tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post1407257499631672947..comments2023-11-06T13:07:23.645-05:00Comments on The Quintessentially Questionable Query Experiment: Misha Gericke's Current Query CritiquedMatthew MacNishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03264738483763244969noreply@blogger.comBlogger23125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-68555626579091397162012-07-19T17:36:15.667-04:002012-07-19T17:36:15.667-04:00Oh, and to @mshatch, cosplay is the term for peopl...Oh, and to @mshatch, cosplay is the term for people dressing in costume (usually on days other than Halloween). Think of fans dressed as superheroes at Comic Con.Stephscohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06328839483008086049noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-34670558381944929452012-07-19T17:33:43.551-04:002012-07-19T17:33:43.551-04:00What may help is to focus on telling who your char...What may help is to focus on telling who your character is, what his/her central goal is, what stands in his/her way to accomplishing it, and what happens if it isn't accomplished. In my own query, I wrote these elements out in a list, just bare bones, and worked from there. Get these factors with a few specifics in first, then jazz it up again with style and voice. They key is to show the framework of your story sans extraneous details and give a lasting image so we want to read on.<br /><br />That easy, huh? :) Query writing is a beast of its own. Every time I think I have a good one I find a better way. At least you have a starting point!Stephscohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06328839483008086049noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-52528733062730944302012-07-19T17:26:39.930-04:002012-07-19T17:26:39.930-04:00Hi Misha. Thanks for sharing this. You're very...Hi Misha. Thanks for sharing this. You're very brave. I thought your 'Happy Family' ref.was ironic? Well, at least you've got your synopsis well underway! That's good!Denise Covey https://www.blogger.com/profile/07106490051555233439noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-55314272708794179092012-07-19T13:04:22.062-04:002012-07-19T13:04:22.062-04:00I agree that the first part is confusing and proba...I agree that the first part is confusing and probably unneeded. What comes to mind is the need to simplify and decide what the main plot is and stick to that.<br /><br />I also agree that this sounds like an epic tale.Donna K. Weaverhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15763832177263927311noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-15875200333643702432012-07-19T05:33:35.949-04:002012-07-19T05:33:35.949-04:00I have also read some of this story for Misha and ...I have also read some of this story for Misha and loved it! As I have never written a query, I am not going to add anything, but I understand what Matt is saying about the query and would take on his advice if I were you Misha! Good luck!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09678216576112327332noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-67302160928382991322012-07-19T03:43:56.039-04:002012-07-19T03:43:56.039-04:00I know I'm totally being a broken record here,...I know I'm totally being a broken record here, but definitely try to focus your query on the fun and exciting part about your story. Which is of course getting your MC to this new world. HOW she gets there can be a surprise for the agents when they read your pages :) <br /><br />good luck!Jessica Silvahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10265579216725914883noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-55441568223705455992012-07-18T22:13:59.456-04:002012-07-18T22:13:59.456-04:00Thanks so much, everyone!
So it's looking li...Thanks so much, everyone! <br /><br />So it's looking like the main issue with my query is that the first half lacks focus. Will definitely work on that. :-DMisha Gerrickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06364173848456424521noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-25219221755851112552012-07-18T21:43:04.011-04:002012-07-18T21:43:04.011-04:00I've had the honor of reading a portion of thi...I've had the honor of reading a portion of this story, and I agree with the critiques here. This query doesn't do the story justice. I'm so glad everyone is so happy to offer their assistance to Misha to get her query up to the quality of her writing. Good luck, Misha.Ciarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15628488753277495111noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-80855144568540825242012-07-18T20:59:14.504-04:002012-07-18T20:59:14.504-04:00This is what happens when your late to the party.....This is what happens when your late to the party...not much new to add. I agree 100% with Matt, and Dianne's comment about it sounding more like a synopsis is spot on.<br /><br />The premise does sound exciting! :)DL Hammonshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02007260062331783715noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-35204202442258486012012-07-18T17:35:56.726-04:002012-07-18T17:35:56.726-04:00Like erica and christy said, I thought the happy f...Like erica and christy said, I thought the happy family bit was referring to the fact she had been in and out of many homes. But now it's 11:30pm and I'm hungry for Chinese food...thank you Matthew.:P<br /><br />The story concept sounds fun and exciting, something new that I'd love to get my hands on. Unfortunately, I did get a bit confused and frustrated in the beginning with the fuzzy progression of events. Matthew has given excellent advice as always. A few rewrites and this will be an excellent query. Good luck!!Elise Fallsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14734537117333738468noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-11123244836756869972012-07-18T15:42:21.645-04:002012-07-18T15:42:21.645-04:00I also thought it was a great suggestion to hold o...I also thought it was a great suggestion to hold onto this for when you write your synopsis. I HATE writing those - this is a good starting point for that! I can easily tell you have a lot of really intense, interesting stuff that happens in this book. Select a few key intense points to focus on and be specific with them! Good luck as you continue editing this!Kimberly Gabrielhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05588782441929008886noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-86430484911462960342012-07-18T15:36:45.203-04:002012-07-18T15:36:45.203-04:00First and foremost - Misha, thank yo so much for s...First and foremost - Misha, thank yo so much for sharing your query, so I can learn more about the whole process. Your premise sounds interesting, but I have to admit I was confused.<br /><br />I agree with several other people her that I thought the 'Happy Family' reference was more to a social worker type of comment, as in; aren't you lucky to be going to these nice people, this time. BUT, there are still tears of laughter streaming down my face from Matt's Chinese restaurant comment. I am ACTUALLY laughing out loud.<br /><br />Now that I have that out of the way. Matt is the expert here, so I would listen to what he has to say. Me, I'm along for the ride, a few laughs and to learn, learn, learn.