Thursday, July 7, 2011

Josh Hoyt's Current Query

Okay. Today we're finally getting back to some of the bread and butter of what this blog was supposed to be about in the first place. Queries. Remember queries? Don't everyone squee at once.

Yeah, anyway. If you guys don't know Josh Hoyt, he's got a very interesting blog about diagnosing characters. You should visit it and follow him. Now.

Now that you're back, let's get to his query. Remember how this works? Today I'm just going to show you his current query letter, so that you can all get a feeling for where he's at. Tomorrow I'll critique his letter, and you guys can toss your feedback into the comments. So, here it is:

Dear [agent name]:

I am pleased to submit for your consideration, THE ORDER OF THE ROSE, a 78,000-word young adult fantasy novel. The novel is centered around Tom, a 16-year old who is hunted for his unique distinction of being the only male able to wield magic in centuries. For this reason, he is chosen to restore The Order of The Rose.

Torn from his mother at a young age, Tom was left in an orphanage to fend for himself until being rescued by a wealthy revolutionary leader. The revolutionary leader trains Tom to use guns and swords as well as subterfuge in hopes that he can help overthrow the government. During training Tom discovers his patron is not the only one interested in his new found abilities. He soon comes to find that not everyone who is looking for him, wants him alive when all is said and done.

Tom meets a ghost of the old Order who speaks to him, “You are our last hope. You must make things right.” If Tom fails to restore The Order of The Rose and bring an end to the corruption, the land will be ripped apart. It is then when Tom finally realizes the weight he carries. Though he fears what he will become of him, he knows he must protect his friends who are the only family he's known.

I am getting my second master’s degree in school psychology and I already have a Master’s degree in counseling. As a result, I have come to better understand the people around me. I use this knowledge for my blog, How to Diagnose Your Character, in hopes to help writers create accurate characters for their novels.

If you would like to consider THE ORDER OF THE ROSE, I’d be happy to forward you the complete manuscript.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,
Joshua Hoyt

So there you go. Please just say hi to Josh in the comments, and save your critique for tomorrow. Thanks!

28 comments:

Old Kitty said...

Hi Josh!

:-)

The Order of the Rose is a lovely title! Take care
x

Old Kitty said...

Hi Josh!

:-)

The Order of the Rose is a lovely title! Take care
x

Jen Daiker said...

Yay I made it! I never make it on query day! I feel so honored to read it! My lips are sealed for the moment!

I remember how daunting this was and I just have to say Josh is a VERY brave soul to go through this! It works! I've received multiple requests from the query letter that was critiqued on Matthew's blog!

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Josh is a smart one!

Christina Farley said...

Hey Josh! This is an interesting blog. I like how you are trying to help others.

Becky Mahoney said...

Woohoo! Yay queries. :D

Good luck, Josh!

Jessica Bell said...

Looking forward to tomorrow :o) Sounds interesting!

L. Diane Wolfe said...

Hello, Josh. While I don't have a degree, I spent many years studying personality traits and relationships, and that knowledge is so essential for creating realistic characters.

Michael G-G said...

I love these query critiques. Thank you, Josh, for sharing your work, and I look forward to Matt's and everyone's comments tomorrow.

Hey Matt: swords!

Sarah Pearson said...

Hello Josh!

Will be back tomorrow to learn something :)

Bethany Elizabeth said...

Hey Josh! Bravo for braving the world of queries - they're so difficult. :) Can't wait for the critiques tomorrow!

Sarah Ahiers (Falen) said...

OOh! Back to business! Excitement abounds!

cleemckenzie said...

I'm popping in from #WS4U to say hi to Josh too. Gather those crits and good luck with that query.

Rachel Brooks said...

Hello Josh! I hope you get some wonderful, helpful feedback tomorrow. It's great that you've entered the world of querying. It's stressful, but well worth it ;)

Bryan Russell (Ink) said...

Looking forward to the comments tomorrow.

Karen Amanda Hooper said...

Queries? I didn't know this blog focused on queries/ When did that happen?

Kidding.

Yay for Josh being a brave soul! Can't wait to see the comments tomorrow.

Misha said...

Hi Josh! Be back tomorrow. ;-)

Donna K. Weaver said...

Brave Josh! Go you!

I'm trying to get a grip on these things myself, so I'm just going to note a couple of things--and it's the f. This query, counting the greeting and siggy line, comes to 314 words. Don't they suggest closer to 250?

I ask because I'm anal. If I'm told my query must be no more than 250 words, it'll be 250. I promise. But if it's really okay to be longer, hey. An extra 64 words? That would be awesome.

So, just wondering ...

Elana Johnson said...

Oooh, I've read this one before... *rubs hands together*

Hi Josh!

Marsha Sigman said...

Hi, Josh! I'm excited about this too.

Josh Hoyt said...

Thanks everyone I am excited to see the responses and helps. Yes Elana you have hopefully it has improved with your wonderful help! Hi back to everyone :)

The Golden Eagle said...

Looking forward to reading tomorrow's post!

RaShelle said...

Can't wait to read tomorrow's post. YAY!!!

Anita said...

Yay, Josh!

Cinette said...

Hi Josh!
This sounds like a story I'd like to read!

Carol Riggs said...

Hi, nice to visit your blog again, Matthew! Coming up for air after 2 months of first round revisions.

Great to put your query up for public scrutiny, Josh! Will be fun to see Matthew's (and others') critiques. :)

Missed Periods said...

Hi Josh. I'm looking forward to checking out your blog. Maybe I'll diagnose myself!

Jamie (Mithril Wisdom) said...

I like the sound of it :D Looking forward to the feedback tomorrow :D