A to Z Challenge Assistants

We're almost there! Just a few more days. Sadly, as I mentioned yesterday, I'll be out of town for almost the whole first week of the challenge.

But never fear! I've got my trusty assistants here to help you.

As a co-host of the challenge, there is a certain section of the list that I'm responsible for (if you're in my section, you'll be getting an email from me today), and so you can always contact me with any questions or concerns you have, and even while I'm out of town, I will be able to check email in the evenings.

But, if you have any really pressing questions, please don't hesitate to ask one of my five assistants. In case you don't know them, please be sure to visit their blogs, follow them, and leave a comment, so they know who you are:

Joshua, from Vive Le Nerd. Josh is the only of my assistants I've met in real life. A gamer, a writer, a dad, and a freelance copyeditor, Josh runs one of the coolest blogs on the web.

Sheri Larsen, from Writer's Ally. Sheri is the blogger I've known the longest of my assistants. We started blogging around the same time, and both really love being a part of the online writing community.

Deniz Bevan, from The Girdle of Melian. Seriously? Have you ever heard of a cooler title for a blog? Deniz is one of the few bloggers who can claim to be a bigger and more knowledgeable Tolkien fan than me, which, trust me, is very rare.

Jay Noel, whose blog is self titled, is an awesome writer. Last year, his A to Z theme was steampunk technology and it was definitely was one the coolest stops in the challenge.

Melanie Schulz, from Melanie Schulz YA Writer. Melanie is the newest blogger of this group, at least as far as my acquaintance with her, but she's just as great as the rest of them. She didn't hesitate to volunteer when I asked for assistance with the challenge.

So please visit all their blogs today, and make sure you're following them. Some of them may be revealing their themes, but if not, you can at least make sure you know how to find them if you need help during the challenge.

As for me, I'm going with etymologies again this year, since it makes for great, informative, and most importantly, short posts. I look forward to seeing all of you!

Two Announcements

First, quickly, my daughter Madison is being interviewed by Natalie at Literary Rambles today. But first, if you have a moment, please stop by Middle Grade Madi, and say hi!

Second, today Sheri Larsen is celebrating signing with Literary Agent Paula Munier of Talcott Notch Literary! And she's holding an epic giveaway celebration:

Here are the details:

Giveaway #1:

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Giveaway #2:

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Grand Giveaway:

a Rafflecopter giveaway


Good luck to all who enter!

Sheri Larsen's Current Query Critiqued

All right. Let's do work.

Today is Sheri's query again. I love saying that. Anyway, this time I'm critiquing it, and my thoughts will be in red.

Let's get right to it:

High school is a mishmash of viable energy, I don't understand what this means. Viable energy? Why is it viable? For what purpose and for whom? and if sixteen-year-old ANA TATE I love the spelling of Ana, but you don't have to capitalize character names in a query letter. senses the wrong kind she could lose her mind.

Okay, so I have to say that on the one hand (assuming you mean what I think you mean here) I really love this opening hook and premise. The problem is: I can't be sure that it means what I think it means. After reading on I see that you explain it better in a moment, but you can't leave your opening hook (which is the most important part) vague and ambiguous like this.

Being tomboyish and emotionally I would cut emotionally. I'm not sure it's needed, because being jaded is pretty much always a combo of thoughts and emotions. jaded, that being said, I LOVE the characterization "jaded" gives us. with a secret I think you can cut secret too, it becomes obvious when you describe the power. ability to sense the energy and emotions of others, makes Ana not the best at blending in. Do you see why I added "being" to the front? After a recent encounter with a sinister energy is the energy sentient, or just sinister because of the person it came from? that caused her to panic and pull the fire alarm, damaging the school’s gym floor, she’s shipped off to attend a class for troubled teens at a new prep school. Troubled teens? Reform/prep school? Yes, please. Here, she meets Victor—I would suggest not using em-dashes in query letters. If you can make it work, you're better with HTML than I am. the gorgeous yet irritating campus recluse, you're really good at these one or two word characterization phrases. who stirs her ability like she’s never felt before. Unbeknownst to her, she rouses a curse that hungers for her sanity. Sentient energy, hungry curses. I basically love the rules of the world you're building for us here, but I think you need to explain it better. How does this stuff work? Why would it hunger for her, sanity. Her powers?

