Here is another query from that first day. It seems to have reverted back to the same shitty version. I'm pretty sure I didn't do that so it must just be that this reply came in later than the others.
I am writing to you seeking representation for my young-adult fantasy-adventure novel which has the working title, Warrior-Monks, which is complete at approximately 475,000 words. The sequel, which is untitled, currently exists only in outline form. I am enclosing a synopsis but will not include any sample chapters because the REDACTED website clearly states that you will request a manuscript if you have an interest. I will say though, that this story really has to be read to be appreciated as the synopsis included here simply does not do it justice.
At first I thought putting these out there for all to see would help me let go of the feelings of despair. Now they're making me cringe a little worse each time. Oh well, I will not give up.
I love Eastern Cultures and art forms – Martial Arts, Calligraphy, Japanese Swords, Tea Ceremony etcetera and all the tradition and high level of art that go into them. I also love magic and fantasy and eastern religions such as Buddhism, Hinduism, and Taoism. Warrior-Monks incorporates all of these themes in a fantastic way which has never been done in young adult fantasy to my knowledge.
Lee is a troubled young man from a broken family. After being expelled from boarding school and having experienced several brushes with the law, his adopted parents, who also happen to be his cruel aunt and uncle, decide to ship him off to a strange and distant reform school which is in the remote wilderness in the panhandle of Northern Idaho. He becomes a member of a group of 12 other students who arrived at the school at the same time as him. They are all very afraid and apprehensive about what will be going on at the school but they are soon pleased to discover that it is not nearly as bad as they had feared. After working in the Wood-Corral for several months they begin taking classes like Aikido, Kenjutsu, Calligraphy and Meditation. It is some time before they discover that through meditation they can imbue their calligraphic scrolls with ancient magic. The book consists of many themes such as the beauty of nature, the life-energy that exists in everything and the awkward struggles that teenagers go through as they grow into themselves and become adults. Lee’s coming of age and struggling with the loss of his mother and the breaking of his family form the core of this introspective but also character driven tale.
I have never been published but I am confident that many authors like Christopher Paolini and Brunonia Barry have proved that you do not have to be a highly experienced or best-selling author to write an incredibly entertaining book. Please feel free to reply to this email, or to call me on my mobile phone at any time at 206-555-1212, or even to write to me at home at:
Thank you for your consideration of this proposal. I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Matthew M. Rush
Thank you so much for giving REDACTED a chance to consider your work. At this time I’m not acquiring any new young adult or middle grade authors, and would not be the best agent for you.
I wish you the best of luck in your search for a more appropriate agent.
Pretty encouraging considering I can always query another agent at her agency. In fact I intend to do so once I'm actually ready again. It also helped a little to think she wasn't rejecting based on poor query/pages/voice or whatever. But she probably would have if she had read past the first paragraph so in hindsight this one doesn't count. I did breathe a sigh of relief at the time though.