Here's another query for you all. This time you don't have to go follow Helene's blog, because she doesn't have one.
But you do still have to save your feedback for tomorrow. Thank you.
The query:
Dear [AGENT]:
They say your life can change in a heartbeat, but sixteen-year-old Cal Ryan knows it takes longer than .857 of a second for a car to spin towards yours and kill one of your best friends. He knows that it takes longer than that for your damaged heart to be replaced with someone else’s. And he knows that overcoming his guilt could take a lifetime.
Cal thinks he’s lost everything: his friend, Lizzie; a promising future as a baseball player; and any chance he had with Ally Martin, the girl he’s had a crush on for two years. But when he learns that his donated heart was Lizzie’s and starts hearing her voice, sharing her dreams, and feeling her desire for their mutual friend Spencer, Cal fears he’s losing the only thing he has left – his mind.
As Cal is forced to examine the things he’s always taken for granted, he discovers that friendship can overcome many obstacles and that, sometimes, what you were looking for was inside you all along.
GHOST LIGHT is a complete young adult novel at 64,000 words.
A member of SCBWI, I am a marketing manager/editor for a nonprofit organization, as well as a freelance music journalist for Irish Music Magazine (Dublin, Ireland). I have extensive non-fiction writing credits which include the 2006 biographies for “Celtic Women” (EMI/Manhattan) and articles in multiple encyclopedia series for Thompson Gale Research (Cengage Learning) including “Exploring Law & Society” and “Great American Court Cases”.
Thank you, in advance, for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Helene Dunbar
So that's it. Say hello to Helene, and get ready to come back tomorrow.
UPDATE: Helene can be found on Twitter, if you'd like to harass her there.
18 comments:
Hello Helene! For now I just wanted to say, I want to read this!!
Hello Helene! I love love love the gender/sexuality issues raised here. Cal feeling Lizzie's emotions for Spencer! Love it!! Take care
x
HELENE! It's awesome to have a peek into your writing world. I'm with Old Kitty--the Cal/Lizzie having feelings for Spencer angle is a major hook for me.
I think you nailed this query.
Hello Helene. Nicely done. I'm with all of the above.
Great query! I'm not much into YA "ghost" stories, but this one sounds good.
Thanks for sharing your query. Sounds like a great story.
Certainly sounds original!
man, you must have had a boatload of queries waiting for crits
Interesting. Shades of Heinlein's "I Will Fear No Evil".
Definitely stopping back tomorrow to see what Matthew does with this!
Helene, it's not nailed, but it's a great story, and I think an agent would ask for more. There are a couple awkward bits here, but they're not terrible. A little cut here and there and this will be perfect. Let's see what Matthew says tomorrow.
In any event, the story sounds super. It's a winner.
Sounds like a pretty good story. It reminds me of an episode of Misfits where a character had the donated heart of a super powered man and gained the power of teleportation.
Hi Everyone -
Thanks for posting this Matthew and thank you to everyone for taking the time to read this.
(Sarah - just a note...this isn't the one I discussed with you so if you're trying to figure out how my comments could possibly fit into this story...they don't! :-) )
Hi Helene! *bites tongue* It's hard not to say ANYTHING. But maybe I can sneak in that it sounds interesting? ;D
Very unique premise...love it and hope your writing backs it up. P.S. The whole Dublin thing is also intriguing. And now I'll stop breaking the rules and shut it.
Hi, Helene-- it sounds like a cool story!
I know I'm a bit late to the game but I wanted to say I found this query to be very intriguing. The first half really set me up to want to know the rest.... No, that isn't a critique... Just a comment.
Matthew you're made of awesome!
Post a Comment