Viktor is a Lycan poisoned by psychic Vampire blood. Holy amazeballs. This is getting good. Also: more specific. He’s cursed to feed his sire the sanity of mortals, until one can resist him. And now, his sire wants Ana's sanity. So it's not the curse, but a character. Or is the character the curse? But, Viktor has his own inner demons he's battling and doesn't want to harm her. That doesn't sound like a demon to me. Not even an inner one. That sounds like compassion (or attraction). When he double-crosses his sire, causing more trouble than good, I would cut this, because if Ana ends up surviving all of this, that's actually more good than trouble, in the long run. Ana must accept her abilities and challenge the curse to free Viktor and herself. Only, her quest unearths a family secret and deeper connection to Viktor she didn’t see coming. One that calls for a high payment, found hidden…in the last beat of her heart.

Hmm. So this last "meat of the story" paragraph is really good. High stakes, specific conflict, tough choices. Some minor tweaks could be made, but basically if you made the whole query more like this paragraph, you'd be in great shape.

MARKED BEAUTY, a paranormal romance for young adults complete at 85,000 words, travels beyond the paranormal elements and into the inner struggle of a feisty female lead I might change this to "protagonist." A lead is an actor in a film or play. Not a huge deal though. who finds herself in the midst of a world she never knew she was a part of.

Other than potentially changing that one word, this is a good summary.

I am a published freelance and short story writer. My work can be found in local Maine newspapers--the Town Line Publication, The Two Cent Times, Highlands, and Capital Weekly--and also in Pill Hill Press. I am a member of the Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators, and a moderator for YAlitchat.org—I would cut all these dashes. First of all, you're using double hyphens in some places, and em-dashes in others. Keep it consistent, or even better, cut them all. Commas would work fine here (or a colon for this last one). an online writing community.

Other than the punctuation, great bio.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Okay. So to summarize, I think this query is in decent shape already. It's obvious you've got a unique premise, one that is full of interesting creatures, characters, and powers.

Your query gets better and better as it goes on. Your one big problem is that your hook does not make sense right off the bat, and I think if you could fix that, you'd be off to an excellent start.

I'll give it a try:

Ana Tate is a sixteen-year-old jaded tomboy, but her problems run much deeper than normal high school drama. She can sense the energy and intent of those around her, and if she senses the wrong kind she could lose her mind.

I know, pretty lame, but I think you get the idea. Be more specific, give more information, and don't worry if your "one sentence hook" has to actually be two.

That's it.

What do you guys think? Surely one of you can give a better example of a good opening line for this query, right?

Sheri Larsen's Current Query

Okay. After all the boo-hoo self pity talk from yesterday (all me) it feels good to get back to work. Or, well, to start to get back to work. The real work comes tomorrow when I'll critique Sheri's query (yes I made that rhyme on purpose, I'm cool like that).

For now, if you don't know SALarsen, you need to go visit her blog, Writer's Ally, and become a follower. Do it. Now. We'll wait.

Anyway, today is just for introducing Sheri, and her query letter. Please save your feedback for tomorrow, so I can have a chance for all my thoughts to look original.

The query:

High school is a mishmash of viable energy, and if sixteen-year-old ANA TATE senses the wrong kind she could lose her mind.

Tomboyish and emotionally jaded, with a secret ability to sense the energy and emotions of others, makes Ana not the best at blending in. After a recent encounter with a sinister energy that caused her to panic and pull the fire alarm, damaging the school’s gym floor, she’s shipped off to attend a class for troubled teens at a new prep school. Here, she meets Victor—the gorgeous yet irritating campus recluse, who stirs her ability like she’s never felt before. Unbeknownst to her, she rouses a curse that hungers for her sanity.

Viktor is a Lycan poisoned by psychic Vampire blood. He’s cursed to feed his sire the sanity of mortals, until one can resist him. And now, his sire wants Ana's sanity. But, Viktor has his own inner demons he's battling and doesn't want to harm her. When he double-crosses his sire, causing more trouble than good, Ana must accept her abilities and challenge the curse to free Viktor and herself. Only, her quest unearths a family secret and deeper connection to Viktor she didn’t see coming. One that calls for a high payment, found hidden…in the last beat of her heart.

MARKED BEAUTY, a paranormal romance for young adults complete at 85,000 words, travels beyond the paranormal elements and into the inner struggle of a feisty female lead who finds herself in the midst of a world she never knew she was a part of.

