Friday, December 10, 2010

Facebook Scam

Morning all. So I've been having a good week, especially when it comes to blogging, and I was looking for a nice easy lazy post for today that would still be entertaining, and then yesterday I got this chat sent to me on FB. I'm not going to give out the name of the account they hacked, but needless to say it is someone I barely know. Luckily I had heard of this scam, so I decided to eff with this monkey.

So anyway, peep this craziness, and let my random helpfulness and innocent confusion be a lesson to all scam artists!

Today
3:57pm
Scammy McFullOfCrappyPants
"HI
how are you doing
?"

3:57pm
Author Matthew Rush
"I'm good, you?"

3:58pm
"Am not too good"

3:58pm
Author Matthew Rush
"oh no, why's that?"

3:58pm
SM
"i'm in kind of terrible problem at the moment
just that i have a big problem regarding my travel
are you aware that am in Scotland"

3:59pm
Me
"No I wasn't what's going on?"

3:59pm
It
"i had to visit a resort on a short vacation but got mugged at a gun point
it was a brutal experience"

Interjection: this is (obvisouly) where I knew exactly what was up. I wanted to see how much fun I could have before they mentioned Western Union. I mean who in the hell "has to" visit a resort. Like what, your company said they'd fire you if you wouldn't go? Yeah right.

3:59pm
Me
"Okay?"

4:00pm
It
"all cash credit card cell phone and my wallet were stolen off me by the muggers"

But clearly not your laptop, right?

4:00pm
Me
"my goodness, what are you going to do?"

4:00pm
Poor Scammy
"really need your help
am freaked out here"

4:01pm
Author Me!
"So you're stuck in Scotland? Where?"

4:01pm
Full of Crappy
"am left with just my life and my passport
yes"

4:02pm
Me
"Did you go to the police?"

4:02pm
They
"i have been to the consulate but they are not helping issue"

What consulate? What American would use that term anyway? Technically a Consulate is like an embassy, except not in a Capitol city, right Ted? I mean come on Scammy, you need to up your game, woman!

4:02pm
Inquisitive Me
"What part of Scotland are you in?"

4:03pm
Full of it It
"Location: 30 Oban Drive, North Kelvinside,
Scotland (United Kingdom)"

4:04pm
Hilarious Me (sometimes I kill myself)
"Did you visit Hogwart's?"

He/she/it ignored that one. Or didn't get it.

4:04pm
It
"the problem is our return flight leaves in few hours time, but am having problem sulting my hotel bills"

4:05pm
Me (a writer)
"Sulting?"

4:06pm
Liar
"pay my bills"

Yeah, right.

4:06pm
Me
"The hotel Bill? But you've got you're plane ticket?"

4:06pm
They
"wondering if i can get a quick loan from you ....
would def refund it to you once we arrive! Hopefully tomorrow"

We? Who the eff is we? You have a mouse in your pocket? I thought you said Steve had rowed to Fiji? Which, BTW, happens to be in the South Pacific, on the opposite side of the world from the Highland Moors of upper Scotland. I'm just sayin.

4:07pm
Pragmatic Me
"So you need money for your hotel bill and a plane ticket?"

4:07pm
Getting a little desperate they
"yes"

4:08pm
Me (a writer can still make typos)
"Pounds Sterlin?
Sterling?"

4:08pm
Shim
"yes"

4:08pm
Me (I looked up the name of my friend's Significant Other)
"Is Steve there?"

4:08pm
Sheet
"am all alone
400 pounds"

Sorry. My previous interjection was premature. Hard to keep track of all these lies.

4:09pm
Me
"what happened to Steve? Is he OK?"

4:09pm
It
"he travel to fijil island"

Okay, I must admit, I didn't see THAT coming.

4:09pm
Me (testing her texting skillz)
"WTH?"

4:11pm
Her, not giving up
"should i give you the info you need when you get t
western union
?"

4:13pm
Me, getting bored, want to push the envelope a little
"Wait. Why did Steve go to Fiji? And what is Western Union?"

