did you think of them?

No I didn’t notice any themes in this story. [Editor's note: that's a tough question for a 10-year-old without giving her a chance to discuss the book with other readers, come on, dad]

Regarding the main character, what did she stand for, what was she trying to accomplish? And did you find yourself rooting for her?

She wanted to get being an adventurer over with, but once she did she wanted to get it back. And yes, I found myself rooting for her.

Old picture, I know, but too adorable not to use.

Finally, would you recommend this book to your friends, and what kinds of kids do you think would like it?

Yes, fiction-liking kids of any grade, up to like 8th.

Okay, so that's it for the interview. Brief, I know, but she's only ten.

Now, I will add that I haven't read the book myself yet (Madison just finished it on Sunday), but I have read the first chapter, which you can read too, here, and while it's still not really a book for overweight, hairy dads in their mid 30s, it is really hilarious.

I suggest you give it a look yourself. You can find Anna's blog here, and her website, here. Here are some other places you can find Anna and her book:

Twitter
Facebook
Goodreads
RSS
Watch the trailer

And that's it for today. Any questions?

Pay It Forward Blogfest Afterthoughts

After the most epic blog tour/fest/party/hop/madness I have ever been involved in went down on Friday (and over the weekend), I don't quite know what to say. My clinical brain wants to analyze the increase in traffic, the followers that were added, and take a look at those same results for blog that weren't the hosts like Al and me.

But it isn't just about numbers. It's about people. Hopefully some of the new followers we all gained will stick around long enough to become friends. That was my hope when I conceived of the whole thing.

For those of you that do want to hear some numbers, when I first starting thinking hard about followers and blog traffic, or at least when I wrote The Follower Project, I had about 750 followers. That was just over a month ago. I now have 920, which is an increase of 170, in a few short weeks. That seems like a lot to me.

I remember it taking months to get to my first hundred followers. Anyway, Friday's post also got over 100 comments. I have never had that many. I love comments, and I think they're a good gauge for how successful a post is. After all, visitors are nice, but if what you wrote doesn't earn a comment from them, it might not have been all that interesting.

On the other side of the coin, I visited over 285 blogs over the weekend, and commented on and followed every single one. If you're wondering why the official linky list is now reduced to less than 250 blogs, it's because Ninja Captain Alex had to remove some spammers, commercial blogs, and people who just didn't take part in the blog fest.

Speaking of Alex, I would really like to thank him for helping me make this happen. Yes, it was originally my idea, but Alex did most of the work. He made the badge, he managed the linky list, he brought his army into the fray. Thanks Alex! And thanks all of you, for signing up, taking, part, and visiting, commenting on, and following each others blogs. There were a few really special moments when people were shocked to see how many new readers we sent them.

I guess that's it for now. I've got a lot of writing that needs to be worked on, and I'm hoping to take some days off blogging this week, but we'll see what happens, since I'm a bit of an addict.

Pay It Forward Blogfest

This is all about volume, so I'm going to keep it slick, and easy-peasy, lemon-squeezy. Here are three blogs I have only recently discovered:

Wine and Words at: Quiet Commotion

Joshua at: Vive Le Nerd

Mike at: Sub-Radar

Go read them. Follow. Then visit the rest of the blogs on the linky list, and follow them too. Do it.

And if you're here as part of the blogfest, because you found me on the linky list, please be sure to click that "Join this site" button over there on the right. If you can't see it, hit F5.

Thanks, have a great weekend!

One More Day

The blog fest is up to 175 people! I'm sure Alex hosts things with more blogs than that all the time, but I never do blogfests, so I'm a amazed, and maybe, just a little, overwhelmed.

It would be cool to see the list reach 200 blogs, but I think we're approaching saturation levels, so I don't think that's likely. I've got a lot of writing and critiquing to get done today, so I'm just going to say:

Thanks everyone for taking part in this! I really look forward to visiting all your blogs tomorrow and over the weekend, and meeting tons of great new people.

