The day of reckoning has arrived! Just kidding. It is almost that exciting though. Today is the day the sign-up for the Blogging from A to Z April 2012 challenge opens up.
Sign up using the linky list at the end of this post!
A bit daunted by the concept? Fear not, you don't have to visit everyone, and it's easy to schedule several short posts ahead of time. We want to keep our posts short anyway, because the main point of the challenge is to meet new bloggers. In fact, this year, we're suggesting that all you commit to is visiting the 5-10 blogs below your name on the linky list. If you find you have time for that every day, then you can start to visit more.
No idea what I'm talking about? No worries, you can find the official A to Z blog, here. Or the A to Z Facebook page, here. If you somehow have lived in a hole for the least few months, you can meet all my other co-hosts, here.
And you don't have to sign up right now, either. If you want to mull it over for a while, no problem. On Wednesday (because this list is going to grow FAST, and slow down my blog load times) I'll be moving the list to a page right under the header of my blog. You can find it, here. Or, you can sign up at the official blog, anytime, here.
Please enter the HTML code carefully so that it is accurate. If you enter your link incorrectly, please notify us so we can correct it. You can find our emails in the CONTACT US tab on the A to Z Blog. If you do not plan to participate in the Challenge during April or your purpose is to lure visitors to an advertising site, please do not enter a link as it will be removed, save us the time and trouble.
That's it! Here's the list:
UPDATE: I have removed the A to Z sign up list, to improve load times for my new posts. Please visit the A to Z sign up page, to join the challenge.
Here we are, it's Friday morning, thank goodness, and we've got Barbara's query letter again, this time with my feedback, which will be in red.
You guys all went and followed her yesterday, so let's just get to work.
Dear Mr./Ms. Agent,
Twelve-year-old Mitch Brooks is a rule-follower but he’s disgusted with his parents about moving. So maybe that’s why he peeks inside a strangely labeled box on moving day.
This hook has all the key elements we've come to expect from good queries, but I can't help feel like it's missing a little something. You've got good characterization for Mitch, and the inciting incident seems pretty clear, but I think perhaps what's missing is voice. I can't come up with a better term or phrase, and although "rule-follower" certainly makes sense, and provides a good bit of his character, I wonder whether Mitch would put it that way. How would a kid describe himself in this situation? I'm not sure, I might have to ask my daughter.
The second sentence is better. It's a clear progression and contradiction of the first, which I think works well. One thing I think you could add here is a more specific description. "Strangely labeled" is a bit vague. How would Mitch describe it? A box with a goofy drawing on it? A package with wonky lettering on the side? A carton that looked like someone spilled hieroglyphs on the label?
Deep inside the box, Mitch unearths his mom's journal from 1967, the year before he was born. So we're in 1979/80? I like this setting very much. He knows he shouldn’t read it (especially the way his mom feels about “privacy invasion”), but come on now, who wouldn’t? So perhaps Mitch isn't the rule-follower he thought he was? I like the contradiction in character, and clearly this is probably the first time he's really stepped out of line, but you might want to figure out a way to allude to that in the query. And as Mitch reads, he discovers secrets. His mom got kicked out of her house when she became a hippie war protester. Mitch’s parents have thesecut two best friends he’s never even heard of butwho were drafted into the Vietnam War. And his grandparents might not be dead after all.
Okay, in many ways I really like this paragraph. It sets up some interesting possible conflicts (although we don't know which will play out), and it sets a great tone for the kind of period related topics Mitch discovers in his mom's journal, but as someone mentioned yesterday, I'm concerned how all this fits into your story. In the next paragraph, we jump back into the present. Does that make this paragraph backstory? I'll expand on that after this next paragraph.
For Mitch, even though moving really, really stinks, at least it’s interesting. Motivated by a story he hears from his new neighbors, this is too vague Mitch enlists his best friend Brian and a librarian love librarians! he just met in his new town to assist him with a secret history project designed to find answers and people.
Okay, so here's the problem. I get the feeling that the previous paragraph is not really backstory, and that perhaps your novel kind of jumps back and forth between the two time periods (which you basically say below), but that's not clear enough in the part of your query that describes the plot. We need to have a better idea of what happens, and what is the main conflict Mitch has to overcome. Does he actually travel back to 1967? Or is the story told from some other POV during those parts? Do the conflicts from the past directly effect the conflict in the present? How? What is the secret history project, and why is it going to be difficult for Mitch to complete? What tough choice will he have to make to achieve his goals?
