Tara Gallina's Current Query Critiqued

Okay. First things first, I'm really sorry about yesterday, especially to Tara. I had a family emergency, and wasn't able to make it into work, or to get to a computer to put this post up. Everyone is fine now, so thanks for your understanding.

Now, let's get to work. Tara's query will remain in plain text, and my feedback will be in red.

The query:

NOTE: The details of this query have been removed at the request of the author.

That's it!

What do you guys think? Is there anything I missed? Anything you disagree with? Can anyone try to write a better hook for Tara?

Tara Gallina's Current Query

Today it's back to work here at the QQQE. Well, actually, today is the easy part, tomorrow is the work.

Anyway, today I'm featuring Tara Gallina's current query. If you don't know Tara, please go visit her blog, and become a follower.

Back? Great.

Now please keep in mind, today is just for introductions, and so you can have a chance to read the query without my redline. Please save your feedback for tomorrow.

Here we go:

NOTE: The details of this query have been removed at the request of the author.

That's it!

Please thank Tara for her courage, and say hello in the comments, but remember to save your critique for tomorrow.