Have a great Thursday! See the post below this one if you have no idea what I'm talking about, or need to sign up on the linky list.

Some Pay It Forward Blogfest Tips

I've been getting a few questions from friends and followers regarding the blogfest, and since it's coming up on Friday, we might as well talk about it now.

First things first: you don't have to include the linky list on your blog, or in your post for the festival.

In fact, if you want to promote the festival, it might be better to post about it tomorrow, and tell all your followers, to see if we can get any last minute sign-ups. But when it comes to the actual post, don't worry about. Unless, you know, you want to.

If you do want to make the list a part of your post (or your sidebar) keep in mind that because of the nature of the linky list code, it DOES NOT show up in blogger's preview or compose windows. You can't see it, but it's there. You have to add it in the "Edit HTML" window, and then trust that it will show up in your post. Or you could just link to Alex and my blogs, and let people use the lists we will have up there.

When it comes to what else you really want to include in your post the day of, it's up to you. You can explain the idea behind the fest in your own words if you like, or you could just link to my original announcement, or Alex's. After that, as long as you link to three blogs you enjoy reading and think people should follow, the rest is up to you. All I would suggest is to keep it short and simple, and remember that the point is to find and follow as many new blogs as possible.

When it comes to accomplishing that, you could theoretically start following the blogs on the list now, and I don't mind if you want to, but it kind of takes the fun out of seeing how much new traffic we can all get in a single day if we don't wait.

So for now, enjoy your day, and feel free to post the list on your blogs tomorrow (if you don't have something planned) to see if you can get your followers to join. It would be awesome to see 200 blogs in one festival!

Blog Chain: How I Work with Critique Partners

This blog chain was started by Sarah, who asked:

Do you work with critique partners? How did you find your crit pals, and what influence have they had on your work?

So I thought I'd tell you all a bit about my history with critique groups and critique partners.

Before I started blogging, I was all alone. At least as a writer. I didn't know a single other serious writer in my "real" life. After I (thought I had) finished a novel, I started querying it way too early.

The inevitable rejections came. And came. I got a bit of interest here and there, but my book was clearly not ready. After several months I was ready to give up.

But then I got lucky.

The inspiration hit me to start blogging. Even if I could never get published I figured I could help other novice writers avoid the mistakes I made while querying (and deciding whether my novel was even ready to query).

Thus was born this silly blog with the ridiculous title. But that's enough about that.

A few months into blogging, after I had begun to build some great relationships, I realized that to fix my book, it was going to take more than just two eyes. A lot more.

I came up with the idea of starting a critique group. A formal one, with hard and fast rules. I reached out to some bloggers I knew who were also pursuing publication as novelists, and we started a group. We lost a few members here and there, and gained some others along the way. We were very organized for a few months, and exchanged simultaneous chapters (or sections for those of us who unlike me did not write massive chapters), every few weeks. It worked well for certain things like line editing and suggestions for style and other little-picture stuff, but it was impossible to get the full scope of big-picture things like character arc, plot twists, and so forth.

So we decided to change tactics. First the group disbanded, because of time constraints of some of the members, but then the rest of us decided to keep it going, on a less formal level, and just exchange work when the need arose, and with whom the need arose.

Now instead of a formal group, I have lose connections with several writer and editor friends who help me with my work. They've made a huge difference in my writing.

Simon C. Larter is the master of the big picture. He makes the best suggestions about how the plot can be re-arranged to maximize twists and surprises.

Ted Cross has the best balance. He is great at spotting "out of voice" instances, and is good at both big and little picture things.

Bryan Russell is critiquing my novel now, and I his. It's the first time we've worked together so I can't tell you what his strengths are yet.

Both Leigh T. Moore and Sarah (Falen) Ahiers are critiquing it as well, but they did not have anything ready to send to me. I hope to repay the favor someday.

So that's it. Great idea for a topic, Sarah! The post that came before mine was Kate's, and the one that comes after will be Sandra's.

Jury Duty

I've got Jury Duty today, so I'm not here. But I still have some great stuff for you guys.

