Kay Em Evans' World Race Mission: Auctions Open

We’ve got some awesome gift sets to be auctioned and raffled. It’s really easy, and I’ll explain exactly what to do.

All proceeds go to our friend Kay Em Evan’s WORLD RACE MISSION. Kay is going on an 11-month mission to Central and South America, where she’ll be doing ministry and humanitarian work. She’s got to raise a lot of money, so let’s help her out!

Bid on these amazing gift sets and enter to win one of the incredible raffle prizes! We’re even giving away RUNNER UP PRIZES, so there will be lots of winners by the end of the contest!

We’ve got two AUCTIONS to bid on:

AUCTION #1

Abby Road Gift Set

Winner receives an autographed copy of Abby Road by Ophelia London! Comes with Abby swag, and the winner will also get copies of Ophelia’s other titles (both in ebook format): Speaking of Love and Playing at Love. And since Abby Road has a Beatles-y type of theme, Ophelia’s going to include some Beatles swag too!

If you’re a Beatles fan, or if you just love romance-y novels, this auction item is for you! Ophelia London fans, you’ll definitely want to bid on this unique gift set! We’re using Ebay since it’s a dedicated auction site, so just go to the listing to place your bid:

http://www.ebay.com/itm/200959695632?ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1555.l2649

Starting Bid: $16

AUCTION #2

Dragonfly Gift Set

Winner receives an autographed copy of Leigh T. Moore’s Watercolor (book 3 in the DRAGONFLY series). Comes with books 1 and 2 in the DRAGONFLY series (both in ebook format) plus your choice from any of Leigh’s other titles (choice of one, also in ebook format):

The Truth about Faking – YA romantic comedy

The Truth about Letting Go – YA coming of age; Semifinalist, 2013 "Best Indie Book Awards" sponsored by The Kindle Book Review

Rouge – New Adult romantic suspense & Quarterfinalist, 2013 Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award

If you’re a Leigh T. Moore fan, or if you just love a good YA book, this is the auction item for you! Start bidding to win this amazing gift set! We’re using Ebay since it’s a dedicated auction site, so just go to the listing to place your bid:

http://www.ebay.com/itm/200959699207?ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1555.l2649

Starting Bid: $16

RUNNER UP PRIZES – for second highest bidder in each auction

One of the following:

Autographed copy of S.A. Bodeen’s The Raft (or)

Ophelia London’s Playing at Love or Speaking of Love in ebook format (or)

The Tao of Travel by Paul Theroux (or)

A Short History of Almost Everything by Bill Bryce

And we’ve got two RAFFLES you can enter:

RAFFLE #1

The RaShelle Workman Gift Set

The winner of this raffle drawing receives a 15-page critique by RaShelle plus any TWO of RaShelle’s books: 1 autographed copy and 1 in ebook format (winner’s choice!). Here are the titles the winner can choose from:

Blood and Snow

Sleeping Roses

Touching Melody

Exiled – Immortal Essence #1

Beguiled – Immortal Essence #2

This gift set is truly one of a kind! RaShelle is an experienced author, and she knows what editors are looking for—let her help you nail your opening pages so agents and editors will be begging to see more! If you don’t need a critique but know someone who does, you can team up with that person to enter this raffle: you keep the books, your friend gets the critique. BAM. Easy as that. J

To enter this raffle, just go to Kay’s mission blog and make a TAX-DEDUCTIBLE donation of $10: kayemevans.theworldrace.org. Click SUPPORT ME at the top of the page, and you’ll be redirected to Kay’s donation page at Adventures in Missions. Donations can be made by credit card or bank draft.

NOTE: For every $5 more you donate, you’ll receive EXTRA ENTRIES in the drawing!

RAFFLE #2

The Kay Em Evans Ultimate Critique Package

The winner of this raffle receives an ultimate critique package by Kay Em Evans: one-page query, two-page synopsis, and first 10,000 words of manuscript. The finalized query will be featured on Matthew MacNish’s Quintessentially Questionable Query Experiment with breakdown and analysis. Package comes with a copy of SCENE & STRUCTURE (Elements of Fiction Writing) by Jack M. Bickham.

To enter this raffle, all you have to do is buy one of Kay’s APOSTLE t-shirts! These soft, comfy tees are a great way to show support for Kay’s mission, they come in both men’s and women’s styles, and they’re free shipping: www.HeartsAndStars.org.

