tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post5946145661909747059..comments2023-11-06T13:07:23.645-05:00Comments on The Quintessentially Questionable Query Experiment: Justine Dell's Current QueryMatthew MacNishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03264738483763244969noreply@blogger.comBlogger41125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-4089097990629394812011-05-03T08:35:11.962-04:002011-05-03T08:35:11.962-04:00Looking forward to Matt's comments, Justine. I...Looking forward to Matt's comments, Justine. Interesting story. I'm a sucker for the Hell-hath-fury but in a nice way story. :)S.A. Larsenッhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06241633272588383935noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-51022146527117616492011-05-03T07:55:50.120-04:002011-05-03T07:55:50.120-04:00Hi JD!! Here is mu critique. I hope it helps. I go...Hi JD!! Here is mu critique. I hope it helps. I got lots of requests with my recent query so hopefully this is worth listening to.<br /><br />Perpetually eighteen-year-old Nicodemus (This name makes me imagine an old man!) thought he knew the purpose of Hell.(This serves as an interisting hook, but I am unsiure about it. I mean, its his thoughts. What are the main actions in the conflict?) After all, he was born there.(THAT is what we need firsthand.) It’s all about teaching humans about humanity, how to care, blah, blah, blah.(I don't get this...He was born in hell so why would he be doing that?) Two thousand years later, he finds out he was wrong.(Wrong about what?) <br /><br />Nic, part-mortal(,) part-freak, longs for one thing: a normal life.(Thats what they all seem to long for and it sounds cliche.) When he’s forced to bring a fifteen-year-old human to join the permanent ranks of Hell, he realizes normal is the last thing he will ever be. (You should remove the whole normal thing) Nic wouldn’t wish his life on anyone. (That is obvious by now) Who wants to be the reason a teenage mother commits suicide or be the person who starts a chain reaction that causes a father to shoot his newborn son? (This is well done, but I think LOTS can be cut from this query and reassembled) So how can he force someone so young to do what he does? The bringer of pain. Loss. Suffering. It’s not poetic. It’s not altruistic. It’s madness. (Is it really madness, or is it evil isn't some way? Isn't he used to doing this? Maybe he wouldn't think it so terrible if he's done this for all his life) <br /><br />Nic didn’t choose his existence, and he certainly doesn’t want to force it on someone else. (How?) But when Nic discovers he has a twin—one who’s hell-bent on killing Nic—the race for the human’s soul becomes a matter of life and death. Literally. Freakin’ great. (I don't get this. He has a twin? What is the race? Your query gets very confusing and the way you try to implement voice only makes it more confusing.) <br /><br />Between damning the human to a life of servitude in Hell, the homicidal twin, and a hot little pop-tart human girl who makes Nic wild, something’s gotta give. (I already don't exactly see what is going on. Who is this pop tart girl? Why do I care about her? I don't.) And it has to be Nic. But death is the only answer when these worlds collide. And no one is safe when the gods play favorites. Like Nic doesn’t have enough crap to deal with. (The tone is off for me. The query is too long, and everything seems confusing, I mean the itsy parts. I think you're on your way and that is great because I like your premise, except I don't see the root of the problem. Why does Nik want to be different when he was born that way? Good luck JD and take my advice with a grain of salt. I hope it helps you.)<br /><br />Title, word count, personalization, yada yada!FantasticFictionhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07585904161476879106noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-57505516889670942742011-05-03T05:47:14.368-04:002011-05-03T05:47:14.368-04:00Look forward to your comments! (Ps: whisper, whisp...Look forward to your comments! (Ps: whisper, whisper, ... you think he's REALLY dead?)Jessica Bellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10889900730906728317noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-7849035138567162612011-05-02T22:25:30.757-04:002011-05-02T22:25:30.757-04:00Okay, A. I'm mortified to admit that I was eit...Okay, A. I'm mortified to admit that I was either NOT following your blog (though I'm pretty sure I was) OR I was the culprit, though I TOTALLY blame Google. *shakes fist* Either way, the situation's been rectified. <br />AND<br />B. Justine is a brave soul and I applaud her for putting up her query!!Lisa Gail Greenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03648323153868702165noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-29434779094699342392011-05-02T22:10:37.316-04:002011-05-02T22:10:37.316-04:00Thanks for sharing, Justine. I'll be back tomm...Thanks for sharing, Justine. I'll be back tommorrow!<br /><br />Although I'm still a loyal follower of yours, Matt, I have recenly unfollowed someone. I might be an old-fashioned prude, but I just thought it was unprofessional to list "f*#king" under "hobbies and interests". Some bloggers are so weird. <br /><br />But not you!Joanne Brothwellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11277805693436251841noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-89900025294577560112011-05-02T21:48:42.607-04:002011-05-02T21:48:42.607-04:00I just realized I wasn't following you...so th...I just realized I wasn't following you...so that makes up for the person who left!Anitahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06333494452915600562noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-44749568720854312112011-05-02T20:16:10.740-04:002011-05-02T20:16:10.740-04:00Hi Justine!! Thanks for sharing your query!