First, go visit my friend, Shannon Whitney Messenger, she's got great news this morning.

Next, some of you may have seen it, but I know most didn't see me being interviewed, by my friend Amy.

Finally, I posted for Project Mayhem on Friday. If you missed that, please go have a look. The post includes a fun video.

Betsy Newmeyer's Current Query Critiqued

Good morning, readers. So today we have Betsy's query again. This time, as usual, with my thoughts, in red.

I'm still very sick, worse even than I was yesterday, but I've got a nice hot cup of black tea, so let's get to work.

Le Query:

Dear Ms. REDACTED,

FBI Agent Jonah White threw away a promising career to find justice for his sister’s murder. I'm not sure this is worded properly. I'm no grammarian, so please forgive me if I foul this up, but to me this sounds like it's the murder that needs justice. I think this should say "...justice for his murdered sister." That way it's his sister that's in need of justice. However, with the suspected killer already six feet under, all Jonah can do now is wine and dine the man’s grieving widow, Maya Savantes, to recover the inheritance her husband stole from Jonah’s sister. So this is clearly a great premise for a story full of conflict and intrigue, but I wonder whether you're setting it up properly. For one thing, it doesn't make much sense to me that wining and dining a grieving widow would cost an FBI Agent his career. Was he obsessing over the case for years before the killer died, or he found the wife? I think if you can give us just a tiny bit more info about Jonah's character, and how he ended up in this situation, you would compel us all to care more about his choices.

Working undercover is never easy, he threw away his career, but now he's under cover, working? I'm confused. but falling in love with Maya--a possible accomplice to murder--I personally think a double hyphen in place of an em-dash looks terrible, but it is a definitive solution for the email formatting problem with em-dashes I've been pointing out lately. definitely wasn’t part of the plan. As he tries to sidestep Maya’s suspicions, and his own feelings, he learns two things: 1) there’s a pissed off, trigger-happy loan shark willing to put both Maya and Jonah in his sights to get the inheritance money, and 2) Maya’s husband isn’t so dead after all. Wow, okay. That's quite the raise in stakes. I like this part.

When his cover is blown and Maya’s daughter is kidnapped, Jonah will be will be? Now we're in future tense? forced to plan a daring rescue. Only, it won’t be tense his life on the line in the final shootout. Good final line. I mean it could probably be logically concluded, but it still packs some punch.

REDEMPTION FOR LIARS (75,000 words) is a romantic suspense novel set in Hill’s Creek, Texas, a fictitious town where the kinfolk like their secrets the way they like their steaks; big and juicy. Nice. I’m a Romance Writers of America member and a 2nd place finalist in the 2011 Dixie First Chapter contest for the first chapter of this novel.

Thank you for considering my book for representation.

Elizabeth Newmeyer (Betsy)

Okay. So to summarize, this is another query that's already pretty durn good. I'm not much of a thriller, crime, or romance reader, but I do know queries and I'm pretty sure this one will work. It does lack some important things, like voice, characterization, and a good, clear cut description of exactly what happens, but I think it conveys enough about the story, that if an agent is looking for that kind of book, she would move on to reading the pages.

That's it.

What do you guys think? Does a query for this kind of novel really need more voice? If the novel is kind of clinical, can't the query be so too? What would you change?

Please leave your feedback in the comments. And thanks for reading!

NOTE: I'm also posting over at Project Mayhem this morning. Please go read that post, too.

ALSO NOTE: Don't forget to sign up for the Pay It Forward blogfest, I'd love to see us get to 200 blogs.

ALSO NOTATE: I'm being interviewed by A.B. Keuser, here. Yes, I am that cool. And that busy.

Betsy Newmeyer's Current Query

More queries. Today is Betsy Newmeyer's query letter. I can't find her blog, so if she stops by today with that information, I'll be sure to update the post.

Remember, today is just for introductions. Please save your feedback for tomorrow.