MOVING SECRETS, my middle grade historical fictionnovels are always fiction novel, shifts back and forth in time between 1967 San Francisco and 1980 Cambria, California. It is complete at 52,000 words. Otherwise, good.
Although myMy background lies in teaching literature, I am new to writing it. MOVING SECRETS is my first novel, and I am querying you because [personalize with reasons I chose this agent]. If you've never been published, that's fine, no need to explain. Every writer starts somewhere, but I wouldn't mention that you're new to writing.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Barbara Watson
In summary, my biggest problem with this query is the disconnect between the two halves of the plot. I'm not sure the novel works the way I think it does, but the query does not make it clear how the past is connected to the present, or what the main conflict really is. You don't want to give away too much, like the ending or anything, but we do need a better sense of what kind of adversity Mitch has to overcome.
The only other thing I would like to see more of is MG voice. Try re-writing the query from the first person POV of Mitch, describing things how he would describe them, and then switch it back into third person, see if that helps. Unless the novel is written in third person, with a very adult sounding narrator, you want the query to match the tone.
That's not to say this isn't a good starting point for a query letter. You've clearly got an interesting character, and the premise sounds like one that would definitely entertain. You just need to make it more clear how it all works together.
That's it.
What do you guys think, dear readers? Anything I missed? Anything you'd like to add? Anything you disagree with?
Today we have Barbar's query letter. Does everyone know Barbara? If not, please go follow her blog.
Back? Great. Let's get right to the query:
Dear Mr./Ms. Agent,
Twelve-year-old Mitch Brooks is a rule-follower but he’s disgusted with his parents about moving. So maybe that’s why he peeks inside a strangely labeled box on moving day.
Deep inside the box, Mitch unearths his mom's journal from 1967, the year before he was born. He knows he shouldn’t read it (especially the way his mom feels about “privacy invasion”), but come on now, who wouldn’t? And as Mitch reads, he discovers secrets. His mom got kicked out of her house when she became a hippie war protester. Mitch’s parents have these two best friends he’s never even heard of but were drafted into the Vietnam War. And his grandparents might not be dead after all.
For Mitch, even though moving really, really stinks, at least it’s interesting. Motivated by a story he hears from his new neighbors, Mitch enlists his best friend Brian and a librarian he just met in his new town to assist him with a secret history project designed to find answers and people.
MOVING SECRETS, my middle grade historical fiction novel, shifts back and forth in time between 1967 San Francisco and 1980 Cambria, California. It is complete at 52,000 words.
Although my background lies in teaching literature, I am new to writing it. MOVING SECRETS is my first novel, and I am querying you because [personalize with reasons I chose this agent].
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Barbara Watson
That's it.
Please remember to save your feedback for tomorrow, when I'll be sharing mine.
Sorry I couldn't find a better, or official, video of this song, but for some silly reason, Lupe Fiasco doesn't have an official Youtube channel.
Anyway, people really seemed to like it when I did a Poetic Analysis of a Pop Song, and some even said they hoped I'd do it again, so here it is, with another song I like.
I love this song, but it's an excellent one to breakdown with a literary analysis, because it's full of subtext, symbolism, and metaphor. Keep in mind, that any analytic reading of any kind of literature is going to be highly subjective, so these opinions are heavily based on who I am. Here are the lyrics:
[Lupe Fiasco]
Uh.. yeah
He just sits, and watches the people in the boxes
Everything he sees he absorbs and adopts it
He mimics and he mocks it
Really hates the box but he can't remember how to stop, it
Uh, so he continues to watch it
Hoping that it'll give him something that he can box with
Or how the locksmith, see the box as, locked in the box
Ain't got the combination to unlock, it
That's why he watch-es, scared to look away
Cause at that moment, it might show him
What to take off the locks with
So he chained himself to the box, took a lock and then he locked it
Swallowed the combination and then forgot, it
As the doctors jot it all down, with they pens and pencils
The same ones that took away his voice
And just left this instrumental, like what
Okay, so on the simplest level, and this might seem obvious, but it's deeper than it first appears, the box is television, or the internet. If you didn't notice that at first, I'm sure you see it now. But on a more fundamental level, beneath the foundation, if you will, this song is about consumerism, media, marketing, and propaganda. It's about the standardization of our youth, and how we are telling them who to be, what to wear, and what to buy.
