Josh Hoyt's Current Query

Okay. Today we're finally getting back to some of the bread and butter of what this blog was supposed to be about in the first place. Queries. Remember queries? Don't everyone squee at once.

Yeah, anyway. If you guys don't know Josh Hoyt, he's got a very interesting blog about diagnosing characters. You should visit it and follow him. Now.

Now that you're back, let's get to his query. Remember how this works? Today I'm just going to show you his current query letter, so that you can all get a feeling for where he's at. Tomorrow I'll critique his letter, and you guys can toss your feedback into the comments. So, here it is:

Dear [agent name]:

I am pleased to submit for your consideration, THE ORDER OF THE ROSE, a 78,000-word young adult fantasy novel. The novel is centered around Tom, a 16-year old who is hunted for his unique distinction of being the only male able to wield magic in centuries. For this reason, he is chosen to restore The Order of The Rose.

Torn from his mother at a young age, Tom was left in an orphanage to fend for himself until being rescued by a wealthy revolutionary leader. The revolutionary leader trains Tom to use guns and swords as well as subterfuge in hopes that he can help overthrow the government. During training Tom discovers his patron is not the only one interested in his new found abilities. He soon comes to find that not everyone who is looking for him, wants him alive when all is said and done.

Tom meets a ghost of the old Order who speaks to him, “You are our last hope. You must make things right.” If Tom fails to restore The Order of The Rose and bring an end to the corruption, the land will be ripped apart. It is then when Tom finally realizes the weight he carries. Though he fears what he will become of him, he knows he must protect his friends who are the only family he's known.

I am getting my second master’s degree in school psychology and I already have a Master’s degree in counseling. As a result, I have come to better understand the people around me. I use this knowledge for my blog, How to Diagnose Your Character, in hopes to help writers create accurate characters for their novels.

If you would like to consider THE ORDER OF THE ROSE, I’d be happy to forward you the complete manuscript.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,
Joshua Hoyt

So there you go. Please just say hi to Josh in the comments, and save your critique for tomorrow. Thanks!