tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post1971812146416624305..comments2023-11-06T13:07:23.645-05:00Comments on The Quintessentially Questionable Query Experiment: Marcy Hatch's Current Query CritiquedMatthew MacNishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03264738483763244969noreply@blogger.comBlogger41125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-6102167417280239872011-10-07T21:41:45.643-04:002011-10-07T21:41:45.643-04:00Remember I am new to the query process. Okay.
I w...Remember I am new to the query process. Okay.<br /><br />I would like to see the first part of the query pack the punch/have the voice of the second part of the query, where you have voice and some great word choices/lines.<br /><br />Maybe add one more sentence that indicates something about the "promising career"--solved dangerous case? Has mad skills in_____________ that resulted in lives saved? Something that is a character clue? <br /><br />Maybe drop us a clue about the grieving wife--is she a relieved grieving wife? A bitter one? Bright? Sexy? What sets her apart that makes her interesting in the story?<br /><br />Major props for sharing the process. Thanks; I find this process fascinating and helpful.Kristen Pelfreyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03446593300584488022noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-15212630431605762472011-10-06T19:31:53.634-04:002011-10-06T19:31:53.634-04:00Great query! I know who to come to when I need to ...Great query! I know who to come to when I need to write one. You have great critiques.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12160669603997465454noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-67955332489353346862011-10-06T13:34:10.384-04:002011-10-06T13:34:10.384-04:00I'm late too but if you're already working...I'm late too but if you're already working on it and you not sure how dramatic to make it--go for it! It sounds like a deliciously dramatic story.Kristen Wixtedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06270464973842125576noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-1195205633278465032011-10-06T09:13:43.274-04:002011-10-06T09:13:43.274-04:00woow. I'm coming late to the game, but as alwa...woow. I'm coming late to the game, but as always, you hit all the high points and I think gave her good advice.<br /><br />all in all, however, I agree. This is a great, strong query as it is. Best of luck to Mary~ :o) <3LTMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05239077455322030275noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-83906253652660012932011-10-05T21:36:12.642-04:002011-10-05T21:36:12.642-04:00I enjoyed seeing how you would advise the writer t...I enjoyed seeing how you would advise the writer to improve this letter. I indie-published, saving me this nerve-wrenching activity (at least I've read how nerve-wrenching it is to those awaiting responses...), but tips on tightening writing of any sort are always helpful and welcome in my world. Nice to meet you too! Thanks for stopping by via the Campaign. I'll be following ~ NadjaNadja Notarianihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01339595239944177531noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-33315036665698816012011-10-05T21:20:59.540-04:002011-10-05T21:20:59.540-04:00...well done on the critique, Matt, and very kind ......well done on the critique, Matt, and very kind of you to offer assistance. <br /><br />I agree with your advice of being a bit more specific about the conflict, which of course, is what keeps the pages turning ;)<br /><br />ElElliot Gracehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06319271528871804399noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-872552844312118292011-10-05T20:39:40.401-04:002011-10-05T20:39:40.401-04:00Great suggestions, Matt. I'm not a working wri...Great suggestions, Matt. I'm not a working writer so I can't offer many opinions here, but I think it's pretty damn awesome of you to offer feedback and advice to other writers. :)<br /><br />I hope you feel better too!Phoenixhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07477498671080132176noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-30813104727287534332011-10-05T20:29:40.379-04:002011-10-05T20:29:40.379-04:00Marcy, I will buy this book. And I hope the title ...Marcy, I will buy this book. And I hope the title remains, because it is perfect.<br /><br />I haven't finished my wip yet, so I don't feel really qualified here, but I will give it a shot.<br /><br />Is Arlen pragmatic? Fey? Winsome? Charming? I agree with Matt--(suddenly conscious of dashed) about giving a one-word character clue.<br /><br />You have some breathtaking phrases. Wordsmith!<br /><br />Matt, what can I say. You have skillz. If this is you impaired, can the world handle you sans impairment?<br /><br />Dude. Hot water, lemon, honey, dash of cayenne. Discretionary tot of good whisky.