4:16pm
Her
"Western union is were you
can wire or send me the money i need to sort my bill"

4:18pm
Me, trying to get creative here
"What will you do while they send money? How will you eat? How many weeks does it take them to send money across the ocean?"

4:20pm
Her
"just a 5 minit"

4:20pm
Me, running out of cleverness
"You'll be back in 5? Okay, I'll be here."

4:22pm
It
"i mean you can search for
western union now and send me the money it will be available in 5 minute
time"

4:22pm
Ready to push "her" over the edge
"Oh. Wow! That's amazing!"

4:26pm
"..........................."

4:28pm
"Don't you think? I mean where do they get the money from?"

4:28pm
"IYA EE"

4:29pm
"What does that mean?"

4:29pm
"I NEED YOUR HELP .......CANT YOU LOAN ME?"

4:30pm
And then I was done. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE ALL CAPS, but I can't stand when the verb doesn't match the subject.
"How do I know you again?"

4:31pm
"YOU POOR THING"

4:32pm
"What do you mean? Am I in trouble too?"

4:33pm
"SO WHY WASTING OUR TIME THEN ..........YOU ANIMAL"

After your incredibly poor attempt, using horrible grammar and English, at scamming some chump change out of me ... I'm the animal? If you spent this much time and effort getting a damn job, you wouldn't need these scams, my man.

4:33pm
WHAT?!?!?
"You crazy!"

4:34pm
"UR FATHERE
UR MAMA CRAZY.............YOU POOR LITTLE BOY
GO TO BED DEAD"

I had no idea what that meant. My Author profile does not talk about kids or family or anything.

And that was where the scammer could take no more. I should have wrote back "here endeth the lesson."

Thanks for playing everyone, and have a great weekend!

65 comments:

lexcade said...

OMG HE GOT YOU TOO?!

ugh. i'm pretty sure that douche just hit everyone on my friend's list. glad to see you had some fun with it though ;)

lexcade said...

also, if steve's in fiji, i'm a liiiiiittle mad that he'd go without me LOL

Matthew Rush said...

Thanks Lex, I was a little jealous too!

Jessica Bell said...

hahaha!!!! I've had this in an email once but never on chat! Hilarious!!!!! LOLOLOL

Candyland said...

This is hilarious!!! And the reason my profile is private!!!

Emily White said...

Brilliant! I shared this with my husband. We both had a very good chuckle.

Hannah Kincade said...

hahaha! Love it! I can't believe people actually fall for that crap. I mean, really? Come on.

Jess said...

That's hysterical--well done!

Joanna St. James said...

I swear we should have a spam blogfest this guys crack me up.
The sad part is people fall for it all the time.

DL Hammons said...

Excellent!!! Well done. :)

Kelly said...

OMG. Way to stick it to him, you animal!

Will Burke said...

That's awsome! I keep getting Messages from unknown females, some without linkable accounts, some with topless pix. Is this how they're gaining access?

Vicki Rocho said...

Hahaha! Good job! When I get those phishing things in email, I fill them out with completely bogus information. I figure we probably can't STOP them entirely, but if we all put in completely bad information, we can make it painful for them. hahaha.

Fiji sounds really good this time of year.

Bryan Russell (Ink) said...

I'm gonna rent a canoe and row to Fiji right now.

I figure I can just start paddling right through Lake Erie and out the St. Lawrence River to the ocean. And eventually Fiji!

Not entirely sure how to navigate Niagara Falls yet.

Lisa of In Pencil said...

Ha- I love the part where you asked how Western Union gets the money.

Justine Dell said...

Your are soooo clever! "How many weeks does it take to get money across the ocean?" Hilarous! What a way to start a Friday!

Oh, and I'm glad you were smart enough to realize the scam.

~JD

Tracy said...

Okay, it's not funny Matthew, I seriously needed that money and my grammar skills were slipping because I was drunk out of my mind.

All joking aside, that was some funny stuff. You're pretty good at thinking on the sly like that. Bravo! Makes me kinda want to get spammed now.

maine character said...

