tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post6781690006568972729..comments2023-11-06T13:07:23.645-05:00Comments on The Quintessentially Questionable Query Experiment: Shauna Kelley's Current Query CritiquedMatthew MacNishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03264738483763244969noreply@blogger.comBlogger36125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-47438333310185185202012-05-24T07:53:44.745-04:002012-05-24T07:53:44.745-04:00Late to the party because blogger once again dumpe...Late to the party because blogger once again dumped you from my feed yesterday (though you were back today, go figure).<br /><br />Tough query to write. As someone who is pitching a semi-literary novel, I feel your pain. I think you've got a good story in here, but the query needs to be stronger up front: Start with Gillian sitting by her comatose husband's bedside, not be telling us the POV. And I think if you round out the para by saying something like: "But Gillian doesn't want her husband to wake up: Ricky has filled their marriage with mind games etc." gives us a big wallop of inner conflict right there. Then you can say something like, 'When Ricky wakes up, he claims to remember none of this. Suspicious, Gillian spins a tale of a family they never had and so forth.'<br /><br />Finally, I don't quite know where this is going. Does she find herself falling for the 'new' man her husband claims to be, but remains suspicious that it's just another trick? Has she met someone else while he was comatose? Does she want to leave him, but feels responsible for caring for him? I think you need to show us just a bit more of where this is going to entice an agent or editor into biting.<br /><br />Good luck!JeffOhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07947660745120963286noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-63470650073380546532012-05-24T05:35:42.662-04:002012-05-24T05:35:42.662-04:00Passing on The Kreativ Blogger and Versatile Blogg...Passing on The Kreativ Blogger and Versatile Blogger award to you...congratulations and good work!! See http://www.tracikenworth.wordpress.com to receive your awards.Traci Kenworthhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07336373871521363649noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-23089105856768554352012-05-24T03:25:07.202-04:002012-05-24T03:25:07.202-04:00Well, everything has already been said. Take Matth...Well, everything has already been said. Take Matthew's critique and the advice above and your query will be rockin in no time! It also helps that you have a really interesting premise. I'm more an action/adventure type of gal but I'd really be interested in reading your book.Elise Fallsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14734537117333738468noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-65261243088220267502012-05-23T23:28:05.294-04:002012-05-23T23:28:05.294-04:00I agree with most of what Matt said here~ sounds l...I agree with most of what Matt said here~ sounds like you've got a really interesting psychological twist on the somewhat common literary novel theme of an unhappy marriage. Best of luck!Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14121018905141253640noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-80594395327297434912012-05-23T21:55:23.111-04:002012-05-23T21:55:23.111-04:00Excellent tips as usual. The main thing that I'...Excellent tips as usual. The main thing that I'd gotten yesterday was that I couldn't get a feel for Gillian. <br /><br />:-)Misha Gerrickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06364173848456424521noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-16101000806787955332012-05-23T19:57:31.688-04:002012-05-23T19:57:31.688-04:00Literary fiction is so far outside my comfort zone...Literary fiction is so far outside my comfort zone, that I hesitate to even offer an opinion. I do agree there's a sense of detachment early on, but that may have been intentional. There is some really great feedback here!DL Hammonshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02007260062331783715noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-49147404497561180672012-05-23T17:46:40.259-04:002012-05-23T17:46:40.259-04:00I agree Matt, the biggest issue is that I feel lik...I agree Matt, the biggest issue is that I feel like I'm outside this woman's life and looking in, when I should feel her volatile emotions and there fore really feel a connection with the events that unfold. I'd like to have a bit more after the 'inventing a new family', like how this entangles her into a difficult position--does she start to fall for Ricky again, and find it harder and harder to keep lies from truths? Does something else happen to complicate matters? <br /><br />We should be left feeling the stakes escalate in some way before launching into a para about past publications. <br /><br />Great advice as always!<br /><br />AngelaAngela Ackermanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01808259088625142389noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-5961924561055360432012-05-23T15:17:23.234-04:002012-05-23T15:17:23.234-04:00Thanks for the tips. Some of the corrections seem...Thanks for the tips. Some of the corrections seem obvious i.e. fiction novel. I thought the bed was comatose, not the husband - because of the sentence: ...husband's comatose bed.Sally Lotzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01179999008497064348noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-28152636877588466922012-05-23T14:25:38.137-04:002012-05-23T14:25:38.137-04:00Great points. I did think it improved after the fi...Great points. I did think it improved after the first paragraph or two. Queries are tough, I can't imagine writing one for a literary novel. I hope this helps.Ciarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15628488753277495111noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-64521787728882587872012-05-23T14:14:16.615-04:002012-05-23T14:14:16.615-04:00I've never tried to write a literary novel muc...I've never tried to write a literary novel much less a query for one. Great critique, Matt. I'm fascinated by the story premise. Makes me wonder if it will go the way of the film "Regarding Henry" which I loved.Donna K. Weaverhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15763832177263927311noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-9874188085818761222012-05-23T13:22:32.479-04:002012-05-23T13:22:32.479-04:00I try to comment from time to time but Blogspot ha...I try to comment from time to time but Blogspot hates me. This is more of a test to see if my comment shows since I have nothing to add that hasn't already been said. I felt I should at least show up since I read and write literary. I guess I could add that you could show a comparison novel or movie to ground the agent. Other than that Matt is a genius at this.Triciahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15252733129326920169noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-71705045394010287222012-05-23T12:56:00.318-04:002012-05-23T12:56:00.318-04:00I agree with the synopsis-like opening. You really...I agree with the synopsis-like opening. You really want to lead with a strong hook to make the person (agent/editor) read the whole letter. Each sentence should drive us through the letter. <br /><br />Matt has some great feedback.Elana Johnsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05877856005992028912noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-61915676850605705682012-05-23T12:45:26.351-04:002012-05-23T12:45:26.351-04:00Good advice Matt. I like a query letter with a lit...Good advice Matt. I like a query letter with a little drama that sucks me in right away!Johanna Garthhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15515478890074610814noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-9354438232384815052012-05-23T12:33:48.824-04:002012-05-23T12:33:48.824-04:00I like the query letter suggestions that you give....I like the query letter suggestions that you give. It'll be easier to get a publisher interested than an agent (in my opinion). That just seems to be the way things go.Michael Offutt, Phantom Readerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10557969104886174930noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-43925336200341047972012-05-23T11:49:29.593-04:002012-05-23T11:49:29.593-04:00Oh, it does sound like an interesting premise--I l...Oh, it does sound like an interesting premise--I like the creative reinvention of a life together as a means of changing it. I think Matt has good points, though I think I might also tighten the beginning--the set-up seems best done in one or two sentences (husband in coma, wishes he'd stay their as life was bad)--the rest is the part that is twisty and unique, so the focus there.Hart Johnsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17599570189253229318noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-13415073917941253532012-05-23T11:33:04.558-04:002012-05-23T11:33:04.558-04:00This is what I love about The QQQE: Matt's sp...This is what I love about The QQQE: Matt's spot-on perfect advice, as well as the commentary advice which is strong & substantial with examples of what might work better. Seen from so many different perspectives, it becomes clear what a reader would like to see. I agree with everyone. Using their advice, you might start by rewriting your query from the wife's POV so the voice is clear & doesn't feel so detached, then switch back to third person. Also, the word count is pretty low to be considered an adult novel, especially literary fiction. Makes me worry that it's not fully developed yet. Having said all that, I find the premise to be quite interesting.Nancy Thompsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05735642863696266005noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-62406870711148189232012-05-23T11:22:50.151-04:002012-05-23T11:22:50.151-04:00great suggestions here and I completely agree that...great suggestions here and I completely agree that the opening is weak and lacking voice. Starting off with Gillian at the bedside hoping her husband never wakes up is a great hook, imo, because it begs the question, why? And hopefully that will be enough for the agent reading to want to see more.mshatchhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06308916014310536449noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-59095435002337893012012-05-23T10:21:15.098-04:002012-05-23T10:21:15.098-04:00The third paragraph interested me. Matt and the ot...The third paragraph interested me. Matt and the others had some great comments and suggestions, I don't have anything to add. Good luck!Nicole Zoltackhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07464800543376449290noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-32723239836373714442012-05-23T10:12:07.985-04:002012-05-23T10:12:07.985-04:00And by "it" I mean the book, not the let...And by "it" I mean the book, not the letter. I did read that.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-12013837450612836382012-05-23T10:06:37.947-04:002012-05-23T10:06:37.947-04:00In general, I didn't feel hooked by the letter...In general, I didn't feel hooked by the letter. Not enough to want to read it. That's all I have.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-16810401374337515542012-05-23T09:35:31.824-04:002012-05-23T09:35:31.824-04:00I think the query started off slow for me, but the...I think the query started off slow for me, but then got better as it went along. i would really try hard to zazz up that opening, to catch that editor's attention right away, and then i think you're pretty good to go if you follow Matt's advice.<br />Good luck!Sarah Ahiershttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02795455714801965956noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-64185939797248345442012-05-23T09:35:02.716-04:002012-05-23T09:35:02.716-04:00All of the above comments are spot on! Really focu...All of the above comments are spot on! Really focus on your main plot point (inciting incident) and tension to grab the agent/ editor's attention. <br /><br />Leave off the pub credits if the sales weren't really great and if the reviews were ho-hum. <br /><br />Also, not sure if this has been pointed out, but 52K? For a lit fic? Seems too short. You may want to try to apply the Save the Cat beatsheet to strengthen your plot. <br /><br />Best of luck to you!Robyn Lucashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07589972339101157288noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-7751561315741642132012-05-23T09:16:03.985-04:002012-05-23T09:16:03.985-04:00Okay! One, Matt, as always you've done a great...Okay! One, Matt, as always you've done a great job with your crit. I've never queried a literary novel, never written one, or heck, I don't think I've ever read one. BUT, with that being said, I think I have something in common is with this gal and I would like to share. <br /><br />Before I do that, I would like to point out, IMO, that the third paragraph is what really drew me into this query. I worried that an agent/editor wouldn't get that far. <br /><br />Now, my second novel also revolved around an amnesia plot. I found out--after the fact--that amnesia plots are cliched and frowend upon. HOWEVER, there are people out there who still love (editors, publishers, and readers alike). The thing writers have to do is take that amnesia plot and twist it into something that's never been done. The way you describe your story, I think you've done exactly that. I've never seen an amnesia plot twisted quiet like this and I think it's wonderful that you are taking your characters to strange and interesting places. Because of that, I wish this query (and the book!) the best of luck in finding a home. Mine did. ;-) <br /><br />~JDJEhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12390400360357693403noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-61643856612869290302012-05-23T09:11:40.996-04:002012-05-23T09:11:40.996-04:00Excellent advice. As a reader I got intrigued by t...Excellent advice. As a reader I got intrigued by the concept of an abused wife who is about to get even with a rotten husband. That's the hook. Start there.Elizabeth Seckmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00045076826326574984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-75980043666988769912012-05-23T08:50:30.915-04:002012-05-23T08:50:30.915-04:00@ Eric - I can never reply to you by email, becaus...@ Eric - I can never reply to you by email, because you don't have your address associated, and I don't have your address to enter manually, but thanks so much for the comment. You make some great points!Matthew MacNishhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03264738483763244969noreply@blogger.com