Morning all. So I've been having a good week, especially when it comes to blogging, and I was looking for a nice easy lazy post for today that would still be entertaining, and then yesterday I got this chat sent to me on FB. I'm not going to give out the name of the account they hacked, but needless to say it is someone I barely know. Luckily I had heard of this scam, so I decided to eff with this monkey.
So anyway, peep this craziness, and let my random helpfulness and innocent confusion be a lesson to all scam artists!
how are you doing
Author Matthew Rush
"I'm good, you?"
"Am not too good"
Author Matthew Rush
"oh no, why's that?"
"i'm in kind of terrible problem at the moment
just that i have a big problem regarding my travel
are you aware that am in Scotland"
"No I wasn't what's going on?"
"i had to visit a resort on a short vacation but got mugged at a gun point
it was a brutal experience"
Interjection: this is (obvisouly) where I knew exactly what was up. I wanted to see how much fun I could have before they mentioned Western Union. I mean who in the hell "has to" visit a resort. Like what, your company said they'd fire you if you wouldn't go? Yeah right.
"all cash credit card cell phone and my wallet were stolen off me by the muggers"
But clearly not your laptop, right?
"my goodness, what are you going to do?"
"really need your help
am freaked out here"
"So you're stuck in Scotland? Where?"
Full of Crappy
"am left with just my life and my passport
"Did you go to the police?"
"i have been to the consulate but they are not helping issue"
What consulate? What American would use that term anyway? Technically a Consulate is like an embassy, except not in a Capitol city, right Ted? I mean come on Scammy, you need to up your game, woman!
"What part of Scotland are you in?"
Full of it It
"Location: 30 Oban Drive, North Kelvinside,
Scotland (United Kingdom)"
Hilarious Me (sometimes I kill myself)
"Did you visit Hogwart's?"
He/she/it ignored that one. Or didn't get it.
"the problem is our return flight leaves in few hours time, but am having problem sulting my hotel bills"
Me (a writer)
"pay my bills"
"The hotel Bill? But you've got you're plane ticket?"
"wondering if i can get a quick loan from you ....
would def refund it to you once we arrive! Hopefully tomorrow"
We? Who the eff is we? You have a mouse in your pocket? I thought you said Steve had rowed to Fiji? Which, BTW, happens to be in the South Pacific, on the opposite side of the world from the Highland Moors of upper Scotland. I'm just sayin.
"So you need money for your hotel bill and a plane ticket?"
Getting a little desperate they
Me (a writer can still make typos)
Me (I looked up the name of my friend's Significant Other)
"Is Steve there?"
"am all alone
Sorry. My previous interjection was premature. Hard to keep track of all these lies.
"what happened to Steve? Is he OK?"
"he travel to fijil island"
Okay, I must admit, I didn't see THAT coming.
Me (testing her texting skillz)
Her, not giving up
"should i give you the info you need when you get t
Me, getting bored, want to push the envelope a little
"Wait. Why did Steve go to Fiji? And what is Western Union?"
"Western union is were you
can wire or send me the money i need to sort my bill"
Me, trying to get creative here
"What will you do while they send money? How will you eat? How many weeks does it take them to send money across the ocean?"
"just a 5 minit"
Me, running out of cleverness
"You'll be back in 5? Okay, I'll be here."
"i mean you can search for
western union now and send me the money it will be available in 5 minute
Ready to push "her" over the edge
"Oh. Wow! That's amazing!"
"Don't you think? I mean where do they get the money from?"
"What does that mean?"
"I NEED YOUR HELP .......CANT YOU LOAN ME?"
And then I was done. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE ALL CAPS, but I can't stand when the verb doesn't match the subject.
"How do I know you again?"
"YOU POOR THING"
"What do you mean? Am I in trouble too?"
"SO WHY WASTING OUR TIME THEN ..........YOU ANIMAL"
After your incredibly poor attempt, using horrible grammar and English, at scamming some chump change out of me ... I'm the animal? If you spent this much time and effort getting a damn job, you wouldn't need these scams, my man.
UR MAMA CRAZY.............YOU POOR LITTLE BOY
GO TO BED DEAD"
I had no idea what that meant. My Author profile does not talk about kids or family or anything.
And that was where the scammer could take no more. I should have wrote back "here endeth the lesson."
Thanks for playing everyone, and have a great weekend!