<br /><br />Thanks again,for your willingness to share.farawayeyeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17578277501054242356noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-12419160719825355092012-07-18T13:25:20.084-04:002012-07-18T13:25:20.084-04:00Everybody's already said everything, except fo...Everybody's already said everything, except for the odd semi-colon intruding in paragraph three. So I'm just gonna lie back and have a Pina Colada or something. Or at least I will after work. Or maybe an almond latte. Unless someone has a better suggestion?Bryan Russellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09555071335245492790noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-3781279912649573212012-07-18T13:03:10.956-04:002012-07-18T13:03:10.956-04:00I thought Dianne had a great suggestion regarding ...I thought Dianne had a great suggestion regarding hanging on to this for a synopsis. I think it has lots of interesting things going on but I needed more of a hook right from the get go.Johanna Garthhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15515478890074610814noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-11727037545201782612012-07-18T11:33:26.572-04:002012-07-18T11:33:26.572-04:00Matt hit on a lot of what I was thinking. The bigg...Matt hit on a lot of what I was thinking. The biggest thing here is that there is too much backstory or setup. You must hone in on the very heart of the conflict itself & forget about most everything else in a query. I may be wrong, but I'm thinking the Happy Family game refers to the fact that she's been fostered in many homes prior to the wealthy one she's just been adopted into. It's not really a game; it's sarcasm, which is a nice character trait, but obviously this is unclear. <br /><br />Forget about the brother & touch very briefly on how she finds her way into this new, dark world. Then zoom in on the conflict there in very specific examples. Show how this conflict presents her with the choice she must make, and again, be specific & direct. <br /><br />At the end, focus on the genre & word count only (110,000 word - not words - YA fantasy.). Though whoa, 110,000 YA. That could pose a serious problem. It's very long. That alone might scare an agent off. Don't tell what the story is about here. You already should have shown it in the paragraphs above. <br /><br />Lastly, don't put ANY links in your query. It's acceptable to use your blog link as part of your signature though. Good luck! The story sounds fantastic. Just remember, queries are difficult & take a great deal of time to master.Nancy Thompsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05735642863696266005noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-63242221551359629232012-07-18T11:27:48.523-04:002012-07-18T11:27:48.523-04:00I also thought the happy family reference was beca...I also thought the happy family reference was because she had been in many different homes in her life before this one (I hadn't read your query before this redline). <br /><br />I agree with Matt not to include all the characters in the last paragraph - too many names/characteristics muddles it. Good luck, Misha!<br />ericaerica and christyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13074820593371226159noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-42912109416552565372012-07-18T10:48:37.577-04:002012-07-18T10:48:37.577-04:00Misha is lacking a lot of focus with this query, a...Misha is lacking a lot of focus with this query, and you've given excellent critique. I might suggest to Misha that she focus on Callan who is the strongest voice in the book and leave the others out.Michael Offutt, Phantom Readerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10557969104886174930noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-80548013205974215792012-07-18T10:22:51.695-04:002012-07-18T10:22:51.695-04:00Yep i'm with Matt. The first few paragraphs ne...Yep i'm with Matt. The first few paragraphs need work, but the last one is the best.<br />Also, i think i get what you were going for regarding the "happy family" bit, because i assume she's either been fostered or adopted 23 times before, but it's not quite clear, and i had to read it twice to make sure i understood. <br />Good luck!Sarah Ahiershttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02795455714801965956noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-29166818868750981822012-07-18T09:59:13.442-04:002012-07-18T09:59:13.442-04:00I agree with Matt about the opening. I understand ...I agree with Matt about the opening. I understand what you're getting at, but it's a bit too vague. Think about this character and tell us something more about her.S.A. Larsenッhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06241633272588383935noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-43744957345980072782012-07-18T09:57:34.370-04:002012-07-18T09:57:34.370-04:00Thank you so much for the advice! I'll definit...Thank you so much for the advice! I'll definitely have to work on the first parts of the Query. :-)Misha Gerrickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06364173848456424521noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-63940946034276463912012-07-18T09:37:02.060-04:002012-07-18T09:37:02.060-04:00I agree with you that the first part didn't co...I agree with you that the first part didn't connect well and was confusing. You give very good, specific advice, BTW.Tess Julia https://www.blogger.com/profile/17850176812284692371noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-38203975481260005802012-07-18T08:53:11.284-04:002012-07-18T08:53:11.284-04:00I agree with both Matt and Diane except I thought ...I agree with both Matt and Diane except I thought "Happy Family" was meant sarcastically, because maybe that's what Callan has been told the other 22 times. You know, the sweet social worker coming and saying, guess what! We've found a happy family that wants to adopt/foster/whatever. Also, I've heard the word cosplay but have no idea what it means.mshatchhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06308916014310536449noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5345890055658252124.post-11473236207097690472012-07-18T08:27:00.628-04:002012-07-18T08:27:00.628-04:00Well, the first few paragraphs read like a synopsi...Well, the first few paragraphs read like a synopsis instead of a query. They are an event-by-event summary of the story, but not a really good one because, as Matt points out, specific details are left out which makes the connection between events seem disjointed.<br /><br />(I would suggest hanging on to this query when it comes time to write a synopsis, but the details need to be fleshed out better.)<br /><br />That paragraph where Matt says "it starts to get good" -- that's where Misha should begin her query. Most of the stuff that comes before can be boiled down to a single sentence about the inciting incident which causes her to meet these people (if that much). Character, stakes, and conflict -- that's what the query needs.Dianne K. Salernihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16459839567235304842noreply@blogger.com