The query:

Dear Ms. REDACTED,

FBI Agent Jonah White threw away a promising career to find justice for his sister’s murder. However, with the suspected killer already six feet under, all Jonah can do now is wine and dine the man’s grieving widow, Maya Savantes, to recover the inheritance her husband stole from Jonah’s sister.

Working undercover is never easy, but falling in love with Maya--a possible accomplice to murder--definitely wasn’t part of the plan. As he tries to sidestep Maya’s suspicions, and his own feelings, he learns two things: 1) there’s a pissed off, trigger-happy loan shark willing to put both Maya and Jonah in his sights to get the inheritance money, and 2) Maya’s husband isn’t so dead after all.

When his cover is blown and Maya’s daughter kidnapped, Jonah will be forced to plan a daring rescue. Only, it won’t be his life on the line in the final shootout.

REDEMPTION FOR LIARS (75,000 words) is a romantic suspense novel set in Hill’s Creek, Texas, a fictitious town where the kinfolk like their secrets the way they like their steaks; big and juicy. I’m a Romance Writers of America member and a 2nd place finalist in the 2011 Dixie First Chapter contest for the first chapter of this novel.

Thank you for considering my book for representation.

Elizabeth Newmeyer (Betsy)

That's it.

Please welcome Betsy in the comments, but more importantly, be sure to come back tomorrow for the feedback.

UPDATE: Betsy's blog can be found, here.

Marcy Hatch's Current Query Critiqued

I'm not feeling well this morning (I hope it's just a cold, but my nose is running like a faucet) so I'm going to get right into this. Hopefully the cotton in my head doesn't mess with my query skillz.

If you haven't seen me do this before, Marcy's query is in plain text, below. My feedback is in red.

Dear [insert agent's name properly spelled]:

It is the winter of 1805 and the only thing sixteen-year-old Arlen Devlin is thinking of is the ball that will introduce her to high society and that elegant madness known as The Season. This is a great opening. Full of voice, and style. I would set this into its own paragraph, and would maybe like to see one more word that tells us about Arlen's character. But when tragedy strikes tell us how. The mention of meeting her grandmother leads me to believe she may have lost her parents, but you should almost always be specific in a query. Arlen's life takes a decidedly witchy this is so bad-ass, great writing! turn, beginning with the discovery of a grandmother she never knew you need another verb here, to be parallel with "beginning," maybe "continuing?" to a book of spells that has been handed down from mother to daughter for generations. That's what you mean, right? It wasn't handed down just once, was it? This, however, isn’t just any book of spells. This is a family’s heritage, a compilation of every scrap of magick gathered over the course of history. It’s the family’s grimoire. Someone said yesterday they didn't know what a grimoire was. It probably is a somewhat rare word these days, but being an old D&D nerd, I know exactly what a grimoire is, and I say don't you dare change it. It's a perfect word, and it really sets a great tone for your story. And someone wants hers.

Soon Arlen learns that the tragedy that took her parents’ lives all right, now I see, but this is still vague. How did they die? Tell us at the beginning. You can be brief. may not have been an accident and hers isn’t the only heirloom book of spells. Each of the great witch families has one and whoever holds the book holds the power in this England, where magick has as much influence as money, where witches are courted, what does this mean, witches are courted? Courted by who? and spells are traded for favors. It will take every talent Arlen has – including her mastery of the imp, Vathek - you see how the first dash is longer than the second? That's because email (and blog posts) do funny things to formatting. Be careful about using em-dashes in query letters. Unless you want to go for the dreadfully ugly double hyphen -- or you're a master of formatting, your em-dashes are going to get screwed up in emails. to navigate this maze of conspiracy and intrigue, and maybe, if she’s very lucky and very careful and very clever, she’ll survive.

Okay. So at this point I'm sure this query will have done it's job. It's full of amazing voice, amazing style, and it clearly clues you in on that fact that here is a great writer, with a great story. If you fixed the few small things I've pointed out, you'd probably be good to go, assuming your pages are as good as this query.