<br /><br />*waves tissue in sympathy* *shakes water bottle to suggest hydration ritual*Kristen Pelfreyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03446593300584488022noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-33447279814266658692011-10-05T19:16:53.179-04:002011-10-05T19:16:53.179-04:00Another vote for keeping 'Grimoire'. An ag...Another vote for keeping 'Grimoire'. An agent who takes this type of query will surely know the meaning.<br />I want to read this :-)<br /><br />Get well soon Matt.Sarah Tokeleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13273148070092101085noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-57595168990051555662011-10-05T17:54:17.323-04:002011-10-05T17:54:17.323-04:00You always do such a thorough critique. I can'...You always do such a thorough critique. I can't add anything else. And yep, I also agree, keep the word Grimoire.Lynda R Young as Elle Cardyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09975442291393246148noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-54694348751904812842011-10-05T15:57:10.612-04:002011-10-05T15:57:10.612-04:00Definitely keep Grimoire!Definitely keep Grimoire!Alex J. Cavanaughhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09770065693345181702noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-31300414553614677622011-10-05T14:40:40.899-04:002011-10-05T14:40:40.899-04:00I'm with you on "grimoire." No chang...I'm with you on "grimoire." No change there.<br /><br />First sentence, Arlen-describing words: something that shows she is truly anticipating "The Season." I didn't get a sense of "this is consuming her every waking thought."<br /><br />I wish I had more suggestions, but Matthew hit all the notes I had written down yesterday.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-82152444863962433812011-10-05T12:19:38.391-04:002011-10-05T12:19:38.391-04:00*hands you a kleenex* Matt I agree with your summa...*hands you a kleenex* Matt I agree with your summation that this is a very good query and more details will make it POP even more!!<br /><br />Marcy, have you watched The Secret Circle this fall? The six families have the book, yada yada. But it's modern day and obviously has different details then yours. <br /><br />I'd buy this book in a heartbeat!!!!Christina Leehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01799776834213400246noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-17900286083493769362011-10-05T11:53:42.956-04:002011-10-05T11:53:42.956-04:00I like how you played Dungeons & Dragons and k...I like how you played Dungeons & Dragons and knew what a grimoire was. I miss having players to play RPG's with...Vacuous Grimoire not withstanding.Michael Offutt, Phantom Readerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10557969104886174930noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-34160824640249454012011-10-05T11:46:12.608-04:002011-10-05T11:46:12.608-04:00Hi Matt. Great feedback and thanks to Marcy for sh...Hi Matt. Great feedback and thanks to Marcy for sharing her query.<br /><br />The only thing that caught my eye was the "very very very" at the end. It didn't really work for me, but otherwise the query looks great. Love the premise - sounds like a fun read.Shannonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11640509596922335617noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-58674765961203238182011-10-05T11:27:26.538-04:002011-10-05T11:27:26.538-04:00It’s a strong query but a couple of small things c...It’s a strong query but a couple of small things caught my critic’s attention. The mention of the imp comes out of left field and left me thinking it’s something like Dobby the House Elf in Harry Potter, which may or may not be a good thing. I’d either add a snippet of info to let us know his significance in the story (since he is the only other named character) or delete him from the query.<br /><br /> I’m surprised nobody flagged the three uses of ‘very’ toward the end. Maybe it’s not a big deal since the rhythm works but it something to consider changing. <br /><br />I love the word grimoire. Are there any other words or phrases like this and “The Season” to bring the time period and setting into focus?Tamara Narayanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03725262301091012950noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-17096796116072689652011-10-05T10:48:53.010-04:002011-10-05T10:48:53.010-04:00Being specific will help give this query an added ...Being specific will help give this query an added edge. I think the premise sounds fascinating.Nicole Zoltackhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07464800543376449290noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-48063874265901220552011-10-05T10:48:31.254-04:002011-10-05T10:48:31.254-04:00Love these suggestions. But I must admit, it makes...Love these suggestions. But I must admit, it makes me nervous for my query. ;)Carolyn Vhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03780443388339294502noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-5522972367685945512011-10-05T10:46:03.164-04:002011-10-05T10:46:03.164-04:00wow, thanks Matt and everyone for all your comment...wow, thanks Matt and everyone for all your comments and suggestions. I do hope I get to keep Grimoire for the title since it's all about the book. As for being more specific about who wants her book I do have a name I could throw out ;) and yes, each witch family (there are five) has a grimoire but obviously if you could manage to snag another family's grimoire you'd have all the spells and magick in their book in addition to your own. And while you might not be able to rule the world, you could certainly rule the witch world. <br /><br />back to query drawing board...