Monday, February 3, 2014
I don't know the exact address of his birth, but Andrew Smith and I were born about 12 miles, and maybe 15 years, apart. He's a fan of Rubgy. I'm a fan of (American) Football. I think he knows, but I don't think he really cares, that our (American) Football team, the Seattle Seahawks, just won perhaps the most lopsided game in the history of the NFL Super Bowl. So as a #12thMan, I'd like to offer a major congratulations to my team, and a thumbed nose to Drew.
This post is going to cover the entire Part 2 of GRASSHOPPER JUNGLE: WATERLOO CORNFIELD. It's a somewhat short section of the book, but I also finished it because I missed so much blogging least week, and had plenty of time to read.
The not-chapters in this section of the book are called: PALINDROMES • A BATH, A SHAVE, AND MODESTY • JOHNNY AND OLLIE • THE PATCH JOB • SAY PLEASE • A SNAPSHOT • HAGGLED • [REDACTED] • SKATING AND KAYAKING • EDEN FIVE NEEDS YOU • AN AWFUL LOT OF MATH • TALLY-HO! • THE INNER TOMB • AND HERE'S NUMBER FIVE • TAKING DRAGS • A VISITOR COMES AND GOES • [REDACTED]
Not redacting some of those titles probably wouldn't have given that much away, as you'll see for yourselves when you read the book, but sometimes it's just fun to redact things.
Some of the best lines from this section of the book are:
Kayak and Xanax are palindromes.
Everyone knows I love you, too does not mean I love you.
History is unimpeachable, sublime.
Grimacing lemurs are a little unnerving.
I was horny and mathematically confused.
History also shows there aren't an awful lot of real friends on the record.
The place was as quiet as a cemetery in a morning snowfall.
The best part about WATERLOO CORNFIELD, apart from Austin making fun of things like Hollywood, stupid movies titles, Iowa entrepreneur's penchant for naming businesses hilariously, and his poor dog Ingrid's restless bowel, is how the plot all starts to come together/fall apart. It's like that moment when you're at the top of the highest point on the track of a roller coaster, and the entire world stops for just a moment, and you hold your breath, and look around, and marvel at the beauty of it all for what feels like an eternity, until you suddenly take the plunge and everything is screaming past you like a motherfucker.
You've all felt that before, right?