He sits, and he watches the box (media in any format), and anything he sees he adopts it. He is a consumer, especially a young, impressionable consumer, and he is aware he is being manipulated (he mocks it), and he hates that he's being manipulated, but he's chained to the box. This is an essay on that fact that the messages are all around us. Billboards, airbrushed magazine covers, blinged out pro-athletes and rock-stars. It's everywhere.
He's scared to look away, because he's convinced that he can discover a way to transcend the box, from within the box. This is the paradox of media and control. Because, realistically, you can buck the trend, be a creative artist or musician, not fall into the hole of a number two pencil multiple choice bubble test, make something new and unique, but then you need the box to be able make any money doing it. It's a necessary evil. Or is it?
The doctors are us. The parents, the teachers, the ad execs, the CEOs, the politicians. Everyone who is telling him what he needs to do, what he needs to buy, and who he needs to be. We are taking away their voices.
[Chorus: Jonah Matranga + (Lupe)]
And he never lies (he never lies, he never lies, uh)
And he never lies (uh, he never lies, he never lies, no)
And he never lies (he never lies)
Cause he never said anything at all
When I first heard this song, I thought the chorus said "daddy never lies," and I was all prepared to go into how daddy was the media, in a kind of big brother reference, but then when I looked the lyrics up, that argument wasn't going to work anymore.
You can laugh at me now.
[Lupe Fiasco]
He just sits, and listens to the people in the boxes
Everything he hears he absorbs and adopts it
Anything not coming out the box he blocks it
See he loves the box and hope they never stop it
Anything the box tell him to do, he does it
Anything it tell him to get, he shops and he cops it
He protects the box, locks it in a box
when he goes to sleep, but he never sleeps
Cause he stays up to watch it, scared to look away
Cause at that moment, it might get stolen
And that's the last of the boxes
So he chained himself to the box, took a lock and then he locked it
Swallowed the combination and then forgot, it
As the doctors jot it all down, with they pens and pencils
The same ones that took away his voice
And just left this instrumental, like what
Much of this is repeated from the first verse, but there are some new ideas. For those who don't know, cops it is slang for buys it. But then things get worse. He locks the box inside another box (like a TV in an apartment, perhaps), and starts to get paranoid. Clearly you can't steal the media. Someone might take your TV, but the message is still out there, all you need to do is look around. So what's he afraid of? I would argue he's afraid of losing his identity. So many young people (many, but not all) identify themselves and their personalities by external, surface things like clothes and jewelry, and all their little screens. If you've ever had to take your child's iPod away so that they could consider their behavior for a while, you know what this means.
[Chorus]
[Lupe Fiasco]
(Anything at all..) He never lies
Uh, and you can't tell me just who you are
You buy new clothes just to hide those scars
You built that roof just to hide those stars
Now you can't take it back to the start
And you can't tell me just who you are
You buy new clothes just to hide those scars
You built that roof just to hide those stars
Now you can't take it back to the start
This chorus gets a bit more overt. You don't have to have physical scars to want to hide something that's on the inside. We all had identities when we were young, skaters, gangsters, nerds, band-kids, jocks. We want to fit in, it's human nature, so we find a group that we have something in common with, and we conform. But it's not that simple. We are not only what we wear, or what clique we hang out with. We can't see the stars of who we really are, because we build so many barriers to keep that person hidden.
[Chorus]
[Lupe Fiasco]
(Anything at all.. anything at all..)
Uh, and you can't tell me just who you are
You buy new clothes just to hide those scars
You built that roof just to hide those stars
Now you can't take it back to the start
And you can't tell me just who you are
You buy new clothes just to hide those scars
You built that roof just to hide those stars
Now you can't take it back to the start
You can't take it back to the start, because you're only born once. You only get one chance to define yourself, obtain knowledge of self, and make that first impression on people.
What I think Lupe's trying to say in this song, is that we need to be ourselves. We need to stop telling everyone that white and skinny is the only kind of beautiful, that expensive cars and diamond earrings are the only proof of success, and that everyone should want to be just like everyone else.
I don't really review books, because I think for an author, even an aspiring one, to give critical reviews of someone else's work is a bit of a conflict of interest, but I do like to recommend books I loved.