Never mess with a writer!

Jaydee Morgan said...

Sheesh, there are all kinds. I've heard of this scam but never seen it in action.

DEZMOND said...

GO TO BED DEAD? What a charming ending :)))

Melissa Gill said...

I had that happen to me too, but I just ignored it/warned my friends that were on this persons e-mail list. Dang I wish I had though to mess with them. That would have been too funny.

I love it that you're the animal!

Holly Dodson said...

Hahaha! Did you visit Hogwarts? *dies laughing*

I hadn't heard of this. Thanks for the heads up!

Creepy Query Girl said...

Yikes! I'm glad you tooled around with them- they def deserve it and the more time you can waste with them the less time they'll have to attempt conning other people!

Geoff said...

LOL!

I almost stopped reading because it was getting long and I'm on break at work, but I'm really glad I didn't so I could enjoy the gem "GO TO BED DEAD"

That is so gangster.

salarsenッ said...

Matt, I just heart you. If you knew how much I needed a laugh right now.... Thank you, seriously. Just loved this.

Stephanie M. Lorée said...

You poor little boy!

Great post. Thanks for sharing!

Stephen Tremp said...

This was a fun blog to read ... LOL! You just have to toy with them. Waste their time so they are not out trying to scam other people. Have a great weekend!

Mary McDonald said...

LMAO! I *love* how pissed they got that you "wasted" their time. Oh, the irony.

Falen (Sarah Ahiers) said...

first off, you had me at Hogwarts.
Also, this was great! Now i kinda hope someone tries to scam me so i can eff with them too

aspiring_x said...

you are such a rockstar!

Stina Lindenblatt said...

There is a difference between a consulate and embassy. The consulate is smaller, and often has to forward things to the embassy if they can't take care of them. Being in a capital city has nothing to do with it. There are other factors involve.

We've been warn on the news about similiar scams. The sad thing is people actually fall for them.

Simon Kewin said...

Hilarious. Sometimes I wonder why we writers bother to make stuff up when things like that happen for real!

Lydia Kang said...

I got the same one! This one was in England. Can I just say THANK you for pulling their tail a little longer than necessary to drive them crazy! I'm going to do that next time!

I also got phished like this to try to use a certain website. It was so annoying. I did report it to FB though.

Pk Hrezo said...

LOL! Oh geez... they're doing this on chat now??? I'm so over the emails ... I sent a long one back one time explaining why no one will fall for it. But someone prolly has.

Carolina Valdez Miller said...

Oh my word, how...ugh. You're awesome, but this guy is so freaking lame. What a shyster. I hope you reported it to FB. I wonder if these scams actually work. Now I'm ultra glad I never sign in to chat.

Josin L. McQuein said...

I guess if Steve had the cash for a last minute jaunt to Fiji, we know who robbed the guy :-P

(You should have typed the "but not your laptop" bit.)

The Internet has seriously effected scammers' abilities to think on their feet. People like you are necessary to help them hone their skills.

Matthew Rush said...

You are SO right Josin! I should have charged him for the lesson.

Old Kitty said...

Oh this is just so creepy!! I'm so sorry - it's just so wrong! And the really sad thing is that someone will fall for this type of thing and then that's that. I really try to think good of everyone but these scammers are just wrong, wrong, wrong! Yikes. Take care
x

Arlee Bird said...

Great interchange. I do this with phone solicitors sometimes, but I don't have the patience to carry on a conversation like that involving typing.
It is a serious problem though that people have to be on the lookout for. The other day I noticed on an email account that I rarely use that I had an email from a couple months ago that showed coming from a blogger whom I don't really know and haven't had any contact with for nearly a year. Poor guy was in England and got mugged and needed me to wire some money. Wow, he was waiting for that long for me to answer and I still never did. They need to do something about the crime problem in the UK -- a lot of people must be getting mugged.

