Dear Author

Another early rejected query:

May 12th, 2009

Dear REDACTED,

I am writing to you seeking representation for my young-adult commercial-fiction novel which has the working title, Warrior-Monks, and is complete at approximately 475,000 words. The sequel, which is untitled, currently exists only in outline form. Warrior-Monks is intended for young adult readers ages 13-17, who are buying books in droves these days, but I am certain that once you read the manuscript you will find that it is mature enough and compelling enough to enthrall even the most discerning adult reader. I am including a synopsis but will not include any sample chapters because your website clearly states that you will request a manuscript if you have an interest.

I can't believe I told her that young adult readers are buying books in droves these days. She's a literary agent for god's sake, as if she doesn't know that.

One sure fire way to insult someone is to tell them how to do their job. If you really wanna infuriate them have no idea what your talking about on top of it.

I love Eastern Cultures and the many art forms they incorporate such as – Martial Arts, Calligraphy, Japanese Swords, and the Tea Ceremony as well as all the traditions and high level of art that go into them. I also love Magic and Fantasy and Eastern Religions such as Buddhism, Hinduism, and Taoism. Warrior-Monks incorporates all of these themes in a fantastic way which has never been done in young adult fantasy to my knowledge. There are no wizards, witches or vampires in my story, just a bit of everyday magic and mysticism that has not been written about in this way before.

I do like the bit where I point out that there are no witches, wizards or vampires. It's a good way to say how my MS stands out from a lot of the other stuff out there. The rest of the paragraph is insufficient though. I can't remember where I got the idea to talk about stuff I like instead of telling what happens in the story but it clearly doesn't work.

I have never been published but I am confident that many authors like Christopher Paolini and Brunonia Barry have proved that you do not have to be a highly experienced or best-selling author to write an incredibly entertaining book. I also do have some personal qualifications to write this story. For example my own mother died when I was eleven years old and I was then sent to live with a cruel aunt and uncle and eventually did end up at a reform school in Northern Idaho which although strange, was not nearly as fascinating as the place in which my characters find themselves within this book.

Again, an agent is only interested in personal qualifications if you are writing non-fiction, such as a memoir.

Please feel free to reply to this email, or to call me on my mobile phone at any time at 206-555-1212, or even to write to me at home at:

ADDRESS

Thank you for your consideration of this proposal. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely,

Matthew M. Rush

SYNOPSIS

Her reply:

Dear Author, Please forgive this impersonal note. We receive a tremendous number of query letters and are forced to focus our attention on a limited number of projects. We regret that we must decline the offer to review your work. We encourage you to keep writing and we wish you every success. Sincerely, REDACTED.

This form rejection seems a little lazy. I mean I understand the slushpile is enormous and agents (and their assistants) are extremely busy. I am also aware that this query stinks like a hog farm on a hot day but Dear Author? I mean come on. Begging forgiveness is a nice touch but if you aren't going to take the time to address each writer just leave the salutation out. It just looks bad.

We're told over and over to address our queries to you by name. Even as dumb as I was back then I knew not to address a letter to Dear Agent, Dear Sir or Madam, or To Whom it May Concern. Address a query letter that way and I guarantee it won't concern anyone.

Otherwise you can't blame her. Astronomical word count? Check. Ignorance of genre? Check. Telling her how to do her job? Check. Complete lack of pitch, hook and any idea of what happens in the story? Check.

Lazy form rejection. Why not?