Facebook Scam

Morning all. So I've been having a good week, especially when it comes to blogging, and I was looking for a nice easy lazy post for today that would still be entertaining, and then yesterday I got this chat sent to me on FB. I'm not going to give out the name of the account they hacked, but needless to say it is someone I barely know. Luckily I had heard of this scam, so I decided to eff with this monkey.

So anyway, peep this craziness, and let my random helpfulness and innocent confusion be a lesson to all scam artists!

Today
3:57pm
Scammy McFullOfCrappyPants
"HI
how are you doing
?"

3:57pm
Author Matthew Rush
"I'm good, you?"

3:58pm
"Am not too good"

3:58pm
Author Matthew Rush
"oh no, why's that?"

3:58pm
SM
"i'm in kind of terrible problem at the moment
just that i have a big problem regarding my travel
are you aware that am in Scotland"

3:59pm
Me
"No I wasn't what's going on?"

3:59pm
It
"i had to visit a resort on a short vacation but got mugged at a gun point
it was a brutal experience"

Interjection: this is (obvisouly) where I knew exactly what was up. I wanted to see how much fun I could have before they mentioned Western Union. I mean who in the hell "has to" visit a resort. Like what, your company said they'd fire you if you wouldn't go? Yeah right.

3:59pm
Me
"Okay?"

4:00pm
It
"all cash credit card cell phone and my wallet were stolen off me by the muggers"

But clearly not your laptop, right?

4:00pm
Me
"my goodness, what are you going to do?"

4:00pm
Poor Scammy
"really need your help
am freaked out here"

4:01pm
Author Me!
"So you're stuck in Scotland? Where?"

4:01pm
Full of Crappy
"am left with just my life and my passport
yes"

4:02pm
Me
"Did you go to the police?"

4:02pm
They
"i have been to the consulate but they are not helping issue"

What consulate? What American would use that term anyway? Technically a Consulate is like an embassy, except not in a Capitol city, right Ted? I mean come on Scammy, you need to up your game, woman!

4:02pm
Inquisitive Me
"What part of Scotland are you in?"

4:03pm
Full of it It
"Location: 30 Oban Drive, North Kelvinside,
Scotland (United Kingdom)"

4:04pm
Hilarious Me (sometimes I kill myself)
"Did you visit Hogwart's?"

He/she/it ignored that one. Or didn't get it.

4:04pm
It
"the problem is our return flight leaves in few hours time, but am having problem sulting my hotel bills"

4:05pm
Me (a writer)
"Sulting?"

4:06pm
Liar
"pay my bills"

Yeah, right.

4:06pm
Me
"The hotel Bill? But you've got you're plane ticket?"

4:06pm
They
"wondering if i can get a quick loan from you ....
would def refund it to you once we arrive! Hopefully tomorrow"

We? Who the eff is we? You have a mouse in your pocket? I thought you said Steve had rowed to Fiji? Which, BTW, happens to be in the South Pacific, on the opposite side of the world from the Highland Moors of upper Scotland. I'm just sayin.

4:07pm
Pragmatic Me
"So you need money for your hotel bill and a plane ticket?"

4:07pm
Getting a little desperate they
"yes"

4:08pm
Me (a writer can still make typos)
"Pounds Sterlin?
Sterling?"

4:08pm
Shim
"yes"

4:08pm
Me (I looked up the name of my friend's Significant Other)
"Is Steve there?"

4:08pm
Sheet
"am all alone
400 pounds"

Sorry. My previous interjection was premature. Hard to keep track of all these lies.

4:09pm
Me
"what happened to Steve? Is he OK?"

4:09pm
It
"he travel to fijil island"

Okay, I must admit, I didn't see THAT coming.

4:09pm
Me (testing her texting skillz)
"WTH?"

4:11pm
Her, not giving up
"should i give you the info you need when you get t
western union
?"

4:13pm
Me, getting bored, want to push the envelope a little
"Wait. Why did Steve go to Fiji? And what is Western Union?"

4:16pm
Her
"Western union is were you
can wire or send me the money i need to sort my bill"

4:18pm
Me, trying to get creative here
"What will you do while they send money? How will you eat? How many weeks does it take them to send money across the ocean?"

4:20pm
Her
"just a 5 minit"

4:20pm
Me, running out of cleverness
"You'll be back in 5? Okay, I'll be here."

4:22pm
It
"i mean you can search for
western union now and send me the money it will be available in 5 minute
time"

4:22pm
Ready to push "her" over the edge
"Oh. Wow! That's amazing!"

4:26pm
"..........................."

4:28pm
"Don't you think? I mean where do they get the money from?"

4:28pm
"IYA EE"

4:29pm
"What does that mean?"

4:29pm
"I NEED YOUR HELP .......CANT YOU LOAN ME?"

4:30pm
And then I was done. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE ALL CAPS, but I can't stand when the verb doesn't match the subject.
"How do I know you again?"

4:31pm
"YOU POOR THING"

4:32pm
"What do you mean? Am I in trouble too?"

4:33pm
"SO WHY WASTING OUR TIME THEN ..........YOU ANIMAL"

After your incredibly poor attempt, using horrible grammar and English, at scamming some chump change out of me ... I'm the animal? If you spent this much time and effort getting a damn job, you wouldn't need these scams, my man.

4:33pm
WHAT?!?!?
"You crazy!"

4:34pm
"UR FATHERE
UR MAMA CRAZY.............YOU POOR LITTLE BOY
GO TO BED DEAD"

I had no idea what that meant. My Author profile does not talk about kids or family or anything.

And that was where the scammer could take no more. I should have wrote back "here endeth the lesson."

Thanks for playing everyone, and have a great weekend!