<br /><br />again, thank you!!!mshatchhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06308916014310536449noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-4172754784706318492011-10-05T10:45:15.011-04:002011-10-05T10:45:15.011-04:00Well done Arlen and Matt. :) I'd want to read ...Well done Arlen and Matt. :) I'd want to read more.<br /><br /> I'm of the belief that with queries (and most things, really) less is more. <br /><br />The CRUCIAL part of the query, IMHO, is:<br /><br />-- What exactly is the main conflict AND what are the stakes. <br /><br />After that, nail the voice. Give agents the 'flavor' of your book, your MC, your writing style. As succinctly as possible. <br /><br />It looks like there's plenty of good advice here already, so I'll just wish you well on your query journey. :)<br /><br />I hope you feel better, Matt.<br /><br />Hugs,<br />LolaLola Sharphttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14394765053485642935noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-64015666791709989762011-10-05T10:28:35.600-04:002011-10-05T10:28:35.600-04:00Sounds like a great book, and excellent query full...Sounds like a great book, and excellent query full of voice. Love it!<br /><br />The only place I felt was a bit muddled was here: <br /><br /><i>Soon Arlen learns that the tragedy that took her parents’ lives may not have been an accident and hers isn’t the *only* heirloom book of spells.</i> <--more than one<br /><br />yet this implies only one heirloom book--> <i>whoever holds the book holds the power in this England</i><br /><br />So, is the Devlin's book like 'the grand grimoire' of all the grimoires and it alone has the power to rule the world, or does each family's grimoire book have the potential to rule? Or is it a situation where each book has power, but owning more than one book increases that power?<br /><br />That's the only place where I felt it needed a bit of additional clarification. :)<br /><br />Good luck with this!<br /><br />Angela @ The Bookshelf MuseAngela Ackermanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01808259088625142389noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-7515559957894036712011-10-05T10:09:48.515-04:002011-10-05T10:09:48.515-04:00Oh, and get well soon, Matt! It's sniffle seas...Oh, and get well soon, Matt! It's sniffle season here too.Michael G-Ghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07947421844294471304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-35485485016549119702011-10-05T10:09:05.551-04:002011-10-05T10:09:05.551-04:00Everything Matt said!
I loved the title--little d...Everything Matt said!<br /><br />I loved the title--little did I know that it is a very common term (thanks, Amazon!) And there's even a similar sounding series by Brad Strickland for middle grade readers. So you may be changing the title once a publisher picks you up--but I guess that is a fairly common occurrence.<br /><br />I did love the tone in the query and you are obviously a super writer. As Matt pointed out, picking the choice detail would move this query from the "great" column to the "stellar."<br /><br />Best of luck, and thanks for sharing!!Michael G-Ghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07947421844294471304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-66350295392276474192011-10-05T09:58:34.242-04:002011-10-05T09:58:34.242-04:00I want to read this book! :)
My only nagging que...I want to read this book! :)<br /><br />My only nagging question after reading the query related to this:<br /><br />"...hers isn’t the only heirloom book of spells. Each of the great witch families has one and whoever holds the book holds the power in this England..."<br /><br />If there's more than one book, and each family has one, then why are they after hers? I'm sure you have an answer for this, but it should be spelled out, because it's confusing as is..jessica.https://www.blogger.com/profile/02724052361769518376noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-46045311895335237622011-10-05T09:55:50.149-04:002011-10-05T09:55:50.149-04:00I love historical fantasy so this would be right u...I love historical fantasy so this would be right up my alley. I'd request the full, if I were an agent. Matthew's query skillz are intact despite the faucet-nose. I agree with his comments about more specifics. <br /><br />Good luck!Lydia Kanghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00484415427764822386noreply@blogger.com