There...Hi Justine!! Thanks for sharing your query!<br /><br />There's one thing I know about the lost-follower: they don't know what they're missing! :)<br /><br />p.s. I like your buttons!Susan Kaye Quinnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07348197999397141067noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-56011517011972342212011-05-02T19:53:33.890-04:002011-05-02T19:53:33.890-04:00Hi Justine!!! I was lucky enough to read the begin...Hi Justine!!! I was lucky enough to read the beginning of this novel and it's great! I think the query is strong, but I'll be back tomorrow to see what you come up with, Matt!Christina Leehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01799776834213400246noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-23735576563214023512011-05-02T16:58:13.615-04:002011-05-02T16:58:13.615-04:00Don't worry about losing a follower. Sometime...Don't worry about losing a follower. Sometimes a follower goes missing. But if it's an account thing they'll come back.<br /><br />Justine- Thanks for sharing your query. Sounds like a cool story.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18226974782422398270noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-78291388752667073532011-05-02T16:26:35.235-04:002011-05-02T16:26:35.235-04:00Thanks for sharing, Justine!
And I lost a follower...Thanks for sharing, Justine!<br />And I lost a follower today, too! And I have less to lose than you! :)Kelly Polarkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10968381456100611120noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-72977691336110641202011-05-02T15:49:05.668-04:002011-05-02T15:49:05.668-04:00good job justine!good job justine!BTN Hip Hophttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03471159044833796492noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-60582030861412388932011-05-02T14:12:02.870-04:002011-05-02T14:12:02.870-04:00Thanks Justine for sharing your query, BTW, and gr...Thanks Justine for sharing your query, BTW, and great job!<br /><br />--AngelaAngela Ackermanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01808259088625142389noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-41905120281957921902011-05-02T14:10:53.653-04:002011-05-02T14:10:53.653-04:00This comment has been removed by the author.Angela Ackermanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01808259088625142389noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-65428276583343871852011-05-02T13:03:35.835-04:002011-05-02T13:03:35.835-04:00Thanks everyone! Can't see what Matt (and ever...Thanks everyone! Can't see what Matt (and everyone else) has to say. *bites fingernails* <br /><br />~JDJEhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12390400360357693403noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-13749830963657906412011-05-02T13:00:39.334-04:002011-05-02T13:00:39.334-04:00Hi Justine!! Wow that sounds really interesting!!Hi Justine!! Wow that sounds really interesting!!Colene Murphyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06086195075690893194noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-23735055758959336792011-05-02T13:00:03.320-04:002011-05-02T13:00:03.320-04:00yay, Justine!!! Can't wait for tomorrow... I&#...yay, Justine!!! Can't wait for tomorrow... I'll be emailing Matt's lines to him later. *wink* j/k<br /><br />good luck~ :o)LTMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05239077455322030275noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-78617542322909970862011-05-02T12:34:32.160-04:002011-05-02T12:34:32.160-04:00Hey JD, just here to lend my support (though you k...Hey JD, just here to lend my support (though you knew that already, I think).<br /><br />Matt, I think we've all lost followers, and it's hard not to wonder why--but look at how many people you've got with you, how many comment, and how many are really grateful for the help you give your fellow writers.Sarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06636585111057799728noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-74391888770126100422011-05-02T11:59:19.723-04:002011-05-02T11:59:19.723-04:00yay Justine!! Thanks for sharing your query with ...yay Justine!! Thanks for sharing your query with us- this premise is amazing!Creepy Query Girlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18115161057496086972noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-50896229916324653592011-05-02T11:54:21.630-04:002011-05-02T11:54:21.630-04:00CRUCIBLE! CRUCIBLE! CRUCIBLE!
YAY JUSTINE!!!!
look...CRUCIBLE! CRUCIBLE! CRUCIBLE!<br />YAY JUSTINE!!!!<br />looking forward to tomorrow!vic caswell https://www.blogger.com/profile/01218698236837610704noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-6603375356488895082011-05-02T11:50:45.595-04:002011-05-02T11:50:45.595-04:00Thanks for sharing, Justine.
And I'd be sad t...Thanks for sharing, Justine.<br /><br />And I'd be sad too, Matt. Losing a follower feels like having the stranger behind you in line tell you you're not good enough. <br /><br />Maybe the person followed you there and with Networked Blogs and wanted to consolidate.Tracey Neithercotthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16539278941411542797noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-27011549654924770982011-05-02T11:48:41.245-04:002011-05-02T11:48:41.245-04:00Looking forward to your review tomorrow.Looking forward to your review tomorrow.Munkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04921320770712443773noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-74843359729809140972011-05-02T11:43:52.292-04:002011-05-02T11:43:52.292-04:00At this point if I lost a follower I would be left...At this point if I lost a follower I would be left to follow myself.Sorry about to hear about your follower Matt. I would never unfollow you.<br /><br />Thanks, Justine. Way to jump in feet first. I can not wait until tomorrow.Shain Brownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01908810007467259885noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-5134969218142691682011-05-02T11:27:15.474-04:002011-05-02T11:27:15.474-04:00Hi, Justine! *waves* :)
I've lost followers...Hi, Justine! *waves* :)<br /><br />I've lost followers, too. One time, I lost two followers in a day. It was very sad.Emily Whitehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06478461123707071108noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-40959323437260340682011-05-02T11:18:35.745-04:002011-05-02T11:18:35.745-04:00With each new gadget comes new statistics to drive...With each new gadget comes new statistics to drive bloggers crazy.Hektor Karlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08908146663251226473noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-41526750321267523512011-05-02T11:14:52.384-04:002011-05-02T11:14:52.384-04:00i lost a follower once. And yeah, i noticed too. A...i lost a follower once. And yeah, i noticed too. Ah wellSarah Ahiershttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02795455714801965956noreply@blogger.com