Lee
Tossing It Out

Lenny Lee* said...

hi mr matthew! that got me laughing soooo much specially that hogwarts question. hahahaha. my cousin tonys wife cathy got caught up in that same thing and thought it was a for real old friend that got stranded out. she was gonna send some money but on one question she asked that person didnt have the right answer. its sooo neat that you got that person good. ha ha.
...laughs and hugs from lenny

mshatch said...

you must've had fun with that one. So glad you wasted their time :)

LTM said...

ok, I totally dug the Hogwarts question... so this was someone who "likes" (friended) your author site?

gah! The online spamming has got to stop... You know what's coming for you next, right? ;p <3

Kathryn said...

That was pretty hilarious.

NiaRaie said...

Hilarious! I want one so I screw with them too

Susan Kaye Quinn said...

LOL

My brother used to torment salesmen over the phone, tying them up for a half hour or more, so they couldn't go scam someone else. He considered it his public service of the day. :)

Elana Johnson said...

Dude, I'm just pissed Steve is in Fiji.

This was hilarious!

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

That was awesome! The things I miss by not being on Facebook...

Becca C. said...

That's actually hilarious. I laughed out loud at "He travel to fijil island" "WTH?"

Nate Wilson said...

How is it these scam artists are smart enough to hack someone's Facebook account or email, but too dumb to learn proper English grammar? Honestly. I hope they all get forced to visit a resort on a short vacation.

Okay, that's enough fun for Friday. I'm off to sult some bills.

Carolyn Abiad said...

:D Too funny! Thanks! Now I have something interesting to talk about at the office party tonight :D Still grinning!

Colene Murphy said...

Bwahahahahahaha!! I love it! I have only ever gotten the "take this quiz please" scam from "friends" on there. I kinda hope to get this one...It looks fun! Thanks Matt! Now I'm hoping my friends get hacked...*badfriend*

randine said...

That was hilarious!
You were such a good sport about it, even if you didn't give them the money in the end. And then they turned on you.

Jamie Gibbs (Mithril Wisdom) said...

I've yet to be graced by this scam, but when I am I'll be sure to record the fun conversation I'll have with them :) Thanks for the heads up, you got yourself a new stalker err, I mean follower :)

Shelley Sly said...

Hahaha! That was an entertaining read. :) I hope you don't get hit by a scam like that again... but if you do, please post the conversation again. ;)

Jeffrey Beesler said...

Scam artists ought to beware the artists whose craft depends on a literal play on words...

Shannon said...

Dude,

That was hysterical! Thank you so much for the laugh! <3

Ted Cross said...

Sorry I'm coming in so late, but I AM across the world. You are right that embassies are in the capital city and consulates are in other major cities (when they exist at all).

Robyn Campbell said...

SO GLAD YOU POSTED THIS. WHAT A DESPICABLE HUMAN BEING. (Notice the all caps.) :)

Way to go. I hope I don't run into him. The dirt bag.

Abby Minard said...

HAHAHA, that was hilarious. I don't have my chat turned on but I have gotten those scam emails type of things. But now I kinda want to do it so I can play with someone ;p Note to self: make sure to ask about hogwarts if I get an im that a "friend" is in scotland/england etc.

Nicole Zoltack said...

lol, loved it! Normally I just ignore scammers but I think next time, I wanna have some fun too. :)

pensees said...

Dude, Steve and I just got back from Fiji and my friend MrCrappyPants told me that you wouldn't wire him some funds in Scotland. WTH? I thought we were tight from when we were in Herbology at Hogwarts together, man.

You think you know a person. Sheesh.

Christina Lee said...

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I hadn't seen this--sosososososo LOVE!

Rayna M. Iyer said...

Awesome. Like someone said, when I am in a mood, I really ply them with nonsense stuff they cannot process. But most of the time, not.

This was hilarious, you ANIMAL.

Maurice Mitchell said...

ROFL. Yeah someone tried that with Yahoo once. I like how you kept the probing questions while they tried to refocus on the money. You really are an animal! LOL

Elise Fallson said...

LMAO! "Did you visit Hogwart's?"
xD
You are so awesome and this is priceless.