RUNNER UP PRIZES – to be awarded to secondary names drawn in each raffle:

Choice of the following:

Autographed ARC of Jessica Bell’s latest book BITTER AS ORANGE PEEL (or)

Critique of choice: query or opening pages of manuscript – to be provided by Matthew MacNish/Kay Em Evans (or)

Autographed copy of The Straits of Galahesh (Book Two of the Lays of Anuskaya) by Bradley P. Beaulieu (or)

Any of S.A. Bodeen’s titles (limit 1, ebook format)

Jeremy [Retro] Hawkins, JMH Digital Art Book Tour - Celebrity Adventure

Today is my day to host Jeremy Hawkins, AKA [Retro] the brilliant graphic designer behind all the art for the April A to Z blogging challenge. He's got some art and design books out now, so he's touring the blogosphere to spread the word. I've asked him to share one of his awesome celebrity adventure stories with us, so I'll let him take it away:

Another day, another adventure or my encounter with a celebrity… not that there was any trouble more or less something weird happens. This is my meeting and interview of Darth Vader no not the evil Lord Vader, no the man beneath the mask David Prowse. First I wanted to thank Matt for letting me host and share some of my art/design books with you all. All those details and how to enter the “GIVEAWAY” will be at the bottom, so make sure to enter.

So I was saying that it was at one of those conventions that bring some of the top celebrities and this year was no different with a hand full of characters from Star Wars. Skipping along in enter this 6.6 man with crutches in hand barely able to make it to where we had set up our set for our shoot and interview. I am only 5’11’’ and Mr. Prowse is towers over me and the crew of the show I worked on. He informs us he needs to stretch his foot/leg out due to recent surgery he had done, we say no problem.

Problem, yes… problem. We have to find a chair fit his height and make it less uncomfortable for him and we didn’t find anything, so we used our heads. Giving him several stackable chairs he became within the perfect spectrum to be at ease with the injury. What we didn’t plan on my reach, my ability to hold the microphone in frame for the entire 15 to 20 minutes. You can learn how strong you are by holding this microphone extended for long periods of time [epic fail]. I asked my questions like a pro, answers returned as the interview went in full throttle. I started to shake and sweat the director noticed this and came up out of frame and helped by holding my arm until the end. The end came we make sure we give thanks to the celebrities for their time, Mr. Prowse leans over and said “I thought you were going to drop it, now that would have made for a interesting segue.

Please follow the tour as I will soon be sharing my brush with greatness and shift from Star Wars to Star Trek again… I am one with William Shatner. Also I am sorry to keep forgetting to tell my “Question to George Takei”, I honestly forgot… stay tuned and keep following the tour!

It's a four book series 40 pages each and it is the art/design from things I had designed over the years. It's a mish-mash of things that I had seen in my head... and some are future designs that will become shirts. Places I wanted to go artistically as you travel from where I was to where I am now. Is it great journey! Titles came from the idea of time "12:34, 35, 36 and 37” seems that is when my best ideas came to me... day or night. It's funny I never considered myself a "writer" just a man who likes to paint a canvas if it be words or my art/design.

Giveaways: Some great prizes being given away please stop over at my main page “BEING RETRO” and look just below the header for the “It’s Time” Tour Giveaway link and enter today.

Thank You, for letting me play host and to all who took the “time” to read this… you are all the best.

Jeremy Hawkins
Being Retro
beingretro.com

Main Page | Amazon

Kay Em Evans' World Race Mission Contest: Teaser

My friend Kay Em Evans is going on a World Race Mission, and needs to raise some money, for a good cause. The actual contest/auction begins next week, starting Labor Day, September 2nd. It will be an auction in which the highest bids earn prizes like signed copies of books and various critiques. For now, I'll let Kay describe the teaser.

Take it away, Kay!

Teaser prize for this week’s teaser (for writers): Query critique by, Matthew MacNish, and first 5 pages critique by Kay Em Evans.

Optional prize (for non-writers): copy of one of these books: Lonely Planet’s LONDON ENCOUNTER, Lonely Planet’s MONTENEGRO, Bill Bryson’s A SHORT HISTORY OF NEARLY EVERYTHING, or Paul Theroux’s THE TAO OF TRAVEL – to be provided by Kay Em Evans.

• Anyone who blasts about the contest just has to go Matthew’s blog (The QQQ Experiment: http://theqqqe.blogspot.com/) and comment that he/she is spreading the word and how (via which social networking platform).
• That’s it! Then that person is entered into the drawing for the query critique and firstseven-pages critique!

Matthew is a writer and a whiz at queries. His blog, the Quintessentiallyly Questionable Query Experiment, was started for that very purpose—to take the guesswork out of the query letter process. He’s interviewed all kinds of experts in this area—authors, agents, editors—and is the perfect person to critique your query. http://theqqqe.blogspot.com/

Kay Em Evans is a writer and editor. She started off writing YA and has now expanded to travel. She first discovered her knack for editing in college, when all of her friends began asking her to edit their research papers. After providing an edit and critique to a fellow writer back in 2009, that writer finally started receiving requests from agents and was later signed by the New York based literary agency D4EO. http://www.kayemevans.com/blog/kays-editing-services/

Thanks! Matt again here.

So really all you have to do is Facebook, Tweet, G+, blog, or whatever about this teaser, leave a comment here saying that you did, and you'll be entered to win the prize!

Revision Techniques at Project MG Mayhem

The contest you may have seen me discussing recently on Facebook will be coming up soon, but for now, I'm over at Project Mayhem, discussing a revision technique I use.

