As we try to get back into the swing of things here at the QQQE, it always helps to have queries to read and critique. It's what we're best at, so please keep them coming. I've only got one person waiting in line after Lori, so if you know anyone who needs help with their query, please send them over. All they have to do is email me.
Now, today we've got Lori's query. I'm waiting on confirmation from her, but I think this is her blog/website. If not, I'll correct the link. UPDATE: I heard back from Lori. That is her blog, but she also has a book review blog, which you can find here.
Now, her letter:
Dear Mr. or Ms. Agent,
Seventeen-year-old Molly Hatfield's childhood friend Preston is the boy next door, the kid whose shorts end up around his ankles every time he dives into the pool. Now she wonders who this fifteen-year-old bundle of sex-on-a-stick is in front of her and what he did with Preston.
When Molly's mom suddenly dies, the idea of spending this summer -- like every summer before -- at Breaker Beach is impossible to imagine. Before she leaves, a margarita induced lapse in judgment causes her to lock lips with Preston; even though she's made it clear he's too young for her. Her best friend Abi cautions that if she doesn’t call dibs on him soon, somebody else will. Then her summer crush Noah admits he loves her... like a friend, and he's gay. Finally, just as she starts to acknowledge her feelings for Preston she begins to suspect he's hooking up with Abi.
When someone enters her in a vocal contest at the end of summer she decides to swallow her fears and compete in memory of her mom. What she doesn't count on is Abi and Preston flying in together to surprise her before the show along with her dad and his new girlfriend.
Complete at 62,000 words, BREAKER is a contemporary romance for young adults that I believe will appeal to fans of Jenny Han, Sarah Ockler and Ann Brashares.
I've included the first five pages below. Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely,
Lori Clark
That's it.
Please save your feedback for tomorrow, and thank Lori for sharing her query with us!
16 comments:
Welcome, Lori! I'll try to make it back tomorrow with feedback.
Hi Lori! Hang tight, we'll be back tomorrow. (:
A whole lot of teen angst in that one.
"Sex on a stick." HA!
Hi Lori! Looking forward to Matt's comments tomorrow.
I'll be interested in the critique tomorrow.
Looking forward to seeing what Matt has to say on this one!
I'll be back tomorrow.
I maaaaaaay let you tackle my query. We'll see. I don't love it, but it's doing ok out in queryland so i just need to give it some thought
I'll be back tomorrow! Can't wait for the comments.
Hello everyone! Thank you Matt for doing this! I have sent out 2 query letters. One similar to the one posted above... which got me a rejection. She said that there was too much going on and that "issue books" are a hard sell. The other query I sent out garnered me an immediate full request. It is as follows:
Seventeen-year-old overweight Molly Hatfield's killer voice earned her a spot in her high school's prestigious Glam Club. Every night she performs her solo at the end of the show. Just once, she wants top billing. Fat chance. Everyone knows it ain't over till the fat lady sings.
When her mother dies, her father insists she spend the summer on Breaker Beach with relatives as usual. But it just isn't the same without her mom and now she's convinced her best friends Preston and Abi are hooking up back home. Why should she care? She's the one who told him it would never work between them. He's too young and she's too...big.
When Molly is diagnosed and treated for an underactive thyroid, the pounds start to melt away along with some of her self-loathing. So when someone enters her in the vocal competition she decides to compete in memory of her mom. What she doesn't count on is Abi and Preston flying in together to surprise her before the show.
Whoa, those 2 queries practically sound like 2 different books. I'll be back tomorrow to read what Matt has to say. And may I say how happy I am that you're back at The QQQE? I am!
Hi Lori nice to meet you, thanks for sharing. I have to say I'm a little more intrigued by the query you posted here in the comment box than then one you submitted for critique.
Hi Lori! Sounds like a fun story - can't wait to see Matt's crit! :)
I will definitely be back for the critique. This will be good. This story is full of teen drama and anguish.
I know... to be honest... I like the "Fat" query best, the one I've posted in the comments, but had one person tell me it's too much like the tv show Glee Club, which I've never seen. So then I switched it to the one Matt posted and was told there are too many issues. I would certainly love a happy medium!
This story looks exciting, so does the query to query-challenged me. I'll be back...
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