But you came here asking for my advice, so I will say that in spite of the things this query has in spades, what it is lacking is specific information. If you want to get this query to be the best it can be, you need to give us a better sense of the conflict, and the choice Arlen will have to make to overcome it. You don't need to name or go too deeply into any characters like a potential antagonist, but right now all we know is that there are other witch families, who vaguely may or may not be after Arlen's grimoire. I think you have room for a few more words here, so I think so should get specific about what she has to overcome.

However, if you choose to keep it succinct, this query will probably work as is. It's already very good.

Grimoire CAPITAL: GRIMOIRE is complete at 93,000 words and set during the Regency I'm no expert in this, because I don't read romance, but to me using this term will make the reader think of Regency Romance novels. We know from the year above when it takes place, so I would consider skipping this word, although the point about it being a sort of alternate history is pretty important, so you should keep that in. period in England – albeit a slightly different England. I have a BA in History and I've written several other books. Are they published? Traditionally? If not, don't mention them unless you've sold more than 10,000 copies. I have pasted included the first five pages per your guidelines. If you would like to see more, I would love to send it to you. You don't have to say that, agents know you would love for them to read your manuscript.

Thank you for your time,

Marcy S. Hatch

Okay. So to summarize: this query is already very good. A historical fantasy young adult novel like this sounds very fresh and unique to me, and I'm sure you're going to find a lot of success when you begin submitting. There are a couple tiny things to fix, but they're no big deal.

If you really want this query to shine I would suggest adding another sentence or two about some specific bit of conflict, but I also don't think it would be required in order to get someone to read your first five pages.

And a short note: I love the hint of her power over the imp Vathek. I don't know if she summons him or just controls him, but either way it reminds me of the Bartimaeus Trilogy, and I LOVED those books.

So that's it. What do you all think? Am I trippin? Is this query as good as it looks? What kind of one or two word terms could be used to describe Arlen in that first sentence to really make it pop with hook?

Don't forget to sign up for my blogfest.

Marcy Hatch's Current Query

More queries. It's what we do here. Today is a letter from Marcy S. Hatch. You know what to do. If you're like me, you know Marcy from her blogs, Mainewords, or perhaps, Unicorn Bell. Before we move on, please go visit and follow at least one of her blogs.

Now. Just in case any of you are new and haven't seen this done before, please remember that today is just for introducing Marcy and her query letter. Please save your feedback for tomorrow, after I have given mine.

So. To the query:

Dear [insert agent's name properly spelled]:

It is the winter of 1805 and the only thing sixteen year old Arlen Devlin thinking of is the ball that will introduce her to high society and that elegant madness known as The Season. But when tragedy strikes Arlen's life takes a decidedly witchy turn, beginning with the discovery of a grandmother she never knew to a book of spells that has been handed down from mother to daughter. This, however, isn’t just any book of spells. This is a family’s heritage, a compilation of every scrap of magick gathered over the course of history. It’s the family’s grimoire. And someone wants hers.

Soon Arlen learns that the tragedy that took her parents’ lives may not have been an accident and hers isn’t the only heirloom book of spells. Each of the great witch families has one and whoever holds the book holds the power in this England, where magick has as much influence as money, where witches are courted, and spells are traded for favors. It will take every talent Arlen has – including her mastery of the imp, Vathek - to navigate this maze of conspiracy and intrigue, and maybe, if she’s very lucky and very careful and very clever, she’ll survive.

Grimoire is complete at 93,000 words and set during the Regency period in England – albeit a slightly different England. I have a BA in History and I've written several other books. I have pasted the first five pages per your guidelines. If you would like to see more, I would love to send it to you.

Thank you for your time,

Marcy S. Hatch

That's it for the letter.

Please say hello to Marcy in the comments, thank her for having the courage to share this publicly, and then have a nice day!

Monday Off

I'm taking the day off blogging today, because I have a lot of revising and critiquing to get done.

I'm still trying to cut from my novel, and I've got two others (well, one and part of another) that I'm reading and critiquing.

So have a great day, and don't forget to sign up for the blogfest (post below):