Hi. My name is Matthew and I'm a blogaholic.There is never enough. Never enough time, never enough posts, never enough comments, never enough followers. Each single one is like an injection of happiness.
Today I am on Step Five.
I've admitted to Him, Nathan Bransford, to myself, and to another human being (my readers) the exact nature of my wrongs.
- I didn't shower for 2 weeks when I reached 100 followers.
- I gave my kids pop tarts for dinner because I was working on the guest post for Elana Johnson.
- I fed my kids Ritz crackers and cheese from an aerosol can because I was working on the guest post for Lisa and Laura Roecker.
- I cried and ate ice cream and took too many muscle relaxers when no one read any of my posts for the first week.
- I laid in bed for weeks when I got hard to swallow feedback about my novel. I neglected hygiene, parenting, taking the dog out and going to work for so long I developed bed sores and my leg muscles atrophied.
Soon I may share about Step Six.
Disclaimer: This post is satirical. It is not meant to offend anyone, or to belittle the integrity of 12 Step Programs anywhere, which have saved countless lives since their inception.
hahaha! The sad thing is, I actually DO some of those things simply because life can just get too hard ... Or ... I'm plain lazy :o)
ReplyDeleteI wish you were my dad.
ReplyDeleteLOL!
Take care
x
Timmy, never cry. Really long, awkward hug???
ReplyDeleteLol. Never cry though, there is always one of us here to give you a hug.
ReplyDeleteI too neglect eating...can I count bowls of cereal as a substantial meal? lol.
hahaha, yep! I've never *cough* done any of those things!
ReplyDeleteOMG, this was deeply touching and kinda disturbing (having in mind the influence on hygiene and feeding of your kids :))
ReplyDeleteROFL! I say keep enough pop tarts, Ritz crackers and cheese whiz on hand, just don't throw them at the kids. At least sit them down at the table with paper plates.
ReplyDeleteThese are great! Yes, I'm a blogaholic but I'm not ready to get into your program...just yet.
ReplyDeleteCD
Good God, man. Walk that dog or at least give him your ice cream.
ReplyDeleteSorry - forgot this is part of your healing. Keep at it. We're behind you.
AHAHAHA! You're too funny. If only I hadn't done a couple of those things...
ReplyDeleteI'm with you in the ice cream boat. Nothing better than ice cream to drown your sorrows in. Can't wait until I get an agent so I can start excercising again. It all depends on that. But yeah, this ice cream binge is getting a little out of hand.
ReplyDeleteYou were a wreck, man! Although I'm sure your kids enjoyed it.
ReplyDeleteOooo! STINK-EEEE! Here's the sobering truth: Only a writer's writing can stink, not the writer.
ReplyDeleteyikes! i thought i had it bad!!! bed sores and atrophy- man i'm sorry! :)
ReplyDeletebut hey! spray cheese and crackers covers two food groups, right?
you just needed it to be chicken in a biscuit crackers and jalapeno spray cheese and you would have hit four!! :)
EZ cheese counts as a protein.
ReplyDeleteAnd like, use your legs, man. If only to drag a** to the toilet. ;p <3
Pop-tarts for dinner, yum. I haven't eaten processed foods for two months now. I so want a pop-tart
ReplyDeletehahaha! And here blogging is supposed to make us feel more connected! There have been many a nights when the fam has had to "eat what you want". And my poor dogs. LoL ;-)
ReplyDelete~JD
lol! Excellent. I too get hung up on my blog too much! It's a disease.
ReplyDeleteNever mind because I'm a blogaholic. I'm doing these things because I'm addicted to writing. Period.
ReplyDeleteOkay, maybe not the last one. ;)
I'm sure that your kids' friends call you the "Cool Dad," when you're not shuffling around in your house coat, smelling like cheese & vinigar.
ReplyDeleteLOL, bedsores hurt!
ReplyDeleteI think I'm ready to admit I have a problem. That's the first step. Then I get to eat all the ice cream and muscle relaxers I want, right? ;)
HAHAHAA!
ReplyDeleteEr...yes.
Nice one, good sir. :)
LOL! Well, I'm glad to know that I inspired pop tarts. I hope they were the S'mores flavor.
ReplyDeleteAnd dude, I'm a huge blogoholic.
Where'd you get that coffee mug? I think I need one. Not for me, for a FRIEND! ;)
ReplyDeleteBlogging can get intense, that's for sure. Thanks for a great post, Matthew!
ReplyDeleteI think I do a good job at not being addicted but itsbecome like another part time job. I still spend 20 hours blogging and reading and commenting. Sigh. At least you're not alone. :D
ReplyDeleteMy kids would vote me Parent of the Year if I let them eat Pop Tarts for dinner!
ReplyDeleteGlad it was satirical, because I can't go one day without a shower. Two weeks...no way.
ReplyDeleteWow, my kids don't even know what pop tarts are! Yeah, I'm one of those sugar-nazi parents...but my seven year old son is energetic enough *without* it. I'd lose my sanity if we had sugary stuff in the house on a regular basis. :)
ReplyDeleteWell, that, and I'd also eat it all before the kids even knew it was there. :)
Cheese from a can? I wish my parenting skills were at this level! You're awesome!
ReplyDeleteAngela @ The Bookshelf Muse
Hi Matt,
ReplyDeleteAs a recovering blogaholic, I know exactly how you feel. I had the shakes real bad the first week. If you ever need to talk, I'm here for you, man.
you crack me up. lol. I'm still on the wagon at the moment. I had to nip my blogaholism in the butt a couple months ago when real life demanded attention. Since then I'm recovering and trying to keep a healthy relationship with my blog. I think everyone will know if and when I fall off the wagon again.
ReplyDelete