Shauna Kelley's Current Query Critiqued

Today is Shauna's query again, but this time with my feedback, in red.

The letter:

Dear Fiction Editor:

You must be submitting directly to small presses/indie publishers.

I respectively submit for you review Don’t Wake Up, a 52,000 word literary fiction novel. No. Novels are always fiction, by definition. Otherwise, they'd be memoirs, or biographies, or narrative non-fiction.

Told from the perspective of Gillian, a plain, middle-aged woman, this story opens as she sits by the side of her comatose husband’s bed. This opening sounds like a synopsis to me. It's dry, it's distant, and we don't get a sense of why we should care about Gillian. I want to connect to a sense of character right away in a query letter, and in this one, I'm not. As doctors and nurses rush to assure her that Ricky this sounds more like a son's name than a husband's. will recover well from this mysterious fall, Gillian muses over the years of cold silence and manipulation that have overshadowed their marriage, and her life. I like this a bit, it's a nice twist, and probably enough conflict for a literary novel, since they're more about character, language, and internal struggle than they are about plot, but I'd like to hear some more specifics.

While Gillian guiltily reveals to who? If it's only to the reader, I don't know if I'd call that revealing. that she hopes Ricky remains in his coma and leaves her to a delightfully empty house, his eyes open to reveal a man who claims to remember nothing of his former self. Interesting. Gillian, convinced that this is only a furthering of the manipulations and this is an echo, and with the mind games, you don't need both. cruel mind games that have filled most of her life, seeks to test this new Ricky. She invents a family they never had, and fills his head with stories of an imaginary life. This hints at some interesting psychological conflict, and that's probably enough for a literary novel's query, but I wonder if you couldn't get more specific, and end on some kind of difficult choice she'd have to make. Do they have no family who could discover her ruse? Surely she must choose between the comfort of her deception and the consequences of the truth being discovered.

My first book, Title of First Book, Italicized was published by Lucky Press in late Month 2010. I've It received a very warm reception in the market, and some great reviews to start with, this makes it sound like it started getting bad reviews, later. including being named a finalist in the ForeWord Book of the Year Awards. What category is it under? I checked the 2010 finalists, for Adult Literary, at this link, but I couldn't find it. Was that book some other genre?

I am hopeful that this book will be of interest to your press, and am very excited and anxious to hear your response and feedback look forward to your response. I am including a synopsis and sample chapter below. Please do let me know if there is any other information I can provide.

Sincerely,

Shauna Kelley

Okay, in summary, as Jessica pointed out yesterday, it's hard to sell a literary novel, and it's even harder to write a query for one. Usually, there is little focus on high-stakes plot in a literary novel, and that can make it difficult to write a compelling query that really zings.

That being said, I think you've done a decent job here, when it comes to content. You've got a unique premise, that I think makes for an interesting story situation, and all you need to do is work on some of the details in the execution of getting that premise across.

If you could open with a better sense of Gillian as a character, and close with a better sense of some kind of difficult choice she has to make, I think you'd be in much better shape here.

That's it.

What do you guys think? Has anyone ever tried to query a literary novel?

Shauna Kelley's Current Query

Thanks so much for your support on yesterday's post, everyone. If you missed it, you can find it, here. Now, let's get back into the swing of things. Do you all know Shauna Kelley? If not, please go visit her blog, and become a follower.

Now here's her query:

Dear Fiction Editor:

I respectively submit for you review Don’t Wake Up, a 52,000 word literary fiction novel.

Told from the perspective of Gillian, a plain, middle-aged woman, this story opens as she sits by the side of her comatose husband’s bed. As doctors and nurses rush to assure her that Ricky will recover well from this mysterious fall, Gillian muses over the years of cold silence and manipulation that have overshadowed their marriage, and her life.

While Gillian guiltily reveals that she hopes Ricky remains in his coma and leaves her to a delightfully empty house, his eyes open to reveal a man who claims to remember nothing of his former self. Gillian, convinced that this is only a furthering of the manipulations and cruel mind games that have filled most of her life, seeks to test this new Ricky. She invents a family they never had, and fills his head with stories of an imaginary life.

My first book was published by Lucky Press in late 2010. I've received a very warm reception in the market, and some great reviews to start with, including being named a finalist in the ForeWord Book of the Year Awards.

I am hopeful that this book will be of interest to your press, and am very excited and anxious to hear your response and feedback. I am including a synopsis and sample chapter below. Please do let me know if there is any other information I can provide.

Sincerely,

Shauna Kelley

That's it.

Please save your feedback for tomorrow, and thank Shauna for her courage in the comments.