Monday, September 5, 2011

Blog Chain: Writing Time

It's blog chain time again already!

This round started just the other day, with Christine.

Since we are all writers, I thought it was about time for us to stretch our creative muscles and do a little writing. So, take the following topic and go crazy! Show us what you've got. Your story can be as long or as short as you choose.

The topic: A dark and stormy night.

Here's my entry:

The night's darkness enveloped him like a shroud, the air full of pressure that stabbed him gently in the ears. Clutching, it choked his ragged breath away with groping claws of unchecked desperation. He could smell the charge of electricity, feel it tingle the tiny hairs inside his nostrils.

He stumbled through sheets of hail that defied all laws of physics and petty concepts such as gravity. They seemed to be coming up from the earth, to tear at his embattled face. The trail before him stood clogged with leaves and branches torn from bush and tree and flung into his path with curious frequency.

The lightning was his only beacon.


So sudden and so near it lit the cliffside up like a thousands suns, and for a moment all was illuminated. A sandy footpath. Tufts of yellow grass. Reaching brambles. Swaying tree limbs overhead.

Just a camera click of his surroundings before he was plunged back into the depths utter blindness.


The storm was right above him. The thunder followed the flash of light like a boxer's combination and the bass of it's crash almost threw him to the ground and nearly moved his bowels.

But he had to keep moving.

It was coming.

The presence was upon him.

There you go.

Not great, but not bad, for off the top of the dome status. Probably could use some edits.

Now, don't forget to visit yesterday's post: Sandra, and tomorrow will be Kate. Thanks, have a great night!


Jeff Beesler said...

My favorite part was the description of things the moment the lightning flashed. "A sandy footpath. Tufts of yellow grass. Reaching brambles. Swaying tree limbs overhead." Usually incomplete sentences can be detrimental to the prose, but in this instance every single sentence fragment packs a wallop of a punch with it.

Very strong prose here, Matt. I have a feeling your style of descriptions will work wonders for you in the future, as well.

Unknown said...

Wonderful descriptions: The darkness, the hail, the flash of bright light. Now the reader needs to know where he's going and who he's running away from.

Cynthia Lee said...

Good job!

Weaver said...

*thumbs up* These are harder than O ever imagined.

Michael G-G said...

I'm with Jeffrey!

Two posts in one day?! You're taking the meaning of Labor Day to the max.

Old Kitty said...

You can't end your story like this?!?!?! What happened next!?! Oi - get back here and finish this - I wanna read some more! Please, thank you! :-)

Take care

Golden Eagle said...

Great description!

I have to wonder what the presence is now.

Unknown said...

Great story, but I'm still busy saying "awwwwwwwww" to the pic. I'm a sucker for bulldogs. :)

Bethany Elizabeth said...

I like this piece a lot. You captured a kind of creepy, frenzied mood so well!

Eric said...

Very nice, Matthew. I like how the story seems almost to be alive. This is something I'd like to continue reading for sure.

Amparo Ortiz said...

First, that pic is AWESOME.

Second, your post is AWESOME.

I agree 100% with Jeffrey! Everything you described, I pictured. *shudders*

Matthew MacNish said...

Thanks, all! It really was just a quick exercise based off the prompt, and I already see MANY things I would change, but that's not the point.

Thanks so much for visiting!

Elana Johnson said...

Oooh, "the presence" sounds fascinating. Great job!

Jonathon Arntson said...

Nice work, Matt! I like the flow.

Christine Fonseca said...!

Steve MC said...

Snoopy couldn't touch this.

Sarah Tokeley said...

'petty concepts like gravity'. Love this line.

Nice atmospheric piece, Matt.

ShaunaKelleyWrites said...

Wow... you created a big tone with a small quantity of words!

Sandra Ulbrich Almazan said...

I loved the description of the hail!

Becky Mahoney said...

Love it! It has a great rhythm - you can just feel that rising tension.

Michelle H. said...

You really brought out the storm in the story, creating a coming foreboding. Nice!

Katrina L. Lantz said...

Your voice really set the tone here. I knew exactly how to feel as he groped around in the dark, fearing something... the presence. Very eerie! Great job!

Michelle McLean said...

wait! What was coming, what presence?!!! Ack you guys are killing me LOL Awesome job :D

Oh, and that pic of the dog and cat is just AWESOME lol

Kate Karyus Quinn said...

Love this line, "Just a camera click of his surroundings before he was plunged back into the depths utter blindness."

Unknown said...

This is cool. Lots of good descriptions. I particularly liked the image of hail coming up from the ground. The presence at the end is quite intriguing--I'd read more.

Abby Annis said...

Great ending! Leave me wanting more. Great job!

And that pic is all kinds of awesome! :)