Kodi Ross's Current Query Critiqued

Okay. It's been a while since I've done one of these. I may need to sharpen my blood red (blue) pencil. Anyway, today we have Kodi's query letter again, this time with my feedback, in blue.

The query:

Dear Agent,

Seventeen-year-old Marnie Haynes knows there’s no such thing as magic, she stopped believing the night her father told her that her mother died due to depression and not a Siren’s song.

Hmm. This starts out okay, with a middling sense of character in that we know we've got a kind of no nonsense older teenager who doesn't believe, but then things get odd. For one, can you die of depression? I mean sure, depression can lead to many lifestyle choices that can kill you, I'm sure, but depression itself can't actually be a clinical cause of death, I don't think, so it looks weird to see that in the opening line of a query (see Query Shark for an example of why you've got to get facts right).

That said, I like the Siren's song. For one thing, it's specific, and for another it hints at world, but it too feels a little off. Sirens called sailors from off their ships, but the men actually died of drowning, not bleeding from their ears. Isn't that how the legend goes?

But in the Bay of Sirens—a craggy, island deathtrap off the coast of Ireland—odd things are happening to make Marnie rethink her beliefs.

This though, I love. It's specific, it's Ireland, and even though the last clause is totally vague, you explain what things you mean right afterward.

After When Marnie encounters a horse drowning a boy in the ocean, bells ringing when none are around, metal that burns her, and strange creatures from island legend appearing from nowhere, she figures she’s going insane. When she starts engaging in risky behavior Drugs or sex? Be specific. her family brings her in for treatment, saying it’s time to help her mental illness before it gets any worse.

But not everyone wants to help her. When the town’s mayor claim’s Marnie is a monster and tries to poison her, then throws her off a cliff; Marnie is left hanging onto life by the strings. Huh? What strings? She’s saved by two men—both who look like monsters, with green skin, sharp teeth, and who are threatening to start a war.

Umm ... I think you're falling into synopsis territory here. As in, TMI. Remember, all a query need do is entice an agent to read pages. There are examples that break the rules, but usually that's done in a letter in which the meat of the query (the story summary) is two or three paragraphs of 250 words or less. The best queries convey CHARACTER (introduce us immediately to a person we can like (or at least love to hate) and sympathize with right away, and give us a sense of who they are before you show us what happens to them), CONFLICT (this is the obstacle the character must overcome in order to achieve her goals, it can be internal, it can be external, it can be realistic, or it can be fantastical, but in a query, it must be specific, interesting, and concise), and CHOICE (this I actually don't swear by quite as much. The best queries do often end with a sadistic choice, but sometimes that doesn't really fit the story. If a difficult choice to be made does fit your story, be sure to make it clear in your query, and at least imply what the consequences of failure will be).

I say this, partly, because your query is too long (the meat is 299 words, but it reads as even longer, probably because of so many paragraphs) but also because you want to really hold your reader's attention. The reason short queries usually work best is that you want to introduce a character, entice the reader with specific conflict and/or a well imagined world, and then have them chomping at the bit to get to your pages.

Her life is turned inside out when it’s revealed that she’s not crazy. Revealed to whom? And how? She’s part-Faerie and because of the mayor’s actions, a war has been started on her behalf. Now her real father, a Kelpie in the Unseelie Army, is willing to kill anyone—even her friends and family—to get his hands on her.

At this point you've gone on too long, but I will say this sounds interesting. Specificity is the spice of every good query. I love that you don't name her dad, but you do name his army, and his species. That really gets my imagination going. If you could work this kind of detail in earlier, and more succinctly, this query would be much improved.

Coerced into going with the Faeries to learn their ways, Marnie resolves to hate them. She's half Fae, half Kelpie, and zero percent human? It doesn't really matter, I suppose, but I'm curious. Always try to keep logistics in mind, and remember that your reader is going to be thinking, trying to figure out all the details. But as she grows closer to them, she realizes all is not what she thought. When the humans of the island hatch a plan to rid the place of the Faeries forever, it’s up to her to choose which side she’ll be on and who will survive the first, and maybe final, battle.

DARK HARBORS is a 80,000 word fantasy novel with contemporary elements that will appeal to fans of Maggie Stiefvater’s THE SCORPIO RACES.

This is good.

Thank you for your time.

Okay, in summary: you've got the elements here, the skeleton of a good query, so to speak. Even if Irish Faeries have been done, you've got some unique elements, and I can see enough to tell that the story in your manuscript is probably a lot of fun.

But ... you need to work on presentation here. You've got some high points, to be sure, but there's too much, and I think you need to focus on paring it down:

Marnie is no-nonsense, but must either accept magic is real or that she's crazy. (CHARACTER)
There is a war between the Kelpies and the Faeries--or is it the Kelpies and the humans? Not sure. (CONFLICT)
She must pick a side. (CHOICE)

Obviously there's more to it than that, but these are really the only three things you must convey. Present them in a cool way, and so that we care, and you'll be in great shape.

That's it!

What do you all think? Anything to add?