I am a published freelance and short story writer. My work can be found in local Maine newspapers--the Town Line Publication, The Two Cent Times, Highlands, and Capital Weekly--and also in Pill Hill Press. I am a member of the Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators, and a moderator for YAlitchat.org—an online writing community.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

That's it.

Please visit and follow Sheri's blog, say hi to her in the comments, thank her for having the courage to share her query with us, and save your feedback for tomorrow.

I Got U

BLOGFEST?!?

As most of you know if you've read this blog for very long I don't do blogfests. I don't do blog hops, contests, or awards either. This is not because I hate humanity. I promise. In fact I love you guys. You brought me back from the underwear soiled edge of despair at which I almost gave up writing.

Okay, that might be a little dramatic, but seriously, you guys rock!

The real reason I don't do these follower deluge inducing exercises is because I'm just not organized enough. Case in point: I was supposed to take part in Sheri Larsen's awesome I Got U blogfest ... wait for it ... yesterday. Yeah. I'm on top of it like that. Not to make excuses but I generally write my blog posts the morning of. Unless I have a guest. That would just be rude.

The idea is to give one of your fellow bloggers some love. I'm sort of like a hot ghetto mess of love for ALL my fellow bloggers so it's tough to pick just one, but I do try to build the community up whenever I can so this is a great topic for me. I have selected Candace Ganger to highlight today because ... well for many reasons, but mostly because we're kindred spirits and she rocks.

I could go on for quite some time about what is wonderful about Candace, but I'll try to keep this simple. On the surface the thing that endears me to Candace most is her sense of humor and her honesty. Candace is a lot like myself in that she is rude, crass, and jaded - er, wait ... I meant witty, hilarious, and ultimately ghetto fabulous. Candace has a unique, sort of twisted sense of humor that makes me laugh and cry while peeing my pants just a teeny bit nearly every single day. Hubs is kind of funny too.

Candace also has a wisdom and an outlook on the world that only comes from having lived a tough life full of pain. It wouldn't be my place to talk about this at all if she weren't so open and honest about the real her quite regularly on her blog. This is another thing we have in common, though Candace is better at expressing it.

If it were just these things about Candace she would already be pretty fresh (like a rapper fresh, not like produce) but there is more. We all know of her love of all things Matt Brady and New Medicine, but Candace is also one of the most giving bloggers I know. Not only was she the first to interview the little angel that is Lenny Lee, but she also held one of the most epic and selfless/giving contests I have ever had the privilege to bear witness to.

It's over but you should still go check out her Joy to the World contest just to get an idea of what a beautiful heart this lady has. Yes I did win a prize in the contest (it was a tandem critique from authors Tawna Fenske and Cynthia Reese, and it's been the best thing that happened to my book, ever), but that's not what makes it awesome. What makes it awesome is the cause. The cause and how much work, love, blood, sweat, and letting go of fear that Candace put into making it a success. She had t-shirts, custom graphics, music downloads, and so much more, all in an effort to improve the lives of our fellow human beings in Ghana, a country where a bucket for clean drinking water is a luxury of the wealthy.

Sweet, hilarious, kind and giving? AND organized enough to pull off something as epic as Joy to the World? Candace gets my vote for blogger of the universe any day.

That's all I have for now. I know I'm late to the party (sorry Sheri) but please take a moment to visit these other bloggers who participated in the I Got U blogfest:

Beth Fred

PK Hrezo

Tessa Conte

Summer Ross

WritersBlockNZ

The Alliterative Allomorph

Literary Jam & Toast

Leigh Moore

Lenny's World

Random Thoughts

Book Dreaming

Burnt Amber

My Dear Trash

Creepy Query Girl

Those links are to their front pages, so if they posted today you'll have to check the archives from yesterday for their post for the blogfest, but you can blame me and my seat of the pants blogging habits for screwing that up for everybody.

Announcement: If you look at my sub-sub title you will see that I have no guest set up for tomorrow's post. I have no idea what I'm going to write about. What I need from you people is help finding some more guests. Anyone who has ever submitted a query to an agent that earned them at least a partial request can take part. You just have to have a copy of that query you can share with me. Do any of you have one? Know someone who does? Know someone who might have one but you don't know for sure and want me to ask them?

Let me know. Thanks a million.